Chapter 7 – Winter & Spring 2009
JANUARY 1, 2009
"H'llo?" Jamie slurred into his telephone.
"Happy New Year, kiddo!" Joe greeted his younger brother.
"Huh? Joe? Why are you calling so late? I was sleeping." Jamie stood up and headed for the hallway of his apartment so he wouldn't wake his sleeping girlfriend.
Joe laughed. "Hey, old man, it's only one a.m. on New Years Day. What's wrong with you?"
Jamie yawned. "It took until midnight to finish moving Syd's stuff into my apartment. Girls have too much stuff. I'm tired out."
"Whoa! Moving Syd's stuff in? When did that happen?"
"Tonight. I just told you that," Jamie snipped tiredly.
"Not the moving stuff part. When did you two decide to move in together?"
Jamie dropped onto his sofa. "Thought I told you. A few months ago. Her landlord decided to stop renting out apartments and terminated all the leases effective yesterday. It didn't make sense for her to start a new yearlong lease, since law school's ending in May, so she moved in here. Besides…"
"She was there most of the time anyway?"
"Yeah. Just like you and Angie."
"Difference being that Angie and I are grown-ups, with jobs and everything. Have you thought about what you're going to do if this playing house results in you knocking up your girlfriend?"
"Joey!" Jamie protested as he felt his cheeks warming. There were just some topics he didn't want to discuss with his brother. His love life topped that list.
Joe laughed. "And now my little Catholic choirboy brother is getting all embarrassed, aren't you?"
"Not saying," Jamie grumbled. "But, to answer your question, I'd ask her to marry me. Like I plan to do soon anyway."
"Joe?" he asked when his comment was met with silence.
"Wow, kiddo. Guess I'd better hurry up and ask my girl, or we're going to get out of order."
"Yeah, when are you going to ask Angie?" Jamie asked. "You've been together long enough."
"It's not the right time right now. I have to get something settled first."
"That thing you're looking into," Jamie deduced.
"That thing." Joe confirmed. "But as soon as I do, we can have a joint wedding. So long as Angie and I get to say our vows first."
"Geez, Joey. I'm not even engaged yet, and you've already got me tied down. Besides, I don't think our girlfriends have the same ideas about weddings. Syd's family is Connecticut old money and Angie's is…"
"Down-home thrifty Yankees from Maine," Joe added. "Yeah, that might not be a good combination."
"Hope they can get along, at least."
"We'll figure that out. They seemed to do okay at Halloween, didn't they?"
"Partly because we gave them a common enemy."
Joe laughed. "The drunk duo. Not doing that again. Hangovers suck."
"But, in any case, I'm not planning on asking Syd just yet. It's not like I can really afford the kind of ring she would want."
"God laughs at you when you're busy making plans, to quote Erin," Joe teased. "Especially when you're not playing by His rules."
"Hypocrite," Jamie muttered. "And that's not exactly how that saying goes."
"Close enough. But if you end up needing it, you should ask Dad for Grandmother's ring."
"Joe, no, you're my big brother. You should have that for Angie."
"You should have it. It's more Sydney's style. Ang doesn't go for flashy jewelry." Joe paused for a minute. "Can't believe I'm having this conversation with you. My little baby brother, all grown up."
"About time you figured that out," Jamie teased. "Got my own apartment and everything. Well, I had my own apartment. Now it's filled with Syd's stuff…"
"Hang on." Joe's voice suddenly went quiet as he held a brief conversation with someone at his location. "Hey, kiddo, I gotta get back to work. The life of a cop. Controlling the Times Square crowd while you attorneys sleep. Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year, Joe." Jamie hung up the phone with the unsettling thought that he'd give anything to be standing in Times Square in an NYPD uniform, helping his brother with controlling that crowd.
FEBRUARY 12, 2009
Jamie laid his razor down on the bathroom counter and looked at his image in the mirror. He struck his best 'up and coming lawyer' pose, but today, it just didn't connect. Maybe it would look more convincing after he got dressed. Unbidden, the words from a song in the Disney movie Sydney's nieces had been watching last night when he and Syd had babysat for her sister popped into his mind. "Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me, When will my reflection show, Who I am inside?"
Who is that boy I see? Jamie reached into the drawer and picked up the blue dry erase marker he used to write important law-school notes on the mirror. When will my reflection show, who I am inside? Holding his arm straight out, he sketched an NYPD police hat and uniform shirt around his image in the mirror. He colored in the hat and shirt, leaving small areas uncolored for the insignia on the hat and a shield on the shirt.
Who I am inside… Jamie looked at his newly-decorated reflection. This time, it felt right. More right than the 'lawyer Jamie' reflection he'd been trying to see for three years. He smiled and put down the marker. He'd work on finishing his NYPD application this evening. He glanced down at his watch. Crap! He was going to be late for class if he didn't get dressed and out the door ASAP.
He hadn't given his bathroom artwork another thought until he walked back into his apartment twelve hours later to find Sydney sitting on the couch, her posture tense, her arms crossed across her chest.
"Is there something you want to tell me, Jamie?" Icicles dripped from her voice.
He stopped in his tracks, trying to think of what he could have done to make his girlfriend so angry. It's not her birthday, not Valentine's Day, not any kind of anniversary, and I haven't told her about the career change yet. Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap. The mirror... He decided to play innocent. Maybe she hadn't seen it and was angry about something else. "About what?"
Sydney stood up and pointed toward the back of the apartment. "Your self-portrait on the mirror."
Yep, that was it. He should have taken a minute to erase his masterpiece before running out the door that morning. "Syd, you know I've been struggling with law school this whole year," Jamie began.
"We all have. We all want to be done with school and out working. It's part of being a 3L."
"It's a little more than that. I can't convince myself anymore that being an attorney is what I want to do with my life."
"And being a cop is."
"Yes." Jamie tried not to smile at how right that sounded. Jamie Reagan, cop.
"Jamie, think of all you've invested in this career. Three years of law school. All that money and work. You'd throw all that away merely to follow family tradition?"
"Not just for family tradition. And I'm not throwing it away. I'm just… refocusing."
"What about our plans? Working together for Baker in New York for a few years? Starting our own firm later on? Are you 'refocusing' those also?" Sydney snapped at him. "Because you might have consulted me at some point. Preferably before I turned down Baker's Boston position."
"Syd, those were mostly your plans. I went along with them because they sounded better than any plan I had."
"Just like you went along with your mother's plan for you to be an attorney. You never wanted it at all, did you?" Sydney shouted.
"I did want it," Jamie snapped back. But then he wondered about the truthfulness of that statement. Had he ever wanted to be a lawyer? "I didn't go through four years of undergraduate and almost three years of law school just to make my mother happy. Going to law school was something I wanted to do, at least before…"
"Before she died and you went completely off the rails." Sydney crossed her arms. "And now you're going to throw away everything she wanted for you."
"You don't know what my mother wanted for me." Jamie balled his hands into fists at his side, trying to contain his anger. "Maybe, after someone you love dies, you'll realize that it makes you think about things," he said slowly. "Like what you're doing with your life, and who you want to be, and who you want to be with."
His last words seemed to hang in the air between them like an electric spark. Sydney glared at him in shock. And honestly, he was shocked himself at what he'd said.
"Are you breaking up with me?" Sydney finally asked.
"I don't know. I love you. I thought you loved me. But it looks like you only care about Lawyer Jamie. If you can't love me for who I am and not what job I'm doing, maybe we should break up."
Sydney silently picked up her bookbag and retrieved her coat from the back of the chair. "I'm going to my sister's for tonight. I need to think. I… I'll call you later." She quickly headed out the door.
Jamie walked over to the couch and dropped onto it. He covered his eyes with one arm. "Crap." The fireworks had begun even sooner than Joe had predicted. After staring at the ceiling for a long time, he picked up his cell phone and called his brother. No answer, and he didn't want to leave a voice message. He drug himself off the couch and sat down at his desk to send an email.
... ... ...
To: Det. Joe
From: Jamie Reagan
Subject: Ka-Boom!
Hey, Joe, you remember those fireworks we talked about in November? Well, they just started. Sydney found out…
... ... ...
An hour later, as Jamie lay on the couch pondering what a mess he'd made of his life, Jamie's phone rang. He scooped it up and looked at the screen. Joe. "Hey, big brother," he greeted.
"Hey, kiddo. So, Sydney found out she's dating a wanna-be cop, and not the future attorney of the year? How bad?"
Jamie sighed. "She left. Went to her sister's. Said she'd call me later."
"Buck up, kiddo. At least she said she'll call."
"Yeah. I guess."
"She'll do it. That girl loves you. And it's obvious you love her."
"What if she doesn't call? What if she really can't adjust to the career change?"
"If she doesn't, she wasn't the right girl for you anyway. And we'll find you a new girlfriend back home. One who likes police officers. I'll tell Erin, and she'll get a list of potential candidates all lined up for you."
"Don't tell Erin! God, she'll have me dating every single lady in her office."
"Only the dark-haired, bossy ones. The ones like Sydney and Katie. And Teresa. She knows you type."
"Syd's not bossy!" Jamie jumped in to defend his girlfriend.
"Aw, see, you do love her."
"Shut up," Jamie muttered. His phone beeped, and he glanced at the screen. "Joe, she's calling. What do I say?"
"You love her; this isn't about her; you'll still be in the law, just a different aspect," Joe rushed to get out. "Good luck, kiddo."
"Thanks," Jamie swallowed hard, then quickly switched to Sydney's incoming call. "Hello, Syd."
APRIL 16, 2009
Jamie scrolled through the photos he and Sydney had taken at dinner, and chose one to attach to the e-mail he was composing to his brother.
... ... ...
To: Det. Joe
From: Jamie Reagan
Subject: Look What We Did!
Hey, big brother! You need to hurry up and do this too!
Jamie
... ... ...
Jamie attached the picture of him and Sydney sitting at a table in their favorite restaurant, Sydney's hand resting prominently on his shoulder with a diamond ring sparkling on her finger. He almost couldn't believe he'd actually asked Syd to marry him, but there was the photographic proof. He almost couldn't believe she'd said yes, after their huge blow-up only a few months earlier, right before Valentine's Day. But they really did love each other and they had manged to patch up their relationship, and Syd had at least resigned herself to his possible career change. He sent the e-mail on its way.
... ... ...
To: Jamie Reagan
From: Det. Joe
Subject: Re: Look What We Did!
Congratulations, little brother. Remember, no getting hitched until Angie and I do. I'm gonna ask her soon.
Joe
... ... ...
Something's wrong. That was Jamie's first thought as he read Joe's response. He'd expected his brother to call with his congratulations, not reply by e-mail. And Joe didn't seem as enthusiastic as he'd expected. He picked up the phone and called his brother.
"Hello, Jame," Joe answered after a few rings.
"Hey, Joe. You okay?" Jamie asked.
"Can't hide anything from you, future Detective Jamie, can I? Danny and I had a blow-up this evening." Joe explained. "You would think when someone asks you to meet them for drinks after work, they could at least be civil."
"What did Danny do this time?"
"Same old stuff. He wants me off the Warrant Squad. Says it's for hard-luck cases and wash-outs, not for rising stars. Says I should be in Major Cases, like he was. Says I'm wasting what little talent I have."
"Joe, that's just Danny being Danny. You told me that before."
"I guess so. I don't know why he can't treat us with more respect."
"Because we're the baby brothers, remember?"
"And he's the big-shot big brother. Yeah, I know."
"Joey, it seems like Danny is saying some of the same stuff Dad does about Warrant Squad. Why don't you just apply for a transfer? Make everyone happy?"
"I have my reasons," Joe snapped at his little brother. "Sorry. God, I didn't mean that," he immediately apologized. "Hey, do you have your application in yet?"
Jamie winced as he thought about that envelope with his completed NYPD application package, still sitting in his desk drawer. "It's in progress," he fudged. After all of Joe's encouragement and support, he didn't want to tell Joe that he'd started thinking about staying with the law. This last month, as law school drew to a close, he regained some of his interest in his law courses and his job at Baker McKinney. And Joe's reports of his fights with Danny and the occasional remarks Joe made about his 'project' were dampening his enthusiasm for signing up with the NYPD. "Things are kind of busy right now."
"Well, don't wait too long," Joe encouraged. "And, kiddo, congratulations to you and Syd on the engagement."