SUPRISE!
So basically I have been dumped for no reason other than my boyfriend thought he was a shit boyfriend (which was kinda true) but now I'm at my nans because I'm not allowed home because my mum thinks she's going into labour. #NOtFaiR
Also I have realised that I never put disclaimers in. First time for everything!
I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS, SCOTLAND YARD, ANY REFERENCES USED IN THIS STORY EVER, LEVEL 5, ANYONE'S AUNTY GABRIELS, THE PROFESSOR LAYTON FRANCHISE OR MY HOUSE.
(apart from the last one I actually do own that)
"It's Crow's list!" Emmy sang so everyone knew it was Crow's list.
"Oh no." Luke sighed. "I still have bad memories of him. Like the time he gave me a wedgie because I was rich. Or that time he set fire to my eyebrows because I was rich. And when he killed my Auntie Gabriel because I was rich."
1). Crow killed Auntie Gabriel with a ladder because Luke was rich.
2). I like Crow's hat.
3). It smells like beans.
4). And poverty.
"YAY!" Everyone cried suddenly, making all the poor police officers jump.
5). Crow has been arrested 72 times for murdering Auntie Gabriels.
"How many Auntie Gabriels are there in the world?" Clive asked.
"1207." The professor answered.
6). Crow does not know that we are writing this list about him.
7). Unless he is a psychic.
8). He could be David Wells in disguise.
"I think David Wells is gay though." Flora frowned.
"Oh." The professor scowled. "I was hoping you could marry him, Flora. He could give me all the football scores and I could place bets and become a millionaire."
"I can do that!" Emmy smiled. "Liverpool win 1846292629 : 0 against Man U in three months."
"Yay!"
9). Crow loves it when people tickle his armpits.
10). His stripper name is Cora LaVontas.
11). He isn't a very good stripper so he never has to use that name.
12). Crow hates it when he's described as a burden on society.
13). Crow's mum is called Maria.
14). MARIA IS SEDUCED!
"Professor." Flora frowned at him. "Did you seduce Maria?"
Everyone turned to Layton who, since he wasn't the best actor in the world, was looking very guilty.
15). Crow has a new daddy.
16). His name is Hershel Layton and he is a professor at Gressenheller.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He cried to the ceiling.
"You have to pay childcare." Clive ordered the professor.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
17). When he is older, Crow is going to be Santa.
18). Crow earned a Blue Peter badge when he made the Black Raven dress.
"It is not a dress." Emmy scowled. "It is a robe."
"Which is French for dress." Professor told her.
"We're not French!" She argued.
"I am!" Clive lied. "Je'mapelle Clive Dové et je suis vingt et un ans. J'adore la pizza!"
"What?" The professor scowled.
19). Crow created the show 'Being Liverpool FC' and I love him for it.
20). I am going to marry him for it.
"Professor, you can't marry Crow. He isn't gay. And you're already married."
"Wha-"
"Don't you remember in Vegas?" Clive reminded him. "We got married."
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
21). Crow fancies the vegetable woman who's name has escaped me.
22). I think her name was Marion. Or Marilyn.
23). Crow is behind the horse meat scandal.
"I quite like the taste." The professor smiled. "Add more horse, TESCO."
24). For vegetarian burgers, Crow uses uni-quorn.
Everyone turned to Flora who was nearly weeing with laughter. Even though she said the joke.
They shook their heads in undisguised shame.
25). Crow was told to watch what he eats so he booked tickets to the Grand National.
Everyone turned back to Flora who was crying with laughter. Even though it was her who wrote the joke again.
26). Crow is thankful he never met Flora.
"She has become the Meg of the group." Clive nodded.
27). Shrow is Crow's evil twin.
"Emmy…Shrow isn't real."
"Of course he is, professor! He's Crow's evil counterpart."
28). Crow is chilling with his bitches right now.
29). Unfortunately his bitches are Aunt Taffy and Badger.
30). Sexy times!
"I have bitches." The professor smiled happily.
31). Crow is not a vegetarian.
32). If he was, he would eat meat anyway because he's that BADASS.
"Oh, hellllllllll naw!" Luke shouted. "No one is as badass as me!"
"Lots of people are more badass than you, Luke. You cried about going on a boat at the end of Lost Future."
"To be fair, professa, that boat was the Titanic."
"My dad built the Titanic." Flora smiled dreamily.
"Well he didn't do a very good job, did he?" Clive frowned.
33). Crow can count to potato.
34). It's an extraordinary feat.
35). Crow re-enacts Aladdin with Arianna.
36). He plays Aladdin, Arianna is Jasmine, Badger is the genie, Nabby is the sultan and Aunt Taffy is Jafar. Luke's dad was the tiger and he ran around making 'rawr rawr' noises.
"Aw, hell naw! He's stealing my woman!" Luke shouted.
Flora, unable to control herself, kicked Luke in the face which sent him flying across the room.
"FLORA STEPHANIE ADELE GORGONOPSID REINHOLD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" The professor shouted even though last chapter her name was Flora Billy Bob Bangers Reinhold.
Random and unnecessary name changes are just a common occurrence in Layton-Land.
37). Crow is named after a bird.
38). Which is a coincidence because Crow is the Black Raven and the raven, as well all know, is a bird.
39). Crow wrote the poem raven.
"What's a poem raven?"
"YOU KNOW!" Flora laughed. "It's that poem with that random guy who finds a raven and freaks out and possibly dies at the end."
"You mean "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe." The professor rolled his eyes. "You stupid girl, Flora."
"I'm sorry!" Flora wailed.
40). Crow believes Flora is a butter-head.
"Excuse me! Why am I a butter-head?"
"Because its Flora which is a type of butter." Clive frowned, still annoyed over the poem raven.
"I am changing my name to Barbara-Karen!" Barbara-Karen declared.
"Barbara-Karen the poem raven." Luke nodded. "That's a nice name."
"I am NOT a poem raven-"
"We can call her BK the PR for short!" Emmy grinned.
"PK the BR?" The professor frowned because he was hard of hearing from all the puzzle concerts.
"No! It's not Poem Karen the Barbara Raven, it's Barbara-Karen the Poem Raven." Flora/Barbara-Karen the Poem Raven frowned. She thought that if everyone was going to call her that anyway, people had to get it right.
41) Crow loves the poem raven.
42). He wants to marry it in a big castle with everyone watching.
43). He wants to go on honeymoon with it in Aberystwyth.
"Isn't that in Whales though?"
"Yes, professor. It's where your gran lives."
"Ah! Granny Layton!" The professor's eyes filled with happy tears.
44). Crow is the Queen of Primark.
45). Yesterday he stole an egg.
"The rapscallion!" Cried Clive, for he was the Queen of Eggs. "Eggs are officially going to war with Primark!"
46). Crow is going to LOSE.
47). And then he's going to CRY.
48). And I will stab him and poo in the wounds!
"Ew, don't do that!" Luke squealed. "That would be disgusting!"
"I don't care! I am Clive Dove, Queen of Eggs, and I shall do as I please."
49). Crow supports Manchester United.
"EW!" The professor screamed. "Clive! Crow is a Manc, don't touch him with a 10 meter barge pole! You'll get infected!"
50). So much respect has been lost for Crow.
51). I hope Damon Gant gets an army with Manfred con Karma and Eminem and beats him up.
"I understand the other two but why Eminem?"
"Barbara-Karen, these things take time to learn in life." The professor explained. "Basically I was listening to Eminem on my IPuzzle when I wrote that down.
52). If Crow is a Manc, why did he create the show Being Liverpool?
53). Because Being Liverpool sucks and I only watch it because its the only way to see Luis and Suso in their natural habitat.
"Luis Suarez bit someone."
"SHUT UP BARBARA-KAREN! HE DIDN'T BITE HIM, HE WAS JUST GIVING HIM A KISS."
54). Crow covers himself in reggae reggae sauce to attract people down to the black market.
55). They chase him and he leads them all down there.
56). He's very crafty.
57). He's a crafty lekka.
"Cunning." Clive smiled. It was even more cunning than building a whole fake London to hide a fortress that would be used to destroy the real London.
58). Crow once set fire to a granny.
59). He did this because she was not Aunty Gabriel.
60). Crow is married to a whelk.
61). Crow is a boy.
62). CROW WANTS THE D!
"Aghhhhhhh!" Luke cried. "He wants the D!"
An alarm went off and the whole city was evacuated. Apart from the professor, Emmy, Clive, Luke and Barbara-Karen/Flora.
They wanted to finish their list.
63). Crow dips Guinea Pigs in chocolate and eats them.
…Clearly staying behind was the most productive decision.
64). Crow holds midnight raves in the Black Market.
65). One time, Crow fell off a roof when pretending to be the Black Raven and got amnesia and was convinced that he and Aunt Taffy were lovers.
"That happened?!" Emmy gasped. "I thought she was just lying!"
"Nope. I was there and I saw it all. The way they skipped around Misthallery, hand in hand…it was truly vile." Luke grimaced. He left out the part where Aunt Taffy cheated on Crow with Bucky and broke Crow's heart because that was a depressing time and he didn't want to relive it.
66). Crow is a wild beast!
67). He's wearing his angry trousers.
68). Crow can't spell.
69). He loves tic tacs.
70). He eats pizzas all day and smokes cigars.
"Isn't he underage?" The professor scowled. After all, he was the biggest ambassador for stopping underage smoking.
"No. He's actually 33 but just looks young." Luke replied.
71). Crow has lesbian tendencies even thought he's a boy. Man. Thing.
72). Crow is as deep as a puddle.
73). He is no use to society whatsoever.
"Aw, that's not nice." Barbara-Karen frowned.
"Your face isn't nice." Clive shouted back.
Barbara-Karen crawled into the corner and cried.
74). Crow loves cabbage.
75). CROW WAS BORN TO ROCK!
76). He also hates chickens.
"Can everyone stop calling me Barbara-Karen? It's not my name and I don't appreciate it."
Everyone tutted and rolled their eyes. Yet again, Flora was ruining everything.
77). Crow wears wellies and can't swim.
"Was that a double fact?!" The professor exclaimed.
"I do believe it was!" Clive shouted back.
After a few dramatic seconds, they got bored of looking dramatic and looked at the screen to see this written on it:
78). Crow eats children.
"Who on earth put that?!" The professor shouted.
"It was me, professor-"
"Honestly, Flora, that is so obviously not true! I mean really, at least make it seem obvious. What a stupid boy you've been!"
79). Crow wees in the bath.
"See? Like that! Oh, Clive, you are wonderful." The professor smiled.
Clive beamed brightly, his eyes bright like one of those children on those old fashioned birthday cards, the ones with the huge shiny eyes.
80). Crow likes gherkins.
"And, Luke! So lovely." The professor smiled at him, adoringly. "You'll make a wonderful hobo one day."
Luke's chest swelled but then unswelled because he had to do a small thing like breathe.
81). Crow drinks tequila from the bottle and then wets the bed.
"Oh, me. You are the biggest stunner of them all. Such a stunning lekka!"
82). Crow has right wing Nazi tendencies and never smiles.
"Not you, Emmy. I'm suspicious of you because you're not in Curious Village so I think you're a traitor. Or you're going to die. Either way, it's no skin off my nose."
83). CROW WILL STRIP FOR A PACKET OF JELLYBABIES!
"…OK Emmy I forgive you. That fact was forgiveable."
"Thank you, professor."
84). Crow can fart the Nokia phone tune.
85). Crow lives under a hedge.
86). He knows all the words to every song by Nicki Minaj and sings along in public.
87). He also knows all the lyrics to every Grease song.
88). He performs them to attract visitors to the Black Market.
89). It works very well.
At this point, Emmy started dancing about singing "Summer Nights" with Flora singing the Sandy parts.
90). Crow is a wonderful Danny Zuko.
91). Crow owns a pair of leopards stockings with suspenders.
92). Crow eats cat food, gets hyper and climbs the walls.
93). Crow once drew his whole marriage to a footballer on the back of his math book.
94). There should be a re-make of Oliver which has Crow as the starring role of Oliver.
95). Everything would fit and it would be amazing!
96). Crow sold his children to fund his Skittle addiction.
"I've checked him into rehab. Soon, he'll be able to re-cooperate and become a clean street urchin." The professor smiled. He was such a kind individual.
97). Crow watches people whilst they sleep.
98). Crow feels nervous.
99). His favourite sandwich is leek and cucumber.
100). His favourite singer is Adele because she makes music for the ears, not the eyes.
"Well, that took longer than it was meant to." Luke scowled. "We should really be more productive and not procrastinate as much."
"…Psssssssssh!" Everyone laughed at the same time, leaving Luke feeling stinky and disrespected.
"Luke, that is why I like you, you are hilarious!" The professor managed, tears rolling down his face.
"Oh, come on! That wasn't even slightly funny!"
ALSO! MollyPower2205 has a really good Professor Layton competition. It's very original, I think :) SO CHECK IT OUT-FACE
I'm sorry this took as long as it did. I'm just a really good procrastinator. The only reason this was uploaded today was because I was bored in detention.
Facts 91 & 92 are about the French teacher I was in the detection with. Fact 91 is considerably more true than Fact 92, which is more of an extension of the truth/pisstake.
Fact 93 is, on the other hand, an utterly true fact about me when I married Jesus Fernandez Suso on the back of my maths book.
Next list is…Dimitri Allen! Oh that should be fun, I'm looking forward to that one.
Sorry again about the wait, I'll update sooner next time!
JFT96~GBNF
—GeorgiexxxSuarez-