Chapter 6: Hide Your Pain

"Bertholdt, catch up!" Annie cried, giggles erupting from her throat. "We're almost there!" The small girl led the way up the hills that rested on the edge of the forest. Their village compound sitting in the viewable distance. The soldiers had let the trio out early in the morning.

"I'm coming!" Bertholdt stumbled up the hill behind his two shorter, blonder friends. He was all legs at 10 years old, and hadn't quite gotten used to the new height. He would have been happier about it if he didn't stick out so much from his peers.

His friends, though, did not seem to care.

Annie fell back into the tall grass at the top of the hill, spreading her arms and legs out like a star, her skirt blowing a bit in the breeze. Her eyes matched the color of the sky, which that day had only a few clouds to cover its beauty. She smiled. Sundays were the only fun day for them. No training for Annie. No working the fields for Reiner. No family time for Bertholdt.

"Look," Reiner called, standing beside Annie and pointing up the sky. "It looks like a deer."

"No, it doesn't," Annie countered, slapping his leg with her hand. "It's a horse."

Bertholdt sat beside her in the grass, his knees tucked up, arms laid across them. The wind smelled of the pines that surrounded their home. Butterflies fluttered from the flowers around him. Bertholdt wanted to live here, to be free.

"Bertl," Annie whined. "Which is it?" She gave him her best pleading look.

He could never say no to Annie. "Reiner, it's a horse."

Reiner fell back into the grass on Annie's other side, shouting, exasperated. "You two always gang up on me," he whined.

"You make it easy."

"Yeah, yeah. So what are we going to do today? Not to be a downer, but this is our last day together." Reiner looked to his friends, sadness in his eyes.

"How about tag, like we used to play?" Bertholdt suggested.

"We can use the woods for cover," Annie added.

"Alright, that's my kind of game," Reiner said, toothy smile spreading across his face. "So who's going to be IT first?"

Annie and Bertholdt looked at one another, then back to Reiner similar grins on their faces. Annie jumped to her feet, tagging Reiner on the head and yelling, "You're it!" before taking off down the hill.

"What?! That's not fair!" Reiner shouted at her as he tried to get up. "Bertl! C'mon, you guys! This isn't fair."

Laughter filled the warm air around them as they raced down to the trees. Annie was the first to dart between the foliage, snaking her way back as far as she could. She heard Bertholdt stumbling through behind her, and Reiner still shouting.

Reiner must have caught Bertholdt because soon Reiner was coming up around her side, smiling triumphantly. She slowed a bit and decided to run back the way she came. Someone had to let Bertholdt off from being IT. He never was a fast as her or Reiner.

When she found him though, it wasn't a sight she expected. Bertholdt was down on his knees, a figure Annie recognized as his father standing above him. Bertholdt's head was cast down, though even at the distance, she could feel the fear radiating from him.

Reiner came up behind her, confused. She gestured with her eyes to the scene in front of them. "Oh no," he whispered. "Why is he out here?"

The first strike was quick, to the side of the head. Bertholdt took it the best he could, letting it throw him to the ground. "Get up!" she heard his dad say. Bertholdt slowly stood on his trembling legs. His father grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him off.

Annie didn't feel herself move until Reiner was shouting for her to. She followed behind Bertholdt and his father, trying to stay out of sight. She knew his father was an awful man, and that Bertholdt was the most abused of his siblings, but nothing could ever be done for him. Families kept to themselves, governed by the head of the house, ignored by the government.

When they reached his home and the front door was slammed shut, she ducked to the nearest window. Inside she heard shouting. Through the window pain, Annie could make out Bertholdt's frame standing near his father's. He was pleading, tears coming down his face, arms above his head for protection. "No!" he shouted. "Please, Father!"

Mr. Fubar's hand came down with incredible force, knocking Bertholdt over the top of the head. He fell to the floor instantly, completely unconscious. Annie stared in shock at the sight before. At what that man had done to her best friend. She gripped the old window sill tightly, the wood splintering under her.

But his father must have heard the cracking wood, because he turned and locked his eyes on hers. "You!" he shouted, pointing a fat finger her way. "What the hell are you doing here, girl?" His words were slurred from alcohol.

Annie jumped back from the window, ready to run, but the door flew open. She managed to take a few bounds away, but tripped on the roots of a nearby tree.

"You shouldn't be here, girlie," he said, coming up in front of her, hands stretched out.

"You hurt him!" she screeched.

"And I'll hurt you too. For trespassing. For hanging out with him." Bertholdt's father jumped on top of her, pinning her to the ground. "You'll regret ever coming here."

"Stop!" Annie shouted, trying to kick him off. He gripped her wrists tighter above her head with one hand. A solid blow hit her in the chest and Annie coughed. She tried to remember everything her father taught her, but in the moment, it all happened so fast, and she was already down.

A second blow, this time to her cheek.

She struggled more and more, trying to find a way out of his grip.

"You will never forget your crime, girl!" he shouted, raising his fist above her face one more time.

Annie woke with a start. How many times would that moment torment her? It had years since she consciously thought of those days. They had been so young, so naiive. What was childhood supposed to be?

Did it even matter in a world of titans and humans and walls?

She shivered. She and Reiner had tough upbringings, sure. But Bertholdt suffered the most. Annie felt tears in her eyes, thinking of the bruises that used to appear on his arms and cheeks. Of the nights he would sneak away from home and find her. How they'd go to her father's shed and hide under a blanket, snuggled close to one another. How on those nights she would read to him by lantern light, stories of the old world, of the oceans and icy desserts and liquid fire. Of the goddess Ymir. All his worries forgotten. All thoughts of home.

It all seemed so long ago.

Bertholdt shifted in the bed next to her, mumbling something before flopping an arm across Annie's chest and a leg off the opposite side of the bed. It wasn't uncommon knowledge that Bertl slept in bizarre positions, but Annie hadn't ever had to sleep with him on a bed until now.

She shoved his arm off of her, before poking him in the side. "Bertl, I know it's nice to have a big bed now, but this isn't going to work for me."

The large boy huffed loudly but continued sleeping.

Annie wasn't entirely sure how things moved as quickly as they had over the past six weeks. One moment she had her own room in the dorms, and the next, her and the other girls for this project were being moved to an area of small duplex homes newly built in town. In all technicalities, Bertholdt still roomed with Reiner, but since their relationship had gone to that level, he had spent every night with her. Not that she minded (minus the weird positions he slept in). She liked having him close.

She looked around the small bedroom. One window that faced the East, and a door that led down a small hallway to the kitchen. Off to one side was an even small bathroom. The house was tiny, but Annie figured she'd be the only one officially living there for a while. She wondered if she could use the stipend of money they offered her monthly to make it more inviting. She hadn't bothered in the dorms, but this was her home now.

A breeze rattled the window pain, and Annie tucked herself closer to Bertholdt. It was still too early to get out of bed; even though the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon. However, being awake, Annie wasn't entirely sure what she should do. For a moment, she felt bad for almost waking up Berthold, who had been preparing for his upcoming mission most days. He was physically exhausted, falling into the bed every evening right after dinner and sleeping until morning.

She pitied him. Bertholdt was by far one of the sweetest people she knew. It was something she loved and envied him for. But for some reason people always treated him the worst. If it weren't for her or Reiner sticking up for him, he would have been long gone years ago. It was funny though, because if his father saw him now, as tall as Bertholdt was, he might be the one quivering in fear. Annie smiled at the thought, hoping one day he could get justice.

Though she was certain it would never happen.

Annie pushed some hair off Bertholdt's face. He always looked so peaceful when he was asleep. His face lost all the worry lines, and his lips sometimes seemed to relax into a small smile. She wondered what he dreamed about, hopefully something better than the nightmares she had been facing.

His face suddenly tightened up, and Bertholdt opened his eyes. "Hi," he murmured, trying to smile as sleepy as he was.

"Hi, sorry I woke you." She sat up a bit and stretched.

"Nah, you didn't," he whispered. "Don't get up yet." Bertholdt reached his arms around her waist and pulled her under the blankets. "I haven't had a chance to talk to you much lately."

"Mm," she hummed. Annie tucked herself into the folds of his arms.

"I missed you, Annie." He nuzzled his nose into her hair. "I hate how busy I've been."

Annie turned her head to look at him. "Don't worry about it. It's not your fault."

"I want to spend time with you though. Especially now." He kissed her hair and then pushed some of it away from her neck with his long, thin fingers. Annie shivered as his lips brushed the skin at her nape. His hands moved from her hair to her stomach, and then to her breasts.

"Are we really going to do this now?" Annie huffed, already feeling her breath catching in her throat. She covered his hands with her own, leading them.

"It's been a while, and the doctors said that it can take a few tries." One of his hands slipped from her grip and glided down her belly to her underwear.

"Fuck them," Annie shot. "They're not the ones who have to carry a baby in their bodies for warfare." Her anger and heat radiated from her body.

Bertholdt let go of her a sat up. "I'd better go then." He stood from the bed and looked for his shirt, thrown somewhere on the floor the previous night.

"Bertl, I'm sorry, just wait." Annie reached for him and pulled him back down on the bed. She wrapped her arms tightly around his middle and sighed, "It's not you."

"Annie, I told you before that I don't want to pressure you about any of this." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. "I'll still love you." Bertholdt looked down at the blond clinging to him. "But for what it's worth, I'll stay for now. I know you've missed me too." He smiled to himself.

"I had a dream about home," she started. "It was the day we climbed the hills to get away from everything. We were playing tag, but your dad came after us, drunk. He hit you, right in front of Reiner and me, and then dragged you home by the back of your neck. You probably don't know this, but I chased after you that day." Bertholdt stiffened beside her. "After your dad got you home, I watched through the window. He beat you unconscious, Bertholdt." She choked, reliving the moment again and again.

"He saw me in the window then," she continued, her voice regaining some of its strength, "and charged after me. I tripped on the roots under the tree in your yard, and he tackled me. He got in two blows to my cheek and chest before I kicked him off and ran home." Annie took a long breath before looking to Bertholdt. "My dream was the same, except I didn't get away."

Bertholdt held her gaze and then pulled her closer. "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

"What, that we knew? We didn't want to embarrass you or make you feel like you had to explain yourself. Your father was an asshole who didn't deserve you as a son. Reiner and I wanted you to have a place away from that." She hugged him tightly. "And I got away."

"If I had known what he did to you…" His hands tightened into fists.

"It doesn't matter now. C'mon, why don't we try to get some more sleep before breakfast?" Annie leaned back, still tucked in his arms. "Relax, I'm okay. I'm still here with you."

Bertholdt fell back beside her. "It's not something I can forgive him for," he murmured while closing his eyes.

After a few minutes, Bertholdt's steady breathing told Annie he was back asleep. She stared into the slowly brightening room. Yes, it had been a long time since Annie consciously thought of those days.

"So, I know we haven't been doing the hand-to-hand training and I was just wondering if you were ok. I didn't want to push you when you first canceled a few week ago. But I'm worried, you know? Are you not allowed to do your martial arts anymore?" Gisa questioned before taking a bite of her toast. "I'm sorry if that's true, I know it was important to you."

Annie looked up at her redheaded friend for the first time since they sat down for lunch. "It's fine. Bertholdt was the one who originally brought it up. He was just worried that if I got pregnant and didn't know it, I might hurt the baby. And then we'd have to start all over." Annie pushed her food around her plate.

"You said 'if' though…so does that mean things are going well for you two? More so than before?" Giselle leaned forward on the table toward Annie.

"I guess. We are together, as a couple or whatever, so I guess it's not so wrong for us to be so close. He pretty much lives with me, though I'm sure you've noticed, living next to me and all." The blond picked up her fork to eat something, but then dropped it back on her plate with a clang.

"Are you okay, Annie?"

Annie looked up, but didn't answer. She picked up her fork again and shoved a huge amount of food in her mouth.

"You can talk. You're allowed to feel vulnerable. That's why we have friends, right? To lean on each other." Gisa smiled, resting her hand on Annie's across the table.

Annie set her fork down. "We just haven't been together in a few weeks. Like actually 'together.'" She sighed and turned to look passed the other tables, slowly dwindling in the number of people eating. "He's exhausted and I don't know how to help him. They push him so hard every day and I hardly see him. He's one my best friends and I just want to be with him. He tried to start something this morning, but I just…" Annie caught herself and wondered if this was something she could tell Gisa.

"And I've been having this horrible dream. I talked to Bertl about it this morning, but I don't think he knew what to say. The dream is so vivid, it's part of our shared past. But in my dream, I can't escape. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm feeling trapped in the real world too." Annie grimaced. "It's awful."

"Annie, you look drained. Maybe we should go talk to the doctors?"

"I'm not going to any of those mindless doctors!" Annie claimed, jumping up from her seat. She gripped the wood of the table, her nails digging into the grooves. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything."

"Stop doing that!" Gisa shouted, her face going as red as her hair. She stood, mimicking Annie's body language. "You open up and act like you're looking for help, but then you shut down again as soon as things are too difficult or too personal. Well, stop it! Life sucks, and it's going to suck even more now that we're here, and that we're expected to be breeding machines for these lunatics. But at this point you need to get over yourself!"

Gisa slowed, exhaling quietly. She looked to Annie, tears in her eyes. "I told you that it's ok to feel vulnerable. That's why you have me, or Bertholdt. I want you to come to me when you don't know what to do." Gisa brushed the back of her hand across her cheeks to remove the tears. "I'm sorry," she said with a small smile. "I've just been a really emotional wreck lately."

"I want to support you too, Giselle," Annie said softly. She sat down on the bench and gestured for Gisa to do the same. "I'm just not used to being helped. I didn't mean to yell at you, I just can't face those doctors any more than I have to. I've screwed up enough here recently and I don't need a reason for them to do something drastic."

"Then you and I will just have to figure this out," Gisa said with her usual smile. She reached for Annie's hands again and held them tightly. "Right?"

Bertholdt was already in a foul mood that morning, even before training started. Why didn't they tell him? It was one thing for Annie, who was always so passive, but Reiner was his closest confidant. It wasn't that he really kept his father's abuse a secret, but he wasn't sure if they really knew.

Apparently they had. Annie knew.

"Dammit!" he bellowed, slamming a fist on the wall of his room. It was so long ago. He knew the exact day too. It was the day before his father had sold him off to one of the officers, just a week before Annie and Reiner left. It was their last free day together, that they knew of.

And his father had ruined it.

"I'll kill him," Bertholdt seethed into his fist. "If I ever see that bastard again, I will kill him."

He sighed, pushing off the wall and changing into his training uniform. It was a field test day for him and Marcel. The thought of being around Marcel for the next twelve hours made him burn with anger. If he weren't such an self-righteous ass, things would maybe be easier. Maybe.

Bertholdt grabbed his jacket off the end of his bed and made his way toward the offsite training grounds. It was a bit of a walk from the boys' dorms, so he figured it should be enough time to cool down and gain some composure before turning into a 60 meter monster.

His feet kicked up gravel on the main path to the gate. The scuffling noise was plenty to distract him. That was, until he heard a running gate coming from behind.

"Hey, Bert, wait up!" Reiner bound down the road toward his tall friend. He jumped and wrapped a large arm around Bertholdt's neck from behind.

"Ach!" Bertl grabbed Reiner's wrist and yanked his arm from around his neck. "What?" The blond boy matched Bertholdt's steps as best he could, following to the training grounds. It was still so far away.

"I'm completely healed, that's what!" Reiner exclaimed, punching Bertholdt in the shoulder and breaking him from his bleak thoughts. "And," he started excitedly, "I have recently been assigned to a certain mission with you and Marcel."

That officially got Bertholdt's attention, stopping him in his tracks. "What?" he burst out angrily. "Why are they assigning you? Do you have a death wish?"

"Bert, easy." Reiner put up his hands in truce. "It's a pretty simple task. And they need my new acquired traits. My titan form's got better armor now. You'll need my help breaking through the second wall." Reiner flexed his arms above his head. "Jeez, I thought you'd be happy, you know? Three buddies on a great mission together."

"Marcel and I aren't buddies," Bertl spat, taking a step forward to continue his pace from before. "He's a prick with no respect for anyone. If I could get away with it, I'd sock him in his stupid face."

"What has gotten into you?" Reiner asked, pulling back on Bertholdt's sleeve. "Did you have a fight with Annie or something?"

"No! I'm just frustrated. And the fact that in a few months when we leave, no one will be here for Annie." Bertholdt looked away quickly. "If something happens to me…"

"Hey, relax, man." Reiner put a solid arm around his friend's shoulders. "Nothing is going to happen to you. The plan is almost foolproof, give or take a few titans."

"Whatever. This is all a joke to you." Bertholdt shrugged Reiner's arm off. "You have nothing to lose."

"Are you kidding? What the hell is going on? And actually tell me, no more of this bullshit." Reiner jumped in front of his friend, blocking the path. "Talk."

Bertholdt looked away, irritated. But as his friend waited, he knew it had to come out. With a sigh, Bertholdt said, "You both knew about my dad."

Reiner didn't expect that.

"Annie told me this morning. And she also made a point to tell me he hit her too." Bertholdt shoved a hand out to push Reiner back. "Is that what you wanted to hear? Probably not. Now please don't make me late for training." He took off in a jog, passing Reiner.

Reiner wasn't sure what to say. Of all the things to be mad about, something that happened over five years ago? It was so Bertholdt. He shook his head, unsure of how to get back into his friend's trust. It would have to be today. Reiner leapt into a sprint, hoping to catch Bertholdt soon.

"Hey, Berty, was wondering when you were gonna show up." Marcel stretched his arms behind his back. "My little brother's been asking about you. He's wondering when you'll give up the Colossal Titan powers so he can have them."

"Shut up." Bertholdt spit. He walked to his position and faced forward, awaiting instructions.

"What the hell? Mr. Nervous-Goody-Goody in a pissy mood today? What a shame. I wonder how your cute little girlfriend will handle that. Unless she's the one who got you mad." Marcel stepped closer to Bertholdt, his face just inches away. "Did Annie get you real mad, Berty?" He laughed to himself. "I wouldn't be surprised if she got me all heated, either. She's a real pistol. If she ever becomes too much for you, just pass her my way." The grin on Marcel's face was sickening. "There's plenty of room in my bed."

"Marcel!" Reiner warned, coming through the set of gates and stepping between them. "Knock it off."

"What?" he asked, stepping back with his arms out. "I was just letting Berty know that I'll take care of his bitch if she's too much for him. She's definitely something I wouldn't mind trying out."

"Shut up." The words left Bertholdt's mouth, quiet but raged.

"What, now?" Marcel asked, sneaking around Reiner and tapping Bertholdt's chest with his hand. "Did you say something, Bertl? That's the name she uses for you, right?"

"C'mon, Marcel. Stop." Reiner took another step closer to the two boys, unsure if he should separate them again or not.

Steam started to seep from Bertholdt's skin, radiating his anger in heat. "I said, shut up." He slowly turned to face Marcel, eyes burning.

"You wanna fight, Colossal? Bring it." Marcel flipped the blade out from his ring, moving to snag his finger.

"Boys! Enough!" Their commander, Zeke, stalked toward them, flanked by two scientists. "Save it. We need you three with level heads for today." He pointed to the area of trees on the far end of the field. "Go."

The three boys jogged to their assigned locations, but before Bertholdt could get far enough away, he heard Marcel whisper, "But trust me, she'd be better off with me anyway. I already got her stupid redhead friend knocked up, if you hadn't heard. Annie could easily be my second."

Bertholdt stopped in his tracks. "If you touch her, I will kill you."

He was aware before that it would be impossible to get through the twelve hours with Marcel. Now Bertholdt was sure.

Hope you all enjoyed! Please review if you have the time, they are literally my favorite part of writing this. See you all next chapter.

-Missy