Chapter 7 – Moving Forward
It had to be the most uncomfortable sleeping surface I had ever tried to sleep on. In fact, I couldn't even imagine anything harder to get comfortable on than frozen jagged stone. My aching body just couldn't find any relief, despite how much I tossed and turned in the night. Edward never said anything, but I was sure I kept him awake all night with my thrashing as well, for which I felt horrible about. However, when I finally did manage to catch a little sleep, I was surprised, and slightly embarrassed, to wake up with my upper body sprawled out across Edward's stomach.
"Oh, geeze, I'm so sorry," I said when I realized what I had done unconsciously.
Edward first looked confused, but then he finally understood why I was apologizing.
"Oh, it's not a big deal," he said while sitting up and stretching. "Man, this cave certainly isn't good for sore backs."
"No, not at all," I agreed. "So, what's the plan for today?" I asked as I pulled out the snacks for breakfast.
"I really think we should hunker down and stay put for awhile," Edward suggested. "I understand why you wanted to leave the plane, but those reasons are taken care of here. There's wood to burn, and hopefully we can try to figure out some kind of trap to catch us some more meat of some kind."
"Stay here?" I questioned. "But for how long?"
"However long it takes to be rescued."
"But what are the chances we will even get rescued here? There's no way for anyone to find us in this little cave in the middle of nowhere. We should get moving again."
He sighed with frustration. "Get moving where? We don't know where we are. We could walk for years and never find our way back to any kind of civilization. At least we have shelter in this cave."
"But what about the wolves. They're going to come back, and…"
"And we are more at risk of an attack out there in the open," he cut me off.
I shook my head, completely stunned we were having that same disagreement again. "We have to keep going. We can't just sit back and hope someone saves us. We are on our own, so we need to save ourselves."
He stared me down unwaveringly, so I took a deep breath, and decided on a different approach.
"Edward, please. I know in my gut that we are going to find our way. Somehow, someway, we will get home. We just need to keep moving."
I was fully expecting a long drawn out battle, but then he completely took me by surprise and nodded. "Okay."
"Okay?" I asked, sure I must have misunderstood him.
"Okay, let's keep moving. I didn't believe you before when you were so sure we could find shelter, but we did, so I'll believe you this time. I owe you that. It's going to just keep getting harder and harder, but I think you're right about not being found here. Let's eat a little, and then head out."
I nodded emotionally. I couldn't even properly put into words just how much his support meant to me. It may have even been the most important agreement of my life thus far. We were fighting for our survival, and for the first time, we seemed to be finally taking on that fight together.
After we ate a few pork rinds, and a couple bites of wolf meat, we packed up and left the cave. But as we started to walk away, I was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming appreciation for our brief habitat.
"Just a minute," I said, and then let my backpack slide off my arms so I could grab my camera.
"Do you need the zoom for something?" Edward asked as he confusingly looked around, clearly trying to see if he was missing something.
"No, I want to take a picture," I explained quickly while squinting through the viewfinder.
"Of the cave?" Edward questioned, completely baffled.
"Yes, of the cave," I confirmed. "I took a picture of the plane when I left that too. These things – these places, sheltered us, and kept us safe while we slept. I want to remember them. Even if we don't make it, someday someone may find this camera, and I want the pictures on here to tell our story."
Edward didn't respond, but he didn't seem to mind waiting the extra couple minutes it took either. I decided to take his patience as understanding, and I appreciated it.
After I got the shots I wanted, we continued on our way – whichever way that was. We had no idea the direction we should be moving in, so all we could do was keep moving forward, and hope for the best.
We walked as far as we could until my throbbing leg refused to allow me to go any further. We found a boulder to rest on, and then after a little break, we walked some more. It continued like that for the entire day. Endless walking. As evening approached, we hoped to get lucky again by stumbling across another cave for the night, but the darker it got, the more disheartened we felt.
"I don't know how much further I can go right now," I said, gasping for air, and feeling like I'd rather cut off my injured leg than take one more step on it.
Edward stopped walking, and settled for just scanning our surroundings for any type of shelter we could possibly get.
"What about a snow bunker?" he asked me. "I can dig it if you just tell me what to do."
I sat down against a tree, and analyzed the snow beneath my hands. It was hard icy snow, and I knew it probably wouldn't work, but we had to at least try.
After an hour or so of digging with no prevail, exhaustion overtook him, and he came to rest next to me.
"The branches above will shield us a little. I'm sorry, I think we're going to have to suffer through the night like this."
"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I was so sure we'd find shelter. How can we survive this all night? It's too cold."
"I'm going to try to get a fire going. If we take shifts tending it, we might just make it through."
I nodded with the last flicker of hope that I could muster. Edward was right, we just needed to somehow keep a fire burning. Working together by taking shifts might just be enough.
Edward somehow found enough reserved energy within himself to get back up off the ground, and collect some wood. Much of what he found was too wet to ignite, but no matter how tired he got, he just continued to push through until he found enough usable lumber to last us through the night. I wasn't sure if he was being driven by an unyielding will to live, or if he was just too damn stubborn to give up, but either way, I was so incredibly grateful for him, and utterly amazed by his perseverance.
With the fire finally burning, Edward told me to try to relax and get some sleep.
"I'll take the first watch," he said compassionately.
"You just did all that work to find the wood and build the fire. You should sleep first," I insisted.
"You're still hurt. You need sleep to keep healing," he argued.
"Edward, please. I can't do much else to contribute. Let me watch the fire for a bit."
"You'll wake me the moment you feel yourself getting too tired?" he questioned.
"I promise," I said with a nod.
He sighed, but then reluctantly agreed. I was tired, but I knew he had to be even more so with everything he had been doing, so it was important for me to let him sleep first. It was the least I could do for all the times he had saved me.
It took a while, but eventually I could tell Edward was finally sleeping by his slow steady breaths. Not quite a snore, but a low rumble, and an occasional quiet whistle from his nose. The noises were actually soothing somehow, and I found myself being lulled to a near sleep far too soon. It was difficult to keep track of time out there, but I knew it had been less than an hour, so I did my best to fight off unconsciousness with everything I had left in me.
I threw another branch on the fire, and moved it around with a stick to allow the air to build the flames, and then my mind undesirably refocused on Edward's quiet breathing. His face was resting somewhere between relaxation and tension, and I found myself utterly fascinated by the unique complexity of his features.
The straightness of his nose, heavy brow, and defined cheek bones almost looked like a sketching done by some famous artist. Even hidden under the shadow of a heavy stubble, it was clear that the angle of his jawline looked like it was pulled right off a Greek statue, and I had the disturbing desire to rub my hand over his scruff to see if it was as soft as it looked. His face was far more interesting than the everyday suave good looks I initially thought him to have. As a photographer, I had seen so many faces, and if I was being honest, I'd say Edward had one of the most strikingly beautiful faces I had ever seen. Like any fine art, I could probably stare at him for hours, and never get bored. He was an absolute masterpiece.
Not only was he incredibly good looking, but he was clearly smart, and being a doctor meant he was rich too, with a beautiful wife to boot. It was no wonder he was so pompous a great deal of the time. He sure did seem to have it all.
Of course, being in that situation was proof that having all the smarts, and looks, and money couldn't save you from everything. In that instance, none of that other stuff mattered, and I finally understood what he was trying to tell me before. Who we were before stepping onto that doomed plane was inconsequential. None of it would help us in our current predicament. All we could do was find a way to save ourselves by saving each other. Nobody else in the world mattered unless we somehow managed to find our way home. Until then, there was only me, and there was only him… and Jake, of course.
As I pondered my strange new sense of reality, I lost complete track of estimated time. Had it been two hours, or four?
I looked back over at Edward beside me, and I struggled with the idea of waking him. He needed that sleep to recharge, and I hated the feeling of selfishly interrupting that, just so I could get some sleep as well. He had basically been taking care of me the entire time we were together, and I wanted nothing more than to allow him as much rest as he could possibly get.
I stoked the fire once more, and then I reclined back against the tree next to him, hoping to just relax enough to get some rest without actually falling asleep. I closed my eyes briefly, but then…
"Bella, get up!" Edward yelled, trying to break through my groggy disoriented state.
Before I even had a chance to comprehend what was happening, I was being jerked up to a standing position forcefully. My eyes adjusted to the scene before me, and my heart nearly jumped into my throat. Jake was having yet another standoff with an angry wolf, while the rest of the pack seemed to be running amuck behind them.
"Where's the flare?" I asked in a panic.
"Over there!" Edward shouted angrily while pointing to the mess scattered amongst the wolves.
"They took your backpack?" I cried.
"They must have smelled the meat," he said bitterly. "At least its keeping them occupied for a few moments. We need to get out of here before they get bored."
"What about Jake?" I asked concerned as he kept snarling and snapping at the wolf he was facing.
"He's holding that one back. It's the only wolf that's even remotely interested in us. The others just want our food. We need to go while we can."
"But…"
Edward grabbed my arm, and started pulling me back without even giving me the opportunity to argue with him. I absolutely hated doing it, but with no weapons or ways to defend ourselves, we had to leave Jake there if we even had the hope of escaping the pack with our lives.
It was gut-wrenching, and each step away from him was even more agonizing than the physical pain of my injured leg. He would be butchered by those wolves, and we had no way of helping him.
Ten minutes or so later, we finally slowed enough to speak. "Edward, we have to go back," I said, trying to catch my breath.
"Go back? For what?" he spat.
"For Jake!"
"You're nuts. There's no way we are going back for the damn dog!"
"That damn dog saved my life more than once! We can't just leave him to be killed."
"Listen to me, I know he saved you. It sucks okay, but going back will only get us killed with him. We can't save him. And what the hell happened back there anyway? Why didn't you wake me up? The fire was out!"
"I must have fallen asleep. I didn't mean to…"
"Yeah, well you did," he cut me off harshly. "Not only could we have froze to death, but that fire would have kept the wolves away. Jake would still be here if you would have just done your job, and woke me up before falling asleep. We lost the dog, and my entire backpack. The food, the pot, the flare gun, the lighters. Damn it, Bella!"
It was absolutely devastating, and Edward was right - it was entirely my fault. How could I have been that stupid?
The guilt I felt was overwhelming. It was hard not to just fall to the ground and give up after making such a monumental mistake. I cost poor Jake his life, and I probably cost us ours as well. I had a lighter in my backpack, but it didn't have much fluid in it, and I knew it wouldn't last us long. We didn't even have the last flare as a backup anymore. If the wolves attacked again, and they would attack again, we lost our only defense. Never mind the minute possibility of a plane flying overhead. Without that flare, we were probably lost for good. I never hated anyone as much as I hated myself in that moment, and I would understand completely if Edward never forgave me. Hell, I knew I would never forgive me.
Edward sighed. "Everyone makes mistakes," he said, surprisingly gentle. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that."
"No, you're right," I said with tears stinging my cheeks. "I'm such an idiot. I knew I was getting tired, but I was just trying to give you a little more time. I even remember feeling my eyes close, and I seriously thought I could just rest like that for a couple minutes. I'm so sorry."
"What's done is done. No sense in dwelling on it," he murmured. "We just need to keep moving. Those wolves may still be following us."
My heart sank even lower in my gut. "Edward, what are we going to do without the flare gun? Jake is gone, we have no way to defend ourselves. We're basically sitting ducks here."
Edward was quiet for a moment, and then he nodded. "Okay."
"Okay?" I said confused. "Okay what?"
"Okay I think you're right," he said slowly.
"Right about what?" I asked perplexed. What exactly did he think I was suggesting?
"You're trying to convince me to go back, right?" he asked, suddenly unsure as well.
"Um… I was, but… What? You're actually agreeing to go back for Jake?" I asked confused.
"Look, Jake is probably gone by now. I don't think there's much we can do for him. If he is still alive, then his wounds are probably far more extensive than I can help with out here. But, hopefully the wolves have gone by now, and we can retrieve some of our stuff. The flare gun, at least."
I nodded. "But what if the wolves are still there? If they attack us…"
"Then they're going to attack us anyway. Best to just get it over with, right? You still have a knife in your pack?"
I nodded.
"Get it out. You'll be able to defend yourself a little."
I nodded again. "What about you?"
He smirked. "I took kickboxing for like six months. I'm my own deadly weapon."
I couldn't believe he was joking at a time like this, but I cracked a smile regardless.
Once I had the knife in my hand, we slowly made our way back to our last camp. Everything that had gone wrong with that trip from the very start had been my fault. Everything. It was even my fault that we got on that doomed plane to begin with. And there I was, about to get us killed too. Edward was going along with it, but it was initially my idea, and knowing that pretty much sucked.
We walked quietly as possible as we approached the area, but then…
"Jake!" I shouted as the happy dog ran right up to us, and jumped up to hug me. "Oh my, you look….absolutely fine," I said in shock as I rubbed my hands down the length of his body.
"What the hell kind of dog is he?" I heard Edward mumble. "He's like Lassie and Old Yeller combined."
"Did you scare those big bad wolves away?" I cooed into his adorable doggy face. "Maybe they were all female wolves, and he just charmed them into submission," I joked.
After Jake licked my cheek, he got down and went to Edward.
"No," Edward said as he jumped on him, but his resistance was futile. Jake wasn't going to give up until he licked his face as well. "Thanks," Edward grumbled as he wiped the doggy slobbers off his chin.
I was so unbelievably grateful Jake was okay, but he wasn't our only reason for being back there.
Edward and I both looked around cautiously, before finally stepping back into the spot where his backpack contents were dispersed. We didn't see any sign of the wolves remaining, so we began collecting what we could.
"Here's the flare gun," I announced. Luckily it was still in the box, fully intact.
"The actual backpack is torn to shreds," Edward said while holding up a few of the pieces. "And the food I had in here is all gone. Do you see my knife anywhere?"
"No, but here's one of the lighters!" I said with a level of excitement I wasn't expecting.
"Good. Let's keep looking for the other one."
It took us a while, but eventually we found the second lighter, and the small pot, but we were never able to recover Harry's hunting knife that he had brought.
"Great. Somewhere close by is a wolf with a knife," Edward joked, but kept his tone serious.
"At least we still have the one I brought," I said with a heavy sigh.
When we collected everything usable that we could find, Edward did his best to pack it all in my backpack, and what wouldn't fit, he made strips from scraps of his backpack, and was able to tie it all to the pack.
"Here, let me carry it," he insisted as he tried to take the heavy pack off my back.
"No, its fine," I said stubbornly. "I'm fully capable of…
"This isn't some female empowerment thing," he said frustrated. "I know you're capable of carrying it, but the fact is that I'm physically stronger than you, and you're hurt. You could move much easier without the added weight. Please let me carry it."
I nodded. "Okay. Thank you," I said sincerely.
When the pack was securely on Edward's back, we continued on our arduous journey, still having no idea which way we were going. At that point, as long as the wolves stayed away, I'd say we were moving in the right direction. Of course, with the way things were going, those damn wolves would follow us to the ends of the world. I only hoped we'd somehow manage to keep escaping them...