This is the last chapter before the games. I have skipped some of the main hunger games factors like the interviews and scores etc, but I have reasons trust me! Anyway I hope you enjoy, please review if you have anything to say and thanks for reading.
I hear a thud from the other side of the room. I spy Finn through my lashes. He has just dropped an impressive set of weights and his heavy footsteps are now advancing towards me. Will I ever learn how to complete a snare?
"What did he want?"
"Oh Finn, didn't see you there." I smile weakly. "He was just helping me out with this rabbit snare." I show him Jessie's creation whilst hiding my own pathetic attempt.
"If you need help Rachel just come to me, okay?" He stands, apprehensively towering over me then a moment later appears to come to a decision and sits down beside me. Finn begins flicking through the book of snares at such a pace I know he couldn't possibly be taking in any of the information; I can tell something was preying on his mind. He lingers on a particularly gruesome page demonstrating a man being torn apart by tiny hooks, I shudder and he snaps the book shut. "Just because you don't want to be my ally-"
"No Finn, I do." I interject, trying to come across as less of a horrible human being. "I just think alone might be best...for you." Why do I find defending my decision increasingly difficult?
"Well I still want to help you. During the time we have left, if you will let me."
"You know Finn, I appreciate that but I am fine by myself."
He appears a wounded for some reason. Why is he so determined to help me? His eyes drop, his clasped hands twist and turn in frustration.
"Well I'm not. I-I don't want to be alone." He stammers.
Weak and exposed Finn crouches before me and I know for certain now that he is scared too. He isn't the evil mastermind I have twisted him into. Kurt's murderer, the boy who volunteered to reap revenge upon me, no- he is just Finn Hudson. Finn Hudson from back in District Eight. Finn Hudson who I met under the oak tree. Finn Hudson who is sweet and stupid with his vacant expression. How could I forget him? Why else would he volunteer if it wasn't to ensure my safe return home? This epiphany strikes me so swiftly, clearing the fog from this mystery which had plagued my mind for so long that I wonder why this conclusion wasn't obvious before.
"You're not alone."
Convincing Miss Pillsbury that Finn and I were now a team was harder than expected. She seemed to think that I had simply panicked when confronted with the other tributes. Yes, I was frightened even more so as each day passed counting down towards my entrance in the arena but surely having Finn as an ally could only improve my chances? Naturally she had no power over the situation but I could tell she disapproved.
"You didn't trust him yesterday Rachel, you have to think to yourself what has really changed between now and then."
Everything had changed. But I had no idea how to explain it.
Last day before the Games
The next day at training Finn stuck rigidly by my side even as I lingered at the stations which he clearly had no interest in. I knew he had sworn to help me, but partially I think he was just trying to keep Jessie's presence at bay. I occasionally still caught Jessie glance from across the other side of the training center, he would fix his eyes upon me whilst throwing a knife towards the marked heart of a dummy. In response to this blatant flaunt of his talents I simply gave over dramatic yawn but my attempt to annoy him was futile as he grinned widely in response. However the stunt must have impressed his friends as it produced howls of appreciation from the Careers who then in turn would try throwing knives blindly at the targets. Jessie's blonde counterpart from One and Sebastian, the vicious fisherman from Three both achieved this technique flawlessly. Little could be said for District Two though as their knives miss the dummy entirely and almost impale a smaller boy learning to build a fire alone, in a quiet corner of the room.
A woman bearing a whistle runs over to the careers, 'brave lady' I think to myself as she approaches them with the same stern look she always wears.
"You lot." We all hear her yell, even from the other side of the training center. "You know the rules, save the fighting for the arena." This produces laughter in response. This casual carefree sound isn't just laughter to me –it is so fiendish and menacing that I have to look away from the scene.
"Move it along, you are clearly incapable of throwing knives in straight line so perhaps you should try and work on your aim. Head on over to the archery station-" They don't move a muscle; instead they jerk their heads around in order to glare at the boy in the corner. A silent threat.
"Go on." She points towards a wall of bows, urging them to move. The giant pair of brutes reluctantly make their way towards archery, a station unsettling close to Finn and I. So we move round to knives in order to evade them and are fortunate enough to hear the trainer reprimanding the remaining Careers.
"I appreciate the enthusiasm guys, but a little more caution next time would be appreciated." She gives them a knowing look and then leaves.
Finn and I stand by the rack of knives, cautiously watching Jessie, Sebastian, the blonde and the other girl from Three as we choose a weapon to practice with.
"What's that kid's name, the one in the corner?" I ask him discreetly.
"The one who almost got himself killed?" I frown slightly, annoyed by the comment but nod. "Blaine Anderson, District Nine."
Our District's neighbour, I think to myself. Just another teen living in poverty who happened to be unlucky.
"He looks pretty shaken up, maybe we should call him over to train with us for a while."
"And make ourselves a target for the Two as well? I don't think so."
I look up at him, shocked that he shot down my idea so hastily.
"My priority here is you, Rachel. I don't have time to mess about making friends besides Blaine looks fine, see he already has someone to train with." Finn's eyes are aimed over my head so I spin around to find Sebastian approaching Blaine, who remains in the corner wearing a wide eyed expression.
"That is a Career you moron, Blaine looks scared to death." I disregard Finn's protest and instinctively walk over to Blaine's aid with Finn reluctantly following in tow.
"Look I'm sorry about my friends, they aren't very coordinated." I enter the exchange surprised to find Sebastian apologising. He flashes a grin at Blaine and then proceeds to walk towards him who quickly backtracks into the wall until he is firmly pressed against it. The Career then smoothly retrieves the embedded knife positioned now by Blaine's neck, tosses it into the air and catches it in the sheath. It would have been an impressive feat if it hadn't reeked of arrogance. Blaine just looks away and clenches his jaw, not willing to accept the apology or even appreciate the trick. In fact he looks rather repulsed.
"Let me make it up to you, come train with me for a while I'm sure I can teach you a thing or two." With one side of his smile raised and head cocked to the side he slowly looks Blaine up and down. This puts me on edge, I'm not sure exactly what Sebastian Smythe's intentions are but I do know that his proposition held an entirely different intent than mine.
"No thank you. I was in the middle of something when your friend almost killed me." Despite his perfectly polite response, Blaine had an edge to his voice and I could tell from his glowing white knuckles that he was restraining his ever-growing temper.
"Hey Blaine, mind if I join you? I could really do with brushing up on my fire building skills." I interject, hopeful that Sebastian will take this as a sign to leave. Blaine looks to me and his fists release; I can tell he is relieved. Sebastian straightens up and turns to face me. He appears reluctant to acknowledge me and sighs as he is greeted with my face.
"We were sort of in the middle of something here, so maybe you should just hop on back over to the trap station with your boyfriend and say, struggle on with that little rabbit snare that you couldn't quite master yesterday despite getting an entire demonstration from my friend Jessie here. Hm, that sound good?" His patronising smile falls from his face to reveal a menacing glower, with his strong jaw tightened and eyes piercing.
"Sure." Blaine's voice pipes up from behind Sebastian, breaking the chilling silence. "Let's build that fire." His voice is so upbeat; it's like he has lost all anger from the moment and is completely oblivious to Sebastian's threatening stare.
"Alright then." Sebastian puts his arms up, signalling defeat as he slowly backs away. "I guess I'll see you all tomorrow. Aren't you all so excited? Personally I. Just. Can't. Wait."
We stand in silence for a moment as our minds lost in a connected world where we envision the horrors that tomorrow holds. A bloodbath at the cornucopia or if we survive that, the prospect of this whole new threat that awaits us; Sebastian hunting us down, picking us off- one by one.
"Uh, Finn- that's your name right? Will you be joining us?" Once again Blaine's optimistic attitude breaks the silence and brings us back to the present.
"Take a seat, kid. I'm going to teach Rachel some knife skills, over there. And you won't follow us, clear?" I had almost forgotten he was standing right behind me, due to his complete lack of participation. But now when he speaks he isn't hesitant, he talks with assertiveness like he has been waiting to put the brakes on this alliance before it had even begun.
Blaine looks hopefully to me and I avert my eyes. I have already dragged Finn into this. We are now a Career target just like he said and I am entirely to blame. Perhaps Finn is smarter than I give him credit for. Blaine stands there and appears broken, his smile fading and hope dwindling. Then he takes his seat.
"Crystal." His voice is lifeless, the optimism drained from him as he picks up a piece of flint and returns to work.
After dinner I have my last private session with Miss Pillsbury, Finn and I were a team now but she refused to talk to us together. She presented the ultimatum "solo or none at all", I chose solo as I knew I needed all the help I could get. Finn however shrugged her entire proposition off and simply disappeared in the evenings uninterested in any form of 'tactic talk'.
"How did it go? What did you find?" She asks eagerly as I try making myself comfortable on her plastic-wrapped sofa.
"District One are flawless." I report to her, talking fast and without purpose so I can move onto the Districts which I think I have a chance of supplying useful information for but she interrupts and my plan is foiled.
"Flawless? Rachel everyone has a weakness." She pauses for a moment, eyes closed- buried in thought with two fingers on the bridge of her nose.
"Describe them for me."
"Well the girl is blonde, beautiful.. rather dainty and they are both quite small for Career Tributes actually." I think aloud and Miss Pillsbury nods, seemingly pleased with where I am headed. "I suppose their weakness is hand to hand combat when faced with a larger opponent."
"Yes, exactly!" She exclaims, like I have unveiled some essentially helpful fact.
"But I am tiny, what good will that do?"
"Rachel, dear. Knowledge is power." I nod, but inside I can't help feeling afraid, feeling that I have no advantage and no chance of survival.
"Two?"
"Unobservant, bad accuracy."
"Three?"
"Slow."
We run through all of the districts, I report on the weaknesses I have discovered and Emma helps uncover the ones I am unsure on. Despite technically knowing the best ways to kill all of my fellow tributes I am still not comforted in the slightest, I'm not even sure I can kill anyone.
Emma sits quietly opposite on me on the sofa, taking in my expression seemingly reading my thoughts as though they were scribbled across my face. Then after a moment she pulls a small leather parcel out from underneath the sofa. It is wrapped in a carefully tied ribbon which she gives a sharp tug in order to reveal the parcel's contents; a wooden cylindrical tube, a handful of darts and a glass jar tightly sealed filled with red liquid.
"I really shouldn't be showing this to you Rachel, as it is somewhat" she tilts her head and looks upwards momentarily, "against the rules…But you know how to keep a secret, don't you Rachel."
I instantly nod, taken aback that she would risk so much on me, a girl she hardly even liked.
"This here is a blowgun and it is your ticket to winning the games." She extends the wooden tube and it measures up at about two or three feet at its maximum length. She pretends to dip a dart in the poison and then inserts it into the tube, she fires the dart into a pillow at the other end of the room as a quick demonstration.
"Simple as. So a copy of this leather packet here will be in the Games, a fair distance from the Cornucopia. No one ever goes for it because no one knows what it is, but now you do. This is the knowledge I am giving to you Rachel Berry, do with it what you will. You are dismissed."
I walk towards the doorway and my hand rests upon the handle, as I hesitate before leaving.
"That's how you won, isn't it?" She smiles at me, not saying a single word but not needing to as I already have my answer. "Thank you." I nod to her and then leave wondering if this advice could be my salvation.
It is fairly late by the time I leave my meeting with Miss Pillsbury so I am yet again walking to my room alone, navigating my through the dark.
"Psst."
I flick my eyes up and find no one around, just a simple Avox standing against a wall in uniform manner. Must be the rest of them chatting away in their rooms I tell myself. Hmm maybe it's the end door. I walk a little farther.
"Hey Rach." A hushed voice calls to me. I spin round. Only the Avox is standing behind me. I rub my eyes wearily; I must be more tired than I thought. Avox's can't talk- everyone knows that. But after I removed my hands and my eyes readjust to the light I find Kurt's face peering out at me from under the Avox's cloak.
"Sheesh Kurt!" I pant, shocked and exasperated. "You can't just pop up whenever you feel like it."
"Shh. There's a reason why I'm whispering you know."
"Well you startled me." I cross my arms in an act of annoyed defiance but adopt his whisper as I don't want anyone to discover my insanity.
"I need to talk to you." He walks before me leading down the hallway, as I follow I watch his fatal wound oozing and immediately begin to feel nauseous. However beneath the blood and twisted flesh I see something glint, a metallic object reflecting light buried deep within his back.
We reach my room and he perches on the desk as I make my way into the en suite and wash the day's stress from my face.
"Did you listen to me at all on the train?" He calls through to me. I decide to ignore him as I can't stand Kurt when he acts so condescending, which was almost all of the time. However when I glance up to check my face in the mirror, I am greeted with his instead. The tanned, sharper version of my old friend is now reflected before me. I would have laughed at his disapproving, scornful face if it wasn't for how serious his voice sounded- which honestly scared me a little.
"Of course I did-"
"Oh really, Rachel. Really?" The superiority in his sarcasm irked me to no end. Why should I follow his advice anyway? He was the dead one. "Well why are you now buddying up to my brother dearest then?"
"I thought you told me to play nice. And that's what I am doing." I slouch down next to the bath tub, hugging my knees as he preaches at me.
"Yes, that's what you needed to work on most but you forgot the quintessential part. You're letting your guard down Rachel! God maybe I shouldn't have tried to help you at all, you're wrapped up in so many lies you don't even know who you are anymore. You've forgotten who your enemies are."
I tuck my head under my arms, protecting myself. Shutting him out.
"Just stop it, okay? Stop messing with my head Kurt." My feeble voice muffled by the cocoon I reside within. I can't doubt myself, not now. I just need to focus on entering that arena tomorrow with a clear, level head. I can't change the game plan now.
I hear three distinct taps on the door. Certain that it isn't Pastelle I dash to answer it, desperate to prematurely end my debate with Kurt. I take a moment to breathe and compose myself before opening it.
"Oh," I breathe a sigh of relief. My hunch was correct. "It's just you."
I open the door to reveal Finn resting on the frame; an uneasy expression plagues his features.
"I was wondering if we could talk."
"Yeah sure, what is it?" My head instinctively turns, checking to see if Kurt is eagerly listening behind me. He has returned to his seat on the desk and is slowly shaking head.
"No, not here. Come to the roof." I'm starting to think this is a bad idea, anything Finn can't talk about here is something clearly we could get into a lot of trouble for, and Pastelle already has a grudge on me.
"Rachel, don't you dare." I hear the corpse calling from behind me. I can't stand to spend another minute alone with my insanity so I close the door and lock it behind me.
"Let's go."
We take the stairwell instead of the lift in order for our late night wander to go unnoticed, but as we start to climb the stairs I gradually notice Finn's feet missing every few steps and having to cling onto the bannister for support. He's drunk. I had noticed his generous intake of wine at dinner but we just chalked it up to nerves and dismissed the entire matter. It would take a barrel full of wine to intoxicate someone that big, I told myself. Feeling partially guilty for his state, I grab his hand and help him with his pacing. Not confessing that I have noticed his current state or mocking him for it, simply helping him as we climb to the roof in silence. We sit on a ledge and look out towards the illuminated city.
"I'm sorry, I know it's late." He stares outward and throws a pebble from the roof's gravelly surface towards the distance. It creates a sparks and is thrown back towards us, he catches it and there it lies- charred within his palm.
"But I just wanted to talk to you before, you know- tomorrow. About well, us."
"Oh." I say, feebly. Not one of my most eloquent sentences- granted, but he isn't really giving me much to work with.
"Rachel, the other day at the opening ceremony when you closed your eyes-" He pauses; clearly knowing what is he going to say next but unsure how to put it. "You thought I was going to kiss you. Didn't you?"
"I- uh.." This was normally the sort of thing he would either let go or not be able to figure out in his placid mind. I'm guessing the wine has resurfaced the memory and given him the courage to discuss it.
"Well, I wish I had." His eyes fix upon mine, searching deep within them. Then softly he clasps my hands leaning in, in towards me. Oh no, it's really happening this time. I am so repulsed my nose shrivels instinctively and I sharply pull away. He is left hanging between us, suspended within the moment. Suddenly his face contorts into a twisted smile.
"I knew it." He whispers so quietly I can tell it is more for him than me. "I knewyou weren't in love with me." He speaks louder now, with conviction strengthening his voice. "All this time you were just playing me, staying on my good side whilst keeping me at arm's length."
He reaches out towards me and rips the necklace from my throat, the catch cutting the back of my neck as he tears it free. He pelts it straight off the roof. A flash of fire and it has returned, red hot and smouldering at my feet. The star burns until there is nothing left. This isn't good, I watch in fear as he heaves with exhaustion at the fury consuming his body. Then he begins to pace, back and forth. I can tell how fast his mind is going, getting more and more worked up.
"No Finn, I didn't mean-" for you to think that. It was sincerely never my intention for my charade of affections to go so far. But I am cut off before I get the chance to properly explain myself.
"You are such a liar Rachel. But you're the worst kind. Always so damned self-righteous, thinking you are better-" He is shouting now, losing all sense of where we are. Alcohol fueling a raging fire.
"-than everybody else."
He draws closer to me revealing a psychotic glint in his eye. "But you listen to me now-Rachel Berry. Would you have sacrificed yourself for Kurt?"
In a heartbeat.
But I am paralysed in fear so the words never escape my lips.
"I didn't think so. But look what you did to me, made me in exile in my own home. My own mother won't even look me in the eye. You think I can't tell what they are thinking? That I'm too stupid to work it out?" His words are quieter, softer now. "I knew where their hearts lay way before you humiliated me at that reaping." His arm extends pointing away from the city, towards our homeland of District Eight. Slowly his face transforms revealing an ugly darkness within him, something that I had only seen once before, at the prior Reaping.
"With that stupid, useless- faggy little boy."
It took all my restraint at that very moment not to push him into that electrocuted fence, instead I lunge at him. At this huge boy who is twice my height. He pushes my head backwards with a single hand and I fall to the concrete with a crack. I can taste the saltiness of blood filling my mouth. He then presses himself on top of me, his hands pinning down my wrists and body weighing down my chest. We are so close I can taste the alcohol on his breath.
"It is going to be so easy getting to you in the arena." He speaks breathily, the way you would talk to a lover. I gather enough saliva and blood together in my mouth and spit at him, blood spattering him straight in the eyes. Instantly he releases me, rising and staggering backwards from my attack. I take this opportunity and run with it, literally- fleeing from the scene.
I make it to a darkened corner in the stairwell when a blur of colour passes me. I go unnoticed as my petite body has doubled over and I am half crouched half lying on the floor no longer able to support myself. Through the beams above me I see Pastelle making her way to the roof. She must've saw us on the cameras. I wonder what will happen to Finn when she discovers him in a restricted area, the night before the Games. The endless possibilities excite me so I stumble up the stairs, swallowing my own blood as it attempts to pour out over the seal of my mouth. I just need to stay conscious for a few more minutes, I tell myself.
"You drunken idiot!" Pastelle hisses at Finn as she throws a tissue into his lap. "You have jeopardized everything."
"She doesn't know anything, relax." Finn slurs, and mops his face. Pastelle is visibly repulsed.
"Wrong!" She screeches at him, her careful hiss developing into a full bodied snarl. "She's knows about the reaping and nowshe knows why you volunteered."
"Well not exactly…" He hiccups and lets the sentence drift off into a drunken abyss.
Furious Pastelle catches herself and regains her composure before turning back to Finn. "The deal's off. You're on your own."
"What? You ensured my safety. Promised I'd win. You can't take that back now."
I hear Finn's pleads but Pastelle shows no interest and is now making her way towards me. I melt back into the shadows and then slowly follow her down the stairs clutching the rail as my head spins and stomach churns, nauseous from the blood it has been force-fed.
"Kurt." My eyes instantly search for him as I enter the room. I cough and splutter into my hands, my body not quite ready to enunciate words. I look into my palms, the palms which are now patterned with scarlet spots.
There is no response, no one perching upon my desk.
"Kurt. I need you." I run through to check the bathroom. It's white and pristine. Empty of blood- his and mine. I dash over to the mirror and stare hard into it, expecting his face to interrupt my reflection but instead I am confronted with the cold hard reality of my own battered image. I have never felt quite so alone. For so long I have been myself; wishing for a family, a friend even just for a father who loved me but even then I was content. I had the driving force within me. At first it was just mere ambition but when Kurt was taken from me that ambition was replaced with the urge for revenge. Kurt was all I thought of, he was always there within my mind so he was never truly dead. But now as I sink to my knees, returning to the cold tiles of the bathroom floor Kurt feels truly dead and I have never felt so alone.