A/N It's choosing day! POV may get a little funky with this one, I hope it's ok.
Gideon barely slept that night, every time his eyes drifted closed he spun into a dark nightmare. He stood in front of the city's population, all of them chanting "Choose! Choose!" and when his blood fell he couldn't see where it landed and everyone jeered and shouted "You chose wrong!" Lily's face stood out among the crowd, "Gideon!" she would shout, tears streaming down her cheeks, "How could you? How could you leave me like that?!", and he would wake up to find that it had only been 10 minutes since he'd last looked at the clock.
When his mother finally came into his room that morning he had already given up on sleep and was showered, dressed, and sitting on his bed writing a letter.
"You're up already?" his mother asked, "After all these years of me having to drag you out of bed you choose today to get up on time. Maybe you really are an adult now."
She was already starting to tear up. Gideon closed his notebook and stood up to hug her.
"Aw, Mom, c'mon on, it's not a big deal. I mean it's not like you're never gonna see me again or anything."
"I know, I know it's just... I am so proud of you. You've grown in to such a perfect young man." She pulled away and collected herself, "Well, since you're awake you can wake up your sister, I'm going to go get ready and then we'll go to the pit for breakfast."
Gideon went into his sister's room and shook her shoulder gently, "Winnie, come on sweetie it's time to get up."
The six year old just mumble something and pulled her pillow over her head.
"Come on Win, it's my choosing day. If you don't get up I'll think you don't love me. And then I'll have to go be a Candor or something."
"No!" Winnie sprung straight up and threw her arms around Gideon. He laughed and attempted to get some of her messy brown hair out of his mouth.
"Come on Win, you know I'm joking."
"You are?" She looked up at him with her huge blue eyes.
"Of course, I mean Candor, really? I'd rather be Factionless." He picked Winnie up and carried her into the bathroom, "Now brush your teeth and I'll braid your hair like Lily taught me."
Half an hour later, in the pit, Gideon looked around at all the other kids who would be choosing today. He wondered who would transfer, who would stay, and if any wouldn't make it through initiation. He wondered what the other faction's initiations were like. He knew Erudite took intelligence tests, since that was how they elected a leader, and Candor used the same truth serum that was used on criminals during trials. He had no idea what Amity initiation was like, or if they even had a process.
These questions filled his head throughout all of breakfast and the train ride across town. He is kissed his mother on the cheek, hugged his sisters and went to stand in line with the other choosers. His father was a Leader, so he had left home early that morning to prepare for the ceremony.
Shortly after getting in line, Gideon saw Lily and the other Amities enter the hall and he was reminded of the night before. They hadn't been able to spend much time together after their kiss, her parents had come looking for her to take her home. He suddenly realized he had no idea how to behave around her now. What should he say, or do? How do you treat the woman you're about to change your whole life for?
"Hi" Lily whispered, getting in line next to him. The two of them would be the last to choose today, first Gideon, then Lily.
"Hey"
"Are you nervous?"
"No, why would I be. We just trust the test right?"
"Sure," she gripped his arm and Gideon couldn't tell if it was for her own comfort or his, "don't be nervous. Everything will work out fine." She kissed his cheek softly just before the Amity representative, Johanna Reyes, stepped forward to begin the ceremony. Gideon could see his father and all the other faction leaders and representatives sitting around the stage. Johanna gave the same speech the ceremony officiators always did, at least Gideon assumed she did, he wasn't listening. It felt like years, watching each person before him make their choice. He watched as Xavier and Jackson both chose Dauntless, and Lily's cousin Sarah went to Candor. He held his breath as a Dauntless girl, Julianna, stood over the bowl for a full two minutes before transferring to Erudite; and he couldn't help but smile each time the Dauntless cheered for their new transfers. Even with as long as it took, when his turn came it suddenly seemed he had blinked and missed everyone else.
"Gideon Aserath!" Johanna called.
Gideon took a deep breath and reached out to squeeze Lily's hand before walking onstage. He stood behind the semicircle of bowls, looking out at the audience. He picked up the knife and cut his hand, looking up at his family as he held his hand out. He tried to let them know silently, somehow, that he was sorry as his hand reached out over the bowls. Then he looked at Lily, he had to, to remind him why he was doing this. His hand began to drift over to the Amity bowl and Lily's eyes widened, she shook her head slightly.
"It's ok" he mouthed as he began to tilt his hand.
-4 hours earlier: Amity-
Lily sat on the roof of her house, watching the sun rise over the fields. The farmlands and meadows expanded for what seemed like forever, and Lily had always loved them, especially in the mornings, when they glowed orange and red in the new sunlight. But today was different, Lily had been up all night thinking about the Choosing and was still no closer to a decision. When Lily thought about it, she really believed she could be happy in any faction. She loved learning, so Erudite could be fun, and Candor had never annoyed her as much as others. She liked the Abnegation's passion for helping others, and ever since she was little she had relished in the bravery of the Dauntless. But Amity had always given her so much freedom, as long as she never hurt anyone she could do whatever she wanted. It was a peaceful life and she loved it; but what she really wanted was Gideon. And could Gideon really be happy living in Amity? There were only a dozen Dauntless transfers in Amity as it was, and initiators always judged them the most harshly. One wrong step and Gideon would be Factionless. She remembered how quickly he had snapped when David insulted her, something that aggressive would get him kicked out for sure. No, it wouldn't be right to ask him to transfer for her, not when she could be perfectly happy in Dauntless. She'd always wondered what it would be like to be one of them, to be the first Amity to transfer to Dauntless and stay there, to prove that Amities could be brave. To prove that she could be brave, that she didn't have to be what anyone, be it Gideon, or her family, or some test, told her she was supposed to be. Now all that was left, was to find it in her heart to say goodbye to Amity.
Lily spent the rest of the morning preparing for her new life. She wore her favorite yoga outfit, an orange tank top and red sweats; then she took the locket her mother had given her on her birthday and hid it in the front of her shirt. The locket was silver with the Amity faction symbol on it, when her mother gave it to her she had told her it was so she could always remember her roots, no matter where life took her. It was as if her mother had known, even then, that Lily would leave Amity one day.
As she wandered around her house, Lily found herself touching things a lot, as if trying to absorb their memory through her fingertips. It almost felt like she was dying, like she was never coming back. But she needed to stop thinking about things that way, this wasn't the end of the world. Her parents would still love her no matter what she chose, she could always come back to this house to visit. And she was going to be with Gideon, that's what she wanted, right? And she wasn't just transferring for him, she knew that, there was something else drawing her towards Dauntless, the same thing that had propelled her to climb that statue six years ago. She just didn't know what it was yet. Maybe it was a need to prove herself, or a desire to be some kind of hero, or maybe she just had a death wish. She figured the answer would come in time.
"Time to go!" her mother's voice chimed as she poked her head through Lily's door, "Come one darling, you don't want to be late for such an important day."
Looking at her mother's smiling face Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes and she launched herself into her mother's arms.
"Oh sweetie," her mother cooed, "don't you start now. If you cry then I'll cry, and then your father will come in here and he'll cry and you'll never make it out the front door."
"I'm sorry Mom," Lily said, "I'm just nervous. What if I choose wrong?"
Her mother cupped her face in her hands and said, "There, there darling, I know that it's hard growing up, but let me tell you something very important. In your life there are going to be people who will speak out against you for your choices, but you must find it in your heart to forgive them. Because even if you think differently from other people, that doesn't make either of you right or wrong, or better than the other. It's important that you always stay strong and be brave, but never ever stop being kind, that way they can never win. And most importantly darling, always stand by your choices, no matter how hard that may be."
Lily didn't know what to say. Her mother hugged her again and then led her out of the house to where her father was waiting. Because her father ran a farm he had his own car, so Lily and her family were driving some other groups in the area into town.
"Ready to go kiddo?" Her father asked as her ruffled her hair.
"As ready as I'll ever be." Her father helped her into the truck and kissed her forehead before going around the car to drive.
When they arrived at the Choosing Ceremony about an hour later Lily scanned the room for Gideon. Upon seeing him she felt a mixture of pure bliss and absolute terror. What if he didn't what her to transfer? What if he thought she was weak? What if after last night he realized he didn't like her the way she liked him and now he didn't want to see her anymore? What if he wasn't even staying in Dauntless? What if he had decided to transfer to Candor and become a judge and marry David? Ok, now she was just losing her mind. Even if Gideon were going to transfer and marry a man, it would be to like, some Erudite or something, not Candor.
Lily hugged her parents good bye, pushing away the thought that it could be the last time, and walked over to Gideon, trying to smile.
"Hi" she smiled
"Hey" Gideon sounded tense.
"Are you nervous?"
"No, why would I be? We just trust the test, right?" Gideon sounded so certain of that. She was sure he had gotten Dauntless, he knew exactly where he belonged.
"Sure" she said lightly, "no" she thought. She was doing the exact opposite of what the test told her to do. It was like flipping a coin to make a decision, if you liked the outcome then the coin was magic; and if you didn't, then it was just a stupid coin. She grabbed onto Gideon's arm, using him to ground herself in the moment.
From that point on time passed in a blur, Johanna's speech, the names, the choices, she couldn't remember anything even a second after it happened. Before she knew it Gideon's name was being called and she was left standing alone.
She watched him walk up the stairs and cut his hand, then he looked right in her eyes as his hand began to inch towards Amity. Wait, Amity? What the hell was he doing hovering over Amity? She shook her head at him but he just mouthed "it's okay." It was not "okay" not at all. He was just standing there with that look on his face that he always got right before doing something that he though was clever but was really very stupid. And this was very very stupid! Gideon didn't belong in Amity, and neither did she. Lily glared at him and softly whispered, making sure he would be able to read her lips perfectly, "Don't. You. Dare."
Gideon watched Lily, reading her lips carefully. He knew that face, he had seen it several times before. Usually if he didn't do what Lily told him to when she used that face, he wound up doing something that landed him in either detention or the hospital. She was serious, she didn't want him to do this.
He felt his heart break a little, did this mean she didn't want to be with him? He looked down as the blood on his hand gathered, it was almost overflowing. At the last second he snapped out of it and shifted his hand, letting the blood fall over Dauntless coals.
Lily let out a sigh of relief as Gideon stepped towards the cheering Dauntless.
"Lillian Abercrombie!" Johanna called out. As Lily stepped forward Johanna smiled kindly at her, Lily had always been fond of Johanna. When Johanna had been elected Lily had painted her a picture to congratulate her. She probably wouldn't keep the painting after this.
Lily's mind was empty, she couldn't see or hear anything. There was only the knife and the sizzling coals. She knew her choice, it was easy, now she just had to make it. She picked up the knife, holding her hand out over the bowl and slicing deep, hearing only the sound of her blood, sizzling on the coals. Seeing only the fire burning in the embers.
A/N I'm actually wildly excited right now, I hope you all are too. If you want to show me just how excited you are (or how I could make the story more exciting to you) you can press that lovely little review button or just Fav/follow.
Remember, inside those buttons are magical fairies that fly into my brain and make me write, the more you click the faster they fly!