Been awhile.
"I don't know about this, Lincoln," Luan confessed, looking at the simple plush with a pin, "This seems really tacky, even for me."
"Exactly!" Lincoln assured his sister as they made their way through the mall to where her crush was sure to be, "If you want your crush to like you, you need to be yourself. After all, you want him to like you, right? And nothing says 'Luan Loud' like cheesy jokes."
"But this isn't a joke," Luan furrowed her brow.
"Not in the traditional sense," her younger brother beamed, "but it takes all the same skills as a comedian: knowing your audience, confidence, and timing. And, if properly delivered, it'll make everyone smile."
"Huh," Luan tapped her chin, smiling at the thought, "I didn't think of it that way."
"There he is!" Lincoln whispered, "Quick, hand me the plush!"
Luan did as he asked and he disappeared into a small crowd, sneaking up on Benny. The curly-haired youth was window-shopping at one of the gag shops Luan frequented. He looked oddly indecisive, eyes flickering between various props and odd trinkets. Benny didn't notice as Lincoln stealthily pinned the small plush to the sleeve of his shirt. Lincoln backed away, flashing a grin and wink to the comedian. Luan controlled her breathing before putting on her most winning smile.
"Hey there, Benny!" she greeted as she approached. The curly-haired teen nearly jumped out of his skin and blushed, turning in a foolish effort to hide the fact he had been shopping at the prop store.
"L-Luan!" he cleared his throat after hearing it crack, "I didn't know you'd be here. Um, you looking for props?"
"Yes and no," Luan smirked. Despite being insanely nervous, she shared Luna's professional capacity to control her anxiety for performances. Inside she was screaming in panic, but her face and voice betrayed nothing. "I came here for some props, but it seems somebody stole my heart!"
Benny blinked at that, but before he could question what she meant, she gasped and pointed at his sleeve. Benny followed the gesture, his eyes widening as they took in the simple yellow plaid plush made in the shape of a heart pinned to his shirt sleeve. How had he not noticed that?! He blushed when he realized Luan was practically in his face, her shining smile glittering.
"I-I didn't mean to steal it," Benny laughed, before shaking his head, "I mean, I didn't st-"
"Oh, nobody means to steal hearts," Luan said, gingerly removing the plush in what was an oddly enticing manner. She eyed the plush before titling her demure eyes to his. His breath hitched in his throat. "Besides, you can't steal what's already yours."
Benny drew in a long breath, face cracking into a nervous grin.
"W-what's that mean?" he asked, voice cracking a little. He had his back to the glass, Luan trapping him without even holding him down. His eyes searched the passersby for help, but none stopped.
"It means…" Luan pursed her lips, letting some indecision show. She and Lincoln hadn't planned all this out to its fullest extent. She knew her brother had fled and she was on her own, now. She smiled, despite herself, and ran a hand along the sleeve the heart had been pinned to. "It means I really appreciate you for being the kind of person who… who wears their heart on their sleeve."
"B-but…" Benny cleared his throat again, "I thought this was your heart."
"True," Luan said before tucking it in his shirt pocket and patting it, "but it belongs to you."
"W-what are you saying, Luan?" her crush blushed, eyes alight with hope. Or maybe that was just her hope being reflected back?
"I thought that'd be obvious by now," Luan giggled, her nervous blush finally breaking through her trained composure. She locked eyes with Benny, drinking in the emotion in his eyes. Were they a little dark and hazy with desire? Or was it just her seeing what she wanted to see? "I love you."
Benny's eyebrows shot up as his mouth hung open. He worked his mouth, ineffectively, for a few seconds, looking like a beached fish. Then he looked suddenly pained and Luan felt a twist in her heart.
"Is… is this some kind of joke?" he asked, anger edging his words, "I-it's not funny, Luan."
"Why would I joke about something like this?" Luan asked, trying to wear a disarming smile. Unfortunately, rather than looking genuine, it made her seem mocking, infuriating Benny further.
"Because you always joke about stuff!" he cried, quietly enough to avoid making a scene, but loud enough to make her flinch back in shock, "And I always endure your pranks and jokes because I – er… because you're a cool girl – um – person to hang out with, but… if this is a joke, it's too far, Luan."
"Benny…" Luan's smile faded, "I'm completely serious for once. I know it's weird to hear, but I can take things seriously now and then. I-I've loved you for a few months now." She gave a small smirk. "If this were a joke, would I really have to explain it?"
"You never explain your jokes," Benny snorted, remembering the rules of comedy she frequently brought up, "If you had to explain it, it wouldn't be funny."
"Bingo, Benny," Luan winked, making him blush again. She moved in closer and enjoyed his deepening blush. "You know, it's a good thing you don't have braces, too."
"What?" the curly-haired boy asked, "Why?"
"Because I'd hate for them to get caught when I do this," Luan grabbed his cheeks and brought him in for a kiss. The poor boy was so shocked he stood there like an idiot before letting himself relax into it.
Somewhere, Lincoln was nodding to himself in satisfaction.
They pulled apart, somewhat reluctantly and laughed nervously. Luan twirled some loose hair near her cheek, feeling the same giddiness she got before a good performance. Benny rubbed his arm, unsure of what to say, but grinning like an idiot all the same.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" the comedian asked, at last, "Trying to get some new props for the drama department?"
"Um, no, actually," Benny's face heated up again and he avoided eye contact, "I was actually trying to find a gift… for a girl… who likes this kind of stuff…"
"Oh?" Luan asked, feeling a mix of hope and despair. It was pretty obvious what girl he would be talking about, but the anxious voice inside all people was telling her it could possibly be another girl interested in the same stuff, and that everything she had done that day was going to end in humiliation. "Is she pretty?"
"She's beautiful," Benny said, looking straight into her eyes and making her face light up, "especially when she's smiling."
"She sounds like a girl who likes to laugh," the comedian wrapped her arms around the boy.
"She is," Benny nodded, returning the gesture, "Her laugh is the most enchanting thing I've ever heard! I could listen to it for hours."
"She'd be lucky to have you…" Luan mumbled, snuggling into his chest as they embraced.
"She already does," Benny said, softly.
Lincoln sighed, contentedly as he watched the latest of his successful sisterly-couples work itself out. He felt… confident, all of a sudden. After all, he had helped Lynn and Clyde not once, but twice, and had got Luna and Sam together. Now here stood a third couple that looked as stable and eternal as the others. Grinning, Lincoln felt like he could take on the world! He was finally going to do it; he was finally going to take his own advice and talk to Paige!
With a quick text to Luan telling her he'd be at the arcade, he jogged briskly. Opening the doors and stepping into his sanctuary, he was surprised to see two sisters there instead of one. Lori working there was no surprise – in fact, he had helped her schedule her shifts for the weekend – but to see Lynn there?! He knew she liked video games, but it was still a surprise to see her inside when the weather was nice. He noticed his best friend and understood why.
"Best two out of three?" the jock asked, her competitiveness stoked by losing to her boyfriend.
"Only if we make it interesting," Clyde chuckled.
"Oh-ho, I didn't know you were a hustler!" Lynn grinned, viciously, "Alright, I like risk. Name the prize!"
"Loser buys the winner anything on the menu!" Clyde declared.
"You're on!" Lynn shot back.
Immediately they inserted their tokens into the game and entered a frenzy of button-mashing, not even noticing Lincoln had entered and passed them. He rolled his eyes at them, now closer than he had ever been with either of them. Sometimes hooking your best friend up with your sister was a horrible curse… Besides Lynn and Clyde, did he have anyone he hung out with all the time? No time for that, now! He scanned the girl of his dreams and found her at her game of choice, the competitive dance game. Smirking, he devised his cunning game plan.
Stepping up to the game, he cast a sidelong glance at her as she finished a difficult round. As she reclined against the rail, catching her breath, he offered a bottle of water he had bought from Lori's counter. She smiled and thanked him.
"Got enough energy for one more go?" he asked, "I haven't had a good match in ages!"
Paige smirked at the offer.
"Sure," she said, "if you think you can handle it."
"Oh, you're on!" Lincoln chuckled, echoing his sister.
They inserted their tokens and loosened themselves up as the game warmed up. Lincoln almost did a double take at the speed of the movements. He'd seen the song in the 'Insane' difficult menu before – a song called Night of Nights… Lincoln was hard-pressed to keep up, but he was driven by the overwhelming desire to impress this girl – and this was the greatest way to do it! He pushed himself to his limit, breaking into a sweat but forcing himself to carry that same calm collection, same confident grin and boyish charm he wore so well. The steps were furious, but he glided from one to the next as quickly as Paige did until they were moving as one. They had gathered a crowd, but he couldn't see them; he hadn't had this much fun since-
He almost missed a step at a powerful surge of emotion from memories, but managed to finish out the dance with grace. As soon as it ended, he allowed exhaustion to wipe his heart and mind clear of those lost days as he caught his breath. Paige did the same, grinning at him and flashing a thumbs up while the crowd – Lynn and Clyde among them – cheered.
"That was some fly footwork, man!" Paige giggled as she offered him his water bottle, "You can hang with me anytime."
"R-really?" Lincoln's eyes widened, but he regained his poise and put all his charm into his next words, "How about sometime after school? Just the two of us?"
Paige blinked, blushing slightly as the onlookers grinned. Lynn and Clyde, now well-aware of who Lincoln's crush was if they weren't before, leaned in expectantly.
"Oh, l-like a date, or something?" Paige asked.
"I hope so," Lincoln smiled, kindly, "but if you just want to hang out as friends, no pressure."
"Cool," Paige let out a pent-up breath, smiling in relief, "You're a cool dude, but I'm, um… sort of into someone else at the moment. If you still want to hang out – as friends – though, well, like I said you're an awesome dude."
"Sounds good," Lincoln forced himself to suppress the rip running through his heart, beaming all the kindness he could muster.
Paige gave the date and time before leaving, and the crowd disintegrated, many nodding approvingly at Lincoln's maturity in the face of rejection. All but two members of the crowd, of course, who looked at their comrade with sympathetic pain etched on their faces. Once he was sure only they were watching, he let his face fall and a sigh escape his lips.
"Sorry, bro," Clyde said, placing a warm hand on his shoulder.
"That little…" Lynn muttered, angrily, "she has no idea who she just passed up!"
"It's fine," Lincoln chuckled, grimly, before pulling himself together, "Anyway, I've got nothing better to do for a few hours. I know you two are probably on a date, but I could really use some company…"
"Say no more," Lynn assured her brother, wrapping her arms around his and Clyde's shoulders, "If there's one thing Clyde and I can always agree on, it's hanging out with you."
"Thanks," Lincoln gave a small smile, "What did I ever do to deserve such good friends and sisters?"
"What did you ever do?" Lynn repeated, startled, "Dude, what haven't you done to deserve good things?!"
"You're one of the most generous people I know!" Clyde stated, "And that's before Lynn told me about all the times you selflessly helped your sisters."
"I'm still surprised you never bragged about any of that to Clyde," Lynn noted.
"He's very modest," Clyde agreed.
"Geeze, dial it back," Lincoln snorted, "You're making me blush."
"Look," Lynn said, bringing her brother in closer, "I know it seems bad right now, what with your crushes either rejecting you or moving away…"
"Thanks for the reminder…" her brother muttered.
"…but it'll get better," Lynn continued, "You're a great guy. You're courageous, loyal, selfless, kindhearted, intelligent, and – and don't tell anyone I said this – pretty cute. Keep being you, and I guarantee girls will line up at your door before long."
"Cute, huh?" Lincoln snorted, crying out when the jock slugged him in the arm, "Ow!"
"Besides, if you can't find a girl," Lynn added with a cheeky grin, "you could always try Leni. I'm sure she'd marry you if you said the right words."
"That's not funny, Lynn," Lincoln's face scrunched up in conflicted emotions. Leni?! His sweet, naïve, innocent sister?! What sick man would imagine such a thing?! (Author snickers).
"I don't know," Clyde chuckled along with his girlfriend, "it was kind of funny."
Great, Lincoln rolled his eyes, now Clyde shared her sense of humor.
"Anyway, are you guys up for a match of skee-ball or not?" Lincoln asked.
Lori watched with mixed feelings as two of her younger siblings and Clyde made their way towards the skee-ball alley, chatting it up like the old friends they were. She couldn't help but feel saddened by Paige's rejection, knowing that if any guy (other than her precious Boo-Boo Bear, of course) deserved a loving partner, it was her precious brother. She set her face in determination, scaring a few of her customers who only wanted nachos; tonight she'd call a meeting of the sisters and set their plan into motion!
Lincoln would have a date by next weekend, even if it took every trick in their collective playbooks.
…
"…and then we went to see that new romantic comedy! I gotta tell you, Luna, the date was amazing!" Luan giggled as she downed a pudding cup, reclining against the counter with her roommate.
"Sounds like a blast," Luna chuckled, happy to see her sister in high spirits. The rocker had begun to feel a little guilty that she was so happy, romantically, so it was nice to see other people benefiting from Lincoln's magic.
"I wonder who he'll get together next?" Luan tapped her chin.
"No one, girls," Lori declared as she strolled in, still in her work uniform, which startled her sisters. First thing she did as soon as she came home was change out of the dreaded attire. "Call the others together; it's time for a sister meeting."
"What for?" Luna raised an eyebrow, "Did we do something wrong?"
"We literally all did something wrong," Lori said, simply, heading upstairs without further comment.
After sparing a confused glance at one another, Luna and Luan set about gathering the other sisters together. Within the hour they were all gathered in Lori and Leni's room, talking over one another as to what they meeting was about. Lynn was voicing her annoyance at having to skip her intense training sessions – since dating Clyde, she had made every effort possible to increase her training in the shorter times she had for it. Leni sympathized with the twins and Lisa over not having landed their crushes yet, while Lucy remained silent; with two love interests, she didn't feel the need to complain. The talking ceased when Lori entered and closed the door behind her.
"You're probably wondering why I've gathered you here," she said, evenly, "To sum it up: we totally failed!"
Lori sobbed a little, startling her sisters.
"Failed?" Leni asked, "At what?"
"Lincoln has literally been helping most of us with our relationship problems," Lori explained, "and not just recently. Remember when he went on that date with Ronnie Anne just to keep me and Bobby together?"
A murmur of agreeance.
"You asked what we failed at, Leni?" Lori sniffed, "We failed at helping Lincoln with his relationships! Besides telling him to kiss Ronnie Anne, we have literally never helped him!"
"Hey, we hooked him up with dates to the Sadie Hawkins Dance!" Lynn challenged.
"Dates that ended up going out with his friends," Luna noted.
"After Lincoln bailed on them to hang with Ronnie Anne," Luan added.
"He never asked for assistance," Lucy pointed out.
"Did any of us ever need to ask him?" Lori said, "Well, sometimes, but still – he's helped us a lot more than we've helped him, and now we've failed!"
"You keep saying that!" Lola groaned, "How did we fail?"
"Lincoln literally had his heart broken today after he was rejected by his crush," Lori said, causing all the sisters other than Lynn to gasp, "He's been spending the last few weeks helping each of you with your crushes – and has helped me with Bobby in the past – and when he needed our help, we-"
"Failed, yeah we know," Lana sighed.
"Should we tell them about Cookie?" Lucy inquired, drawing all eyes to her.
"I've heard confectionaries do aid in recovering from emotionally traumatic experiences," Lisa lisped, "but I think it will take much more than a few glucose-laden baked goods to help our mutual fraternal unit."
"Yeah, what she said!" Leni stomped her foot, defiantly, earning a sigh from the young genius.
"Cookie is a girl who likes Lincoln," Lori explained, "Lucy and I have been trying to figure out if we should set her up with Lincoln or not."
"It might not be the best time right now…" Luan said, cautiously.
"Are you kidding?" Lynn laughed, "This is the perfect time! It's like judo; you've gotta strike when your opponent is unbalanced!"
"Lynn, I don't think-" Lucy began.
"Exactly!" Lynn grinned, "Don't think! 'No mind', like kendo!"
"Judo? Kendo?" Lisa raised an eyebrow, "Lynn, when did you become interested in Japanese martial arts?"
"It's Francisco," Lucy sighed, "Haiku's family is friends with a local dojo. She's never been interested in the stuff, but her boyfriend is. Naturally, he wanted a sparring partner…"
"And, I don't mean to brag-" Lynn cracked her knuckles.
"Yes you do," Luan interjected with a smile.
"-but I'm pret-ty good," Lynn chose to ignore her older sister's remark.
"She's also been spending more time playing video games than Lincoln does," Lucy added before smirking, "so she can beat her boyfriend."
"Oh, lay off," Lynn pouted as her other sisters snickered.
"Fascinating," Lisa jotted notes down over Lynn's evolving behavior.
"Girls, we're getting off topic," Lori said, "Let's put it to a vote. Should we set Lincoln up with Cookie now, or wait?"
"Hmm, that's a toughie," Luna put her chin on her fist, "I mean, if we try it immediately, he might get worked up – or drag his feelings for the old girl in with the new one, which wouldn't help much."
"Yeah," Lynn conceded, "but if we wait, he's just going to sulk and obsess over lost love. Trust me."
None of her sisters argued the point considering that she was the only one other than Lori to have a severe break-up (even if it had only lasted a day).
"Still, you can't start a healthy relationship off if the dude is still wanting another chick," Luna warned, "His heart's gotta be in it, and that means he needs some time to heal and get over her."
"Who was it, anyway?" Luan asked.
"Some girl named Paige," Lynn shrugged. None of the others would know her since only she and Lincoln were in middle school. "Redhead, hangs out at the arcade a lot. Pretty, I guess."
"Another redhead?" Luan snorted, "Lincoln likes them fiery."
"Ronnie Anne wasn't a redhead," Leni pointed out.
"Ah, but he didn't have a crush on Ronnie Anne until we pointed out she liked him," Luna smirked at the memory, "Man, she had a mean right hook."
"The shiner she gave him…" Luan whistled.
"So romantic," Lynn said and all the girls sighed at the beauty of it. The jock straightened up. "Anyway, I vote we hook them up immediately."
"I say we should wait a week or two before we try getting him back in the saddle," Luna cautioned.
"Great, a vote for and a vote against," Lori murmured, "Everyone else?"
Within a few minutes the votes had been cast: Lynn, Lori, Lucy, Lana, and Lola all agreed that there was no point in putting off the blind date just so Lincoln could sulk, while Luna, Luan, Lisa, and Leni all agreed he should have time to recover. The vote seemed settled until Lily was brought into it.
"She's a baby!" Lynn slapped her forehead, "She has no idea what we're talking about!"
"She's quite advanced for her age," Lisa defended her infant roommate, "even if her speech is unrefined."
"Like, go on Lily!" Leni beamed, "What do you think we should do? Set Lincoln up on his date now, or wait?"
Lily looked between the two groups before giggling happily and waving her chubby arms rapidly.
"Wait!" she gurgled. It was a simple word, and pronounced with the almost gibberish nature of a baby, but it was enough for the defenders of waiting to claim it as a vote.
"That's just a fluke!" Lynn growled, "I demanded a recount! I vote now!"
"Now!" the twins agreed as one.
"Wait!" Luna said with Luan right on her heels.
"Now!" Lori said.
"Wait!" Leni said.
"I, too, vote we wait," Lisa said.
"I say now," Lucy said, "We could all die tomorrow."
"Wait!" Lily repeated, making it painfully clear the vote was at a standstill.
"Great," Lori sighed, "Now we need a tiebreaker!"
"Mom and dad are out right now, and we have to keep this in the family," Luan smirked at her own innuendo, though only Luna and Lori caught it, both rolling their eyes, "So, who are we supposed to ask? Lincoln?"
As Luan's laughter died, the comedian saw her sisters pondering that suggestion.
"It was a joke, girls," she said.
"No, wait," Luna tapped her chin, "you might be onto something there…"
"If we present the vote in the form of a hypothetical question," Lisa nodded, slowly, "then he would give us an impartial answer."
"Considering his track record with good dating advice," Lynn smirked, "I have no doubt his choice will be the right one."
"Well, who do we send to ask him?" Luna looked at each of them, "No offense, but most of us will try to twist it so he votes in favor of our choice."
"Well, there is one person here who lacks deception," Lori looked at Leni. Immediately all the sisters looked to her.
"What am I doing?" the fashionista smiled softly.
"Literally all you have to do is ask Lincoln if a friend of yours should wait before going on a date – even though it might lead to him sulking – or if he should just start dating immediately after a rejection."
"Wait, one of my friends was rejected?!" Leni gasped, "That's awful! Who was it?"
"No, Leni, sweetie," Lori tried to contain her annoyance, "Lincoln's the one who was rejected."
"So I'm asking Lincoln advice for… Lincoln?" the second-oldest sibling clutched her head.
"Yes, but you need to pretend it's advice for a friend so he answers honestly," Lori explained, slowly.
"Isn't that lying, though?" Leni pouted.
"In this case it's for his own good," Lucy explained, "If he knows he's giving himself advice, he won't give the right answer – just the answer he wants to hear. You have to keep it secret until he answers the question."
"Don't worry, Leni," Luna wrapped an arm around her elder sibling's shoulder, "it won't take more than five minutes, then you can tell the truth. It's… just a little white lie."
"Oh," Leni's face alternated between confusion and smiling, "That… makes sense. I guess."
"We're right behind you, Leni!" Luan grinned as they forcefully pushed Leni out of the room and towards the stairwell.
The second-eldest child grimaced as she went downstairs to find her brother. Sure enough, he was there, watching television with an oddly vacant expression. From what she'd gathered, he'd been doing that since he came home from the arcade. He didn't look hurt, but Leni could feel a pain inside him. Poor guy, she thought. Steeling her resolve, she approached him.
"Hey Lincy," she beamed at him and was pleased to see some light enter his eyes and a smile tug his lips, "I need some advice."
"Oh man," Lincoln sighed, his cautious happiness fading quickly, "I really don't want to help you guys anymore. No offense, but I'm not in the mood."
"Oh, it's not like that!" Leni giggled, "I have a friend who was rejected recently, but they, like, can totes get another date! Should we – I mean – should I arrange a date for them, or, like, wait for them to get over the rejection?"
Lincoln pursed his lips. That was a tough question, but at least it wasn't as difficult as requesting him to somehow pull off confessing to each of their crushes. Lincoln mulled over the choices.
"I don't know, Leni," he confessed, "I'd have to know more about this girl. What's she like? Is she pretty sensitive about these things?"
"A girl?" Leni almost said it was a boy, then remembered she had to trick Lincoln into giving advice, "Yeah, a girl. Um, she's like super young, and totes the nicest b- girl I've ever known! She always looks after her… brothers."
"Huh, she sounds nice," Lincoln nodded, "Do you mind me asking what her name is?"
"It's Linc-aaaaaaaaah…." Leni cringed as she drawled out her mistake, "Linka! Her name is Linka!"
"Linka?" Lincoln repeated, raising an eyebrow, "That doesn't sound like a real name…" Wasn't that his name from when he thought he went to the genderbent universe?
"So, what's your advice?" Leni asked, ignoring him.
"She sounds like a great girl," Lincoln snorted, "I don't see why she shouldn't try to get back into the saddle as soon as possible. I mean, it's not like moping around is going to help her any."
"Guys!" Leni called upstairs, startling her brother, "He totes said to date now!"
"Told you!" Lynn cheered, eliciting groans from some of her sisters as they joined their siblings in the living room.
"What's going on here?" Lincoln narrowed his eyes with suspicion.
"You're going on a date, little bro," Lori smirked.
Lincoln muttered a string of colorful curses under his breath at having walked into a trap that only Leni caught, her eyes widening in shock. The boy felt stupid for having walked into such an obvious trap. How on Earth had his sisters convinced innocent Leni to lie?!
"I don't really feel like it," Lincoln mumbled.
"Linc, bro," Luna sat down beside her brother and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "you've helped us out with our romance problems for as long as any of us can remember. Lori and Luc have found a rocking date for you; couldn't you at least give it a shot?"
"She's got a major crush on you~" Lori sang.
"Very major," Lucy agreed, "I think she'd be crushed if you rejected her before even meeting her."
"Low blow, Lucy," Lincoln sighed in defeat, "Alright, alright… I guess I did force my own hand in this with that dumb advice."
His sisters cheered in their excited, girlish squeals that made him wince in pain. All the same, he felt immensely better. Something about their efforts to cheer him up, combined with their childish delight at seeing him going on a date made him feel their unconditional love.
This could go rather nicely, he thought.
The story's "main" plot has shifted a bit, but Lynn and Clyde will be in every chapter.