A/N: Someone pointed out that the first chapter is so much more cheerful. I've been trying to achieve this deep, meaningful angst vibe here but I'm inclined to agree that this is all just so sad. I don't really want to write a thirty chapter fic so I'm really trying not to drag this too far but my muse has her own agenda.

I had this mostly complete until Evernote decided that it wasn't gonna sync properly. Some parts might seem choppy. Don't get me started on Google Drive. If someone can suggest some better app/program, please do so. Please.

To whoever left me lyrics as a review, I think I understand?

To everyone still reading, thank you for you patience and support.

As is typical in small towns, life quickly settled into routine. Lauren, with help from her nosy but well-meaning neighbors, moved in with little to no problem. She had also smoothly transitioned to her fellowship in a prestigious hospital the city, less than an hour away. The familiarity of it all should have been unsettling but there was still so much to be preoccupied with.

Lauren was pushing her new couch back into place when Kenzi caught her. The younger girl practically invited herself in to the Lewis home whenever she pelased.

"Hey," Lauren smiled, switching off her noisy vacuum.

"Hi," Kenzi said, launching herself on Lauren's couch and stretched out. "I'm bored."

"Oh? Where's Bo?" Lauren asked, coiling the vacuum's cord neatly.

"Remember the sexy, hairy man-beast that fixed your awesome new pool?" Kenzi asked, "She's out with him... I think."

Lauren frowned. "She left you by yourself?"

"Mama Aife had me help her make dinner -she told me to invite you over before you leave for the hospital, bee-tee-dubs- but then we got done early so I'm free now."

"Okay, well, I made cookies so you can go try one," Lauren said, smiling indulgently. "Just one, though, so I can bring some over for dinner." Kenzi happily skipped over to the kitchen and was back, munching on a cookie, before even Lauren could blink.

"I promise I won't leave crumbs," Kenzi swore as chewed a mouthful, leaving crumbs to fall on the newly vacuumed carpet anyway. "So, what's up with you and Bo?"

"What do you mean?" Lauren asked, tucking a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear and carted the vacuum off to the hall closet.

"Dude, I don't know, you have some weird funky vibe going on between the two of you," Kenzi said, brushing off the crumbs on her shirt. She side-eyed the doctor, "Did you fight?"

Lauren shook her head, "No. I haven't really talked to her once I settled in. Figured she was busy."

"Hm," Kenzi considered her thoughtfully.

Bo giggled as she stumbled through the front door but strong, muscular arms caught her. "Oops," she laughed. "Come on inside."

She and her guest followed the sound of cutlery and they found Aife, Lauren, and Kenzi half-way through dinner.

Bo greeted her mother with a kiss on the cheek.

"You're late," Aife said.

"Sorry, Mom, it took a lot longer than we thought," Bo apologized. "This is Rainer. I've told you about him." To Lauren and Kenzi, she said, "You remember him, don't you?"

"Good evening, ma'am," he greeted politely. "I apologize from interrupting your dinner."

Kenzi gave Lauren a smug smile as she eyed Rainer's tight shirt. "Hot," the teen loudly whispered to the doctor, who rolled her eyes amusedly.

"Why don't you stay for dinner?" Aife asked but the man politely declined and went on his way.

Kenzi monopolized Lauren's attention while Bo focused on the plate in front of her. She occasionally answered whenever questions about her day were directed her way but she otherwise kept quiet. When Lauren asked her to pass the plate of food, she nudged it over politely.

After dinner, Lauren left to go to work and Kenzi was tucked into the bed she and Bo somehow began to share on a semi-permanent basis. Because Bo didn't help cook, she, by default, had to wash the dishes as her mother cleared the table.

"Lauren's settling in alright," Aife remarked. "Is she almost done moving in?"

"Yeah," Bo replied as she rinsed a dish. "Rainer fixed a few minor things here and there but the house was in pretty good condition."

"Take of her," Aife told her. "That girl needs a lot of TLC."

"Mom, she's then most put-together person I know." Bo raised her eyebrows. "Do you know something I don't?"

"Call it mother's intuition," Aife said, squeezing a hand over Bo's shoulder. "She's always been such a sad girl."

Bo gave her mother a puzzled look, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Dr. Lewis, your patient is awake," a nurse said. "Dr. Lewis?" She patted the doctor's shoulder.

Lauren was startled out of her deep reverie, "W-what? Oh, sorry."

"You asked me to inform you when the patient woke up?"

"Yes, um," she adjusted her clipboard and blinked at the nurse. "I'll see him now. Thank you." She fidgeted and then politely indicated that she was on her way.

She took three steps and a deep breath. The nurse's voice from behind stopped her.

"Dr. Lewis..."

"Yes?" Lauren winced.

"You... forgot your charts."

Her patient had missed homecoming for his surgery and was not very happy. It also did not help that he was stuck in the children's ward. Lauren tried her best to work around the teenager's passive aggressive attitude and they begrudgingly met somewhere in the middle. It took her an hour to speak to him and his parents about the surgery and the physical therapy he would have to go through. Hopefully, he would be healed enough in the coming months to make it to prom.

She rubbed between her eyes as she left the room. A little tired but a lot less stressed than weeks prior. At the least, she was a little over the nicotine cravings.

Her coat pocket vibrated. A text message from Bo: Mom told me to ask you if you've eaten. Have you eaten?

Lauren checked the time and bit her lip. She had forgotten to eat lunch and had the vague memory of just having coffee for breakfast that morning. It wasn't the first time hunger pangs went unnoticed because of work. She hesitated on formulating a reply but, before she could even do so, her phone vibrated again.

Bo was calling.

She pressed the green 'answer' button. "Hello?"

"You took too long to respond."

"I took too long to respond? What if I was with a patient?" Lauren pointed out rationally.

"I dunno 'bout you but my doctor doesn't text during my check-up. Anyway, even if you didn't answer, I'd be leaving a message after, like, 17 missed calls." The mischievous glee was blatant.

Lauren exhaled figuring there wasn't any real emergency. "Kenzi, why do you have Bo's phone?" Her eyes rolled to the ceiling.

"She told me to call you. She has to do something or another and couldn't do it herself." Kenzi shrugged to herself. "I'm not really sure. So, have you eaten or not?"

Lauren had to smile. "No, I haven't had anything since breakfast."

"Well, it's a good thing we came here, then."

Lauren whirled around in surprise.

Bo stood in the middle of the hallway.

"Mom told me to ask you if you've eaten but I figure you'd've forgotten," Bo said. She handed Lauren a brown paper bag. "The nurses seem to have some sort of GPS lock on you and told me where you were." Bo figured that the doctor had already charmed then pants off of half the nurses in this ward. Bo's mood soured at the thought.

Naturally, Lauren looked at her with a clueless expression on her face.

Bo sighed inwardly and resisted the urge to smack her.

Or maybe hug her to death. Damn it.

"C&J, chocolate milk, and an apple to keep the doctor away," Bo nodded to the paper bag.

"C&J?"

"Chocolate spread and jelly. Kenzi's deathly allergic to peanuts," Bo shrugged and Lauren made a mental note to have some epi-pens around the house, a couple in her car, and a couple in her purse. She was a little concerned that the teenager didn't wear a medical bracelet if the allergy was considered "deathly."

Bo cleared her throat, pulling Lauren back into the present.

Setting thoughts about allergy action plans aside, Lauren raised an eyebrow. "You drove all the way here?"

"We were gonna go to the mall. Kenzi suggested we dropped it off on the way over." Which, of course, was a blatant lie but Bo wasn't about to tell her that.

"Where's Kenzi?"

"In the car which I left double parked in front of an ambulance –which means I gotta go now, bye," Bo said in one breath. She paused and turned on her heel, "You coming over for dinner tonight?"

"I have to do rounds," Lauren said, tucking her hand in her coat pocket.

"Okay," Bo nodded as an afterthought and walked away with a wave, Lauren staring after her.

"Hello, earth to Lauren?" the phone in her hand screeched. Lauren saw that she was still in a call with Kenzi.

"I'm here, Kenzi," the doctor said dryly.

"You and Bo are both acting weird," Kenzi said in an odd, curious voice. "Anyway, I see her coming out of the main entrance. See ya later, doc. Don't work too hard, a'ight?"

Because of the long hours at the hospital and the weird avoidance technique Bo was using, Lauren decided to go to the Dal.

It was packed for a weeknight. Tables were full and people were milling around, filling the bar with loud chatter. Lauren spotted Bo issuing commands to another bartender as she carried a tray full of empty beer bottles.

She was on her way over when someone's voice voice caught her ear.

"...I'm telling you, you have to see how she works it." She recognized the speaker to be Rainer.

"I can't say I'm surprised, Luscious isn't exactly a shirking violet," the man he was drinking with said. Lauren guessed he wasn't a local because of his accent.

"She just kept ramming it, you know?" Rainer said, taking a gulp of whiskey and smacking his lips together. "The walls practically collapsed. The girl's a beast."

Everything turned black for Lauren. She felt her hand move and heard a chair fall but it was like her body was not her own.

When she blinked and could see again, Rainer was on the floor, clutching his split lip and avoiding shards of broken glass on the whiskey stained floor.

"What the hell is going on?" Bo's voice boomed from outside the circle of people that crowded around them. It wasn't long till the bar manager saw them, pushing her way through. "Lauren!?"

"I..." Lauren looked at her fist, a little bewildered at her own actions. "S-sorry." She extended a hand to Rainer. He sneered and got up on his own.

"Why did you punch him?" Bo asked incredulously.

Lauren shook her wrist to distribute sensation and lessen the pain, her knuckle must've caught on a tooth. The skin cracked and bled when she clenched her fist.

Kenzi chimed in, "I'm gonna clean that and get you ice." She led Lauren to the staff bathroom to wash her hands and then dragged her over to the bar. She then pulled out a bucket full of ice and grabbed a few cubes to wrap with a towel.

"Dude, you look like shit." Kenzi searched her face as they sat down on the stools.

"Thanks," Lauren replied flatly. She had pulled a long shift and hadn't slept in two days. "Shouldn't you be tending to the other guy?"

Kenzi shrugged.

"Bo's not gonna be happy you punched someone in the Dal," Kenzi said, "Even old man Trick made a rule about fighting." She punched Lauren on the shoulder lightly and gave her a winning smile, "But I highly doubt Bo'd ban your ass."

"Not my most dignified moment," Lauren murmured. She hissed when Kenzi pressed the towel on her hand.

"Nice hook, though, Rockie," Kenzi beamed, "Saw it from across the room, you badass. Bro fist?"

Lauren gave her a fist bump.

"Why did she punch you?" Bo asked, unsure of who she needed to be mad at. She tried not to glance in the doctor's direction. As it was, it took all her will power not to rush at Lauren.

"I don't know," Rainer said, clutching napkins against his split lip. "I was just talking to Vex about how you'd been helping out with remodeling the kitchen."

"That bitch is loony as a dodo bird," Vex agreed, lifting his shot glass and taking a sip.

"Don't call her a bitch," Bo snapped.

"Can I get ice for this?" Rainer asked, gesturing to his face.

"Fine," she scowled.

Bo chewed her lip and strode over to the bar.

"Stop being thirsty bitches," Kenzi barked at the people hovering over them. A few had dared to approach and offer assistance and a ride "home."

Lauren's eyes knit together, "Kenzi, language. And, aren't they here to drink?"

Kenzi rolled her eyes. "They're eyeing you like a tall glass of water so believe me they're not interested in 'drinking.'" She snarled at their interested audience who finally got the message and moved at a safe distance.

The doctor smirked at Kenzi's ferociosness, placing her uninjured hand on Kenzi's head affectionately. "You're like a big old rottweiler inside a tiny baby chihuahua."

"Cheese n' rice, Doc," Kenzi said, half-heartedly pushing Lauren's hand away. "I'm working here." Putting a band-aid on Lauren's hand wasn't much work, really but Kenzi thought doctoring the doctor was funny in its own ironic way.

"Lauren," Bo said stomping up from behind them. "Why did you punch Rainer?" Her annoyance simmered when she saw Lauren's doleful eyes.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have." Lauren sighed and bit her lip. "He said some things about you and…" she shrugged.

"What are you talking about? He said he was talking about how we were renovating the Dal's kitchen."

Lauren paused to stare at her and then turned to stare at Rainer who glared at her from across the room. "Renovating?"

"We're fixing up walls a little because of the water damage," Bo said, irritated, "But what does that have to do with you just knocking the guy?"

"Oh, man, that is too funny," Kenzi choked on a laugh. When Bo snapped her head to glare at her, Kenzi said, "I'm gonna bounce on over to Bruce and leave you to deal with your knight in starched white lab coat."

"I-I must've misunderstood," Lauren said. She stood up quickly. "I should apologize."

"Slow down," Bo pulled her back on the stool. "How's the hand?"

"I'll put some antibacterial cream later," Lauren said. Bo lifted the bruised knuckles to check Kenzi's handiwork.

"Does it hurt?" Bo said, feeling around the tender areas gently.

"No," Lauren half-smiled, still feeling very guilty. "I really should apologize and check on his split lip."

Rainer had grumbled when Lauren apologized but was placated when Lauren explained that she thought Bo was being insulted.

"Really, I mean, obviously violence isn't the answer but," Lauren clarified in a torrent of word vomit, "even if you had been talking about another girl, I would have still punched you."

"I've seen Bo work with power tools and a sledge hammer," Rainer interrupted with grumble, "I enjoy having testicles, thank you very much."

"And, besides, my old man taught me better than to talk about a lady like that. And, my wife would kill me if she thought I was sneaking around behind her back," Rainer said. He touched his face, "As it is, I have to explain to her why a woman tried to knock my teeth out."

"I really am sorry," Lauren said contritely. "I-I'll pick up your tab for you if that could make a difference."

"No need," Bo interjected, "Drinks on me tonight."

Kenzi was snoring and taking up over half of the bed but Bo couldn't find sleep as easily. The memory of Lauren defending her "honor" was... confusing (and hot, if she was completely honest with herself but she tried to push that particular thought away).

With a huff, she climbed out of bed and padded across her room. She settled on her cluttered desk and slumped down in front of it, her cheek pressed against its cool surface. It felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest from the idea that Lauren cared that much. However, she also knew enough to not expect anything.

Lauren really was simply too nice sometimes with no hidden agenda. It wasn't her fault Bo's mind decided to overanalyze everything. Bo knew delusions stemming from false hope was not going to get her anywhere and there were just things better left forgotten.

"Why me?" Bo groaned despondently into the crook of her arm.

Her eye caught a picture of both of them together, the frame sitting next to the desk lamp. It was her in her pre-pubescent glory, frozen in gawky, frizzy-haired awkwardness for all eternity. And, there was Lauren, frozen forevermore as the much older neighbor Bo had crushed on for years.

So close and yet, so very... not.

Bo brushed her finger over the patrician face, rememorizing the features she had long since carved into her mind´s eye. Trying to rid herself of her feelings was an exercise in futility. She kept telling herself that she would outgrow her infatuation but even just the thought of Lauren Lewis made little butterflies flutter wildly in her gut.

"I am so screwed," Bo muttered to the smiling face staring back at her. "So screwed."

Avoiding Lauren had just cost her more stress and agitation; even if she avoided her physically, Lauren invaded her thoughts. And when she thought she'd forgotten about the feelings she had for the doctor, she only needed to see that smile before everything would come rushing back. It was a lot easier to ignore when Lauren was away but the longing was even worse.

Damned if you, damned if you don't.

She cast her eyes to the ceiling before her eyes flicked back to Lauren's face.

She let herself smile.

As far as problems go, it could be worse, she thought.

"Baby steps," she whispered to herself.

Maybe she didn't have to quit cold turkey.

A/N: Melodramatic Bo is melodramatic.

To the peeps asking for my twitter... I don't know why you want to read me ranting and nagging but I thought about it so I'll put it up on my profile before I chicken out. I think.

Stay safe but be kind to strangers. :)