Children Are Everything and Nothing

Temari had screamed herself hoarse when she discovered she was pregnant.

After her capacity for yelling appropriately had diminished, she told Shikamaru. The lazy bum seemed shocked to hear the news, but instead of being filled with the same rage and fury as her, he was filled with joy. The sparkle of happiness in his eyes soured her further. He should not be happy. By all rights, he should be ruing the thought; since her being pregnant with his child could only bring problems for both of them.

They weren't even married.

She thought about yelling and smacking him about, but found she just didn't have the energy. Instead she just sunk to the couch in his home with a sullen expression and aching limbs. She hated the baby. She hated the baby with every fiber of her being. Shikamaru seated himself beside her, a question in his eyes. He didn't ask it though.

Temari was glad he didn't. He probably wouldn't have liked the answer.

xXxXx

Shikamaru knew that a kid would ruin a lot of things. He knew that a kid would possibly mess up a scheme of his plans, and probably a lot more of Temari's plans. He fathomed she wasn't so keen on the idea of lumbering about in such a weak, bloated, and virtually useless (as far as shinobi were concerned anyway) state for months. He wasn't so keen on dealing with a Temari in that state. He wasn't so keen on waking up in the middle of the night to a child's cries. He wasn't so keen on a lot of the hardship. Mostly he wasn't too enamored with the very real possibility of leaving Konoha and becoming a Suna shinobi just so he could be a part of the kid's (and Temari's) life.

But, despite all of that, he found the idea of a kid, a kid with Temari nonetheless, was better than any complication life could possibly have in store for him.

xXxXx

Of all the irksome things that pregnancy brought, the most annoying of them was her huge round beach ball of a belly. She couldn't walk around with it. Getting out of bed became a laborious project. She usually lay there for five minutes before she mustered the desire to exert all the damn energy necessary to pull herself out of the mattress. Some days she even flirted with the idea of not getting out of bed at all. Shikamaru, the jerk, did nothing to discourage the idea. In fact, he kept encouraging her to stay in bed; he never dropped his nonsense about her needing rest.

What did she need a rest from anyway?! She shouldn't even be tired, dammit. All she did was get up, eat, walk around, read a book, play shogi, talk, and then go back to sleep.

Ridiculousness.

Temari hated the ball. It knocked into things, made every movement she made slower, and because of its gigantic proportions, it'd been a while since she'd seen her own feet.

Yes, Temari hated her belly.

She would sit exhausted on the couch, annoyed that just walking to the kitchen and making herself breakfast took so much energy out of her. Shikamaru always offered to make her breakfast (in fact, he offered to make her all meals), but she always refused; irked that she couldn't even pull off such a simple action without getting excessively tired. Shikamaru would always sit besides her, contemplating something or another, he usually shared if she wasn't in too foul of a mood.

Then she would feel a jolt inside of her. A punch or a kick — some sort of jab in her tummy. No matter how often it occurred every time she felt the hit, she jumped up in shock. She would draw her hands to her belly and feel the fight inside of her. The baby would be a strong one, she thought. Also, due to the child's incessant kicks, it was apparent it did not take after the usual Nara apathy. It was this that made her believe the creature inside of her was a girl.

After all, male Naras were conceited lethargic geniuses.

Upon discovering she was pregnant with Shikamaru's child, she traced his family lineage back as far as possible to find what traits her child might inherit; this journey only served to inform her that the males in his clan were all lazy chauvinists too smart for their own good, and the females never inherited the kekkai genkai. This information did nothing new to her outlook. She still couldn't stomach the idea of accepting the creature, let alone trying to decide if she wanted a girl or a boy.

She grew more certain each day that passed that it was a girl.

She still never decided if she considered that a good thing or bad thing.

Whenever she felt the kicks in her enormous belly, she would motion the movement within her to Shikamaru. The lazy man would press his hand (or his ear) gently on her belly. The warmth of his body always tickled her and stirred her to the bone, and even years later when she was an old woman, she'd remember with striking clarity how the kicks grew more pronounced when he touched her. It was as if the creature inside her noted his presence and demanded to get out.

A charming and honest smile always graced his face when he felt the creature within her stir.

Temari never told him that the child tended to react more strongly when he touched her. She was sure he would've liked to know. In fact, she was sure that knowledge would make him feel happier, but in those days Temari was selfish, and the child only served as a hated object impeding her from everyday activities. She was suffering, and if she could withhold a precious bit of information from Shikamaru, then she felt her suffering was at least somewhat paralleled by the other causative factor of her pathetic state.

Regardless of all her bitter thoughts, Temari couldn't explain the warmth those moments brought. She couldn't explain how she could hate her belly and the child within it with every fiber of her being, but love it at the same time. Sometimes, she thought, maybe it was a good thing she got pregnant.

Only sometimes.

xXxXx

Temari debated over the idea of giving her child up for adoption.

She thought over it long and hard, and had yet to come up with a reasonable decision. She didn't want the baby. She knew she didn't want to raise a child. She wasn't fit to, and she wasn't wanting to learn how to become fit to either. Babies were for soft tender civilians — not for women like her.

xXxXx

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! OH, GOD, NARA! ONCE THIS IS OVER I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE! I'LL SHOVE A FUCKING WATERMELON DOWN YOUR THROAT AND PULL IT OUT OF YOUR END! SEE IF YOU LIKE THIS CR—OH DAMN!" Temari screamed loudly.

Beside her, Shikamaru winced periodically as her grip on his hand tightened with each wave of pain. He didn't complain, and he didn't try to pull away; he didn't voice his pain, and he didn't say anything about calming down to her.

Unlike the idiotic nurse.

Temari savored ideas of snapping the skinny twit's neck once this was over. How was she supposed to calm down? She was pushing what was quite possibly the largest friggin' head in the world out of a pathetically small hole. This type of action shouldn't even be possible!

Shikamaru just knelt by her bedside, allowing her to crush his hand to what she later discovered was so incredibly forceful of a squeeze that she dislocated two fingers and broke his thumb. The lazy man, in contrast to the nurse's pleas, told her to scream and swear to her hearts content every time the damn nurse tried to get her to calm down. She bit his head off quite a lot during her rants. She insulted him, and she was also certain spilled quite a few hurtful and embarrassing comments (that she later admitted to being mostly false) to him at a such a loud tremor that the people waiting outside (including her brothers, his parents, and most of the 12 young Konoha shinobi whom she'd gone against in her first shot at the Chuunin exam) could hear every single word and related every word to any other shinobi that knew either or both of them. Shikamaru never called her out on it, and never told her to shut up.

If Temari weren't in so much pain, she would've appreciated what Shikamaru was doing, but as it was, she felt like she was dying and was in no mood to so such a thing.

In that instant as she lay giving birth she gained a newfound respect toward all mothers. Mothers were the strongest and craziest creatures on earth. Especially those who had more than one child. Giving birth hurt more than any injury she'd ever sustained on the field — and she'd sustained quite a few. She'd almost died once and this still hurt more than that did.

That child had better damn well be special for all this pain it was causing her.

xXxXx

"TWINS!" Temari screamed frantically through her pain; although, between her yells, the child's cries, the nurse's frantic commands, the doctor's snap that everyone should shut up, and Shikamaru's exclamations of confusion to the doctor, it was hard to distinguish what anyone was really saying. Later, people weren't even aware she had said anything at all when the doctor declared there was still another child. Everyone remembered her as having taken the news rather quietly and determinedly.

In reality, she had probably been the loudest one.

She had thought she had finished laboring when she heard the cries of the child. She had thought the torture was over, but nooo, the doctor went off and proclaimed she had another fucking baby in her uterus.

No wonder her belly had been gigantic.

xXxXx

After she had calmed down enough (with some help from medication supplied by the doctor) Shikamaru had placed one of the children in her arms. A soft bellied boy with russet skin and Shikamaru's dark eyes. Temari gasped audibly as the chubby boy turned in her arms. His slanted eyes stared up at her lazily and the boy seemed to yawn. Tufts of blond hair were visible at the top of his head. Temari was unsure as to what to do with the creature in her arms. It was just a baby, and it was so tiny. What did one do with them?

Gently, Shikamaru shifted the bundled package in his hands (she assumed it was the other child) to one arm and with his free hand he pushed her arms gently so her arms swayed rocking the staring boy to and fro tenderly.

Temari continued the rocking after Shikamaru's hands had retreated back to the other child.

The little boy smiled widely and turned to his side cradling into the nook of her arms.

It wasn't so hard she thought.

Just move him here and there.

She found her lips tug up into a happy grin. He was lovely.

xXxXx

The girl was more like Temari. She had been born first and come out crying like a banshee. The boy had come out without a noise; so quietly in fact, that they had all feared the boy was dead. But he had merely just come out asleep.

The twins seemed to have inherited their mother's desire for individuality. On top of seeming to have two strikingly different personalities, they had very different appearances. The doctor said they were fraternal twins. Temari didn't really care what they were, so long as they didn't suddenly break. Having held them in her hands once, she was afraid the little things would break at once, and she didn't want them to break.

She wanted them to be whole living happily.

The girl had dark brown hair, fair skin, and dark green eyes that reminded Temari fairly of her own. Upon holding the girl in her hands Temari knew instantly she had been the one kicking and punching. The girl squirmed in her hands and bit and kicked angrily. But when placed next to her quiet brother, she seemed to calm considerably. Just like when the boy was placed next to the girl he seemed to perk up instantly.

They were lovely little things.

The more time she spent looking at him, the less she could imagine giving them away. They were her and they were Shikamaru and the thought of putting that up for adoption felt as if she were rejecting a piece of herself. She and Shikamaru had made them.

Besides, it's not like she could trust a stranger to understand the odd children and care for them.

Maybe she wouldn't do such a good job either, but those kids were hers, and if it killed her she would learn.

It couldn't be harder than being a kunoichi, right?

xXxXx

Shikamaru was baffled when he first held the boy. Unlike the girl, who seemed to automatically shut up when the noisy bundle was placed in his hands, the mystifyingly quiet boy turned his dark beady eyes upon him and let out the loudest scream Shikamaru had ever head. He was even confident the yell surpassed Temari's loudest one. The boy would also start crying and kicking furiously.

Shikamaru was so startled by the reaction he nearly dropped the boy. He rocked him, talked to him, coddled him, and hushed him; Shikamaru did everything he could to calm the boy down, but like his mother, the child refused to be pacified. When Shikamaru's confusion grew to a state so profound he didn't know what to do with the child, he passed the boy into his mother's hands (since Temari was still seemingly yelling her head off and being tested for possible complications). As soon as the boy left his arms, it ceased making any noise whatsoever.

This frustrated Shikamaru so much that he took the boy right back out of his mothers hands, despite Yoshino's fervent protests, as if such an action would erase the child's previous inquietude. Just like before, as soon as his hands held the russet skinned boy, he began making an obscenely loud ruckus.

Yoshino took the boy back a frustrated frown on her lips and muttered that he simply did not know how to care for a child. She further prattled that she felt sorry for the children, as they were doomed to have two parents who knew not how to take care of a child. Yoshino even made vague assurances that she would spend a lot of time at his home caring for the twins.

Shikamaru was far too disturbed with the boy's reaction to protest or defend himself.

Although, it didn't escape his notion to defend Temari.

Somehow he never failed to do that particular thing.

xXxXx

Despite Temari's silence about the entire affair, Shikamaru was more than aware that Temari had been contemplating giving the children up for adoption. He was also aware, though everyone he knew would insist he did not know, that Temari had almost had an abortion.

He was aware that the blond desert kunoichi had stood outside a clinic, palms sweaty and heart racing. He was aware she had made an appointment. He was aware she had even stepped inside the building.

He was also aware that she had ran out shortly after entering, stopping at the Kazekage building furiously demanding to see the Kazekage.

Temari had been crying and screaming and ranting nonsensical statements when she did so; the poor receptionist was always frightened of Temari, and Temari in that particular state had driven the receptionist so mad with terror, that she was perfectly willing to interrupt the Kazekage's important meeting with the Kage of the lightning village to declare that his elder sister was having a psychotic episode.

It was then that a select few of people managed to see the Kazekage explode. It wasn't for the matter that his sister had 'besmirched' the family name by dallying about and becoming impregnated by a man without being married like most people suspected; it wasn't because he was enraged at the thought of a man using his sister so without any commitment or at the very least decent protection on his part like Kankurou was; it wasn't because Temari had nearly ended a child's life like some avid protectors of human life would proclaim; and it most definitely wasn't because Temari had interrupted an important meeting like the council said. In fact, Gaara of the desert lost his temper because and only because when he questioned his sister about the entire event and the implications it was sure to bring, Temari asserted that she did not want Shikamaru to know anything about the child.

To this day, Temari is still at odds as to why Gaara reacted so strongly to what was possibly the only demand she had her heart set firmly upon.

Only Shikamaru and possibly Kankurou know why Gaara lost his temper so horribly that day, and neither of them will ever repeat it to another human being.

xXxXx

Temari would watch Shikamaru as surreptitiously as she could during the first days of the twins' lives. She would trace his movements and strain to hear his every word, curious as to how attached and serious he was about the children. The first thing she noticed was Shikamaru's obvious aggravation with the boy. The second thing she noticed is he didn't give up like she (and everyone else) expected him to do. In fact, he would hold the boy as often as possible, talk to the boy frequently, and Ino swore she saw the lazy man reading a book on caring for a young boy whenever he wasn't in the hospital. It's not like he neglected the girl either. He placed tender care and affection upon both the children. It was evident in his every movement and tender word that he really loved the young children.

Temari's heart twisted painfully when she saw him holding the children.

She would turn her head and stare at her hands, upset and confused at his actions. Temari had decided determinedly to keep the children, but she also intended to go back to Suna. Living in Konoha was not for her. Even if she stayed here her children would have a decent father; she simply could not stay in Konoha.

Deep down she was afraid of telling him, because she thought it might hurt her more than she was ready for.

xXxXx

If anyone asked her if she loved Shikamaru she would lie. She would shake her head furiously and exclaim in the most indignant tone that she could not love that man. How could she?

If anyone asked Shikamaru if he loved her he would smile. If you were pushy enough as most Konoha shinobi were, he would eventually open his mouth and tell you that he did. How could he not?

If anyone asked any of their friends or family how they thought the entire debacle would end, mostly all of them would respond in the same way. Some would scoff, some would spittle, some would giggle, some would chortle, some would roll their eyes, but most of them would say those two could only end up together. Who knew how or when, but they would.

xXxXx

When she was healthy enough to leave the hospital, she took her children and informed Shikamaru she would be leaving.

He shrugged and said he'd figured she would.

Temari couldn't really explain how disappointed she felt at the deliverance of such news. Somehow she'd hoped he would've fought hard for the twins (if not for her like she hoped) but apparently that wasn't the case. Maybe he really didn't care for them so much.

xXxXx

Temari was shocked to find Shikamaru in Suna three days later.

He'd forgotten to mention to her that he would be following her back to Suna.

"Leave." She demanded, though she was grateful he'd shown up.

"No." He leveled his eyes at her. "You damn well better get used to me, Temari, because I'm not leaving."

"Oh," she seethed, "and why not?"

"Because I'm not letting the three people I really love not be in my life."

Temari hesitated. She stared resolutely at the ground before grumbling that he could stay. Shikamaru smiled softly at her and wrapped his large arms around her. His warmth was so comforting and safe.

Temari hadn't felt safe in ages.

It was good; her children would be safe, with him, with her.

Parenthood wouldn't be so bad, she mused, especially if it was with him.

A/N: This story looks so much prettier on my wordpress. What with all the pictures. . What do you think. The flow is mostly inspired by Isabel Allende's House of Spirits. It's a very nice book.