Yuri: Hm, it seems I have refined procrastination into a fine art form. Anyway, my thanks to all those who reviewed. Keep the ideas coming, I'll try to use as many as I can and to the best of my ability.
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. Plus, parodies are protected under some act or law…so suck on it!
Chapter Seven
And so we find ourselves in the real world, where our favourite animated characters do not exist and never will. Accept it.
Inside a massive, lavishly decorated house (probably paid for by drug trafficking), that was suspiciously lacking in parents or any kind of adult supervision, three rabid, horny fan girls sat on the couch. With a bowl of popcorn between them, they watched old reruns of Yu-Gi-Oh, mentally undressing their favourite character and picturing themselves with them, somehow thinking that made them better fans.
"Like, oh my God," the first girl squealed. "Seto Kaiba is, like so hot. The only reason he's mean to everyone, is because he secretly loves me."
"As if," the second girl countered. "Bakura and Yami are way hotter. They'd fight over me because I was their love in my past life."
"Whatever," the third girl said. "Mai is so the hottest. I'd like to stick her with er…." The girl stopped upon noticing the odd looks from the other two girls. "I mean…I like men."
Suddenly the TV began to malfunction, shaking violently as sparks spat out the back of it.
"Quick, let's approach it!" One the girls suggested brightly.
"Good idea!
"God, we're smart!"
As they did, a brilliant flash of white light suddenly engulfed them, somehow pulling them inside the actual TV. How is that possible, you ask?
…
Fucked if I know.
"Who the fuck are you guys!?" Bakura exclaimed as three girls suddenly materialised before Seto, Yami, and himself.
"We are not guys," one of them replied as they all got to their feet. "We are incredibly hot chicks, and somehow we have defied the laws of physics, existence and just plain common sense, to become a part of an animated, fictional world."
And now it's time for everyone's favourite part. The excessive and belligerently long descriptions that nobody cares about or even really bothers to read.
Seriously people, just a few basic and well written details will suffice.
The first girl was tall and slim, with gorgeous facial features and long red hair that fell in shimmering soft curls onto her shoulders and glistened like pure spring water under the golden rays of the sun.
"You are shitting me," Seto breathed, as the descriptions continued endlessly. Bakura and Yami just stared in horror.
Her stunning amber eyes, that swirled with such emotion, such depth, such soul, hid her dark and mysterious past…that will no doubt be revealed in later chapters..
Eight weeks later…
-and thus concludes what the incredibly hot, super attractive and awesomely cool chicks looked like.
"There is no God," Seto muttered darkly.
Finely free, Yami and Bakura took the opportunity to run.
"Wait!" One of them called. "You can't leave. For we have the secret, eighth millennium item!"
"Really?" Yami asked. His interest piqued, he stopped and turned back around.
Reaching into her purse, one the girls pulled out a thin, golden object and held it up to the trio.
"I give you the eighth, and most powerful millennium item: the Millennium Tampon!"
Bakura, Seto and Yami just stared the object blankly in a stunned, somewhat horrified silence.
"…that's just not right," Bakura said.
"Oh who cares?" The girl exclaimed, tossing the useless item away. "We want your babies!"
Without warning, all three fan girls attacked, pulling them down and tearing off their clothes in attempted rape.
"Noooo!" Bakura cried.
"Noooo!" Seto cried
"Wheeee!" When room's other five occupants all stopped and stared at him, Yami quickly corrected himself. "I mean…nooooo!"
However, before the rape could progress any further or get anymore graphic (real and animated people sex….ewww!), the door was suddenly kicked down.
Anzu to the rescue!
Seeing the guys were about to be defiled by non-fictional people, Anzu gasped in horror, before pulling up her top and flashing all three girls.
"Ah! Our virgin eyes!" All three girls screamed before spontaneously combusting.
…convenient.
"Few that was close," Bakura muttered, the others nodding in agreement. "And for once it was the Mary-Sues being bashed and not Anzu. It makes a nice change."
"Yeah…" Seto said awkwardly, plunging all four of them into an uncomfortable silence.
Yami gave a low whistle as they all looked around, waiting for something to happen; for the plot to advance.
"So…freaking shot in the dark here," Bakura began offhandedly. "You guys want to have an orgy?"
"Hell yeah!" The other three chorused.
Moving along to the Kame Game shop, home of Yugi Motou, we find a dark figure sneaking across rooftops. Their movements were silent, yet graceful, sharp and deadl-
"Wheeeeee!" Mai shouted gleefully as she bounded all across the roof in some warped attempt at ballet. There was dancing, jumping, frolicking…stealing someone's cable satellite.
However, upon finding the window into Yugi's room locked, Mai was forced to look for another way in. After all, for the sake of plot, there had to be one.
Oh, look down there on the sidewalk! A grate.
"Yay!"
Following the narrator's advice, Mai opened the grate and jumped down through the hole.
Whoops! I just remembered that the secret entrance is the grate further up. That one's just the sewer entrance.
"BASTARD!" Mai screamed, currently swimming in shit.
Hundreds of showers later, Mai used the real secret entrance and finally broke into the Kame Game Shop, finding herself to be in the kitchen.
"Hey Mai," Yugi greeted her as he dug through his fridge.
"Gasp! How did you know it was me?"
"Who else has boobs that big?"
"Awwww, thanks Yugi," she cooed. "They're 99.99 percent real."
Pulling out a can of drink, Yugi seated himself at the kitchen table. "So what are you doing breaking into my house at midnight, anyway? I mean, my grandfather never locks the door anyway. How do you think I get raped and attacked so much?"
Pulling a mock martial arts pose, including placing her own foot in her mouth, Mai explained. "By day I am Mai, a hooker who charges fifty dollars an hour, plus tip. However, by night, I am Japan's most deadly assassin-"
"No! Not…" Yugi gasped.
"Yes!" Mai shouted triumphantly. "I am the Drunken Monkey! And I have come to kill you, and take your Egyptian God Cards."
"Okay then. Carry on."
Rising from his seat, Yugi headed back towards his bedroom.
"You were dropped as a child weren't you?" Mai asked bluntly. It was now apparent that Yugi was not naive, just plain retarded.
"Correction! Drop kicked!" Yugi called back, disappearing from view.
With an indifferent shrug, Mai left the kitchen and headed into the game shop.
"Who are you!" Solomon exclaimed from behind the counter.
Thinking quickly, Mai began waving her arms about.
"I am a drug induced figment of your imagination, here to steal the Egyptian God Cards."
Remembering that fat one he had smoked earlier, Solomon merely nodded and continued to polish the glass cabinets.
Upon finding his safe, right next the conveniently placed neon sign, Mai was disappointed to see that, due to Solomon's incompetence, the safe had already been broken open..
"I lost all sixty-five of the keys," he explained nonchalantly.
"Aww," Mai whined. "I wanted to impress everyone with my mad skills by breaking into it."
And that's when Mai was struck with a brilliant idea…and a few tiles when part of the ceiling collapsed.
After a quick course in safe repair, Mai returned to the Kame Game shop and fixed the safe; restoring it to its former glory.
During that time, Solomon found porn.
There was much rejoicing.
However, upon finally opening the safe, Mai was startled as an alarm suddenly sounded.
Alert! Alert!
Some hussy is stealing the Egyptian God Cards.
T-Minus Thirty Minutes.
"WTF? You built a self destruct mechanism into your home/shop!" Mai exclaimed angrily.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," Grandpa replied.
"Very well then. Let us drink to celebrate what a retard you are," Mai suggested, pulling a bottle out of nowhere.
"Hurray!"
Twenty-nine minutes and a lot of booze later…
"Hic...we should probably leave," Mai slurred.
"Probably," Grandpa replied before vomiting all over Mai.
BOOM!
The Kame Game Shop exploded in a mushroom shaped cloud, taking everyone inside with it.
As the dust finally settled, the sole survivor of the explosion, Yugi Motou, stood before the remains of his former home, mourning the loss of his grandfather.
"Nooooo!" Yugi cried in anguish. "My DVD player!"
Yuri: Poor Yugi. I'd be sad if I lost my DVD player…which is actually my Playstation. Anyway, thank you to everyone who reads, reviews and leaves ideas. You're all greatly appreciated.