Chapter 7:

Clarke had fallen asleep again and Lexa was left watching. She knew she should wake her up and tell her to get back to the world she'd left, but she didn't have the heart. She looked so peaceful now after they'd finally had their third time together and she ran her fingers up and down Clark's back this time while she slept on her stomach.

Lexa felt free. She looked around the small house; not daring to move and risk waking the sleeping blonde, but she considered how she could make this place a home for the two of them. She didn't know how it worked with things like food. If Clarke ate something here, did her body there benefit? If Lexa cooked something, would Clarke be able to taste it? She shook her head at her last thought. She knew Clarke could taste things here. She'd more than told her that while she was occupied with Lexa's body earlier.

"What are you thinking about?" Clarke muttered as her eyes opened and she looked over at Lexa.

"How do you know I am thinking anything at all?" Lexa didn't stop her hand.

"Because you always are." Clarke responded. She rolled over and stretched slightly while Lexa's eyes wandered and when Clarke caught her, she let that shy smile show again and Clarke let out a rumble laugh. "Is it weird that I'm hungry?" She asked and Lexa laughed. "What?" Clarke looked at her surprised.
"That's what I was thinking about."
"Me being hungry?" Clarke asked and rolled on her side. "Why are you covered up?" She asked Lexa and pulled at the sheet she had clutched to her chest. "I've seen you naked, Lexa."

Lexa laughed as Clarke pulled the sheet down slightly revealing her chest.

"I was thinking about how little we know about how this works."

"The Flame?" Clarke asked.

"Yes."

"I don't know what happens if I get hungry here. Can I even eat here?" She asked herself. "I should ask Jasper."

"Why Jasper?"

"When I was in the City of Light before, I saw him. He was eating an ice cream cone. He looked like he was enjoying himself."

"This is different, Clarke." Lexa ran her hand over Clarke's side. "And don't think I didn't notice that you've failed to take care of yourself."

Clarke rolled her eyes.

"I was hoping you hadn't. I'm surprised you can even look at me." Clarke rolled on her back again and rubbed her face up and down with her hands.

"I will always want to look at you, Clarke Griffin." Lexa kissed her forehead once Clarke's hands had lowered for good. "But you have to take care of yourself."

"I know. I get it." She paused. "I am hungry though."

"Then, we should test our theory."

Lexa moved to climb out of the bed and Clarke watched as she reached for her shirt and pants to start pulling them back on, but those were her battle clothes. She knew they couldn't be comfortable and as far as Clarke understood, Lexa had been wearing these clothes since entering the City of Light. Lexa pulled the shirt over her head and as she did it changed color and material. She looked down at her hands that now held the hem of a white, lightweight shirt. Clarke couldn't believe it either and then she watched as Lexa pulled on soft black pants that were more suitable to a day lying around together than the battlefield.

"I still don't understand how I can do that."

"Neither do I." Lexa agreed. She walked over to Clarke's clothes and picked them up off the floor and bed to hand them to her, but when she arrived at Clarke, she was sitting up in the bed wearing a T-shirt Lexa didn't notice and a pair of pants not unlike her own.

"What's that?" Lexa asked as she read the words on Clarke's shirt. "AC/DC?" It was a greenish, gray shirt with an image and those letters.

Clarke looked confused and then followed Lexa's eyes and saw she was wearing something other than what she arrived in. She smiled and looked back up at Lexa.

"It's my dad's old shirt." Clarke explained as she stood. "Well technically, it's my dad's dad's dad's shirt I think. It was on the Ark when the bombs hit and they just sort of passed it down. My dad hardly ever wore it. I think he wanted to make it last for me. He gave it to me for my 16th birthday." She reached down to the tattered hem. "It's seen better days."

"Come on." Lexa took her hand and they walked into the kitchen.

"Wait." Clarke said and closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and watching her favorite meal appear before her eyes on the table. "No way!" She was excited and sat down in front of a tray that looked like it was from a cafeteria. She picked up the fork and dove in. "This was what we got for Christmas on the Ark. It was always my favorite. We only got it once a year because of the rationing." She started to chew and Lexa sat and watched her eat. "Oh my God, it's so good. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd have Ark food again. I never thought I'd miss Ark food back then." She took another bite. "I am starving. I haven't eaten in…" She stopped talking when she looked over at Lexa who appeared both amused and concerned. "I promise I will do better at taking care of myself."

"Thank you." It was all Lexa needed to say.

"You should try it." Clarke offered and pushed the second tray toward Lexa. When she'd imagined the food for herself, her mind hadn't forgotten the girl next to her and had conjured up two trays.

"I haven't… I haven't eaten since I've been here, Clarke. I don't-"

"Just try it." Clarke pushed it closer to her.

Lexa laughed and picked up the fork before playing with the food more than actually eating it, but she watched as Clarke ate everything on the plate and drank an entire bottle of water. Lexa only hoped that whatever she consumed here positively affected her out there because she was worried about the girl taking care of herself and she wouldn't be there to watch over her.

Clarke told her of the plans and the orders she'd delivered earlier that day to Kane and Abby. She caught her up on Indra's mission, on the review of Mount Weather, their attempts to stall the meltdowns closest to Polis. Lexa listened intently and made a few comments here and there, but she mostly just listened as Clarke relayed not only the details of her new mission, but also just the details of her day. She'd woken up in Polis if she could really call it waking up. She told Lexa how she'd struggled to stay away from her and how Raven had made her agree not to go back in until she could watch over her. She talked about the ride from Polis to Arkadia. They'd passed a small stream on their way and encountered two men fishing. Lexa just smiled as she witnessed more objects appear in the house. Clarke's sketchbook and pencils appeared on a dresser of sorts that Lexa recognized as being from Clarke's room in Polis. Lexa's armor and swords were now leaning against the wall next to the front door of the house. There were candles appearing throughout the small space that was turning into a much larger space the more she thought about it and she watched as Clarke took her hand in her own and toyed with her fingers and seemed to be oblivious to everything that she was creating. There was a small sofa that looked like the one Lexa had fallen asleep on before Titus had brought in the mountain man as a gift from Roan. Clarke told her what happened to Roan and Lexa's smile disappeared. She had hopes for Roan and was sad that he had lost his life in the battle. Clarke didn't have any reports on the Ice Nation other than they appeared to be shaken up by what happened with A.L.I.E. and Ontari's death and they were cooperating with her and the others leading them.

Part of the house started to look more like a ship than a house one would find on the ground and Lexa watched as stainless steel objects began to appear in the kitchen making it look like it could be used to prepare real meals and even that they could have people over for gatherings. Lexa lost her smile when she realized that would never happen. The former Commanders could join them if Clarke chose to call them forth somehow, but she'd never see Indra or Abby or…

"Clarke?"

"Yeah?" Clarke looked up at her. "I'm sorry. I've been rambling."

"I like it." Lexa admitted. She caught Clarke looking around realizing what she's been building all while merely talking to Lexa. "How's your mom?"

"My mom?" Clarke asked back. Lexa nodded. "I think she's fine." Clarke pulled her hand back and Lexa retracted her own.

"What happened just now?" Lexa expressed concern.

"Nothing. My mom's fine." Clarke stood and looked around more. "I don't know how I'm doing all of this. Where did this come from?"

"Clarke, Ron ai ridiyo op." Speak true.

"I am, Lexa."

"No, you're not. Tell me." Lexa implored while reaching out for Clarke's hand as the girl moved around the kitchen and Lexa remained sitting. She grazed the tips of her fingers before Clarke slid away from her and walked instead toward the sofa.

"I drew you on this." She pointed at it. "While you were asleep."

Lexa followed her and they both sat down.

"Yes, you did."

"I wish we could go back to that moment."

"Which one?"

"When you saw my drawing. You looked so surprised and then Titus came in and we never talked about it."

"What do you want to know?" Lexa asked with kind, expressive eyes.

"Did you like it?" Clarke expressed her vulnerability.

Lexa let out a kind of half sigh.

"Of course I did. How could I not?" She watched as Clarke smiled a shy smile. "Clarke, I was surprised because since we met, I knew how I felt about you despite the fact that I tried to put it out of my mind and convince myself that to be Commander was to be alone. I'd gotten Costia killed and…"

"We never got to talk about her really either."

"Or Finn." Lexa added with an annoyed expression. Clarke recognized that look as possible jealousy. "When I showed you how I felt, you weren't ready and I understood. You were right. That wasn't the time and then…"

"The mountain."

"Yes." Lexa stated plainly and then took Clarke's hand. "I thought I lost you for good that day. Then, there was he bounty and I had to do what I could to keep you safe. I told you it was for our people and it was, but that was not all it was." She paused. "You were so angry at me." She was clearly distraught at the memory. "You were lost to me then. I thought there was nothing I could do to get you to even trust me again as Commander let alone to trust me with your heart."

"Lexa…" Clarke squeezed her hand.

"And then you had a knife to my neck and the only thing I could offer you was an apology. You proved your selflessness and your dedication to our people and our peace by offering to bow before me in front of the others and I still didn't think I'd ever win your heart, Clarke. I honestly didn't feel worthy of that victory."

"You didn't feel worthy of me?"

"I'd betrayed you at the mountain. I'd lost the trust you had in me and you were the only of your people who believed in what I was trying to do. I made you not trust yourself." Lexa paused. "I never wanted that. I never wanted you to doubt yourself."

"Hey, it's okay."

"When I kneeled before you, it was the first time I did something entirely selfish in a very long time."

"What was selfish about that?" Clarke asked her.

"I swore fealty to you, Clarke. I did it not because I was worried about our coalition or the alliance between our people. I did it because I hoped that maybe we'd get to a point one day where you'd see me again as someone you could trust. I did it because I wanted you. I loved you and I hoped that one day maybe you'd love me in return." She sighed at the stroke of Clarke's thumb against her hand. "Then we started spending more time together and I did my best to push that hope out of my mind because I didn't think I deserved it yet. I still had something to prove to you and I didn't know how to do it, but when you came over when I awoke from my nightmare and you comforted me, I felt like maybe we were…"

"Finally getting somewhere?" Clarke guessed and Lexa nodded.

"I saw the drawing and then I knew I was right."

"You looked so peaceful in your sleep. I couldn't resist." She leaned in. "You were reading and I was just sitting there drawing shapes and not much else and then I looked over and realized you'd fallen asleep. I'd never gotten to watch you do that."

"I'd gotten to watch you."

"When?" Clarke questioned.

"That night in the woods after you saved my life."

"That's right." Clarke remembered. "I fell asleep and I woke up when I heard…"

"And I told you that you were safe." Lexa paused. "You saw me as a way to save your people back then, but I already saw you as something more. I always have."

"Lexa, I fell in love with you slowly, but somehow all at once."

"I don't understand." It was Lexa's turn to look confused.

Clarke took a deep breath in. She couldn't believe how little they'd said to each other before all this. They'd spoken in their actions with one another, but rarely with words. This was her chance to tell Lexa their story from her side.

"When you and I met, I was broken over what happened at the drop ship and the mountain and with Finn. I wasn't open to the idea of being with anyone and especially not a Commander of the people we'd been fighting since we landed." She watched Lexa's smile disappear, but she pressed her thumb to Lexa's lips and then kissed them gently to get it to reappear before she continued. "It took me time to get there, but once I did, it was as if everything, every moment we had together came rushing in all at once. When you offered me your arm and said 'may we meet again' in your room that day… it all came crashing down and I thought about what I would feel if I never saw you again… if I never got to show you or tell you… and I realized that I had too." She pressed her forehead to Lexa's. "I had to tell you and I didn't say the words. I should have, but I didn't. I thought we'd have more time. I thought I'd go to Arkadia and we'd stop Pike and I'd return to Polis and you and I would figure this out, but then Titus happened and I couldn't stop it and I watched you fall and…" She felt the tears fall before she even realized she was crying and Lexa soothed her with an embrace. "I watched you die and then I had to stay in that room when they took you away. I wanted to lie next to you and hold you and they took you away and all I could do was stare at the bed and the blood and think about everything I never said and what we wouldn't have and…"

"I'm here. I'm here and I know. I know now." Lexa reminded her. She watched as the candles in the room began to flicker around them and she noticed the sky outside the window that Clarke created and noticed that night was falling. "Clarke?" She lifted the girl's head and looked into her eyes. "This can work. I can be here and you can come and we can make this place our home together. We can do that, but it isn't up to me to decide."

"Lexa-"

"Clarke, you are creating a world for us to live in here, but you still belong to the other world. Your family is there, your people, our people are there and they are counting on you to lead them right now." She held Clarke's face in her hands as her thumbs wiped away tears. "We can try to do this, but you have to promise me you will do everything you can to take care of those people out there and put me last until you know they're safe."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Of course you can. You're you, remember?"

Clarke laughed lightly.

"What am I supposed to do when I want to see you?"

"Come see me just before you're going to fall asleep. We can have time together, sleep next to each other so I know you're actually sleeping. You can spend the rest of your time there working to save our people."

"I want all my time to be with you."

"No, you don't." Lexa smiled at her. "That's not who you are, Clarke. We'll have our time together and one day, when things are safe, maybe we can have more or…"

"Or what, Lexa?"

Lexa gulped.

"Or if you find that coming here is too hard or you decide you want-"

"Someone else? Lexa, not this again."

"I'm merely stating that I would understand."

"Well, I don't. Stop trying to get me to leave you." Clarke stood.

"I'm not. That's the last thing I want." Lexa stood and put her hands on Clarke's hips. "Clarke, you have the Flame inside you."

"I know that."

"One day, very far off into the future, you will leave that world permanently." Lexa squinted until she was sure Clarke understood her meaning. "When you do, you will come here as I did and as all the Commanders before us have done." She paused. "Death is not the end, Clarke and you and I will share eternity together here once you have lived your life out there. I will be here waiting no matter what happens between now and then."

"Why does this feel like a goodbye?"

"It's not a goodbye, Clarke. It's not even 'may we meet again.' It's I'll see you tonight when you're ready for sleep and I'll be there next to you when you wake up and I'll be here the day your life in that world is over to share forever with you here. Ai hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru. Death is not our end."

Clarke kissed her briefly and then hugged her again. She told Lexa she'd be back later and then opened her eyes in her Arkadia bed. She felt her cheeks and they were warm and wet with tears. She sat up and looked at the clock and realized she'd been gone through the afternoon and the night. It was morning and there were two trays of food on the table in her mom's bunk. She stood to see that one of them was dinner from the night before and the other was breakfast. There was a note next to them from Abby stating she didn't want to wake Clarke so she slept in an empty room and made sure someone brought her breakfast. She'd come by to check on her later. Clarke looked down at the food and recognized the trays as the same ones she'd conjured up in the city and knew she wasn't hungry because she'd eaten with Lexa. Still though, she knew she'd create more worry if she left both trays untouched so she sat down and ate enough to be convincing before using her mom's bathroom to ready herself for the day.

Lexa's words rang in her ears. She was right. Clarke needed to focus here. She needed to live in this reality and visit that one. She felt better knowing that Lexa was able to roam freely throughout the city now and not live in a world of black. She began to think of other structures and places and objects they'd need in their forever world and she wondered if while she was thinking of them in Arkadia if they were appearing there. She closed her eyes and she was standing outside the house. Lexa must have been inside. Clarke looked around and saw that a brown horse was running freely and that she'd created a small river as well. She'd also made the skyscrapers disappear. She opened her eyes in Arkadia and was confident that she could build a world for them. She looked down at the sink and noticed a small drop of blood on the edge and looked in the mirror. Her nose was bleeding again. She cleaned it up and made sure she looked as presentable as she could; noting her eyes were a lot less bloodshot and the bags under them were beginning to slowly fade.

She left Abby's room and went to go find Raven and gather the others. It was time for the Commander to lead her people. It was time for Clarke to prove Lexa right and be the leader she'd always thought she could be.