Casey awoke a few hours later to find the room mostly dark but for the dim light coming from the small lamp on the table. She looked at her watch and saw that it was three in the morning. With a jolt, she realized it had been more than a day since she last talked to John. That had never happened before, at least not since they started dating. Even when he was stuck at work with a case, he would always call for a minute or send her a text message. Now he was silent.
She could not fall asleep again. She knew she really should; she had no court appearances to make that day but there was still a mountain of paperwork to fill out and motions to file. Sleep eluded her, however.
She ran her thumb absently over John's fingers, allowing her mind to drift to their times together.
The two of them had been dancing around each other for months before John finally asked her to dinner. Every time Casey went over John's testimony for court, they both tried to prolong the sessions as much as possible, wanting any excuse to be together. They talked about things other than the cases, and Casey realized that while John was an eccentric conspiracy theorist as he appeared to be, there was a lot more to him.
She loved arguing with him. He was quite liberal and she was relatively moderate, but they still got into heated discussions about many topics. It was enjoyable to pit herself against a man of such undeniable intelligence.
He kissed her after walking her up to her apartment, and she actually felt weak in the knees. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced before.
They continued spending time together, and a few months later John told her that he loved her. She echoed his sentiments, and they made love for the first time. Their fourth time together happened, much to Olivia's shock and amusement when Casey confessed, in the A.D.A.'s office atop her desk.
Now, as Casey sat in the hospital willing her fiancé to come back to her, it was almost a year since John asked her to marry him. She wondered if she would still be his wife. "I'm not old enough to be a widow," she murmured to him, bringing his hand to her lips. She knew if John did die she would not technically be his widow, but they lived together and loved one another…they were practically married.
Her eyes fell on Fin's note and she realized that his coat was covering her. She was amazed it had taken so long for her to notice, and she smiled slightly. "I really am losing it," she said softly to John, and she sighed. Somewhat reluctantly, she reached for the takeout box Fin had brought her and opened it, extracting the sandwich and taking a few bites. She still did not feel hungry, but she had promised him to eat and he was kind enough to leave his coat for her. She owed him.
She forced down half of the sandwich before returning it to the box. It was actually very good; Fin knew what she liked, but chewing and swallowing was more trying than she would have expected.
She sat with John for three more hours before the door opened again and Fin entered. "Hey," he said. "Nothin'?"
"No." She stood, raising her arms over her head and arching her back.
"Damn, girl, you made of rubber?" Fin laughed.
Casey handed him his coat with a smile. "No. And thank you for this." She sighed. "I don't want to leave, but I have to go to work."
"I know. I'll drive you home so you can get ready."
"Thank you." John's mouth was covered by the oxygen mask so she kissed both of his eyelids instead of his lips. "I'll be back later," she whispered. "I love you."
She straightened up, tears threatening to fall from her eyes again, and Fin handed the coat back to her. "Put it on," he said. "It's cold outside."
"You'll be cold. I'm the idiot who wore a coat that looks good but is pretty functionless."
"Do I look cold to you?"
She nodded, smirking. "Ice cold." They both laughed, and Casey gave in. "Fine." She put her arms through the sleeves, keeping her hands inside, and followed Fin into the hall. She paused in the doorway, looking back at John. "Hurry up and come back to me, baby," she said softly, allowing the door to close and remove John from her sight.
They stopped by the nurse's station and Casey requested that someone call her if John's condition worsened or improved. Then they went out to Fin's car. It was snowing lightly which was fairly surprising for late September, but Casey loved it. She watched the flakes dancing in the headlights all the way to her apartment.
Fin walked her to her door. John always did that too, even in broad daylight. It was in their nature as cops to worry, and none of the men of the one-six would even consider letting one of the women walk alone anywhere when it was dark. John had argued many times with Casey about her decision to bike home from work after sunset, but she could not be dissuaded.
Casey opened the door. "Would you like to come in and have some coffee or something? You'd be early to the precinct if you left now."
Fin nodded. "Sure."
She led him inside and to the kitchen. "Make whatever you want. I'm going to go take a shower and get ready. Do you mind?"
"No, go ahead."
"Ok." She draped his coat over the back of the couch on her way to the bathroom. She was already freezing so she elected to take a hot shower, remembering with a jolt how the last time she had been showering John came home.
The thought was enough to make her cry again. She did so silently, not wanting Fin to hear, but she was shaking violently by the time she got out and began to dress.
She chose her clothes carefully, meaning she put on a jacket with short sleeves. After checking to make sure she did not show any signs of having been crying, she went into the kitchen where she found Fin loading two plates with an omelet each and hash browns. She stared at him. "Why do all you detectives have this secret cooking ability? I had no idea John even knew how to turn on an oven and then one day he made me dinner. Don't tell me you guys watch cooking shows together or something in the crib."
Fin smirked, setting a plate in front of her. "Don't tell anyone. Gotta keep my street cred."
"Oh, absolutely. Thank you." She took a bite of the omelet. "I'm impressed."
"Now I'm turnin' all red." He observed her eating for a moment. "And you gotta eat it all or I'm gonna be offended."
"Manipulator." They ate in silence for a few more minutes before Casey said, "Stop feeling guilty, Fin."
He looked at her, apparently surprised that she could tell. "I can't help it," he returned softly, looking down at the table. "I don't like seein' you this way."
"And I don't like seeing you this way."
"Ok, baby, I'll try to stop." He gathered their dishes and put them in the sink. "I gotta go. Thanks for lettin' me crash here awhile."
"What are you thanking me for? You're the one who cooked." She led him to the door and handed him his coat. "Thanks for looking out for me, Fin."
"No problem, baby girl. See ya later."
"Alright. Tell Elliot to have fun on ass duty."
Fin left with a wave and a smile, and Casey closed the door, shutting herself in her apartment with nothing but her worry for company.