Chapter Notes: So this chapter includes a big, major change compared to the first version of the story. I changed the purpose for what's going on, even if some things are still the same, and what I'm especially pleased about is that it much better reflects the title of the story.

Thank god it's dusk. We're able to get Spike home after some persuasion, and when we arrive back I lead him down into the basement. It's probably best for now that he's out of the way so Whistler can explain what's going on without any distractions.

When I turn to leave he grabs my hand and whimpers, while giving me the perfect imitation of a kicked puppy. I smile and give his cheek a gentle stroke. "I'll be right back." He seems to understand my words, and settles on the cot I've laid out for him as I climb back up the stairs.

Everyone's already settled in the living room. Xander broke away from the rest of us earlier in order to get something to eat, and he's arrived back with pizza and doughnuts. I tuck in hungrily, having had nothing to eat in over twenty-four hours.

And I don't care that everyone's staring at me like I've grown a second head.

I turn to Whistler. "Alright, Whistler. Spill. Why are you here?"

"Cutting right to the chase, Slayer? Fine with me." He takes off his hat before his gaze is drawn to the pizza and doughnuts. "You got any drink? And I'm talking 'bout the good stuff, not the sorry excuse for beer I found in your Watcher's place the last time."

"You broke into my home?" Giles's eyes narrow. "When was this?"

"When he showed up during the Acathla incident," I explain. "I told you about him, remember?"

"You failed to mention him breaking and entering into my home."

I roll my eyes. "Now's not the time for that." I turn back to Whistler. "I told you to cut to the chase, so cut to it before I make good on my promise to turn your ribcage into a hat. And I might wait to kill you after."

"But if he's what I think he is," Anya has been watching him carefully with interest this whole time, "then he'll be really hard to kill, and not just because he's an agent of the Powers That Be."

I decide not to question further on that; I'm not sure I'd want to know, and I'd like him to explain why he's here, like, now. The sooner we find out what's up with Spike's return, and why I'm pregnant with his impossible child, the better.

"So," Whistler begins, "have any of you ever heard of a Seraph?"

"Seraph," Giles repeats, thoughtful. "Short for Seraphim. Isn't that a word from the bible, describing God's highest order of angels?"

"Close," says Whistler. "It's not the highest order of angels; it's just another word for angels. But some of what you've read in the bible is true, from a certain point of view. Millennia ago the original PTB ruled over everything, but a group of Seraphs attempted to overthrow them. They were defeated and scattered across the many dimensions, where they became demons."

"Demons are fallen angels," says Willow. "How are there different kinds?"

"Depends upon the Seraph. They all had different abilities and fell into different environments," Whistler explains. "One demon breed was able to affect the humans that lived here, leading to the first vampire."

"So what happened?" I ask.

"There was a war," he continues. "Seraphs either died or fell. Eventually a so-called 'unholy alliance' was formed – a third party made up of Seraphs and demons – who were getting sick of the war and wanted it to end. My parents were among them; a Seraph father and a demon mother. They were killed in the ensuing battle. But our side triumphed; they overthrew the old Powers, and the new group make up the Powers That Be you know of today."

"I heard about this," says Anya. "D'Hoffryn told me about it not long after I became a Vengeance demon."

I ask Whistler, "So the new PTB is made up of Seraphs and demons?"

He nods. "But the damage had been done. The balance had been thrown and there were very few Seraphs left; not nearly enough to fight the harmful demons left behind, be they vampires or others. So the Powers called upon a group of mystical men to create a warrior to fight the monsters until they could engineer a better solution."

"The Shadow men," Giles says. At everyone's mutually confused look he elaborates. "The ancestors of the Watchers Council. They were the first, and they were the ones who created the First Slayer."

"They found a fallen angel in its purest form and bound its essence within her," Whistler explains.

My eyes widen a little. "So that means I'm part demon?"

"Not quite," says Whistler. "You're still human, else your pal Spike would've been able to hurt you with that chip of his. The one they found was more Seraph than demon. The Powers needed it to be that way because of what they had planned."

"Planned?" I repeat.

"The group united because they realized that the world needs balance, desperately, if it's to survive," he continues. "And time's almost running out; potential apocalypses have become more common, too many people are refusing to see the shades of grey, and if we carry on like this the world will fall into chaos."

I look away at the mention of 'shades of grey', knowing that I'm partially to blame for that. "So what's their plan?"

"They need to create more Seraph," he explains. "The ones that remain in the PTB lost a lot of their abilities during the war; they can't breed and they can't elevate anyone. So they needed to create one a different way. They knew that a Slayer would be part of the equation, due to their essence. Then a few hundred years ago they figured out that a vampire was needed to complete the process; out of all the demons in this world they're the closest in terms of what a Slayer is. But it's hard for a vampire to reform, so the Powers decided to try and get one to reform through their own intervention. Though Spike wasn't their first attempt."

It hits me who he's talking about. "Angel."

"Why would they attempt to reform a monster such as Angelus?" asks Giles.

"He was a powerful vampire," says Whistler. "And they thought it would be poetic, since his name was 'Angel'. They set everything up; sent Drusilla a vision of the gypsy girl, she in turn informed Darla, who then captured the girl and took her to Angelus. When he was done, the clan sought vengeance and cursed Angelus with a soul. But the Powers couldn't send him on his destiny just like that; we had to wait for him to get his redemption kick. We also had to wait for the right Slayer to come along. That's you, toots."

I ask, "But why me?"

"Because since Angel got his soul, you were the first Slayer to be chosen without having been raised by the Council first," Whistler replies. "You didn't have the Council's prejudice wired into you, and you could be open minded." He sends Giles a glare, who looks away in shame. "Though our mistake made you prejudiced for a time anyway, and for that, we're sorry."

"Sorry?"

He looks hesitant. "We needed the demon within him to be front and centre. The soul was in the way and would prevent the creation of a Seraph. We knew that right from the start, and hoped that the soul would put an end to Angelus's ways, even when it was gone; curb the demon over time, so to speak. We had to test him; to make sure that his love was pure. The Powers were able to influence the gypsies into inserting the clause in the curse, so he'd lose it at the height of passion. Unfortunately he failed the test, and he went back to being a creep again."

"Unfortunately?!" Now Giles looks pissed. "Your little "test" broke Buffy's heart and caused the deaths of many innocent lives, including the life of the woman I loved!"

"We messed up, I know," says Whistler with a genuinely apologetic voice. "And we were shocked and disappointed when it didn't work. We thought we'd have to start from scratch – that is, until the Slayer here was approached by one William the Bloody in order to make a truce to save the world."

"Spike," I say.

He nods. "He wanted to save the world in order to save the woman he loved. He was a soulless vampire, and yet, he was completely devoted to his sire. He would do anything for her. So we made quick plans to try with him, and though your heart had already been hurt, Slayer, we realized that it wasn't damaged beyond repair, so we stuck with you. We just had to find a way to curb Spike's evil tendencies without the use of a soul."

"But why did you bring Angel back?" I ask. If he wasn't of any use to them anymore, why bring him back at all?

"When his soul got returned to him, we realized that he would still make a decent Champion, so long as he didn't get with the smoochies again," says Whistler. "We brought him back so he could seek his own redemption. But we didn't plan on the two of you getting back together, further damaging your heart." He glares at me. "That was a stupid move, and you know it, Slayer. Way to act like a dumb little teenager."

"I know." I look down. "I was stupid."

"Though it was his fault, too; for lying to you. But no one's perfect," says Whistler. "That's what all of you have gotta understand; there's no perfect hero. People lie, and people do bad things, even the good guys. Likewise, evil can do good things. It's a balance that needs to be maintained, and it's something you've gotta understand, Slayer. Am I clear?"

"Crystal," I say. "I've learnt my lesson."

"Sure hope so," he says. "Would hate for the same mistake to happen again. Even the First Evil got involved."

I blink in surprise. "You mean the root of all evil who tried to get Angel to kill me and then himself?"

"It only tried to get Angel to kill himself, not you. Reverse psychology." He shrugs. "The First wants balance as much as we do, and it was willing to help on that one occasion. Not that it worked." He rolls his eyes.

"I get it," I say. "Teen Buffy acted less mature than Juliet. Can we continue, please?"

"Right." He nods. "So with Angel out of the way, the Powers focussed on Spike. We couldn't give him a soul, and I certainly couldn't try to talk him into helping you, so we were stuck for an idea. Then the Initiative came along."

"And you made sure Spike got chipped," I realize.

"Exactly." He nods again. "We gave him the urge to come back and kill you, and as a result, he got captured and chipped and he went to you for help. With the chip, there was no forcible change in personality; it allowed him to be around you and get to know you better. It gave him the chance to fall in love with you, and it worked." He scoffs. "Not that we had to do much. He was already partially in love with you to begin with."

OK. What? "Huh?"

Whistler shrugs. "I wouldn't be surprised if he fell in love with you the moment he set eyes on you. But I guess you're not the only one who loves to live in denial."

I barely listen. Spike could've been in love with me for that long? From before he even got his chip? "That…"

Whistler continues before I get the chance to finish. "It worked like a charm, alright…but we didn't want to make the same mistake twice, so we gave him a test, too. I delivered the book that contained the spell-"

"I was wondering where that book came from!" Willow interrupts.

"…and when it was time to go into battle, his chip was disabled. It was a test of his love," says Whistler. "And by not only staying to fight but sacrificing himself to save the world, he passed the test with flying colours."

"Wait…" Xander's eyes widen when he realizes something. "Spike's chip… He doesn't have it anymore! It was left on the ground after he closed the portal, and we buried it! Are you crazy for bringing him here, Buffy?! He's gonna kill us all! You need to put him in the ground where every demon deserves to be."

Before either I or Whistler can retaliate with words of our own, Anya leaps to her feet and gives Xander a clean slap across the face. It echoes around the room, and we all fall silent.

"So do I deserve to be in the ground, too?" she asks.

"No!" Xander shakes his head hurriedly as he rises to his feet. "You're human now, Ahn."

"But I used to be a demon," she reminds him. "And I can tell you right now that Spike and Angelus don't have anything on me; I've killed more people than they have combined. And yet, you're with me anyway. Does this mean you want a divorce, Xander Harris?"

"No! Anya, I love you."

"But not all of me."

Whistler stands. "I don't think I've ever seen a hypocrite like you, boy. And that bigotry needs to stop. I know deep down there's a reason – you see your best friend's face every night, and it's understandable – but if that attitude doesn't stop and you don't change your ways, the Powers will banish you from this life and you'll have no memory of what's occurred over the past five years. We can't have someone so blatantly bigoted being associated with the Slayer."

Xander stares at him with wide eyes, and after exchanging a look of shock and embarrassment with Anya and then with us, he sits back down in his seat and refuses to look at anything except for the floor. Anya makes a show of sitting as far away from him as possible.

What's scary is that once upon a time, I was just like Xander. Maybe not so vocal about it and not so harsh – OK, maybe sometimes I could be that harsh – but I was still the same. Though now I see that Whistler's right; the world needs balance, because the world is a big shade of grey.

"Shall we get back to the discussion?" Giles suggests, breaking the awkward silence.

"Let's," says Whistler. He turns to me. "We were gonna wait until after he'd returned, but when you slept with him right before the battle… Well, the sooner the better, if you ask us. We got to work, and the baby you're carrying right now? The first Seraphim to be born since before the war."

My hand falls to my stomach in shock. Of course that's what Whistler's explanation was building up to, but it's still a surprise. Not only is my baby a Seraph – an angel – but it'll be responsible for bringing balance to the world. Which means that it'll constantly be in danger. My anger flares at the thought of my unborn child in any kind of danger; I should find a way to the PTB and give them a piece of my mind.

Whistler must notice the dark expression cross my face. "And that's my cue to leave." He gets to his feet. "Don't worry about it, Slayer. The Powers have every confidence in you and your vampire. Your daughter will be fine."

"Daughter?" I'm having a girl?

"Whoops. Sorry." He puts his hat back on. "Once she's an adult she'll be able to turn certain demons back into Seraphs and bring balance back into the world."

"So are you leaving us?"

"I've got things to do and places to be." He shrugs. "You and your groupies have handled stuff like this before; you can handle this, too. I'll be around every now and again, but until the next time I see you, you're on your own."

"So basically you're dropping this information on us before running away," observes Anya.

"Pretty much." Whistler shrugs again. "See you around, Slayer." And with that he exits the room and lets himself out.

Leaving us to think about this life-changing information.

Giles takes out his notepad and pen – why didn't he do that earlier? – and begins writing. "So, to review, the Powers That Be wish to bring balance back into this world, one that was lost during a great war that brought demons to Earth and led to the near extinction of the Seraphim. The only way they could do this was to pair up a Slayer and a vampire, meaning that they had to get a vampire to reform. So they cursed Angel with a soul in order to prevent his evil tendencies while he fell in love with Buffy, who was chosen due to being raised away from the Council's prejudice. But Angel failed the test when his soul was taken from him, and after his death he was brought back so he could seek his own redemption. The Powers turned their attention to Spike after he helped Buffy save the world, and they gave him a chip; something that wouldn't change his personality but would prevent him from killing for the time being. Though unlike Angel, Spike passed their test and proved himself worthy."

"And fathered my child," I conclude.

He nods. "And now, Buffy, you're pregnant with the first Seraphim to be born in eons."

I bite my lip, trying not to think about my daughter being some kind of saviour; probably fighting every night like I do. What if she gets hurt? What if she doesn't come home one night and I'm left fearing the worst? This must've been how Mom felt after I told her about being the Slayer. Now I know why she was always so worried.

I watch as Giles writes other bits of information down, but he doesn't say them aloud. "So what happens now?"

Giles stops and sighs. "I suppose we wait until your child is born. It is imperative that no one else knows of Buffy's pregnancy. Many a demon will try and kill it in order to prevent the plans of the Powers from coming to pass."

I nod in agreement. "We all need to be on the same page and work together as a team." I look pointedly at Xander, who just looks down again at the floor. "Willow, how soon can you have the bot up and running?"

"Hopefully the day after tomorrow," she says. "I just need to take out the…err…certain awkward programming."

I don't ask. I know what she means. "OK. We can try and research more about Seraphs. The more information we have, the better. While I think Whistler wouldn't have kept anything from us, I don't want any nasty surprises further down the line."

"That is wise, Buffy," says Giles.

I nod and get to my feet. "Tomorrow someone needs to go and get some blood. I think it's best if we spend the day contemplating what we've just been told. Then when we've got clear heads and we can think straight," I look at Xander again and he avoids my gaze, "we'll have another talk about this. Hopefully by then Spike might be back to himself."

Xander and Anya leave, Anya making it clear that Xander's been banished to the couch until further notice. Xander for his part looks distant and uncertain, and I hope that he's thinking about what Whistler said.

When Giles is gone and Willow, Tara and Dawn head up the stairs to bed, I descend the stairs leading into the basement. When I reach the bottom Spike hops up from the bed and greets me with enthusiastic nuzzling at my neck.

I can't help but giggle. "Spike, that tickles."

He just smirks and keeps on doing it. It's all the more proof that Spike is still in there; it's still him. I just need to snap him out of it. But 'how' is the question. With Angel, he snapped out of it on his own after fighting Mr. Hyde. So violence could be the answer. But I know it won't be the same with Spike. For starters, if that was the case, he would've snapped out of it after saving me from that other vampire.

And Spike is different compared to Angel.

Spike steps back to stare at me, somehow sensing that I'm deep in thought. His vamp face should give me shudders – it's a face I used to be afraid of back when I was sixteen and still innocent to the horrors that awaited me – but the intense emotion in his eyes is nothing short of amazing. Those eyes shouldn't fit on the face of a demon, but they're there and they're so full of love that it almost takes my breath away.

I smile and once again run my hand through his hair. He purrs.

"What am I going to do with you?" It's late now and I need sleep, so I'll have to figure out what to do in the morning. I turn to leave, but then Spike takes my hand and whimpers like he did before.

But before, I needed to leave in order to talk to Whistler. Now I can't argue with that face staring at me.

"Alright," I tell him. "I'll stay."

He leads me over to the bed, looking so happy that I'm staying that I can't stop that happiness from rubbing off on me. It's just so cute and endearing.

I lay down first and budge over, allowing him to lie down next to me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me in close, burying his nose into my hair and taking a long, obvious whiff. I smile when a loud purr echoes around the room.

When he's back to himself I'm never gonna let him forget that the so-called Big Bad vampire acted like a cute little kitten.