BROKEN
Author's note: Thank you for all the support! I actually never intended for my story to be this long but things happen, so now I just need to get to the point where I can finally end it ;) Today won't be the day though, so here's yet another chapter for you guys to (hopefully) enjoy.
Wow, I just realized that this is gonna be the longest story I have written so far, and I originally didn't plan for it to be much longer than three chapters. How naive of me!
-Elisa.
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"I don't like it, Bobby." Dean said while keeping an eye on his little brother through the glass pane outside Sam's hospital room.
Sam was asleep so Dean had taken advantage of the time Sam was out, to step outside and share his concerns about his brother with the older hunter. Dean had been anything but happy when Bobby had let him in on the doctor's evaluation of Sam, and Dean had been even less happy when the older brother had transmitted the information to Sam – especially because the younger brother's impaired short-term memory made him forget what Dean had told him over and over again. It had taken Dean at least half a dozen of repetitions before the information finally stuck with his brother - and when it finally did, Dean immediately regretted telling Sam anything at all since youngest Winchester had soon started to panic. It had then taken Dean at least half a dozen of reassurances before Sam had finally calmed down enough for the older brother to stop worrying about whether or not Sam's panic attack would hurt him even more than he already was.
"It's bad enough that Sam's not fully able to feel and use his left side, but surgery?" Dean mused. "I just got him back, Bobby. I can't lose him again."
"Dean." Bobby said and waited for the younger man to look at him before he continued. "If the doctor thinks that surgery is the best solution for Sam to regain sensation in the left side of his body, then maybe we should listen to him – he's the doctor after all. Besides, Sam won't suddenly regress on us from one moment to another. The doctor said neck surgery, not brain surgery. It's not like he's gonna poke around inside Sam's head."
"Yeah well, it's still surgery." Dean said and looked through the glass at Sam again.
Seeing the peaceful look on the younger brother's face now, it was hard to believe that Sam had been so upset earlier but, because of his head trauma, Sam's emotions were all over the place. It had especially been tough when Sam had been through another MRI scan – this time while being conscious - that had frightened the youngest Winchester so much that he had ended up in tears by the time he had finally been taken out of the machine again. Sam's head was still healing from the trauma it had gone through and Dean knew he had to give his brother time to recover, but that didn't mean that it didn't still hurt him to see Sam so lost and distressed as his confused mind tried to process the things going on around him.
"We both knew this wouldn't be a walk in the park, son." Bobby said. "It's a miracle that Sam has recovered as much as he has until now, so don't doubt your brother's strength – he's as strong as an ox, that boy."
"I don't doubt his strength." Dean said and shot Bobby an annoyed glance for even implying that Dean had doubts about Sam. "I'm just worried about him."
"As you should be – he's your brother after all." Bobby acknowledged. "I'm just saying that the doctor probably knows best in this situation. Whether we like it or not."
He said the last part with a bitter look on his face. Bobby hated it, as much as Dean did, to leave their youngest's destiny in the hands of other people; strangers that were trying to do their best for Sam, but who didn't care for Sam the way Dean and Bobby did. To those people, Sam was just another life to save – to Dean, he was everything.
"Excuse me." A voice said and both hunters turned around to see Sam's doctor approaching them. "Can we have a word?"
After seeing the hesitating look on Dean's face as he looked between the physician and his sleeping brother, the doctor added; "It won't take long, but it's about Sam."
"I'll keep an eye on him in the meanwhile." Bobby promised when he saw Dean's hesitation. "I'll get you if he wakes up."
Dean nodded to Bobby and then finally gave in.
"It better be good." Dean said to the doctor, but still reluctantly moved away from the glass pane – losing sight of Sam as he did so – and followed the doctor to an adjacent room. "So, what's going on?"
"As you can see, the fall Sam took broke his back in multiple places." The doctor said, and pointed at the breaks that were visible on the x-ray pictures that he'd placed on a light board on the wall. "If there had been any damage to his spinal cord, Sam would most certainly – depending on the intensity of it – either had suffered from temporary or permanent paralysis."
Dean winced a bit as he studied the breaks in the vertebral bones in Sam's back. No wonder Sam was being held immobilized; those breaks looked pretty damn serious and pretty damn painful. Dean once again hoped that Sam was being given the right amount of pain relievers (even though Sam hadn't been complaining much about pain so far) – if not, then Dean would personally show the doctor what real pain felt like.
"I'm not worried about the breaks in Sam's back though." The doctor continued, happily unaware of Dean's thoughts. "Compared to the tests we made when he was first rolled into this hospital three weeks ago, the breaks are slowly healing so I'll estimate that they'll be completely healed in about five to seven weeks."
"That long?" Dean asked, knowing that it would be absolutely horrible for Sam to stay on bed rest for so many weeks.
"Broken bones don't just mend overnight – it takes time." The doctor said. "But it's not Sam's back that is causing trouble right now. Your brother is experiencing loss of sensation in his left arm and hand, as well as in the left side of his lower extremities, but it's important to note that his shoulder did also just heal from a dislocation. Sam's arm needs rehabilitation – like his back does too when it has healed long enough."
"Alright.. But what is the verdict then?" Dean wanted to know. "You mentioned surgery?"
"Yes." The doctor said, took down the x-ray pictures of Sam's back and switched them with x-rays of Sam's neck instead. "Neck fractures are to be taken very serious, and your brother's case is definitely no exception. I will recommend surgery to try to fix the nerve damage."
"There's no other solution?" Dean asked.
"Well, it's always a possibility to wait until the bones are completely healed, and Sam has been going through rehabilitation, to see if the spinal nerves will improve over time. But there's a big chance that they won't, which means that Sam will probably struggle with loss of sensation in his left side for the rest of his life." The doctor said.
"Jesus.." Dean mumbled and felt a sudden tiredness wash over him. Why couldn't Sam ever catch a frigging break?!
"Talk to your brother and your uncle about it." The doctor suggested. "But I don't need Sam's consent for the procedure since he doesn't have the capacity to give me one - if that's the solution we're going with at least."
"What do you mean?" Dean asked and unconsciously clenched his fists as anger bubbled inside of him. "You're not doing anything to Sam without his consent, you understand me?"
"I'm not making him do anything against his wishes." The doctor said and raised his hands in defense - eyeing Dean's clenched fists warily. "But I cannot obtain consent for surgery from Sam because his mind is impaired at the moment. I'm not saying that Sam won't understand the information I give him but I reckon he won't remember it, and that's why I can't use his consent."
Dean pinned the doctor with a glare. Although what the doctor said was true about Sam, Dean still didn't like the way he made Sam sound like he was someway incompetent. Dean Winchester's little brother was far from incompetent, and Dean hated that the doctor didn't have a clue about how intelligent Sam actually was. His brother deserved to be acknowledged for the brilliant kid that he was.
"Who's Sam legal guardian?" The doctor asked and still eyed Dean's fists that the older brother had yet to unclench.
Dean looked surprised by the question – then raised his eyebrow at the (to him) ridiculous question.
"I am." Dean said as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"Really?" The doctor asked with surprise. "I mean, I just thought that maybe your uncle or your parents were.."
"Look, I'm losing my patience here." Dean said, cutting the doctor off with an annoyed look on his face. "Get to the point, doctor. I don't have time for this."
"Right, sorry." The doctor apologized. "Since you're Sam's legal guardian, it's your consent I need to perform the surgery."
"Alright." Dean said. "I'll get back to you when I've thought it through and talked to Sam."
"Fair enough. But I need to warn you; in Sam's current state, the thought of surgery may overwhelm him." The doctor said as he followed Dean towards the exit of the room, and the advice made Dean huff.
"I'm sorry doc, but if there's one thing I don't need any lectures about, it's on how to handle my brother." Dean said and pinned the doctor with a look that dared him to say otherwise, before he left the room.
_ SPN _
The first thing Sam saw when he opened his eyes, was the white-colored ceiling above him. As he slowly blinked his eyes into focus, he noticed that the ceiling didn't look cracked or stained – no painting peeling off like it often did at the motel rooms they usually stayed in. It was just plain white and smooth, reminding Sam of the sterile surroundings of a hospital room.
Hospital.. That was exactly where he was, wasn't it?
Sam could hear the steady beating of a heart monitor and felt the presence of the nasal cannula that was providing him with oxygen. Yup, he was definitely at a hospital, but the greater question was why he was at a hospital? What was going on?
The younger Winchester brother clenched his eyes shut as flashes of events started flying through his mind - like pieces of a puzzle he struggled to put together to a whole picture. Sam felt so tired and disorientated, and on the edge of panicking about being in this situation he couldn't understand. He couldn't remember why he was at the hospital, although he was pretty sure that someone had already told him the reason. But what was it? And who? Sam searched his throbbing head and sighed in relief as one person came to mind. Dean. Dean was here and Dean was looking after him. Sam was absolutely certain of it. And if his big brother was there, then Sam didn't need to panic. He was okay. Dean was making sure he was okay.
The youngest Winchester brother also recalled Bobby's presence, and something about a doctor named.. well, Sam couldn't exactly remember the name of him, and he couldn't remember why it was supposed to be so important anyway. What the hell was going on with him? Why was it so difficult to think clearly?
Sam felt completely drained of energy as he blinked his eyes open and once again stared at the white ceiling above him. His limbs felt heavy and useless, and a tingling sensation in his left arm and leg had slowly started to irritate him. As he tried to move his hand to force the feeling away, Sam felt a dull pain in his body and then realized with sudden alarm that he was barely able to move more than a couple of fingers.
The heart monitor picked up speed as Sam's rising panic made his heart hammer away. The younger Winchester brother struggled to move, and then panicked even more when he realized that he couldn't, that something was keeping him in place.
"Sam! Calm down before you hurt yourself, boy." A familiar voice said but Sam was too distressed to figure out who it belonged to. "Sam? Balls.. Just calm down, you're alright."
A rugged hand grasped Sam's right hand and gave it a squeeze, and Sam let the feeling slowly ground him. While still struggling with the panic that was threatening to consume him, Sam squeezed the hand back and blinked as Bobby's face showed up above him.
"That's it." He said and gave Sam a smile. "You're doing good, son."
"Bobby?" Sam asked. "What's happening to me? Why can't I move? Where's Dean?"
Bobby's forehead furrowed in what looked like worry to Sam, and the heart monitor picked up speed once more as Sam suddenly feared that something had happened to his big brother.
"Jesus, kid. He's just.." Bobby started but was cut off by Sam before he could finish his answer.
"Dean? Where's Dean? Where is he, Bobby? Where's Dean?" Sam asked so quickly that Bobby hadn't got a chance to answer the question. "Dean! Dean!"
"Sam!" Dean's voice shouted back at him a few seconds before Dean's face showed up in his line of vision. "Hey hey hey, easy there. What's going on, Sammy?"
Dean put a hand on Sam's chest and Sam let out a small sob as Dean gently rubbed his hand back and forth - the warmth slowly seeping through his skin and giving the younger brother something to focus on and hold on to.
"What the hell, Bobby? You said you would get me if he woke up, dammit!" Dean barked at the older hunter.
"Yeah, like you would have been able to leave him if he was this upset." Bobby huffed out.
"Why can't I move?" Sam asked before Dean could answer Bobby, and the older brother then looked at Sam with the same kind of concern that Bobby had shown just before Dean had turned up. "What's wrong with me?"
"Sam, we had this conversation yesterday, remember?" Dean asked, exchanged a look with Bobby and then continued when Sam didn't say anything. "You took a pretty bad fall on our werewolf hunt, and had to be taken to a hospital. You have a broken back and a fractured neck, so you've been strapped down to avoid any damage to your spinal cord. You also hit your head pretty damn hard so that's why you're feeling confused right now."
"Am I.." Sam started, then hesitated and drew in a big breath before continuing. "Am I.. paralyzed?"
"No." Dean immediately said. "You're not paralyzed, alright? Your bones just needs time to heal, that's all."
Sam missed the look Bobby sent Dean as he once again tried to move his left hand and got the same result as the last time he tried; only a couple of fingers moved, and Sam then let out a frustrated sound.
"Don't lie to me, Dean!" Sam said and blinked back the sudden sting of tears. "I might have hit my head but I'm not stupid. What aren't you telling me?"
"Sam, I'm not.." Dean started, then sighed and hesitated for a few moments before he continued. "Do you seriously not remember the doctor's evaluation of you yesterday?"
The younger brother stared back at the worried eyes in front of him, and tried to make his confused mind cooperate. A fall? Being hospitalized? Sam didn't remember any of it – couldn't even recall that they'd been on a werewolf hunt. But as Dean patiently explained to him what the doctor had concluded, Sam slowly began to put together the flashes of pictures he'd seen in his head earlier. After a little while, a lot of the pieces in the puzzle were still missing from his memory and would probably never return, but Sam had a somewhat clear idea of the overall picture – although he didn't exactly like what he remembered.
"I don't want surgery, Dean." Sam said when the older brother had let him and Bobby in on the latest conversation with Dr. Garrison.
"I know you don't, okay? Believe me, I know." Dean said in a soft voice. "But this is not something stupid like a face-lift or removal of a third nipple - we're talking about your ability to walk here! This is a serious matter, Sam."
The younger brother closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He hated to be forced to stay immobilized when all he wanted to do was get up and pace the room in frustration. But that was the whole problem, right? Sam couldn't pace the room even if he wasn't strapped in place and the bones in his back hadn't been broken. Would he actually take the chance and hope that the damage would heal over time, when there was a possibility that surgery could save him from the risk of spending the rest of his life in a wheelchair? Sam once more fought against the sting of tears as his thoughts spun around in a confusing loop inside his mind - making his head throb even more than it already did. God, his emotions were all over the place! Anger, sadness, angst, frustration – they were all there.
"Sam?" Dean asked, effectively bringing Sam's chaotic twirl of thoughts to a halt.
The youngest Winchester spent a few more seconds trying to suppress the tears that still threatened to spill, before he opened his eyes back up to look at his older brother.
"Talk to me." Dean demanded in a mild voice.
"I'm scared." Sam admitted in a barely audible voice, and then – to his big frustration– lost the battle against the tears that soon started rolling down his cheeks. It was even more frustrating to Sam that he couldn't even wipe the tears away as he was still held immobilized to the hospital bed.
"I'm gonna get some coffee." Bobby mumbled and left the room to give the brothers a little privacy while Dean's eyes remained locked with Sam's.
"Listen to me." Dean said and discreetly wiped the tears off Sam's cheeks with his thumb as he sensed his brother's frustration. "I wouldn't even make this suggestion if I believed it would cause you any harm. You know that."
"I also know that a lot of things can go wrong on the operation table." Sam said as Dean wiped away a few more tears from the younger man's face.
"Nothing's gonna happen to you. Not on my watch, you hear me?" Dean said and Sam couldn't help but snort.
"You do know you're not actually allowed in the OR, right?" Sam asked and Dean smiled.
"We'll see about that." Dean said with a wink. "And shut up, smartass. Don't think I won't kick your ass once you're back on your feet!"
"I would like to see you try." Sam smirked and Dean chuckled a little before they both turned serious again.
"Seriously though.. I won't let anything happen to you, Sammy." Dean said. "We'll get through this. I promise."
_ SPN _
Sam's doctor had been quite surprised when Dean had not only given him his consent for Sam's surgery, but had given him Sam's permission also. According to the older brother, Sam had agreed to have surgery, and Dean had even claimed that Sam's short-term memory had improved. The doctor knew that the news shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did though. In his entire career as a physician, Dr. Garrison had rarely experienced such a remarkable progress in his recovery as Sam had had so far, which the doctor knew had to be a result of the unrelenting devotion and dedication the older brother had put into pulling his little brother back to life – not to mention the fierce protectiveness that Dean had shown said brother every step of the way in Sam's recovery. It seemed as if these brothers shared a bond that the doctor only wished he could come remotely close to sharing with his own siblings, and it was this bond that separated them from the rest of the cases the doctor usually faced.
As Dr. Garrison walked into Sam's hospital room, it shouldn't have come as a surprise to him either to see Dean standing by Sam's bedside, humming along on some classic rock song to distract his brother from the surgery preparations, but somehow it still did. It never stopped amazing the doctor how gentle Dean was caring for his little brother – especially since Dean was all tough and even a little bit scary whenever he wasn't addressing Sam.
"You ready?" Dr. Garrison asked Sam.
The younger brother didn't answer but instead turned his eyes towards Dean. Whether it was to seek comfort or perhaps find strength in the older brother, the doctor didn't know, but Sam did seem to find whatever he was searching for, before he turned his eyes back to the doctor.
"I'm ready." He proclaimed.
"Good." The doctor said. "And don't worry, we'll take good care of you."
"You will." Dean confirmed – which sounded far more like a threat than an agreement, and the look the uncle sent the doctor just added to the fact that the older brother sure as hell wasn't kidding around.
While Dr. Garrison shifted uncomfortably under the gaze Mr. Singer was giving him, Dean leaned closer to his brother and talked to him in a low voice that was only meant for Sam to hear.
"Alright, time to go." The doctor announced when Dean was done talking to Sam, and nodded to the nurses who began to roll Sam's bed towards the exit.
"See you after your much needed beauty-sleep, bitch." Dean called after his brother and the doctor frowned at the sort of inappropriate choice of words.
"You need it more than I do, you jerk." Sam called back and Dr. Garrison heard the older brother laugh before the door was closed behind them.
The doctor found it kind of strange that a couple of brothers who seemed to be as close as these two did, didn't exchange one single I love you - but well, who was he to judge anyway?
_ SPN _
"If you continue to pace the room like that, it won't be long before you don't have any soles left on those shoes." Bobby commented as he watched Dean walk back and forth in Sam's room like he had done non-stop ever since Sam had been taken to surgery - and had returned again.
Dean just shot the older man a glare and continued his pace – once in a while stopping in front of Sam's hospital bed to check if the younger brother was waking up, before he started his pacing once again.
"He'll wake up in his own time." Bobby continued, ignoring the fact that Dean was ignoring him. "Sam isn't comatose this time around; he's just sleeping."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Dean muttered and Bobby rolled his eyes at him.
Truth was that Dean wasn't afraid whether or not Sam would wake up this time around, because Dean knew that he would. What really scared the older Winchester brother was whether or not the nerve damage had actually been fixed, which they wouldn't know for sure before Sam woke up. What if the surgery hadn't worked? How on earth would Sam react if he still had a life in a wheelchair in front of him when Dean had promised him otherwise? The older brother felt sick to his stomach by the mere thought of it.
Dean was soon interrupted in his speculations as the door to Sam's hospital room was suddenly ripped open and someone stormed inside. Dean immediately tensed up and moved protectively between Sam and the new arriver while he recognized the person as Officer Harris – one of the two cops that had shown up at the hospital right after Sam was committed.
"You're in a lot of trouble now." Harris said to Dean and the older Winchester brother narrowed his eyes at him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Dean asked in a cold voice.
"Dean, what's going on?" Bobby, who had risen from his chair the moment the door was ripped open, asked as he placed himself next to Dean. "Who is this?"
"He's a cop." Dean said to Bobby before addressing Officer Harris again. "I asked you a question!"
"Guess what the investigators found at Charles Goodwin's mansion?" Harris said. "A bullet in the wall by that balcony your partner fell from. And it was bloody!"
"Well, good for you." Dean said. "Now get out of here!"
"You don't get it, do you? It is indeed good for me 'cause the result of the test we did of the bloody bullet came back, and it turns out that the blood belongs to Mr. Goodwin - who by the way is still missing. We also found the gun to which the bullet belonged.." Harris said with a smirk and Dean clenched his jaw hard as he realized what gun the cop was talking about. ".. and it was no registered police weapon."
Bobby had found Dean's gun when he had cleaned up in the mansion, but neither one of them had thought about where the hell Sam's gun had ended up, since they'd both been so wrapped up in Sam's severe situation.
"We've run the finger prints on the gun.." Officer Harris continued when no one said anything. ".. and they belong to your partner who is better known as Sam Winchester – one of America's most wanted."
Harris walked a couple of steps closer to Dean in a threatening way, so that the two men soon ended up face to face.
"But you already knew that, didn't you?" Harris asked and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "The question is now; who are you?"
"I already told ya; I was the one you didn't want to meet again." Dean said in a low and dangerous voice.
"Tell you what, as soon as your 'partner' wakes up, I'm cuffing him up and locking him away and then it'll only be a matter of time before.." Harris started but was cut off as Dean grabbed the collar of his jacket and smacked the cop up against a wall.
"Dean!" Bobby barked but the oldest Winchester ignored him.
"You lay one finger on him, and I'll rip you apart. You hear me?" Dean growled at the cop.
"Dean!" Bobby shouted once more and the young hunter then roughly let go of Harris.
"That was assault of a police officer!" Harris gasped as he backed towards the exit. "You'll regret this!"
Harris then stormed out of the room and Dean angrily kicked the open door of the room shut.
"Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed.
"What the hell, Dean?" Bobby asked. "Now he'll return with backup and have you both arrested!"
"No he won't, 'cause we're not gonna be here when he comes back." Dean said with determination in his voice. "We're taking Sam with us and then we're out of here."
"Ah, balls." Bobby muttered and glanced at the still unconscious and immobilized Sam.
How the hell were they gonna escape this place unnoticed and before the police showed up? And more importantly; what the hell were they gonna do about Sam?
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TBC..