Chapter Seven: Trash Talking Miracles
Deanna and Beverly lounged about their shared suite with the utmost ease. It felt good to be this bad. "I think we scared them alright," Deanna said.
"You don't think it might have been a bit cruel, do you?" Beverly asked. She sipped a bit of hot coffee as she talked.
"Cruel? This isn't fun and…" Deanna didn't finish. They laughed, knowing full well the end of the quote and their current situation. "Well, I wouldn't worry about it, is all I can tell you."
"Still, you didn't sense anything did you? Think they're up for retaliation?"
"We are talking about four men here, right?" Deanna asked. "Of course they're planning for retaliation. All we have to do is beat them on the soccer field tomorrow."
"The last thing we have to do is beat them on the soccer field tomorrow," Worf said angrily, pacing. He had taken the prank harder than any of them.
"Easy there, Worf," Geordi said. They were all couched in Picard's quarters, Riker lying on the bed, his head propped up on his hands at the end, near where Picard sat.
"We need a diversion," Picard said.
"We've already taken care of that with Data," Geordi reminded him.
"Yes, well, it'd be a poor sight indeed if we then proceed to lose to women," Picard retorted.
"When did we all become so sexist?" Riker asked, sitting up. "Isn't this the 24th century, where we believe in equality and everything can be done the same?"
"Oh shut up, Number One," Picard said angrily. "You wouldn't want to lose to them same as us."
"True," Riker said with a smile, "but not because they're women. Only in the spirit of competition."
"If you were any smugger, I'd be forced to let Worf deck you," Picard said, nodding to the Klingon who was gritting his teeth and clenching his fists in extraordinary restraint. "As he's so eager to do."
"I say we just get some sleep and worry about tomorrow when it comes. We don't have time to pull another prank before tomorrow, so I say we wait. Bide our time, think of something," Geordi said. "Something we can really get them with."
None of them could argue with Geordi's logic. Any revenge pranking would have to wait until after the game.
It was a beautiful day on the holographic soccer field. The men wore red uniforms, the women blue. Picard met Beverly at the center of the field.
"Ready for a nice fun game of football," Picard asked, twirling the black-and-white soccer ball in his hands.
"My word, Jean-Luc, do you really still call it that?" she asked in surprise.
"Afraid so," he answered. "Never much cared for American football. Not that it's lasted."
"Could say the same for your team," Beverly retorted.
"You better watch it," Picard said in earnest, "or we might just kick your team across the field."
Beverly smiled through the awkward silence. She bid Jean-Luc good game and they headed back to their respective teams. Riker took Picard aside. "If you need help with the trash talk, next time, just ask."
Picard gave him an angry look. The two moseyed on over and joined Geordi and Worf.
"You all ready?" Picard asked.
"Oh yeah, I'm ready," Geordi said, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"Leave none alive," Worf grunted.
"You do know you won't actually be killing anybody, right?" Riker asked.
"Let's get out there and—" Picard began, but Riker coughed to get his attention. Made a face: remember what I just told you? Picard nods to Riker that he can take it from there.
"Let's just have a good game," Riker finished for Picard. "Do our best, but make sure that 'our best' is better than them."
"Don't worry, with Data out of the picture, they'll play like a bunch of girls."
They broke, but as soon as they all stood up from the huddle, Data walked towards them, looking pale and goofy in his blue uniform. He handed Geordi back the datapad.
"Here's the riddle you gave me, Geordi," he said. "Highly complex, very elaborate, but in the end, solved."
"You solved it?" Geordi asked, unable to hide his disbelief.
"How?" Worf growled angrily.
"The riddle itself exceeded my allowed parameters, as well as the ship's, so I conducted an extensive search using the starbase's interconnected Federation database and was able to see the answer correct once it fed it back to me, as it's an older riddle and I was not the first to solve it."
"Meaning?" Worf asked, confused.
Data leaned in. "I looked it up."
He walked away, leaving Worf and Geordi looking like they had egg on their face. Worf leaned closer to Geordi and whispered, "Did you know he could do that?"
Before Geordi could answer, Riker walked up behind them and placed his arms around them in a bear hug, his tone full of irony. "Way to go, men." He patted their back. "Starfleet officers. Starfleet officers."
The game did not go well for the men. Data was a fierce soccer player, though as it turned out so were all the men. Picard surprised everyone, scoring two goals by the end of it. Unfortunately, none of them could goalie against Data's aggressive offense. To the men's four goals, the girls and Data were able to answer with seven.
The combined senior officers of the Enterprise met in the middle of the field following the game. All were breathing heavy and sweating. All except Data.
"We won," Deanna triumphed, "we get pick of next game."
"And it is?" Riker asked. He had had his pride hurt when, halfway through the game, Deanna had managed to steal the ball from him and keep it away all the way to the goal, where she proceeded to score the only goal by their team not made by an android.
"This isn't very relaxing," Picard said, annoyed. This was not his kind of fun.
"Don't worry, Jean-Luc," Beverly teased, "we'll make it something you like."
"Rowing," Deanna said after a nod of confirmation from Beverly. Picard's ears perked up.
"Yes, Jean-Luc, we know," Beverly said, correctly interpreting his excited gaze. "But we'll still win."
"Not by the blood left on this field, you won't," Worf said. No one dared tell him there was no blood on the field.
"Three days," Deanna said.
"Three days, Picard confirmed. The girls and Data left, leaving the men, all feeling heavily disenchanted.
"We need a secret weapon," Geordi said.
"We need a miracle," Riker gasped between heavy breaths.
"If we lose again," Picard warned, starting to walk off, "I'm seeing to it you're all reassigned to the largest waste disposal ship I can find."
"Then let's not lose," Riker said.
"Meeting in two hours, my quarters," Picard said. "This time bring ideas." He cast a disbelieving glance at Worf and Geordi. "Not riddles."