Hi everyone, I'm so so so sorry this took so long to get up and I apologise for the crapiness that is this chapter, it's just a bit rushed. Almost done with the next chapter which is set to be the longest one so far. Again I'm sooooo soooo sorry for taking so long and a massive thank you to everyone who has stuck with the story, internet hugs for you all!
DISCLAIMER:Nope
Rivendell, the name seemed so familiar but from where? From across the room, Elrond stood in silence. Rivendell, I know the name, I'm sure of it. Then there was the small matter of his ears.
"What are you?" I blurted out. He looked at me strangely.
"An elf, Lady Lucy."
An elf. You have got to be joking. And then it clicked, Rivendell, the city of the elves in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
"Oh my God." I repeated the words over and over again stumbling back towards the bed. Lord Elrond stepped forward, concern painted across his face.
"This is not happening." I muttered to myself.
"I'm dreaming, that's all, dreaming. Elves are made up. They're not real. You're not real." He frowned.
"I can assure you Lady Lucy that I am real and that you are very much awake."
"Oh my god." The world started to blur slightly at the edges and I did something I hadn't done in years. Embarrassingly, I fainted.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of Bombur's heavy snoring. Not a nice sound but definitely a good alarm clock. It was barely light but all the other dwarfs were wide awake and shovelling left over bacon into their mouths. I stood up and stretched, wincing at the ache in my back from sleeping on the ground. Bofur handed me a plate of bacon and bread, smiling slightly as I gave a loud yawn.
After I had eaten my breakfast and Bombur had finally woken up, we were off again.
I rode with Kili this time. Fili was called up to the front of the line to ride with Thorin and so it was just me and the brown-haired dwarf. We talked about his childhood, well I say we, he talked and I listened.
Our conversation was cut short by Thorin. He started yelling out instructions to the dwarfs. Kili gave an apologetic smile and slid off the horse. He offered me a hand, I took it and cautiously slid off. I stumbled slightly as I landed, staggering into Kili by accident. He grabbed me by the arms and stopped me from falling. I blushed and stammered out an apology.
"Its fine Lady Cara," then he grinned, "Some people are just not born with balance."
"Yes, I agree. Wait! No!" Kili laughed and I frowned. I was about to retort with something hilariously funny (I swear) when Gandalf stormed off, shouting about 'people with sense' and stubborn dwarfs'. I wasn't really listening. What I was focused on however, was the warm feeling of Kili's hands on my arms. I swear there were tingles.
Elrond had explained everything to me when I woke up. He said something about 'being needed elsewhere' and left, leaving me alone in the white room. I didn't really notice when he left, the only thing I could think about was the fact that in real life, I was probably dying. Or in a coma. While in this, fictional life, I was alive and practically unharmed despite the fact that I had been in a plane crash. Not that these people knew anything about planes.
That was the second thing that hit me. These people were elves and from the way they dressed and spoke, it seemed to me that they were elves in the Lord of the Rings equivalent to the middle ages. So there were no phones, no internet and no electricity.
My head slumped back against the headboard. How on earth am I going to get through this?
Kili and Fili were tending to the horses, the rest of the dwarfs (as well as Bilbo and I) were being served dinner. Bofur ladled out two more bowls and handed them to Bilbo and me.
"Here, do us a favour? Take these to the lads." I handed my half-empty bowl to Bombur who seemed happy enough to finish it off for me and stood up, smiling tiredly at Bilbo. He didn't return the smile, waiting anxiously for Gandalf to come back. He took the bowl in silence and turned away.
When we got there, Fili and Kili were standing in silence with identical 'shit we're in trouble' faces.
I didn't sleep well that first night in Rivendell. There was a twisting feeling in my gut. One that promised trouble. It was the kind of feeling that I always got whenever Cara was in trouble.
So. Trolls. Ugly things aren't they? They stink as well. The trolls had stolen the horses and Fili and Kili had sent Bilbo as the rescue party. Considering he's as comfortable in the wild as I am, it wasn't a very good idea and now, as a result of that not too fantastic idea, we are all (minus Gandalf) stuck in really foul smelling sacks. Thanks boys, really appreciate it.
They were planning to eat us, not a plan that I'm terribly fond of but at least they have a plan, we on the other hand are sitting here like lemons waiting to be eaten. At least we were until Bilbo started talking.
"Wait!" He yelled, wriggling up into a standing position. The troll's heads twisted round to look at him.
"You are making a terrible mistake." Hopefully he's figured a way to get us out. If he has I'll kiss every part of his hobbity self. I will never make fun of or think rude comments and if we ever get back to civilisation, I will buy him the biggest, coldest, frothiest beer anyone could ever imagine drinking.
From the roasting spit across the fire, someone yelled
"You can't reason with them, they're halfwits!" To which the ever so witty Bofur yelled back,
"Halfwits, what does that make us?!"
"I meant with the err, with the seasoning!" What. I do not like where this is headed.
"I mean, have you smelt them! You're going to need something stronger than sage to plate this lot up!"
I take it back. Everything. I hope the hobbit rots in hobbit hell. From the shouts around me, so do the others. The trolls leant closer in interest, motioning for Bilbo to carry on talking. He did so hesitantly, pausing between words.
"The secret to cooking dwarfs is to… Skin them first!" Umm how about no. The dwarfs around me erupted into outrage, yelling and shouting various things like traitor. I can quite safely say I was yelling along with them.
"Are you crazy?!" I screamed, twisting in the sack.
"Are you trying to get us kill-" Ooooooohhhhhh. Realization dawns.
"Rubbish! I've eaten plenty of dwarfs with their skins on!" One of the trolls lumbered over to the pile of dwarfs, fingers twitching in anticipation. Its fingers hovered over us, searching for an appropriate dwarf to eat, beside me Kili twisted, covering my face in dark brown hair, effectively hiding me from view. Butterflies erupted in my stomach, inappropriate timings be damned!
The troll picked Bombur and Kili twisted away, smiling apologetically at me and sending a whispered 'sorry' in my direction. I smiled back at him nervously. The fluttering feeling in my stomach was slowly replaced by the sinking feeling of dread at having to watch one of my fellow companions being eaten alive.
And that's where Bilbo comes in. Again.
"Not that one!" Bilbo's voice had gone all high and squeaky.
"He's infected!" The trolls looked up panicked.
"He's got worms. In his… tubes!" The troll chucked Bombur back onto the pile, narrowly (and thankfully) missing me. Bilbo carried on.
"In fact, they all have. They're infested with parasites, it's a terrible business really. I wouldn't risk it if I were you." While I almost applauded Bilbo, the others didn't quite understand the situation and so proceeded to yell all sorts of things at him like "we don't have parasites, you have parasites!" (That particularly mature quote came from none other than Kili- one of the original idiots who got us into this mess). Thorin gave them all a kick in the back and finally, they all caught on. Each one proclaiming that they had 'parasites as big as their arms' or that 'mine are the biggest!' (Once again Kili).
Unfortunately for us, the trolls also caught on. But fortunately for us, not quite quickly enough. Gandalf appeared on a giant rock brandishing his staff and waving it in the air like a madman. What he actually said was lost to me in the bright flash of light and the following groans and shouts from the dwarfs. It was only afterwards, while I lay stunned on the ground did I realise we weren't going to be eaten today.
Kili was the one who helped me out of the sack. We followed the others into the cave and by God did it stink. Kili laughed when he saw my face. It was the face that Lucy used to describe as my 'monkey smelling a fart' face. Eloquent I know.
As we left the cave Gandalf slipped me a small dagger, offering me a small smile as I stuttered. I was mentally preparing an "I am a pacifist and therefore I shall not be needing a dagger and besides I don't even know how to use one" speech when the dwarfs all surged forward, shouting about something coming. They pushed me towards the back (along with Ori) and readied themselves, holding up swords and bows. I brought up my own tiny dagger uncertainly, holding it in a way that I am sure will only cause damage to myself.
And then, I kid you not, a sleigh of rabbits burst through the trees. Now call me crazy, but rabbits don't pull sleighs, at least not normal ones. Then I saw the man riding the sleigh.
"Radagast!" Gandalf shouted, raising his arms in greeting. Radagast? Oh right, the wizard hippy. Okay totally with it. Is that bird poo in his hair? On closer inspection, yes, yes it is and that is completely and utterly disgusting. The other dwarfs seemed to be thinking along the same lines as me and took a cautious step backwards.
He has a stick insect in his mouth. Oh my god. Oh my god that's disgusting. Does personal hygiene mean nothing here?! Seeing the grossed out and frankly disgusted faces, Gandalf pulled Radagast aside, talking to him in hushed tones so that they would not be overheard. Their discussion was cut short by a loud howl. A brief silence followed.
"Was that a wolf?" Bilbo sounded panicked. Bofur stepped forward, alarm clearly written across his face.
"A wolf? No. That is no wolf."
And then all hell broke loose.