Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its characters or ideas, I'm just borrowing them, but Alex is mine.

A/N: Wow... so I've been coming back to this story on and off in my spare time. I have a bunch written for future moments, beyond what takes place during the movie, I just need to get through this first. But it just dawned on me that it's been over a year since I updated! So I kicked myself and got writing the follow-up. Here you go!

I apologize for the massive hiatus, but here is the next chapter. And there should be an update following soon. Sooner then 2014 anyways.

I hope you enjoy!

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"I'm sure."

Alex woke up slowly, not exactly sure what had roused her. She moved slightly, and felt the warmth of a body pressed against hers. Her fingers stretched out and felt a smooth abdomen, and she felt her face stretch into a sleepy smile as her wits slowly returned. A hand came up and gently grasped hers as Alex tilted her head to look into Leonard's drowsy eyes.

It was then that she became aware of a banging against her door, and a concerned slightly panicked shouting. "Alex! Please, open the door! I saw the news, Alex, are you ok?" It was Jim.

"Oh god," Alex breathed, and sat straight up, immediately awake. She became suddenly aware that she was entirely naked, and in bed with Bones.

"Shit," Bones growled at the same time. He looked as if he was about to jump out of the bed, but stopped to stare at her. She glanced down and immediately grabbed the sheets to cover herself. Their eyes met, and they shared a look of sheepishness and slight horror.

"ALEX! I'm going to get a security override, open the damn door!" It had been a while since she'd heard Jim sound so upset, and it spurred her into action.

"Jim! I'll be right there!" She called. "Clothes!" She hissed, and she and Bones proceeded to dress faster then she would have thought possible. She made a move for the door, but stopped and turned to the mess that was her bed. Bones followed her thoughts and quickly moved to straighten things up. She waited a beat, and then opened the door.

Jim looked awful. His hair was a mess, his eyes seemed slightly sunken, and she was sure he hadn't slept at all. He took one look at her before practically leaping at her, and wrapping her in a strong hug. She didn't know what to do, her brain was still processing the fact that she and McCoy had just slept together. But the power and passion behind his hug pulled her back to reality, and she returned the gesture just as fiercely.

"I was at the bar when I saw. It took forever to get back here, I'm so sorry." He was talking quickly but gently, and most of it was muffled into her shoulder.

She pulled back so he could see her face. "My dad's ok, he contacted me about an hour after Starfleet did. He was able to get off the ship before it exploded. Everything is fine. And Bones was here," She gestured backwards to Bones, and they both turned to see him sitting awkwardly on the edge of the couch. She cringed slightly when she realized how messy his hair was. "It wasn't fine at first, but then my dad called, so then it was fine." She was babbling a bit, but that was expected given that she'd woken up 3 minutes ago.

Jim gaped at her for a second then asked, "Your dad's alive?" She nodded, and he pulled her into another hug. "That is the best news I've ever heard!"

She laughed and pulled away again, suddenly aware that Bones was watching them, and she saw a fleeting look of anger pass over his features. She gave him a quizzical look before returning her attention to Jim.

"Why didn't you call me?" Jim's voice held a slight rebuke.

"Why didn't she call you?!" Bones was suddenly on his feet and in Jim's space, putting Alex behind him. "You were out with yet another girl, how was she supposed to? She tried! And got me instead. Because you were off being a jackass!" McCoy's face had turned red with anger, and Alex actually heard his knuckles pop as clenched his hands into fists.

Jim looked extremely surprised, and to his credit didn't react with anger of his own. But he also didn't back down, and Alex had known them both long enough to see that if she didn't intervene they'd come to blows.

"Len-" She tried, but he caught her off.

"Don't even try to defend him!" He growled at her, and she stepped back when she saw the pure rage in his eyes. He stopped suddenly, his eyes widening when he recognized her fear. Then he muttered a curse and left the room. Alex stared at the open door, more than a little horrified.

"What was that?" Jim asked quietly, his face burdened with hurt and confusion.

"Um..." Alex was wondering the same thing, and while she realized Bones was reacting out of the need to protect her, she couldn't tell Jim that. Not until she actually talked to Leonard and figured out where they stood. She knew she didn't want to tell Jim what had happened, even though she didn't quite understand why. She also knew that she had never fully considered sleeping with McCoy before last night. She had always been a little attracted to him on some level, and he was one of her best friends, so she loved him. But something had always been in the way, something she couldn't quite put a name to. Now isn't the time to self reflect Pike! "I was sorta a mess last night... I think he's upset that you weren't here. I didn't handle it very well."

"Are you upset that I wasn't here?" The question was so soft, so tentative. Yes! Of course! A voice in her head practically screamed.

"No," she lied. Don't lie! "But I needed you last night. I called your room and Bones answered. If he hadn't... well I don't know what I would have done." Somewhat honest.

"I'm sorry. If I'd known I would have-"

"There's no way you could have know. Don't be sorry. It all worked out just fine." Except that your two best friends had sex... She flinched slightly, trying to will her brain to shut it.

"Still..." He looked really worried, like he didn't quite believe her. Which was expected, since he always knew when she was lying.

"Really Jim. It's fine." She gave him a quick hug, before turning back to the open door. "I should go after him."

"No, I will." Jim said, starting to walk out of the room.

She grabbed his arm, probably a little too forcefully. "I really should. You don't need another black eye."

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "But I look even more handsome when I have a black eye!"

"I'm a little worried you'd end up with more than a black eye, given the mood he's in." She gave his hand a quick squeeze, then took off down the hall

Where would he have gone? Not his dorm. That would be too easy, and he'd risk Jim finding him right away. The medical centre? No, there would be too many people, too many questions. The workout centre? Possibly, Alex assumed he wouldn't mind taking out some frustration on a punching bag. Or a fellow cadet... But that didn't feel right. Which left an entirely new place or the shoreline. Best to put her money on routine, it wasn't Bones' style to change it up.

She was about half way to the river that ran alongside the Academy when she stopped and realized she'd need to gather her thoughts first. Which meant finally answering that question that had been nagging her for the better part of 3 years. Did she have feelings for Jim? She'd been avoiding the subject with typical Pike stubbornness, but at this moment she knew it was something she'd have to face.

So Jim. She'd had a connection with him since that first moment they'd met. But they'd been so young, romance wasn't even on the list. And then she'd found him again after so long, and romance was top of their respective lists. But it had been obvious that for Jim it wasn't a romance with her. It was with any creature that called itself a female. And while at first Jim hadn't been on her list either, at some point she must have moved him up, or else why would she be so annoyed and hurt when he went off with random girls? If Alex truly saw him as just a friend, those feelings would not exist.

And there it was. She had feelings for him. It was so obvious when she allowed herself to see it. She felt alive whenever he was around. He could light her up better than anyone else. And he was strong, intelligent, caring, loyal, hilarious, and to top that off incredibly handsome. All qualities that formed an amazing man. An amazing man that she could see herself loving.

And then there was Bones. Another man she had a connection with. But it wasn't the same, and she knew deep down it never would be. Bones was truly her friend. She wanted to protect him, care for him, laugh with him, cry with him. She loved him, but she wasn't in love with him. Because of Jim. It would always be Jim unless that door closed completely. The more she thought about it, the more she was sure that Bones felt the same about her. He wasn't in love with her, but he wanted to protect her. And last night that had led to something intimate because they had both needed it. And this morning it had led to him lashing out at Jim. Did that mean that Bones knew how she felt? Had he known even before she did? Those were questions that she couldn't answer.

She realized that she had starting walking at some point in that silent revelation and now she was standing behind McCoy. The man who could answer. He was sitting on the shore, about 2 feet from the water, watching the Golden Gate bridge. Alex sat down beside him without looking directly at him and said without pretense, "I have feelings for Jim."

"I know." He answered simply.

She turned to him, flustered and frustrated all at once. "You know? Why didn't you tell me?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm a doctor not a psychiatrist." He looked sad, but a little relieved at the same time. She wasn't sure why.

"You could have said something!" She wasn't truly angry with him, but if he had said something earlier, shook her out of her own denial, things would be easier right now. He just shrugged at her.

Alex sighed. "We have to talk about this."

"All right look, I'll give you this one conversation to talk about it ok? Because of last night, and because you're you. But after that you can't tell anybody I did it. I have a reputation to maintain." He gave her a wry smile. Sense of humor is a good sign. Alex glanced over at the water for a second while she gathered her thoughts. There were several shuttles traveling across the sky. The distant sound of the city's daily activities filled the air. She took in a deep breath, smelling the water and the trees around her. It had rained the night before and she could still smell the dampness on the leaves. It had been so long since she'd just sat outside and taken in her surroundings. Alex shook herself, why am I so scatter brained today?

"Deal. Straight forward and to the point? Not worried about hurting each other's feelings?" She asked.

"You gonna break my heart girl?" He replied, putting on a hurt face. It was her turn to raise an eyebrow at him. She knew she hadn't pegged him wrong, that he wasn't expecting this to go anywhere romantically. His heart wasn't hers to break. "Yeah all right. You start."

She rolled her eyes, but jumped right in anyways. "You didn't take advantage of me last night. I needed you, and I think you needed me too. And it was amazing." He grinned slightly at that comment. "But I don't think either of us wants it to go further than that?"

"Agreed." McCoy glanced at his hands. His shoulders were stiff and he seemed extremely uncomfortable. She noticed he'd somehow managed to smooth his hair down so he looked as professional as he would have on a 'normal' day. "And I don't think we should tell Jim about it."

"Because I have feelings for him? I agree we shouldn't tell him, but I really don't think anything will happen with Jim and I. So this doesn't jeopardize that." She meant that. She was entirely sure Jim did not harbour the same feelings she did.

"Why would you think that?" He looked perplexed. "Jim has fe-I mean, no, I don't think we should tell him because I don't want to jeopardize our relationship. The friendship the 3 of us have." She stared at him.

"What were you going to say about Jim?" But she already knew. Jim has feelings for you too. But that didn't make sense.

McCoy shifted uncomfortably. "I'm really not a psychiatrist. But if either of you would let yourselves look for it you'd see it. Everyone else does."

She gaped at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Look, you don't feel like you're in Jim's league because he's such a-well he's such a playboy. And he dates tons of girls and he's so talented and his future is so bright." Bones paused for a moment, seriously contemplating.

"I don't see how this is helping..." she said darkly. He held up a hand giving her the signal to give him a moment.

"BUT Jim doesn't feel like he's in your league because you're so talented and have such a bright future which is why he's out datin' all those girls. You two both think less of yourselves and it's standin' in the way of actually recognizin' that you are in the same league. And no one else can compete with that." Bones shoulder's sagged slightly, as if a weight had settled on them despite the calm look in his eyes.

Alex frowned, searching his features for a moment, choosing to ignore for a moment what he'd said in terms of what it meant for herself and Jim. "Do you want to be able to compete?" She asked softly, watching his reaction carefully.

"What?" He looked truly surprised. "No! I really don't have those feelings for you. No offense."

"Then what is it?"

"It's hard to watch you two tear yourselves up when you're capable of so much. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bringin' you down. Especially after last night, I just..." She understood instantly, and actually let out a laugh. He, in turn, fixed her with his McCoy glare.

"Bones! For crying out loud! You bring us down? We all bring each other up! I mean, you're really messed up most of the time and –"

He cut her off. "I don't see how this is helping."

"BUT," she was smiling. "So are we. The three of us, with our messed up pasts and complicated presents, work so well together. Don't ever feel like you're a burden or a curse. At least, never for me ok? And I'm positive Jim would feel the same."

They stared at each other for a moment, and then at almost the exact same time shook themselves and moved apart slightly.

"This is awkward," Alex mumbled.

"This never happened," Bones growled.

Another moment passed as the tension seemed to rise. Heartfelt conversations were truly not their thing.

"I ought to go make sure Jim isn't crying about me yellin' at him." The doctor stood up and brushed off his pants a bit to enthusiastically.

"Good idea. I'll go see if I can raise my dad on the comms, make sure everything is still ok." They didn't make eye contact, but they both turned to walk back up the shore at the same time and headed back to the campus in silence.

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It was a couple of months later when everything changed. Things had fallen back into their normal rhythm, except for Alex's new knowledge of Jim's potential feelings. It had been extremely difficult at first, because she didn't know how to approach him after the last 3 years of avoiding her emotions. At first she'd be extraordinarily nervous around him. He'd barely noticed, since he'd been ramping up to take the Kobayashi Maru, the unwinnable test for all cadets in their final year. And since it was used normal for her to be jittery around others.

He'd accelerated through his courses he'd caught up to her and they were taking most of their final classes together. If she hadn't have been so wrapped up in the romantic notions of Jim and herself she might have realized that they stood a real chance of joining a crew together, something they had dreamed about in the first months of the academy so long ago.

Her nervousness had faded to a resolve after several glares and actual jabs from McCoy, who had moved from awkward to the 'Get it over with already you idiot!' mentality. So she decided to go for it. She went to his room one night, knowing he'd be in studying after his second failure of the Kobayashi Maru. She'd knocked, but hadn't waited for a response before entering the room. The sight before her had felt like a punch to the gut. Jim was in bed with the Orion girl in their year. It wasn't the first time she'd walked in on such an act, but it was the first time that she'd done it while openly accepting that how she felt about Jim.

Of course, she'd apologized quickly and ran back to the sanctuary of her room where she'd cried for hours. It was only when she went to the bathroom to wash her face that she realized this wasn't who she wanted to be.

"You are a Pike," she'd said to her reflection. "You do not cry over silly things like this. Bones was wrong. If Jim had feelings for you he would not be sleeping with other girls." A lie, something she didn't fully believe but had to cling to because she didn't have to courage to confront him, not anymore. "Jim is your best friend, and you will continue to act as his. Nothing has changed. Nothing has to change. This is enough. And you won't hold it against him because it isn't his fault you became so involved with a fantasy."

And here they were today in Jim's third round of the test. Bones and Alex were both a part of the crew running the simulation with him. Alex was in the role she had been training, Tactical Officer.

"Starfleet command has ordered us to rescue them... Captain," Jim was saying as he turned away from the comms office. Uhura, right? Alex asked herself. She'd be focussing on the read-outs in front of her and had only caught the tail end of the conversation when she'd heard Jim's tone. A quick glance over her shoulder confirmed that cocky grin of his. Alex really should be paying more attention, but it was the same scenario introduction as last time. At least this time she wasn't distracted by Jim or Bones. The first few months following her father's disastrous mission had been difficult. Dealing with that and her friendship issues had taken their toll on her studies and her focus. Everyone had chalked it up to the scare with her dad, and only Bones knew it was more than. But after the day she'd walked in on Jim she'd given herself a swift kick in the butt. Her grades improved and her performance was starting to catch the eye of the higher officers who would soon be choosing their new crewman from the graduating cadets. Truth be told her distraction at the moment was because she was calculating the power levels that would be necessary to pull off the move she and Sulu had been perfecting for NCC class ships.

Bones called out the incoming ships and Alex pulled her focus to the task at hand. She was also being evaluated during the exercise after all, if not with the same scrutiny that they would be giving 'Captain Kirk'.

"That's ok," Jim responded. That caught Alex's attention and she actually turned to look at him for a moment. What are you playing at? The question was clear on her features and when he caught her eye he actually winked at her. She suppressed the sigh of annoyance that threatened to escape.

"That's ok?" McCoy asked without even trying to hide his annoyance.

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Jim replied smoothly.

Alex chanced a glance at the viewing booth overhead and they were all staring at Jim with confusion on their faces. You better know what you're doing... He always did, but that didn't stop the worry creeping into her mind.

"Three more Klingon war birds de-cloaking and targeting our ship. I don't suppose this is a problem either?" Bones sounded deeply annoyed at this point. Other members of the crew were turning their heads now, mostly curious or confused. While they had all had encounters with Jim, they weren't going to jump to anger at this point. They didn't have anything riding on this, and she was sure it would become a source of entertainment for most of their classmates.

"They're firing Captain," Alex reported quickly as her screen lit up with warnings and alerts.

"Alert medical to prepare to receive all crew members from the damaged ship," Jim directed Uhura. He was enjoying this entirely too much.

"And how do you expect us to rescue them when we're surrounded by Klingons, Captain." Uhura's tone reminded Alex of the fact that Jim had always had an odd fascination with her. Probably because she was one of the few women who could be wooed by him.

"Alert medical," he replied with a level of finality.

"Our ship is being hit." That'd be McCoy again. He was right, her screen was lighting up with warnings. "Shield's at 60%."

"I understand," replied the would-be-captain.

"Well shouldn't we, I dunno, fire back?" McCoy looked directly at her as he questioned Jim. Yes, yes we should. She just shook her head helplessly at him. This was going downhill fast. She glanced up at the viewing room and could see looks of annoyance forming there as well. McCoy actually though up his hands and turned back to his screen.

"No." Is he eating an apple?!

"Of course not." She could tell that annoyance had turned to barely controlled anger on McCoy's part.

Suddenly all the screens in the room flickered out, and everything seemed to reset. Alex stared wide-eyed at her own screen. The enemy ships no longer had their shields up.

"Arm photons, prepare to fire on the Klingon warbirds," Jim ordered her.

"Yes sir," she replied immediately, surprised that she was barely phased by the turn of events. Of course this was happening, it's Jim Kirk. That boy she'd met so many years ago, so serious and motivated, had grown into a carefree man. Still motivated, but more of a rebel and a troublemaker. It actually hurt a little to realize the transformation. Where had that boy gone? The one who would risk his life for others and didn't mess around? She still acknowledged on some level that it was a defense mechanism, but her ability to accept that and look past it seemed to be waning. She was actually extremely disappointed in him right now, and that shocked her a bit.

"Jim, their shields are still up," Bones reported, his tone quieted somewhat as though he was trying to alert Jim without giving it away. Like he didn't want to point a flaw in the man's commands.

"Are they?" Another bit of his apple. You cocky son of a-

"No... they're not," Bones sounded extremely surprised.

"Fire on all enemy ships! One photon each should do, let's not waste ammunition."

"Target locked and acquired on all warbirds. Firing," she replied. The warbirds exploded dutifully on the screen. She could have sworn she heard Jim make a shooting sound behind her.

"All ships destroyed Captain." She traded a look with McCoy, which resulted in both of them rolling their eyes as Jim made a speech about the successful completion of the simulation. She almost found herself grinning along with him, despite her disappointment and anger. He actually did it. But then she noticed a very angry –wait, Vulcan's can't look angry can they? – Vulcan watching the display from the viewing booth, and a very bad feeling seeped through her. That could not be good.

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Several hours later they were all called to an emergency assembly. The room was filled with red uniformed cadets, with a small section set aside for graduated officers. In the front of the room was the Academy Council. Alex arrived seconds before the assembly began and took a seat beside Bones so that he separated her from Jim. It was the seat they saved for her, but she preferred it this way anyways. Jim liked to talk during these things and she was past screwing around at school. Things were getting serious now and she planned to become a good officer.

"Alex, where-" She cut Jim off with a pointed glare and a head tip towards the council in front of them. He looked a little hurt but sat back in his seat without another word.

"This session has been called to resolve a troubling matter," Admiral Barnett began. Alex felt her heart skip a beat. The timing of the assembly was too coincidental. This was about Jim. "James T. Kirk step forward."

Her head snapped towards Jim who looked temporarily stunned. Leonard tensed beside her. A second later Jim stood and made his way to the front as the Admiral spoke again.

"Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to this council suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to regulation 17.43 of the Starfleet Code. Is there anything you care to say before we begin sir?"

Alex's eyes widen. Those were serious charges.

"Yes," Jim replied, and Alex detected a slight tremor in his voice. "I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly." He hands were tight behind his back, and she was glad he wasn't fidgeting so the entire assembly could see.

The Admiral looked over to a Vulcan officer sitting across the way from Alex and Leonard. He stood and straightened his uniform rather precisely before heading down to stand beside Jim.

"Step forward please," The Admiral said as he walked. "This is Commander Spock, one of our most disguised graduates. He's programmed the Kobyashi Maru exam for the last four years." A pause followed as Jim eyes the Commander. "Commander," Admiral Barnett said, effectively passing control to him.

"Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine in the programming code thereby changing the conditions of the test." Spock didn't look at Jim as he spoke, instead addressing the council before him.

"You're point being?" Jim replied instantly. Don't play it that way Jim, she silently begged.

"In academic vernacular, you cheated," the Admiral cut in, clearly not impressed with Jim's response.

Jim glanced at the Admiral and Alex couldn't see his face, but she imagined it was surprised. A murmur swept the crowds. Extremely serious charges.

"Let me ask you something," Jim began, acknowledging the Commander beside him. "That I think we all know the answer to." A comment made slightly under his breath. "The test itself is a cheat, isn't it?"

Alex wasn't sure where he was going with that. No matter what the test was, he had still cheated. And he'd been caught.

"You programmed it to be unwinnable," he continued.

"Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario," Spock answered in a calm, calculated voice, still looking straight ahead.

"I don't believe in no-win scenarios," Kirk countered instantly, this time addressing the council like Spock was.

"Then not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principle lesson." Now they were addressing each other as the debate grew more personal. Spock was challenging him.

"Please, enlighten me."

"You of all people should know Cadet Kirk, a Captain cannot cheat death." Alex let out a small gasp. There was no anger, no emotion whatsoever in the statement. An argument could be made that as a Vulcan he didn't understand the true meaning behind his words. But Alex could see he knew what he was doing.

Jim faltered, glancing back at his fellow cadets. He was being torn down right in front of them. "I of all people," he repeated, looking down, trying to find composure.

"Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action did he not?" Spock asked with a tone of innocence. Alex's hands clenched into fists.

"I don't think you like the fact that I beat your test," Jim replied. Alex smiled slightly, proud that he was keeping his cool in spite of such a comment.

"Further more you have failed to divine the purpose of the test," Spock pressed forward. If she wasn't so offended on Jim's behalf Alex might have noticed how evenly matched they were in this debate.

"Enlighten me again," Jim requested, a slight tremor of annoyance finding its way through.

"The purpose is to experience fear." They didn't break eye contact as Spock spoke. "Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of one's self and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet Captain." Jim deflated slightly, accepting the logic behind Spock's argument. Alex agreed with him too. She'd always understood the test to be more than just about winning, but Jim was too competitive to hear her protests. And look where that had gotten him.

The room fell silent as everyone recognized that Spock had presented his case flawlessly.

Alex's eyes shifted to an officer approaching the bench and hastily speaking to the Admiral. She felt everyone in the room tense at that point. They may not have cared that much about the charges against Kirk, but they all knew for someone to interrupt the session meant high priority.

"We've received a distress call from Vulcan." The room erupted in murmurs and Alex watched Spock's head snap towards the Admiral. "With our primary fleet engaged in the Lorenchian system I hereby order all cadet to report to hanger one immediately. Dismissed."

Everyone rose and Alex felt adrenaline rush through her. The graduating class was about to get out early, and from the sounds of it for a very important mission. Who would attack Vulcan? While she understood the urge to punch them in the face on occasion, she couldn't see any reason to attack the peaceful race. If they had sent out a distress call, it had to be very bad.

Bones and Alex made their way to Kirk who stood looking a little dumbfounded. "Who was that pointy-eared bastard?" He managed to say.

"I don't know... but I like him," Bones said before following the other cadets out. Alex cracked a smile before meeting Jim's gaze. She immediately looked away and followed Bones. She didn't know what to say to him, and right now she couldn't even think about him. She had orders.

She paused and looked over her shoulder to see him hovering awkwardly, obviously confused by her coldness. She sighed inwardly. "Let's go get our orders. Ten bucks says you're on the Enterprise."

He smiled suddenly, "Why would I take that bet when I agree with you?"

They walked together, for a moment forgetting that in the next few hours they would each face more responsibility then they ever had before.

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Please review! I'd love to hear what you think about the direction this is going.