Thanks a lot for the reviews. I am glad that you like Jessbags101;even I liked how she turned out. Thanksstarmage you seriously keep me going even I hope Jess has a different future but right now I don't know.
Thanks supernaturally addicted who is also my beta. I just hope I am not handing over too much work to you.
Sammy was crying again. Dean had tried his best to keep him quiet, but he just didn't know how to calm Sammy down when he was in one of his moods. He tried singing a lullaby; that is what mommy did whenever the youngest Winchester was in one of his moods. Dean just called out and mommy would shush little Sammy down. But mommy wasn't there anymore. The last time he had seen her, she was on the ceiling her tummy was bleeding and fire dancing around her. He was very scared, when he had seen mommy like that he wanted to scream but voice didn't come out. That was when daddy came, seeing him Dean was sure that daddy would make mommy okay again. Thus, when daddy asked to take Sammy out with him, he ran. He was waiting for daddy to bring mommy but he came alone screaming.
Daddy was scaring him, but more than that he was making Sammy scared. Dean pulled his little brother towards him so that he wouldn't hear daddy scream, out of all the things he hated, he hated hearing that the most. Mommy had said that speaking loudly made people bad and Sammy scared, whenever Dean spoke too loudly in the house. Dean couldn't let daddy be bad and Sammy scared of him. He kept quiet because daddy was not hugging Dean. He sometimes became like that whenever he was angry, for that time Dean became a good boy, didn't cry, didn't scream, did the entire work mommy or daddy asked him to do, like cleaning up his toys. After sometime daddy would become happy again, would hug Dean and played with him.
But daddy was still not happy; he wasn't smiling or hugging him. Dean missed mommy he wanted to cry out call for her but that would make daddy angry. Dean didn't like when daddy became angry. He hated staying in those motels, he missed his home, his room, and he wanted his bunny. He did everything daddy asked him to do just to see him smile and say it is okay, he took care of Sammy, changed his diapers. At the first go he messed up. So, daddy showed him how to do it, while at it he tickled Sammy seeing Sammy laugh, daddy laughed.
Dean was so happy seeing daddy smile. Thus, he tried extra hard to change Sammy's diapers the next time. When he got that right daddy smiled and patted Dean's back. If seeing Sammy happy made dad smile then he would do everything to keep Sammy happy.
But, today Sammy wouldn't stop crying, he was bawling his heart out. Dean's head was hurting hearing Sammy and by sitting in the Impala in the sun. When daddy came back to take them inside the old lady's house he just lifted Sammy and began to soothe him. That was not fair Dean's head was hurting because of Sammy and daddy still thought Sammy should get a hug. Though, Sammy couldn't walk, but that didn't mean Dean shouldn't get a hug.
Dean's lips were quivering within minutes he was about to cry because his eyes were watering. He tried to climb out of Impala but with his head hurting and about to cry, he stumbled out and fell face first in the gritty, gravely road.
He couldn't control anymore, he began to cry as he had never cried before. He missed mommy, he missed his house, and he was hurting, his knees and elbows hurt there was blood there. He had never been hurt this badly before. He just wanted his daddy to tell him it is okay.
A plump old lady came running out of the house hearing Dean scream. She took Sammy from daddy's hand. Finally daddy hugged, Dean cried harder. He would never let daddy go. He could feel the back of his shirt getting wet, he looked up and saw that daddy was crying he sloppily wiped daddy's tears and began hugging him again.
Daddy kept on saying, "It's okay, I am sorry kiddo."
Dean was too happy; he had missed this part of daddy. But, he kept on crying he was too out of it to see that his nose was running. Dean was still in pain, but thankfully daddy was here to make it all okay again. He would take any pain for that.
Daddy lightly picked him up, still cradling him; he took him inside the house. He soothingly blew over Dean's wounds as he started bandaging them. Dean felt pretty happy but couldn't stop crying; he was still hurting. It was his crying that gave him his daddy back; daddy wasn't running away from him and Sammy.
Moreover, Daddy was not leaving him and going to Sammy. Dean loved Sammy but he wanted daddy too. He felt Sammy was being bad by keeping daddy to himself.
Expecting another hug Dean cried again. But, then he looked at daddy Dean choked a sob. Daddy had that look what mommy had told him was when daddy was mad but didn't want to say.
Daddy was mad at him. He was hurt; Daddy took care of him, just to get mad at him. No, if Dean getting hurt and knowing about it made others mad, daddy mad then he would never tell anyone ever that he hurt. He wouldn't want daddy or anyone mad at him.
He would stick to the original plan to make daddy happy that is to take care of Sammy.
*********
This was one memory that was very old could rank close to ancient. But, it also happened to be one of his vivid first memories it was as relevant as that of their mom dying. At that time he hadn't known how piercing his screams were. He was craving for that attention. When he tried to extend his act he had somehow increased his pitch that led dad to cringe.
Even Missouri had covered her ears and asked him to be quiet. He now understood how tiresome and trying a toddler can be. And when he shrieked higher of course dad cringed.
Give the state of his dad's mind and the circumstances that led them to Missouri's house were already bad. On top of it two bawling kids, he sometimes wondered how patient his dad been.
Missouri's comment was warranted but his kid's psyche couldn't understand it and he was sure she didn't like him so he tried to be a brat to her. And he was sure his bratty behavior and initial dislike of Dean was still fresh with her.
That lady never looked at him the way she looked at Sam. She practically hated him.
Dean lay awake in his bed wondering what had caused him to relive this memory. May be his talk with Jess when he said that 'when you get injured people sympathize with you so long and later they are just kicking to tell you to suck it dude, we are not interested' he meant every word of it.
'Was he crying? Did he just feel tears in his eyes? Shit, this is bad. He was lying awake in his bed crying. This had more drama than a soap opera. He is so not talking to Jess again. Next time lets have a one to one with Sam' thought Dean
But when was talking to Sam better than talking to Jess? Well last night proved it was an equally bad idea.
When they came back Dean was all for a big sorry. But, surprise… surprise. Kidding, not a surprise. Sam sat their wallowing in guilt. That kid seriously was like a rocket bomb ready to blast in one minute; all angry like a bull after seeing red, next minute he is as quiet and has a face that he is ready for a confession.
Sammy was all sorrys that he drove his big brother out in an injured state. His guilt was so contagious that a sincere sorry came blurting out of his mouth immediately.
By that time his body had lost all stamina and was ready to fall asleep then and there. How he had ended up in the bed was all a blur. But, he did remember being helped out of his clothes.
He just hoped Jess and Sam did it together else he would lose his changing diapers leverage against Sammy.
So all in all the talk hadn't happened. Had just ended with a sorry and being okay. But, talking with Jess had opened his mind a bit. He had to talk to Sam, he deserved it. This talk was long overdue it was coming sooner or later but coming nonetheless.
Sam had a lot to know. But here is Dean hoping Sammy would understand. 'Understand. Who he was kidding?'.
*********
"Dean," said Sam the next day at breakfast. Sam had skipped classes so he could stay with Dean. Of course, Dean had protested, but his protests had fallen on deaf ears. He could understand all the years of infectious presence had some how contaminated Sam but Jess, she was a way fast learner.
Because today miss goody Jess had bunked classes and was at present meeting with a doctor to fix an appointment for Dean.
"Yeah!" said Dean.
"About last night," said Sam, man that sounded weird to an outsider it could have a range of meanings he thought.
"Come on, it is over, we are good," said Dean sounds weirder thought Sam. No more weird thoughts focus here.
"No, it is not. About what I said that you are hiding something and might be hunting behind my back', said Sam. At that Dean made an attempt to interrupt but Sam cut him off.
"I know you hadn't been on a hunting trip, Natasha called, and she kind of saw you yesterday and called to see if you were okay. She told me that she had indeed invited you over. I am sorry I doubted you."
Dean wanted to say something but was afraid Sam might go back to truth he had come so close to discovering.
"I just want to tell you that even if you had been hunting," said Sam. Dean was about to say something but Sam interjected again.
"Just hear me out okay. Even if, you had been hiding something. I trust you that you would tell me when the time comes. And I just want you to trust that I would be here to hear you out and understand."
It had been a very close shave and still closely guarded secret wasn't out of peril. But he would prefer that it would be his choice to tell that secret rather than a chance discovery.
He had to move fast and decide on when the talk came. But, it wasn't today but for the time being a nod in agreement would have to do.
So, what do you think? This was a completely unplanned chapter. i just thought over some of the lines Dean said and realized it needed explanation. i have incorporated young sibling jealousy because it is true that older kid no matter how understanding feels that when a baby comes to their house. That undivided attention of parents is suddenly divided. The hugs and lifts are shared.
By having that thought Dean is not behaving out of character but is just being a kid suddenly thrust into completely changed circumstances. Even John is not bad don't hate him because I am writing him as a person and a parent, who is behaving and coping in the best possible way.
Beta's Note; Hey, I'm SupernaturallyAddicted. Um, this is the first time I have ever beta'd, and if there were any mistakes that I missed (I checked and rechecked), please tell me. I hope Jayshree will be okay with letting me have just a little sidenote.
R AND R
Jayshree