After dropping by Eli's daycare in the city, his favorite home-style diner around the corner, the other park nearby, a few convenience stores Elliot has taken him to, the sporting goods store Eli considered to be heaven on Earth, and even Elliot's apartment in the off chance that his son had made it that far, Elliot and Mike had just finished checking in with Rollins, who'd met up with Carisi. Together, between those two and Fin, the three of them had covered the entire park perimeter and were moving outward but with no sign of Eli. No one Dodds and Stabler came across had seen him either.
Now roughly two hours out from Eli's disappearance and after some discussion of the child's family life, as much as Elliot would have preferred otherwise, the two men decided the next logical step was to head out to Queens.
Travelling north on NY-9A, Dodds put the police light on to try to make the trip as expedient as possible. Still, hitting the evening rush hour, the 1 hour+ long trip was upwards of an hour too long for Stabler's liking.
All it did was give him time to think. Time to think about the fact that while he was driving out to Queens, his boy might be wandering down a Manhattan sidewalk, afraid and alone looking for his daddy. Time to think about the fact that, as the daddy, he had failed his youngest son. Caught up in the intensity of the surprise and unexpectedness of seeing Olivia, the flood of emotions had hijacked any rational processes that usually ran through his brain. Time to think, also, about how the hell he was going to tell his ex that he'd fucked up royally. That he had no clue where their son was.
Merging onto I-95, Elliot turned his neck to watch for oncoming traffic. As he did so, he caught sight of Dodds in the driver's seat. Suddenly, the silence shifted. Seeing Dodds sitting there, strangely enough, replaced the worry and anxiety of the past few hours with a years-old memory. Looking over his left shoulder, Elliot was reminded of his days and nights as a detective in this same car. In this very seat. And it reminded him of Olivia.
The truth was, the only reason he was ever hesitant to let her drive was not because he thought she was a bad driver or needed to drive in order to exert some sort of masculine dominance over all situations. The truth was he rarely handed the keys over to her because when he did, he had permission to watch. When he was in the passenger seat, he had no responsibility to keep the car on the road. He was free to watch her. And when he was free to watch her, he found the temptation to do so too difficult to resist.
When Olivia was driving, he had the chance to completely drink her in, and so he had. He remembered like it was yesterday how in the brightness of the sun's late afternoon rays, her olive skin reflected the light and the golden hues in her hair shined through. He swore in those moments she literally glowed. And in the pitch blackness of the middle of the night, with the only external light coming from street lamps and the occasional passing car, her eyes and her smile lit up not only the inside of the sedan but his whole being. She'd flash a glance his way and there were times he literally forgot where they were going and the horrors they'd have to deal with when they got there.
As far as his heart was concerned, she was simply his missing piece. The one whose eyes saw straight into his soul and whose mind could read his own before even he knew what was on it. The one who, in some sort of sick joke the universe had decided to play, entered his life one wife and four kids too late.
He never told her any of this, of course. He'd carried it around with him those 12 years they were partners, and it'd been an even heavier load to carry these past few.
Throughout the ride, tons of questions regarding Stabler and his tenure with SVU came to Dodds' mind. He wanted to ask but was afraid it might be overstepping and any small headway he'd made with Stabler would be vanquished.
It wasn't until they turned into town that he worked up the nerve to break the silence, interrupting Elliot's thoughts.
"Did you talk to your wife? Does she have any idea of where Eli could be?"
"Ex wife," Elliot was quick to point out. He was less eager to actually answer the question. "And I don't know, before this afternoon, I hadn't talked to her in weeks. If anything's going on with Eli that she knows about, she hasn't told me."
Stabler's response clearly put Dodds on the defense. Wet behind the ears, he wasn't used to dealing with the domestic complexities that were typical in SVU cases.
Pulling up in front of the house, Elliot unbuckled his seat belt with a snap. "Besides, that's why we're here."
Elliot got out as soon as the car was in park, and Dodds turned the car off, opened his door, and moved to get out shortly thereafter.
"Wait here until I come get you. I'm going to talk to her first."
As he watched Stabler knock on the door, Dodds didn't have a good feeling about this. He didn't think letting the guy go talk to his missing son's mother, with whom he also happened to have gone through what Dodds imagined was a messy divorce, was a particularly good idea. He was pretty sure it was not what a seasoned SVU detective would do. Yet, Stabler left no room for debate, and rather than asserting his authority and making a bold move in opposition, Dodds took his feet off the street and put them firmly back in the car.
Gently closing the door in surrender with his left hand and pulling his phone out of his pocket with his right, he thought about calling Lieutenant Benson to update her. Though recalling the stress he had sensed in her voice when she called that afternoon to notify him of the case, he paused.
I can handle this one on my own, Dodds thought to himself. Not really factoring her relationship with Stabler into his decision, he tacitly agreed with himself that he'd update her when he had a better sense of the background and more information to go off of. He wanted to have something more concrete to report before he bothered her. The young sergeant just wanted his new boss to see that he might be inexperienced but that didn't mean he couldn't take charge successfully manage a case, even one as sensitive as a missing child, right out of the chute.
Cooking together was something Benson and Barba both loved very much to do. Well, to be fair, it was more accurate to say that Rafael loved to treat his love by cooking her delicious family recipes, and she loved to watch him in the kitchen. It was the one place she thought he looked as at ease as he looked in the courtroom. Though judging by what had just taken place in her son's room, Olivia was beginning to see him fall seamlessly into the role of father figure, as well.
The few other nights on which she'd been privileged to be a spectator in the kitchen, watching him this way in his natural habitat had been a huge turn-on. The two hadn't made it through the cooking, let alone the meal, before Olivia grew impatient. It was somewhere between helping him dice the tomatoes and her second glass of Nero d'Avola that she had usually lost all composure. Her gently caressing his arm and surprisingly strong shoulders escalated into all-out make out sessions against the kitchen counter, practically before he had a chance to stop cutting and set his knife down.
Tonight though, as she watched this man move about her kitchen, humming to himself, Olivia's feelings were different. Equally as visceral but much more emotional too, they caught her off guard, causing her to choke up.
She never saw it coming, the way he had slowly but surely snuck into her heart and into the most intimate parts of her life. Looking at Barba, she saw the last three years flash before her eyes. The good parts, not the bad. The ones when the man before her made her smile. She looked back on the times when they bickered and even fought over the best way to achieve justice for the victims fondly. She saw the ones when she'd felt so unbelievably supported by her team and like she had finally found her stride, too. Most vividly, she saw the one where Noah entered her life, and then the one when she became his caregiver. Through her tears, she smiled remembering the way Barba had started out being so awkward around the baby but gradually became more and more comfortable to the point where she knew with all her heart that he loved Noah. He was a man she could count on him to never hurt her or her son.
Given their proximity in the close quarters of her kitchen and the recess lights illuminating the room from above, it was all but futile an endeavor for her to try to hide the wetness of her cheeks from Barba.
Though on some level she knew her heart would always be torn between Elliot and whoever she was with, she wasn't afraid anymore to let Rafael see the real Olivia Benson, all of her. After all, Barba had seen already her at her most fragile. During the trauma of the Lewis ordeal, he was the only one who hadn't treated her with kid gloves. Walking on eggshells was not Rafael Barba's style no matter the situation, and she found a comfort in that. His authenticity was exactly what she needed at a time when she didn't know who she could trust. Most importantly, he stayed.
Turning around from the pot he'd set atop the stove, Barba glanced up at her. The autumnal sunset- all of its deep reds and rust oranges- streamed through the windows lining the kitchen and adjoining living space. All of the sun's colors, along with fresh tears, glistened on Olivia's face. She was always stunning, but standing there now, for sure, he thought, it was the most beautiful he'd ever seen her.
"Liv." Pulling her out of her thoughts, Olivia looked back at him. Her chocolate eyes looked almost black, contrasting starkly with the multitude of warm hues on her face. If he had ever questioned her feelings for him, all doubts were squelched by the love he saw in her eyes. They told him all he needed to know.
Still, he was worried that she was crying for the second time that evening, and so he asked, "What's wrong?"
She managed to inhale deeply, and then let out a "nothing."
"Absolutely nothing," she repeated a little louder to be sure he heard.
"I love you so much, Rafael. And sometimes I worry you don't know that. I mean, how would you? I should have told you long before now. It's just it took a while for my head to catch up with my heart."
"Shhh. I know, baby. Of course, I know."
Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed his lips against hers. Letting her defenses down left her exhausted and so, arms at her side, she just let him kiss her.
"You don't have to tell me," Barba said taking his mouth from hers but keeping contact between their foreheads and noses.
Giving her another light peck, he confessed, "I know you love me, because you show me, Liv. Your willingness to let me in and to let me be a part of this incredible life you're building for your son, after all you've been through in your life," he paused pained by all that the woman he loved had to endure. "It speaks volumes."
Looking into his eyes, she felt guilty as the image of Elliot's eyes from that afternoon entered her mind. Quickly pushing it aside, she let herself put all of her trust in the words of the man standing before her.
"Since I took this job, my life has been fulfilling. I have been the happiest I've ever been. Not because of the job... because of you, Olivia."
From Barba's words, she gathered strength, all of which she put behind the kiss she gave him then. Wrapping her arms around his neck and one of her legs around both of his she traced his mouth with her lips, as he pushed her back against the breakfast bar. When her back made contact with the counter, Barba half-lifted, half-pushed her atop of the granite surface.
Olivia matched his assertiveness with some of her own. Never breaking contact at the lips, she pressed hers more tightly onto his mouth and moved to explore his tongue with her own, meeting no opposition from her lawyer lover.
As she leaned down and touched his jaw with her right hand and held his head just where she desired with her left, the kiss deepened. Lips, face, neck, shoulders, she devoured every inch of him that was left uncovered and began to unbutton his shirt.
Feeling he was getting the short end of the stick, he pulled her down off the counter. Stunned, her mouth detached from his, and she looked at him with a confused expression.
Upset, she protested. "What was that for?"
"My turn to be the boss, lieutenant," Raf smirked. Not even having to pretend when it came to role playing was definitely one of the perks of being in a relationship with the sexiest cop he'd ever laid eyes on.
"Oh," she smiled. "Okay. Well what did you have in mind?"
"Let me just show you," he kissed her all the way into the living room.
He'd barely touched her anywhere but her lips, but Olivia was desperate in anticipation to learn exactly what it was Rafael had in mind. Growing impatient, she reached down to start working on his belt buckle. Whipping the belt out of his pants, she tried next to undo the button on his trousers. Zipper down, he grabbed her hands in one of his.
They'd reached the couch, where he placed his hand firmly on her back and, leaning his weight over her, laid her down.
Before he went back to kissing her or removing more clothing, he took a second to just look at her. Staring into her eyes, he saw more love than he knew what to do with.
"I love you."
"Come here, Raf."
With legs tangled and hearts together, beating in time, she said, "I love you too." Then, she lost herself in him.
Next up: Elliot has to tell Kathy about Eli's disappearance. Barba and Benson enjoy a romantic dinner. How will Olivia find out Eli's missing? And where is he?
Thank you guys for reading :) Besides these characters I love so much (unfortunately not mine, or I can promise you things on the screen would've taken a different direction), you all are what makes it so fun!