99 days, it took my 99 days to build up the courage to explore rest of the castle, then actually get down to doing it. Afterwards, I found out that all that worry was for nothing. When I asked, Azazel said that I could go anywhere I wanted in the castle. However, I did discover on my journeys that a few rooms and corridors were locked. I had no idea what was behind those doors, but I assumed that they would be things that would aid in my escape. There could be a car or a radio on the other side of those doors. I would find out for sure in time, but not today. I probably could have broken the locks with my ice, but then Azazel would surely see.
Now, you, my friends, are probably wondering by now how a girl with powers as strong as mine could be kept prisoner for this long. Well, I'll tell you, when you're captor is a strong man with the ability to appear at your side at any moment, put you in a coma with a mere touch, and carries a lethal sword with him, that makes escaping quite difficult. There's also Dmitry. You may find it strange that I have grown so affectionate for a baby that isn't even mine, a baby I could even hate because he came from the person who kidnapped me, but I can't hate him. He's an innocent baby and he needs me. Besides, if he were raised by his father alone, he could become a killing machine. I don't want another Azazel in the world, and if I can stop this baby from becoming like his father, I feel I have a moral obligation to do so, for my sake and for every other girl who this could happen to.
You may also wonder why I never seem to think about my family. Don't I want them to know that I'm alive? Of course I do, I just can't afford to think of them right now. Every waking moment when I'm not with Dmitry, I'm honing my skills to get home. If I slip once and let myself think about what hell my parents must be going through right now, I think I'd lose it. I'd curl up in a ball and cry until there was no water left in my body. So I work to distract myself. I work and feed and burp and change and rock and bathe and repeat.
But I have to keep a positive attitude. I'm alive. I'm in good health. I get three meals a day of the finest food that some people would beg for, and Azazel takes care of me. I'm a prisoner, but I'm also a princess. I feel like Princess Belle or Rapunzel in the tower. She has everything she could ever want right there in that one room, but she looks out the window and all she wants is to leave.
Why do I keep making references to Disney characters? Fairytales take on a whole new meaning now.
I found a book of fairytales on one of my explorations, reading a few to Dmitry and looking at the photos pensively. There is the majestic library in the castle with shelves so high you have to climb a ladder to reach them, and as I mentioned, the vast majority of these books are in English, further evidence that I am in an English-speaking country. Upon further examination, I found books on the British royal family and histories on other noble families, so my initial guess that I am still in Britain is probably correct. If I could just get to a computer or a cell phone, then I could find my exact position... No, I can't let myself think about what I don't have. I have work with what I do have.
I do have magical ice powers, which I have now mastered in aiming. My next goal is to see if I can make ice from my breath. I had been experimenting with my ability to form shards of glass in my hands, but I once cut myself doing it so I have to be very careful.
By day 119, Azazel had put me to sleep seven more times. A couple times he would come up behind me and do it and I never saw it coming, only went limp in his arms and woke up on the bed later. Once he did it when I was in mid-sentence. However, I usually faced him and tensed up before he did it. Most times, it was only for a few hours, but once, I broke my record and slept for three and a half days straight. So, wait, it's actually day 122. I added three extra marks to my paper, which was getting full.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if Azazel never came back for me. Would his power ware off in time, or would I be stuck here like a living corpse, waiting for a prince to enter the castle and give me true love's kiss? I'd rather not find out... unless that prince turned out to be Tom Hiddleston, then I'm willing to sleep for a thousand years for him.
On the evening of day 123, Azazel picked out a dress for me to wear. Although very conservative, the dress was scarlet and lacey, and looked it could be a showstopper at any prom, or a red carpet event.
Strange, he had never chosen a specific garment for me, only given suggestions about the style to wear, but I went along. Wearing a pretty dress never hurt anybody. I put on the dress and as I peeked out the bathroom door, I could see Azazel putting Dmitry in his crib.
When I emerged from the bathroom, he announced, "I'm going on a trip."
"This late?" I asked.
"Yes," he said, like the question made him uncomfortable. I didn't ask anymore.
When he approached me, I didn't shy away this time. I only frowed and let him work his power over me. My head drooped and fell into his chest. I felt his hand on the back of my head before he picked me up and put me on the bed. I still couldn't move and my senses were dull. I couldn't even open my eyes, but I felt Azazel's hand on my head, caressing my hair. Then suddenly, my cheeks were cupped in his hands and I felt his lips gently press down on mine, as with hesitation. Then after a long pause, it happened again and again. I felt the bed shake and I knew he was kneeling over me. I felt one hand beneath my back and the other beneath my knee. If I hadn't been sedated, my heart would have been racing. The kissing became more rapid, more intense, reaching all the way down to my neck.
I could feel his warm breath against my face. The way I felt then was impossible to describe in words. It was like asleep and on high alert at the same time. He lifted me an inch or two so that my back was arched and continued digging his lips into my skin, like he couldn't get enough. I was suddenly very afraid and wondered if Dmitry had come into existence the same way. My heart would have been beating rapidly if I wasn't on the cusp of being comatose. I was expecting him to unbuckle his belt when, as quickly as it began, it stopped. We were both fully clothed and he never touched me anywhere that would invade my privacy.
The last thing I remember was feeling his tail curl around my ankle. When I came back to world in the late morning the next day, he was gone. He was still in the castle, though, as he entered the room and the first thing he said was, "Did you sleep well?"
Obviously, he was seeing if I remembered what happened while he thought I was asleep. "Yeah," I said offhandedly. I mustered all my willpower not to recoil in fear as he approached me to hand me Dmitry's bottle. He reached out to me like he wanted to touch my arm, but stopped himself at the last second.
For the rest of the week, he made me wear blush pink dresses. This forced me to change the hiding place for my paper with the tally marks. I dug through the wardrobe, into the bottom of the deepest drawer and found the perfect spot: in the clothes I was wearing when I first got here. My jeans and blue shirt. I hadn't seen them in so long, it was like I had forgotten who I used to be. This would be the one place Azazel would never look. He didn't care about who I was in my old life, only the purpose I could serve him in this one.
I need to get out of here.
Starting right now, I'm going to form a definitive escape plan, one the involves Dmitry. I don't care if Azazel find out. It's better than submitting to him all the time.
Despite my new determined attitude, I now realize that I only had it to cope with how scared I was. I was scared of watching my life go by, never getting to experience what everyone my age should experience. I was scared that Azazel would touch me in my sleep again. But most of all, I was scared because I liked it. It wasn't the physical sensation that gave me so much pleasure, but the feeling of being wanted, not by Azazel, but by anyone. He was just the only person around who could want me. Part of me was sicked by what he did to me on the bed; part of me wished he would do it again. And that is why I had to leave. I was losing trust of my own mind, and that prospect terrified me. I must escape before my mind collapses completely and will breaks.
Gradually, every time he put me to sleep from then on, I began to build a resistance to it. It was subtle at the beginning. At first, it took him longer to put me to sleep. Then, I would wake up sooner than he anticipated. Finally, I would wake up before he even returned from his trips. Of course, I had to pretend like his power had a full effect on me, closing my eyes and falling into his arms, and spending lots of time still on the bed, focusing on keeping my breathing even. When I would hear Azazel return from his outings, I would hurriedly climb back on the bed in the exact position in which he left me, and stay there for hours sometimes. It was a funny feeling feigning sleep. On one hand, I was afraid he would come and touch me again and that I wouldn't be able to control my reactions. On the other hand, I felt empowered. I was deceiving him, outsmarting him, and minimizing the amount of time I had to spend with him. If he ever did try to steal a kiss or two again, I would be prepared.