A/N: Hi! So I'm posting slightly early. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and such. Hope everyone enjoys!

Rejecting Freedom

Chapter 7

I Won't Endanger Them

It was warm, so warm as I woke up, the lower half of my body still cool. My eyes were still closed, my body not wishing to work as if it was still encased in ice. My heart was beating, air returning to my lungs. I took a deep breath, taking in all the air I could.

"Robin?" came the little doctor's voice, filled with concern. I forced my eyes open revealing the familiar image of the inside of the Going Merry. Chopper stood next to me, worry clear in his eyes. Water was flooding the bathroom around us, even trickling out of the door. I scanned the rest of the room quietly although Chopper was trying to say something to me. My gaze caught another frozen shape in the bathtub and I stared at it for a moment before the realization that it was Luffy shook me. My gaze went back to Chopper.

"What happened?" I inquired softly. He stared at me for a moment before bursting out in tears. I frowned and picked him up, embracing him into a tight hug. "It's okay, Mr. Reindeer, everything is fine." I murmured. He continued to sob before hugging me back, snot now running down his face.

Several minutes later he composed himself and pulled away staring up at me with wide eyes, "You were frozen!" he exclaimed. "I didn't know if I could save you!" The tears returned. I forced a comforting smile.

"I doubt there's any condition you can't fix somehow, Chopper," I murmured. He stared up at me again, an uncertain look appearing in his eyes before he smiled weakly.

"You won't make me happy by saying that at all, you bastard," he told me, although his heart wasn't in it completely. I laughed lightly, helping recover the little doctor's spirits a slight bit more. Before either of us could say anything more, a light breath was heard, as if someone was breathing for the first time. Both of our gazes shot to Luffy.

The captain's eyes were not open but his chest was now rising up and down, the last of the ice sliding off his body. Chopper saw it and rushed over, checking his vital areas. When he was done, he turned off the water and turned to me, a relieved expression on his face. "He's okay," he gasped. I gave him a grin before he dashed off, yelling to the rest of the crew who no doubt were waiting outside the doors.

When he returned, Zoro was behind him, his eyes darting to the captain in an instant. Chopper changed into his larger form and picked me up gently, as if he was afraid of hurting me further. The swordsman went to Luffy before picking him up and striding out the cabin, expression calm, not even showing a hint of worry.

"Are you alright, Robin?" Chopper inquired of me. I nodded.

"I'm fine, Mr. Reindeer," I murmured. He seemed relieved and walked out of the room with me, onto the deck. As expected, the rest of the crew waited outside of the door. Nami caught my attention first, her face filled with worry parallel to in Skypiea. It slid away from her in an instant, however, when she saw my eyes were open. Sanji began to swoon at me, although I ignored his blabber. Usopp was rushing after Zoro, trying to see Luffy's condition. Overall, the mood was sober and filled with fear.

Guilt washed over me in that instant, along with the knowledge that I had brought this fate down upon the crew. No fear would have filled this ship, only joy at winning the competition and not losing any crewmates. Luffy wouldn't have been in an injured state. I wouldn't make myself regret getting on the ship in the first place, but I did regret not staying in Skypiea. There had been another way to get down from the clouds, surely and I should have taken it, not risked the life of the crew over my past. It was something I would not do again.

Chopper re-entered the ship then, setting me down on a pre-arranged bed. Zoro had already set Luffy down and was now covering him with a sheet in a rather tender way, for him. Chopper did the same service for me, inquiring once again if I was okay. I nodded silently and stared at the ceiling. My time with the crew had ended. As long as I stayed with them, the danger would follow.

I would need to leave them soon but I would need to be clever about it. I was certain none of the crew, especially the captain, would allow me to leave the crew simply because of the attack. Either I would have to simply disappear without a trace for them to follow or I would need to convince them that I hated them all, that I would rather die than be with them at all. If only it was as easy as it sounded.

"Robin-swaaaannnn, I made a special drink for you," Sanji's voice sang to me, a cup appearing above my head along with the cook's face, hearts for eyes. I simply stared up at him, not reacting before I forced a smile.

"Thank you, Mr. Cook," I told him. I forced myself to sit, Sanji withdrawing back slightly. I took the drink without a word, the heat warming up my hands in a wonderful way. He moved to sit next to me, watching me silently, hearts fading from his eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that he was now making sure that I was drinking it, that I enjoyed it.

I took a sip of it and was delighted to find it was black coffee, although it wasn't as plain as I liked it. A creamy texture and a minty taste flavored the drink, along with the slightest hint of alcohol. It helped take my mind off the darker thoughts in my mind and relax me. As I brought the cup away from my lips, my gaze went to the cook. He was still watching silently.

"It's excellent," I murmured to him. His gaze didn't shift at all, concern still in his eyes carefully hidden. I took another sip of the drink before setting the cup down beside me. Sanji's revealed eye followed it and he stiffened slightly when he noticed that some of the drink still lay inside. But I ignored it, knowing he would be fine as long as I finished the beverage eventually.

"Is something wrong with it?" he inquired. I shook my head with a sense of false amusement. He seemed confused, probably because he was unable to feel how hollow and guilty I was feeling at the moment.

"Not at all, I simply wished to thank you for protecting me from Aokiji," I replied. He was silent for a moment which surprised me. He was being quite serious about this matter, not bothering to spew fluff about how he would protect me no matter what.

"You should drink before it grows cold," he finally told me with an even tone. He took out a cigarette and lit it, gaze turning to Zoro who sat behind Luffy, keeping guard on the captain. Within moments his gaze was back upon me. Chopper was nowhere in sight. I picked back up the coffee, knowing I wouldn't get anything out of the cook until I finished it while Sanji smoked.

I set the empty cup back down while Sanji watched in silence. He didn't move as my thoughts began once again, this time drifting off to Saul. He had told me that I would find nakama on the seas and perhaps he had been right. If anyone were to be nakama to me, it would be this crew. The only thing that Saul hadn't counted on was that I could never have nakama as long as my past followed me, haunted me.

Or had he possibly meant something else? If he had, I was unable to understand his words. There was no reason to bother anyone who I saw as my nakama with my sins, no reason for them to die trying to save me. I had already let Saul die to save me and he would be the last person I cared about that I would let die for me and me only. The thought made all the memories I kept suppressed rise up, making my eyes itchy, the feeling before tears came. I suddenly had the urge to laugh, to make the sadness fade, as Saul had taught me to do when things were bad.

My eyes closed, forcing the coming tears back, making it so they had no way to come out. I would not express such things in front of the crew, not show that the day's events had affected me and brought up bad memories. If I did, I doubted I would be able to leave the crew, for they would watch more than ever. Unfortunately, having my eyes closed made me unsteady, unconsciousness threatening.

A light touch on my back and the feeling of leaning against something made my eyes open slowly. I looked behind me to find Sanji, a semi-calm expression on his face, hearts threatening to appear for his eyes. For a moment, I considered moving away from him and simply laying down instead before letting him have the moment. I would move away in a little bit but, for now at least, it was the least I could do since I would be leaving the crew soon. My eyes closed once again and I allowed myself to relax but to not fall asleep.

"Oi, Ero-cook, shouldn't you start dinner?" Zoro asked harshly after a few seconds. I felt Sanji stiffen although he didn't move. Nor did he reply to the swordsman, as if he was trying to ignore him. "Oi, dart-brow!" Zoro demanded, this time louder. There was silence for a moment.

"What do you want, Marimo?" he shot back.

"Shouldn't you be starting dinner?" The swordsman re-asked, this time sounding irritated. The cook continued to bristle.

"Why, you shitty swordsman, you hungry?" he snarled back. I recognized the beginnings of a fight between them. But it wasn't anything of importance to me, so I began to ignore it as it escalated.

It was all a background noise until I heard the swordsman rise with a "You want to start something, you damn cook?" My eyes opened slowly so I would be able to move away from the cook and not get in the middle of the men's fight. Zoro was towering over Sanji, one hand on the white hilt. Sanji was glaring up at him until he noticed my eyes were now open.

"You woke up Robin-chan," he accused at the swordsman, who scoffed.

"So what?" he asked. "She probably couldn't relax near a pervert like you anyways," The swordsman met my gaze, an oddly annoyed tinge in his eyes, very obviously directed at me. I pulled away from the cook and lay down on the bed.

"Thank you, Mr. Cook," I murmured. The annoyance directed at the swordsman above him vanished in an instant as he began to babble about being there for me whenever, swaying back and forth.

Zoro scoffed at his actions. The annoyance in the cook's eyes returned and instants later, they started to fight, as predicted. Nami entered the room seconds later.

"What are you two doing?" Nami's voice demanded before hitting both men on the head. Her gaze went to me, a smile coming to her face. She sent one more annoyed glance at the men before sitting next to me, taking the cook's former spot. "Stupid men," she cursed before her tone brightened. "How are you feeling, Robin?" she inquired.

"Much better," I replied softly. Relief spread over her face and she seemed on the edge of asking me something further when Zoro cut in.

"What the hell was that for?" he complained. She simply glared at him. It was enough to make him back off and sit back down near Luffy, muttering to himself. Nami smiled to herself before noticing Sanji still in the room, his face almost a pout.

"Sanji, go start dinner," she ordered. He forgot his qualms in an instant.

"Yes, Nami-san," he replied before leaving the cabin, hearts in his eyes, once again swaying back and forth. Nami sighed and turned her attention back to me.

"If you don't mind me asking, Robin, how do you know Aokiji?" she inquired. I frowned before covering it quickly. It was something I didn't really wish to share. Zoro's gaze flickered towards us before going back towards Luffy, although I doubted that he wasn't still eavesdropping.

"He almost caught me once before," I told her, knowing it wasn't exactly the truth but I wasn't about to share about how he had spared me only because Saul wished it. The subject was too painful, too personal to share, especially when I was about to leave the crew. Nor was I about to bring up my mother or the historians who helped raise me. Luckily, Nami didn't pursue it further.

"Oh," she said, disappointment tingeing her tone. Then she seemed to realize something. "Why would you have an admiral chasing after you? There are many pirates that are more dangerous than you," I considered changing the subject, to avoid this whole subject but decided not to. While Nami might not notice the change, I had no doubt in my mind that Zoro would notice the shift and once again grow suspicious of me.

"The World Government fears the Lost History," I told her softly. "They'll do anything to stop it from being discovered," She frowned.

"Why would they care about history?" she inquired. "What damage can the past do to them?" I stared at her for a moment. I could share the truth with her but if she was to get involved and the World Government found out once I left, she would enter danger as well.

"I'm not sure, Miss Navigator. I only know they do not want that past to come out," I murmured. She still looked confused but said nothing. Zoro's expression was thoughtful. I used the opportunity to avoid more questioning. "I'm going to get some rest,"

She nodded sympathetically. "Of course," she replied. "If you need anything, I'll be right here," I smiled at her and closed my eyes, pretending to go to sleep.

Why would the World Government care about history? I doubted they would care about it if it didn't involve a dirty secret about their past. It always disappointed me to find out how many cultures did not care about their own past, what their ancestors did in their time. When they did so, they also lost life lessons never learned from the past's mistakes. There was so much potential knowledge lost and it was a true pity.

No, I doubted the World Government really cared about history, not when they destroyed it and its people so easily. Thousands of years of history were stolen from the world in the attack, everything burned to the ground. The only place that cared about history was ironically the only place wiped from history. Or at least it was. The only one who had a chance of preserving Ohara's history was me and me alone. If I was forgotten, wiped away by the World Government, Ohara truly would be no more. I couldn't let it happen.

"What were you and Sanji fighting over this time?" Nami's voice suddenly whispered a touch of annoyance in it. I continued to breathe normally; interested that she would start a conversation, probably assuming I had fallen asleep.

"Nothing," Zoro's voice grumbled. Nami growled lightly.

"Next time I find you two fighting over nothing, I'm going to raise your debt," she warned. "You get on my nerves,"

"What?" he asked, his voice almost a yell of outrage. A pained grunt followed.

"Be quiet," she hissed. "Robin is trying to sleep," Her breathing grew closer, as if she was checking to make sure I hadn't been disturbed by his outburst.

Zoro scoffed, although it sounded quiet, as if he was trying to keep his noise level down. "As if I care," he muttered. Nami laughed under her breath.

"You seemed to care quite a bit when Eneru attacked her. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have been so mad or caught her. And then when Aokiji…" Nami's words were suddenly muffled.

"Don't say anything," came Zoro's voice. Moments later her voice was again clear along with a short laugh.

"Is there some reason you don't want anyone to know, Zoro?" she mocked. There was a short pause, although there was no speech, just another cruel laugh from Nami. "You know, if you want me to keep your secret, it will cost you,"

Zoro's reply came swiftly. "I don't have any money left, you witch," he growled.

"Oh, there's no issue," Nami told him sweetly. "I'll just take your share of the treasure," Zoro began to sputter in clear outrage. Nami laughed again. "Or would you rather I told Robin about it," her tone was now clearly serious. There was silence for a few moments.

"Fine," he grumbled, although it was rather hesitant. It was quite obvious he didn't want me to know about this event. Although it was quite interesting that he would care enough to act when Eneru attacked me. Yet, it was odd that he would grow angry as well, especially since he seemed to always keep his calm no matter what. It was a piece of information to file away for later, to analyze at a further time, perhaps to confront him on at a later time.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a loud bellow of "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!". I carefully kept my eyes closed, to insure that Nami and Zoro would not know I had not fallen into a deep sleep. There was a soft, relieved sigh from Nami and I assumed that the captain was now awake and not just shouting for food in his sleep.

"Where's Aokiji? Is Robin okay?" Luffy's voice was suddenly babbling quickly. It paused after a moment, along with the sound of very loud moment. I was suddenly aware of someone above me. "Robin?" the voice asked, with clear worry.

"She's just resting," Nami's soft voice came. The presence above me went away instants before I heard the door open and Sanji's voice.

"Nami-swaaaannnn, I brought you dinner!" he sang. His voice then lost any flavor, "Yours is in the kitchen, Marimo," It was quite obvious that he hadn't seen that the captain was up, probably too busy staring at Nami to care.

"FOOOOD!" Luffy cried out once again instants before a loud thud vibrated through the floor.

"Chopper is bringing up food for you," Sanji commented, probably to Luffy, sounding irritated. His footsteps grew closer along with the delicious aroma of food.

"Thanks," Nami toned. Sanji started his typical babble about her loving him soon after but there was only the sound of her eating, probably ignoring him as I was. The sound of the door opening followed, along with the doctor's voice.

"Luffy? What happened to you? Someone call a doctor!" he said frantically.

"You are the doctor," Usopp's voice came from near the door. "I brought your food, Zoro," There was a light thanks from the swordsman before Usopp launched into a story about defending the food against a giant bird who had almost carried him away until he miraculously was able to defeat it and bring the food here almost completely intact, although it was missing some items. For some reason, the swordsman didn't believe the sniper and began to beat on him for eating some of his food.

I fell asleep for a few moments, drifting off completely, before I opened my eyes. Nami was the first to notice, still sitting near me, watching me as carefully as Zoro was watching Luffy, although the captain was sitting, stuffing his face with any and all food nearby him. She said nothing, however, just glanced over at Sanji.

I sat up slowly, quickly scanning the room. All of the crew was within the room, eating rapidly, with the knowledge that if they did not, they would soon lose their food. But the mood was oddly sober for a mealtime, silent and unyielding. Usually it would be filled with conversation and jibes between the swordsman and the cook. Today there was none and I found myself missing it instantly.

The captain was the second to notice I was awake, eyes darting over, mouth full of food. "Wobin!" he exclaimed. I smiled at him and stood while the rest of the crew noticed I was in fact awake as well. Before they could question me on my well-being, I walked out of the room, only partially aware of them calling after me. For some reason, I suddenly felt like just being alone, to get some fresh air.

Nami followed me out in an instant. "Are you feeling okay?" she inquired. I nodded at her silently.

"Of course," I murmured. "Just getting some fresh air," For some reason she frowned at that. I ignored it, thinking it not to be important in the least as I strode outside, where the sun was setting in front of the ship. Nami followed me hesitantly, yet stopped just inside the cabin, as if sensing I wanted to be alone for a moment.

I walked to the top deck, my fingers brushing the leaves of the orange trees, drops of dew touching me. Behind us the sky was growing darker, the first few stars appearing over the island. The scene was quite serene and peaceful and normally I would have appreciated the view but not now. Not when ice was visibly sticking up above the grass, the sunset reflected in the crystals. Not when a sea king, frozen solid, was visible in my mind, frosted over like my worst memories.

I ended up sitting upon the railing, feet dangling over the side closest to the water, watching the tide glistening. The water wasn't deep over here, and I was aware that if I fell I would be fine, that I wouldn't drown. It wasn't like at the front of the ship, where if I sat where Luffy perched so precariously and fell. And yet, it was odd that the riskier side was brighter upon the ship, filled with more danger and reward. It was still something I could not, would not risk.

After it grew dark, I made my way down to the kitchen, picking through the refrigerator for some leftovers and making some coffee. This time it was plain black coffee, not tainted with any other flavor. I placed the leftovers on a plate and slowly went back upstairs. Luffy was now sprawled out on his bed, covers only partial upon him as he snored lightly. Sanji and Usopp were asleep on the floor with Zoro asleep in his guarding position of Luffy. Nami was asleep nearby my bed, leaning against the wall. Chopper was on the opposite side of the room, partially stirred herbs next to him.

I gave all of them a small smile and sat down on my makeshift bed, taking a short sip of my coffee. I ate my meal in silence, enjoying it nice and slow now that there didn't seem to be a danger of it being stolen by the captain. I was simply happy that Sanji didn't wake up, even after I had finished the meal, knowing that he would insist on cooking something warm for me and giving the leftovers to one of the other men on the ship.

When I was done with both my coffee and dinner, I set them off to the side and crawled into the bed, tucking myself into the covers, waiting for the want of sleep to come. Unsurprisingly, the sensation was hard in coming, as it often was and I stared at the ceiling for a long while, thinking about how to escape the crew. When sleep came, it was restless.

…

I woke with a start; the image of Saul being froze over, Ohara burning in the distance in my mind. I controlled my breathing quickly, keeping away the deep intake of breath that would give my fear away. I pushed my body up and scanned the room, finding with relief that the rest of the crew still slept. They had had enough of a burden saving me today to be worried about my dreams.

Even so, I doubted that I would be able to sleep anymore tonight. The memories wouldn't flee anytime soon, as I had found from past experiences but the urge to flee my current companions would increase. My gaze scanned the room once more before I left the room, taking my coffee cup and plate with me. Thankfully, none of the crewmembers stirred as I left.

It was still dark outside, the stars twinkling overhead as I went outside, a new cup of coffee in hand. Although it was odd to not see anyone on guard, it was also a blessing since they would no doubt question why I was up. For a moment, I wondered why no one was on guard but with the entire ruckus the day brought, it wasn't truly a surprise. Guarding the ship was probably the last thing on everyone's minds.

I scanned the deck quickly, appraisingly, trying to decide where to go. There were several options that I had, my favorite typically being the crow's nest. Tonight, however, I did not think the view would calm my mind, especially if any ice or worse, the iced up sea king still remained. My gaze stopped on the figurehead that the captain always enjoyed, although it was filled with danger.

Without thinking very much, I walked up to the head of the Going Merry and brushed my hand against it. My gaze went to the water below, to the deadly level of sea if I were to fall. Ever so slowly, I climbed up to the top of the figurehead and sat on a whim. The captain was able to recover after almost being killed by an admiral so quickly, something I was unable to do. I couldn't help but wonder if Saul would have reacted similarly, just shaking it off with a laugh.

My gaze went to the water before me. I had to admit, there was more freedom on the figurehead than anywhere else on the ship. It was easy to see why the captain enjoyed this place more than any other.

My thoughts turned back to Saul, unbidden as I watched the water, as they had much too often. He had stayed on Ohara for my sake, making up the excuse of wanting to make a flag. If he had left when he had been ready, there was a chance that he would still be alive. And yet, I had only survived because he had stayed. I had survived because he had asked Aojiki to let me and for no other reason.

But I couldn't depend on that anymore. Aokiji had forgotten why he had let me live or perhaps he was hoping I would find a place to belong, as Saul wanted. It was only a matter of time before he found the crew again and set up an attack with or without the marines. The thought was reoccurring; I needed to leave the crew as soon as I could. If only I was as certain about being able to leave the crew.

From what I knew of Nami, she had tried to leave the crew once before, tied down by the pirate who had overtaken her home. Luffy and the others had followed, freeing her from the holds, not allowing her to just abandon the crew. It was clear that Luffy would try to do the same service for me if I left. But a simple pirate was easy to defeat. My problems were much too great for him to save me. The World Government would crush the crew without even blinking, just as they had done on Ohara.

There was nothing that I wished more than to stay with crew, I realized the more I thought about it. I didn't want to leave them, to leave the first real happy place I had since the attack on Ohara. I wanted there to be some way that the crew could free me, to complete the impossible, as they had done in Alabasta. But Crocodile was nothing close to the might the World Government had behind them. I couldn't depend on a miracle to save me; I wouldn't risk the crew in that way.

"Dereshi, Dereshi," The laughing came out before I could stop it. My mood improved with it, however, so I didn't cut it off. I couldn't show the crew how much I was hurting, couldn't show them that I didn't want to leave. "Dereshi, Dereshi," I buried my head into my legs to muffle it, closing my eyes slowly to insure no tears came out of my eyes. I felt my balance shifting on the figurehead, my laughing shaking it. I used my devil's fruit ability to latch onto it tighter, insuring that I stayed upon it and didn't fall off into the cruel ocean, although a tiny voice in my head said that it would make things much simpler.

Laughter was still shaking my core when a voice cut through it. "Robin?" it asked, suspicion tingeing it. The laughter shut off automatically as I looked up, instantly composing myself as I gazed at the speaker.

"Mr. Swordsman," I addressed him, only vaguely seeing his form in the dark. "I thought you were asleep," His eyes narrowed.

A/N: Hmmm, perhaps it's a tad evil to stop there considering that I have the next chapter written…maybe I'll be nice and post the next chapter this week. Kinda depends on how much I write since I need to have another chapter ready just in case I'm lazy. In any case, I hoped everyone enjoyed and I would love some feedback on how characterization is for everyone, since it felt a little bit iffy, especially with Sanji.