Vlad Masters Gets a Cat
Vlad was opening his mail. He had another rejection letter to his many requests to buy his football team. He groaned and opened his last letter. The envelope had no return address. But he knew who sent it when he saw what the letter said:
GET A CAT
Vlad growled. "I will not get a cat! I am the all-powerful Plasmius and I DO NOT NEED A CAT! Wait… maybe." Vlad pause to think. Women liked cats, right? Didn't Maddie sleep with a stuffed doll cat in college? Maybe a cat was the answer.
"Daniel Fenton, you're a genius. Wait, I'M a genius!" Vlad smirked and booted up his computer. He was trying to look up cat stores nearby. But the internet wasn't working. No matter how hard Vlad tried and no matter how much money he offered the computer, it just wouldn't work.
So Vlad was forced to search his entire mansion looking for the phonebook only to discover that the phonebook was in his pocket. He growled and left his castle. He walked the 24 miles to town.
As soon as he got to town, Vlad smacked himself rather forcefully in the face. He had walked all the way to town when he could've flown and been there in seconds instead of walking for hours.
Once again forgetting he was a ghost, Vlad walked to the next pet store. But they didn't have any cats. Vlad was forced to walk to every pet store in town until the last one he checked had cats.
He chose a black cat (which coincidentally was the same kind as the stuffed cat Maddie had slept with) and payed. The very bored cashier was reading a fashion magazine and sold Vlad his cat without a second glance.
He was flying home with the cat (his brain had woken up) when Vlad's new cat attacked. Vlad learned very quickly that cats do not like to fly. When he got home, he was scratched and bruised. He groaned and put the cat on the floor.
The cat glared. Vlad realized that he hadn't bought any cat food, a litter box, or really anything except the cat. So he was forced to fly back to town to get the cat things. Since his brain was weak enough to begin with, he forgot to un-ghost himself. Everyone at the store screamed and ran. Vlad didn't notice. He thought people were just excited to see a billionaire (and a good looking one he thought to himself) at a cat store.
The same very bored cashier didn't even notice Vlad was a ghost as she scanned the cat things with one hand while using the other to turn a page in her magazine.
Vlad got home to find out that the cat had made a horrific mess in his front hall. Vlad gagged and struggled not to vomit at the smell. After forcing the disgusted servants to clean the mess, he realized that he had another problem.
"What do I name the cat?" Vlad said in horror. He suddenly came up with the most brilliant name in the history of cat names. He grabbed the cat and flew to Daniel's house.
"Ha!" Vlad yelled. Danny and his girlfriend and that last kid whose name Vlad couldn't remember ran out. Danny went ghost.
"Daniel! I present to you the awesome power I have accquired! After some consideration, I have decided to purchase A CAT!"
Danny and his friends stared at Vlad. He thought they must have been scared of the awesome power of his cat.
"Fear the awesome power of – CAT!" Vlad had named his cat Cat. He shoved the cat in Danny's face. The cat barked.
"Um, Vlad?" Danny said giving Vlad a you-couldn't-be-more-stupid-if-you-tried look. "That's a dog."
And then Danny kicked Vlad's stupid butt.