I wanted to post this tomorrow... but... you remember what I said about my self control... and thanks to your awesome reviews mine has gone out the window tonight.
TheMysteriousGeek2345: thanks :) I actually keep snakes myself and am an enthusiast (but I don't keep anything that can kill me, lol). The properties of venom fascinate me. If you are as geeky as me you might want to look up eptifibatide, a drug used in heart attack victims made from modified rattlesnake venom protein.
Anyways, I am guessing that you just want me to shut the hell up and get with it? Alright. Here is the new Chapter. And as before, I do not own Criminal Minds. *sad face*

Aaron Hotchner walked through the remains of his team's floor. All around were pieces of wood, glass, and charred paper, mixed in with marred pieces of computers and copiers. The entire floor had been shredded.

It was a stroke of luck that no one was here. Or else this could have been much worse.

He walked to Garcia's cave and paused when he saw it. Her entire office was in shatters. The computer screens were broken and busted. Glass from the picture frames were strewn about.
But, when he saw the chunk of door that had penetrated the back of Penelope's office chair... he felt his heart stop.

Hotch had to lean against the charred wall to keep from falling down. If she had been here...

At least in New Orleans they had a good chance of saving her... here... she probably would have died.

/

At Rossi's, Penelope sat in the nook. Her coffee had gotten cold hours ago but she still left it untouched. She was too busy staring off into space.

"Hey Kitten." David sat down in his chair, breaking Penelope from her trance. "How's it going?" As soon as she looked at him he knew she wasn't ok.

"I keep thinking back to the case in New Orleans and how... how I could have died. And how I could have died anyways even if I stayed here. I think and then I feel terrible."

"And why is that?"

A tear slid down her face. David knew there would be more to follow. "I... I kinda wish I did... you know... died..." She then let the rest of the tears come. "I miss him... David I miss him soo much. Every day I think of Derek. And every day part of me wishes I could die too, just so I could be with him. I try so hard to be happy, because I know that is what Derek would have wanted, but I keep falling. And sometimes I fear that I will never get back up."

Just like many times before. David rose from his chair and went to her, he knelt down and took her in his arms.

She clung onto his jacket as if her life depended on being able to feel him, and sobbed.

David stroked her hair and kept whispering to her it would be alright. That Derek was watching over her and that he would be so proud of everything. Scenes like this had become less and less frequent but when she did break down David saw that Penelope still hadn't healed. He doubted she would ever fully heal.

A few moments later he felt her grip on him lessen and he could hear the tell tail signs of Penelope composing herself.

Leaning back she dried her tears and sniffed. "I'm sorry David..."

He brushed a strand of tear soaked hair from her face. "No need to feel sorry Kitten. What you are feeling... it is natural. You still haven't healed from Derek's death and between the killers that we catch, the pregnancy, and New Orleans... you have a lot on your plate.

David stood her up. "Now, do me a favour and go take a nice hot bath. And when you are done I will brew you up a nice cup of that lemon tea you love. Ok?"

"Ok."

/

While the bath tub was filling up Penelope pulled off her bathrobe and chanced a look in the full length mirror in her room.

She ran her hand over the scar that Battle left her and sighed. As her belly expanded the the marred skin tissue had become more and more prominent. Penelope closed her eyes and recalled that night and how Derek refused to leave her until Battle had been caught. And how he had confessed to loving her.

Sure it had been implied many times over, but that was the first time he actually said it. And... she had been stupid enough to date Kevin. She had been stupid enough to waste years with Kevin, with a man who Penelope knew she could never love.

She could have spent those years with Derek.

Penelope chocked back the tears as she caressed her belly. She felt a foot press up against her right hand and hand pressing on her left.

It was as if her babies could feel her pain and sorrow. Every time she felt that it would be better to give up... they managed to somehow remind her that she needed to go on and survive.

Picking up her rob she walked towards the bathroom and hung it on the door. The tub should be full by now.

She slipped into the scalding water and hissed as she felt it hit her skin. The smell of lavender and rosemary filled the steam that rose around her.

Laying back she closed her eyes and relaxed, and once again made a promise to herself and her babies. Tomorrow morning she would try to stop the roller coaster that had controlled her emotions over the past six months and would going to try to start living.

/

Downstairs David let Aaron inside and walked with him to the living room. "How bad was it?"

Aaron leaned against the wall and massaged his temples. "Bad. The entire BAU has been ripped apart. It looks like the work of more than one bomb.
The other departments are pulling their bomb specialists into the case to see of they can id the bomber. And Strauss is asking me to give them a profile..."
He turned two dark eyes towards David. "There is something else..."

"What is it?"

"Penelope's office... totally destroyed. There was... a piece of the door that went through her chair. David... when I found out she was pregnant this need to protect her overcame me... I thought by keeping her with us that she would be safer. And what happens? She goes and gets kidnapped. And while we are looking for her someone blows up our office." He turned around and punched the wall, sending a cloud of plaster into the air..

"No matter what I do someone on my team is constantly getting hurt or killed. Maybe Strauss was right, maybe I shouldn't be the one to lead this team."

"Aaron." He walked his friend to a couch and sat him down. "You don't think that I want to protect her too? She is like a damn daughter to me. Listen, you are one of the best leaders the BAU has ever had, and believe me, I have seen quite a few pass through those shoes.
Sure we get hurt once in a while, and maybe we lose a few of our friends, after all the odds are against us every time we board that plane. You can try your best to protect the team but you have to come to terms that this job is not the safest. Aaron, keeping a level head will be the best weapon you have."

Aaron turned his eyes to Rossi. David could see the tears running down his face. "But..."

David walked over and pulled Aaron on the couch. "Do you honestly think you can walk away from this job?"

"No..."

"And do you think you could pull Penelope away? Aaron, after she got shot what did she do? She hacked into the computers and help us solve her case.

Hell, when it comes time for her to go on maternity leave she probably will insist on working from home. That girl loves her job as much as you do."

"Maybe you are right. What should I do David? I feel so lost..."

"Aaron..."

The two men looked towards the door. Penelope was standing there in a pair of sweats and one of Derek's shirts.

"Is everything alright? You're crying."

"It's nothing Penelope. Listen... I have been thinking and I would like it if you took your maternity leave early."

A determined look spread across her face. "No."

David smiled. He knew that his Kitten would not back down. This battle would be on Aaron would not be winning.

"Are you sure? You might be safer here..."

"Sir, in all respect I feel the safest when I am with you guys. And I can't walk away from the team. I just can't. And I know you feel guilty about what happened in New Orleans but I knew you guys would find me.

Sure I was terrified out of my wits, but I knew that you guys would rescue me.

Plus, who could you get to replace me? Lynch? I could hack circles around that guy."

She put her hands on her hips and braced her legs. "Admit it, the team needs me and I am not leaving you. Ever." She breathed in deeply and squared her shoulders.
"I thought about leaving, it is true, but I had some thinking to do. And my place is with you guys. I would not fit in anywhere else and I have no wish to go anywhere else."

"Are you positive that is what you want Penelope? Because you can say the word and I could get you maternity leave or transfer you to a safer unit."

"I am sure Aaron, the only unit I want to be on is the BAU and the only people I want to be with is my family."

Aaron let out a sigh, knowing he had been no match for her. "Then, as long as you want to stay... you can."

/

Later that afternoon Penelope went out. In order to move on she had to do something important. Something she had been meaning to do but had kept finding ways of putting it off.

She pulled Esther into a parking space and took the bouquet of lavender roses from the passenger seat.

Getting out she made her way over to a grave by a red maple sapling and placed the bouquet beside the grave stone.

"Hi Derek. I am sorry I haven't visited in a while... been busy with the team and preparing for the babies. Guess what? We are going to have two." She laid down a blanket and with some effort she sat down beside the tombstone and pulled out an sonogram picture. "See. The doctor says we will have a little girl and boy."

Penelope leaned against the cold stone and closed her eyes. Allowing all the memories of Derek to flow through her head, and allowed her heart to fully open up to the grief. And in turn allowed her to heal. The cold stung her skin, but she did not care. It didn't matter.

"I'm living with David now. He insisted that I stay with him... my apartment had too many memories of you for me to stay there. It was killing me. And all I could have afforded was a place on skid row. He's nice and will be a wonderful grandfather." Pinching a petal she played with it and bit her lip.

"I miss you. Not a day goes by that I do not wish you were still here."

For a while she sat there, her head against the lifeless stone and her eyes closed until she heard footsteps crunching in the snow.

She opened her eyes and looked up to see Kevin standing over her.

"Hi Penny, I was just visiting my Uncle and saw your car here. I hope I am not intruding."

Penelope grabbed the stone and used it to pull herself up. "A little, but I was getting cold anyways."

Kevin shifted his feet, playing with the snow on the ground. "I'm glad they found you... I was worried when Agent Hotchner told me that you were kidnapped."

"How did you know...?" She raised an eyebrow in concern.

"He asked me to help find you. You know, do some hunting and digging. Thankfully he allowed me to do it in my office..."

An awkward silence filled the air. She had not parted on the best of terms with Kevin... "Thanks."

"You're welcome Penny. Even though you kinda did break my heart..." The malice in the last words were clear.

"Kevin..." She moved towards him but the look her gave her stopped Penelope in her tracks.

"Everyone warned me... that you were unattainable, and it is my fault for taking a chance and not listening to them."

"Kevin... I should really go. Rossi is expecting me back at his place soon." She bent down and grabbed her blanket, dusting off the snow before folding it over her arm.

"Penny..." He grabbed her hand. "do we have a chance to at least be friends?"

Penelope thought for a moment. She did miss having a fellow techie to talk to and Kevin was not that bad of a guy. After all, he did help save her life. But she knew that she would never stop resenting him for wasting her time, time she could have spent with Derek. Even though the fault laid with her and not with Kevin.

"I'm sorry, but no."

And with that she took her hand from his and walked away.