Esme clearly hadn't listened to me when I'd said a single bed would suffice. In the middle of the huge bedroom I now called mine, was a giant white bed, and I couldn't lie, it looked so unbelievably comfortable compared to the rock of a mattress I slept on back in my dorm.
I felt slightly uncomfortable that Carlisle and Esme had spent so much money on me, but I guess it means so little them, and helping their family meant more than money. These people were more like my family more than my parents back home, and I wished my sister was there to feel real love from a real family. Chloe was strong, she was a fighter, just as stubborn as I was. It's only natural to worry for your little sister though.
I threw my bags down and lept at the bed, throwing myself on it and shutting my eyes. I don't know if I'd fallen asleep, but the room was silent when the bed shifted slightly and I turned my head to see Jasper smiling at me as he lay beside me, eyes soft and happy. We stared at each other, saying nothing, until he broke the silence.
"God I miss beds. With us not sleeping the only use we have for them is… well. You're a lady, and I don't want to make you blush." His comment had the right intentions, but I blushed anyway, knowing what he was implying.
"Ew, Jazz! I don't want to think about you in that way!" But my still pink cheeks definitely gave me away, pictures of him all flustered and turned on flooding my mind.
I rapidly changed the subject, knowing that it was wrong to think of Jasper that way when he'd never want that from me. I shifted my weight to lean one arm on him.
"So, if Edward knew what I was thinking about you guys, does that mean he can read minds?" I enquired.
"Yep. He's a bugger for it. Some of us have special abilities. Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future." He concluded.
"So she knew I'd be living with you guys then?" I presumed. I felt slightly violated at the thought of Edward being able to read my mind. God knows what he'd seen…
Jasper shook his head, which surprised me.
"Alice… can only see species that she has been, or is. So she can't see Jacob or Renesmee. You have just enough immortal in you that your species can't be seen clearly. She just catches random glimpses."
I had to admit, I kind of liked that I was an exception. She couldn't see what I was deciding. Don't get me wrong, I loved Alice, but I wanted my privacy. Which I suddenly realised I wouldn't be getting in a house full of vampires who could hear my every move. I groaned at the thought.
"What's up?" Jasper noticed the groan then. Of course he did.
"I'm not going to have any privacy here am I? How do you guys cope? You can't even fuck in peace." My hands clamped over my mouth, appalled at what I'd just said.
Jasper let out a loud laugh. "It's true. We tend to wait until the house is empty, but sometimes your instinct gets the better of you." He winked.
"Um… Jazz. You just said 'we' tend to wait. Does that mean you..?" I know it was none of my business, he I'd only known him for just over a month, and he was a 19 year old, of course he had urges.
His eyebrows raised comically, clearly not noticing what he said.
"Well, I mean, I'm not a virgin obviously, you know about Maria" He shuddered "but… I just meant we like my family, Not specifically 'we' as in me and someone…"
I smiled at how flustered he got.
"Jazz chill. I was only poking fun at you. You can fuck who you want and so can I. It's a free world and neither of us are virgins it seems." It was true. Who was I to say who he could and couldn't sleep with. But my heart did ache a little at the idea of him being with someone else.
"You're… oh." He seemed to struggle with the idea of me not being a virgin, but it's not like I was going to wait until marriage. It'd been quick and sloppy and over before it even began, with some boy called Robbie I'd met on a night out on my 18th birthday. But I didn't regret it. It wasn't romantic but it had been fun.
I did wonder how many people Jasper had slept with though. He'd only ever mentioned Maria.
I had to keep talking else Jasper might suspect my worry.
"Yep... But now I'm tired. I'm going to need to sleep. So unless you plan on staying here all night and reading a book while I sleep…"
He glanced up at me sheepishly.
"Can I?" He asked softly. I was taken aback by this, not expecting him to take me seriously. But I had to admit it, the thought of him staying the night did warm something deep inside me.
"Sure Jazz. I'm just going to put my pyjamas on, you go grab your book."
He returned a few minutes later, just as I was curling up under the duvet. I lifted the duvet above me and gestured for him to get in. I knew this was only a friendly act on his behalf, but I still felt comforted by it.
He lay down next to me, and turned off the lamp by the bed, he was able to read his book without the aid of a lamp. Snuggling down further I wrapped my arm around his waist and lay my head on his cool chest, embracing the chill. This felt… right. I was so glad in that moment that I had a friend as good as he was.
He stared down at me, clearly struggling with something in his head.
"Goodnight Darlin'. I'll be right here when you wake." And then he did something new: he kissed me on my cheek. For two seconds. I smiled up at him, but my eyes were heavy and I'd had such a long day with college and then moving into the Cullen house, so I fell into a deep sleep, thinking about the evening I'd spent with my new family, Edward not making an appearance, but Rose and Alice had spent time with me, hanging up all the clothes they'd surprised me with, and helping me settle in. I needed friends like them, who treated me like an equal. Which was ludacris when I thought about how superior they were to me. Regardless, they never acted like it.
When I awoke Jazz was still in my bed, but in my sleep I'd somehow moved onto him even more, my right leg sprawled across him, and most of my torso resting on him. Whoops. He didn't seem to mind, smiling at me as he said "Good Morning beautiful. You slept well."
I nodded, even though it wasn't a question. I couldn't believe he'd stayed the whole night.
"You're surprisingly comfortable." I replied, at the same time centring my body on his and sitting up to smile back at him. He glanced between us and I suddenly saw that the position I'd put us in was slightly inappropriate. I was basically straddling the poor guy. He must have been so uncomfortable, and the way his eyes flashed between us confirmed my suspicions.
"Shit sorry, I didn't think!" I panicked, pushing myself off him. But he held me in place, his hands on my waist. This was new.
"Bea. Please don't… you don't have to leave. It's okay." He pleaded. This was a side of Jasper I'd never seen before. He was almost vulnerable.
"And why not?" I teased. If I let myself think about this too much then I'd start to panic.
His sat up, leaning closer to me in the process.
"Because, I wouldn't be able to do this."
His face was inches from mine, I could feel his cool breath hit my slightly parted lips, and the scent of his breath made me dizzy it was so intoxicating. Then his lips pressed against mine softly, and my breath left my body. Jasper was kissing me. On the lips. My best friend was kissing me. Oh my god. His lips didn't move over mine, he just applied the slightest amount of pressure, almost like he was afraid to hurt me.
And then he was gone again. Staring up at me with caution in his eyes. Clearly wondering if he'd over-stepped an unwritten boundary between us.
What did that mean? Did he like me? Was he using me? Maybe that's why he wanted me to move in. A live in fuck-buddy. Oh god. I was panicking. A full on anxiety attack was looming and I couldn't stop it. My breathing started to get heavy, the blood rushing to my head and my palms becoming clammy.
Then it was gone. Again. Just like every time I started to get anxious, but this only when I was with… Jasper.
"Jasper, why do I never have my anxiety attacks when I'm around you?"
My question threw him, he was clearly expecting me to make some comment about what he'd just done.
He then smiled.
"Oh, yeah, when I told you about Edward and Alice's abilities I forgot to mention I have one too. I can feel and manipulate people's emotions. Whenever I feel you getting anxious I calm you."
"You do what?" I asked, trying to control my sudden anger. His face dropped. Good.
"I thought it was helping you? You hate anxiety attacks, I can tell!" He protested. I climbed off Jasper, too angry to be near him.
"How dare you! How dare you control what I feel! That's not normal Jasper, that's manipulative and dangerous. Do you know how horrible it feels to not be able to understand why your body isn't reacting how it normally does? I couldn't understand it, and all this time it's been you!" I was shouting, but I didn't care if the rest of the family heard me. I was too angry to care right now.
"Get out Jasper. I don't want to see you. Go!" He was frozen for a second, and then picked up his book and walked out of my room at human speed. He was hurt, but I was more so.