DISCLAIMER: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.

Twitter: themusiksnob / Tumblr: musiksnob

So I've been trying to reach this fanfiction goal for almost as long as I've been writing (which is nearly two years at this point) and yesterday it finally happened. Instead of basking in my own personal glory, I thought I would thank you guys by giving you another chapter.

But I'd really, really like to thank you for reading this story, especially if you're one of the people who've been reading me since I started out writing smutty oneshots and stuck with me through the angst fics and the long-winded, 7000 word sex talks, and the even longer chapter stories. And even if you found me later, if you went back and read my other stories, if you've ever left me a review or a tweet or a gushing anonymous Tumblr message…thank you. It's all fine and good to write stories for yourself but without your support, I definitely wouldn't have made it through 45 stories, and 405,000 words (including insanely long author notes).

PS. Don't hate me for where this chapter ends. You know me. Trust me.

Chapter 7

Eli

It had been almost a week since I had kissed Clare and all I could think about was getting to do it again. But of course, real life had interceded when a string of therapy sessions and choir practices and newspaper meetings led to a mandatory weekend at my family's cottage. I had insisted that I could stay home by myself – I had done it countless times in the past few years – but Bullfrog and Cece refused, claiming the whole point of the weekend away was to spend time together as a family even though I was certain it was that they didn't trust me.

But today none of that mattered because we were both free of any obligations and Clare had happily agreed to come over after school that day. As we walked toward my house, I nodded pleasantly as she chattered about the article she had to write for the school newspaper. It was hard for me to pay attention to her words since the only things I could focus on was the feeling of her hand in mine and the fact that in a few short moments, I'd be able to kiss her.

"I was supposed to have until Friday but Katie moved my deadline up to Thursday. I'm still waiting for the art director to respond to my email and if I don't get it until tomorrow, I won't even have a full day to write the article," Clare said.

Her statement pulled me out of my reverie. Wait…it was Tuesday? Cece was working this Saturday so it meant today was her day off. I knew that if Cece saw Clare, she would immediately put her to work baking cookies or convince her to watch the episodes of Pretty Little Liars that she had saved on our DVR.

But as we walked up to my house, I noticed Cece's car was missing. If she was out, that gave me a little bit of a shot – if I could get Clare to hang out in my room. They never bothered me when I was in my room since I was usually going through my piles, which I preferred to do in private, or I was sleeping.

"Hmm, Cece isn't here," I pretended I had just noticed. "That's weird. It's her day off."

Clare shrugged. "Maybe she went to the grocery store or something. Or to get her nails done. That's why my mom always does on her days off."

"Yeah," I said slowly, trying to come up with a good excuse as Clare started walking toward the basement door. "You know, she'll probably be home soon. And she likes to spend her days off watching really bad reality shows – like the Kardashians and shit."

Clare giggled, even as she wrinkled her nose at my bad language. "I can't picture her watching that."

"You'd be surprised. For someone with such good taste in music, she's got terrible taste in TV shows," I joked. Clare didn't seem to get the hint, so I stepped between her and the door. "If she finds us down there, she'll make us watch with her."

"Well we wouldn't want that," Clare grimaced in mock horror. "We could work in here." She gestured at the dining room table.

Yeah, there was no way that was going to work – although the thought of hauling Clare up onto the edge of the table and pressing myself between her legs was appealing. "Sometimes she likes to pay the bills in here," I said, barely even convincing myself. "We could go up to my room so she won't interrupt our work." I tried to keep my voice casual, and apparently I was successful.

"Sure," Clare said nonchalantly.

Awesome. I led her up the stairs. Fortunately, I hadn't gotten a chance to fasten the combination lock this morning since I was running late for school, so we were able to avoid that awkwardness, and one positive side effect of being a hoarder was that my desk chair was covered in about ten layers of stuff so Clare had no choice but to join me on my bed. She took out a notebook and as casually as I could, I removed her backpack from the bed, leaving it in the cleared path.

She was writing notes for her article, but I didn't even bother pretending to do homework. I just watched her as she tapped her pen against her lips, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration. She was so intent on her work that it took her a few minutes to notice that I was just sitting there, openly gazing at her.

"Don't you have some work to do?" she asked, and as I watched her lips move, I couldn't take it anymore.

I leaned in and kissed her, pleased when she immediately responded to the kiss. She even dropped her pen against her notebook and ran her fingers through my hair to pull me closer. But she paused more quickly than I would have liked and giggled. "Eli! I need to work on this article."

"Can't you do that later?" I whined. "I've been thinking about kissing you all day."

She didn't refuse me when I leaned back in. "Me too."

"Oh yeah?" I asked between kisses. "Like when?"

"Oh, I don't know." She was already sounding out of breath. "Like in history…and gym class."

"Gym class, eh? Like when you were taking your clothes off in the locker room?" That thought made me instantly hard and I tried to kiss her more intensely but she pushed me away and rolled her eyes.

"Like between trying not to get hit in the head with a volleyball."

"Too bad," I teased, lowering my head for another kiss.

I couldn't help but take a mental health status check as my tongue tangled with hers. But as far as I could tell, everything was in order. This wasn't like last time, with Imogen, when I just wanted someone since I couldn't have Julia. This was Clare…and it was exactly what I wanted.

My hands were around her waist, under the pretense of caressing her gently, though my real goal was to untuck her shirt from the band of her khaki uniform skirt without making Clare freak out. It seemed to be working, especially since Clare was still preoccupied.

"I really should work on this," she said, though her lips immediately rejoined mine and I knew her protests were weakening.

"Later," I reminded her. I took the notebook off her lap and threw it across the room. When she didn't get angry, I knew I had won the argument. I leaned her back until she was lying down and gave her a grin before swooping back down and planting a line of kisses on her neck.

Her staccato breaths drew my attention to her breasts. Even last year, before I had ever talked to her, I had spent some of my time in English class surreptitiously ogling Clare's figure. The uniforms had put a damper on that; it was unfortunate that they could be unflattering even on a girl that beautiful. But that top she had worn on our movie date brought me right back. I wondered if Clare would let me take her shirt off and see them up close, but though her hands had wandered a bit, they were still firmly on top of my clothing and I didn't want to risk upsetting her.

I was starting to feel out of breath after a few minutes of really intense kissing, so I pulled back a little. Her lips were a little swollen and her face was red, and her messy curls looked angelic even as they were pressed against my skull pillow. My hand was on her neck and I grazed it over her body, glancing against her breast on the way down to her waist. Her eyes widened but she didn't say anything and I wondered if now would be a good time to take this a little farther.

"How's your belly button doing?" I asked softly as I circled her stomach lightly with my fingers.

"Good," she said, her voice a little shaky. "It's not infected or anything."

"Has your mom noticed yet?"

She smiled. "No, thank goodness. I don't exactly walk around the house with my belly button sticking out, so I'll probably get away with it unless we go to the beach this summer."

Clare on a beach – now that was a nice image. Her shirt had ridden up a little bit, and I made sure my hand occasionally smoothed over her skin. "We should definitely go to the beach this summer. I'd love to see you in a sexy bikini."

She blushed. "It's a very tasteful tankini," she corrected.

I wasn't 100% sure I knew what that was, but if Clare was wearing it, it would definitely be sexy. "As long as I get to see your sexy piercing again, it sounds good to me."

I was hoping that would lead to an invitation but Clare was mute. "Can I?" I finally asked. She pursed her lips and didn't respond and I worried again that I was pushing her too far. "Please," I whispered, unable to keep myself from begging.

"Okay," she agreed softly, quickly adding, "But you can't take my shirt off."

I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed but I made sure it didn't register on my face. I gave her a quick kiss and said, "Deal." I sat up a little and pushed up her shirt, leaving the hem a few inches above her belly button but firmly in innocent territory.

I gazed at the metal bar in awe. "That is so hot," I said, unable to contain myself. Clare looked both embarrassed and pleased but with the skin of her stomach exposed my eyes kept flickering away from her face. Finally I caved in to my craving and leaned down, pressing open mouthed kisses all around her belly button, my hands spread over her tiny waist.

Clare let out a loud moan at the sensation and I felt her back arching in my hands. "Eli," she whimpered and with the sound of her calling my name, I lost all ability to hold back.

I tore my lips from her stomach and crushed them against hers, holding her face in my hands more roughly than I had previously. I climbed over her so that my legs were between hers, shocked when she spread her legs just enough that our lower halves were pressed against each other. Her hands grabbed my ass through my pants and mine were everywhere, touching any part of her body that I could reach – her arms, her hips, her spine.

She bit my bottom lip and then trailed her kisses over my jawline and down to my pulse point, sucking and flaring her tongue over my sensitive skin. "Oh, Clare," I groaned and she shot me a proud grin before returning to my mouth. My fingers were shaking, longing to touch her everywhere, and before my conscience could talk me out of it, I slipped a hand under her shirt and groped her through her bra. Her fingernails dug into my back as I palmed her, and her hips moved against mine as I tugged her nipple into a point. I kept kissing her, harder and deeper, unable to believe how amazing this felt.

All I wanted was more. I toyed with reaching around her back to unhook her bra, but it had been a long time since I'd done that last and I suspected that as well-endowed as Clare was, her bra was probably a lot more complicated than the ones that petite Julia had worn. So I went the easy route, sliding her strap off of her shoulder and slipping my hand into her bra, cupping her naked breast.

But her body stiffened and she gasped. It definitely wasn't a gasp of "Oh, Eli, I want you" pleasure. It was a gasp of "Eli, you fucked this up."

I pulled my hand away from her and sat up in a panic. "I'm sorry!" I said immediately. "I shouldn't have taken it that far. I should have asked first. I'm so sorry."

Her expression softened immediately after my apology but I pressed on. "We can stop. It's totally fine. Let's just stop."

"It's okay," she said softly. "I just wasn't expecting that."

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I shouldn't have pushed you."

She shook her head. "You didn't push me. It's just…well…I've never done that before."

I looked at her in confusion. "Wait, what?"

Clare's face fell in embarrassment. "You heard me," she mumbled.

"You've never done that before?" I repeated incredulously. "You mean, no one has ever touched your boobs before this moment?"

"Just through my clothes," she admitted.

I tried to connect the dots in my head but this didn't make any sense to me. "You told me you almost had sex with Jake."

She cringed. "I did."

"But he never…?"

She shook her head. I continued to gape at her incredulously even though I could tell it was making her uncomfortable. "What?" she finally asked.

I tried to figure out a tactful way to tell her that most people don't go from first base to home plate without having seen their partner naked before – at least not in high school – but I didn't want to offend her. "It just seems like you tried to jump over a whole lot of steps."

"Oh," she said, looking like she wanted to say more, but biting her lip to keep herself quiet. After a moment of thought, she sat up, bringing her face closer to mine and lacing our hands together.

"If you want," she said, so softly that if her lips weren't near my ear, I never would have heard her. "We could take that one step again."

"Really?" I asked, afraid to put my hands anywhere near her after that reaction.

"It felt really good," she whispered, her cheeks flushing.

I waited for her to reinitiate things, to start kissing me again, more gently than before. I took my time, grazing the skin of her waist with the ends of my fingertips for a while before moving back up and delicately placing my hand on her breast. "Is this okay?" I whispered, desperately hoping she would say yes.

I never could have anticipated the throaty moan she let out in lieu of an answer. She leaned back against the pillow and pulled me down with her.

We kissed for ages – could have been minutes, could have been hours – and I couldn't believe how intense it was. For someone who was apparently quite innocent, Clare was an incredible kisser. And as things went on, she got bolder, her hands too exploring under my shirt. I just kept stroking her under her shirt wishing that she would change her mind and take it off, but just trying to make her feel good within the boundaries she was comfortable in.

My heart was racing and for the first time I was glad the school required us to wear uniforms because if I were wearing skinny jeans, my cock probably would have exploded from all the pressure. It was hard enough as it was to keep myself under control, with Clare thrusting her hips against mine, gently enough that I wasn't even sure she was conscious of what she was doing, but firmly enough that it was sending jolts through my body.

Almost as if by mutual decision we pulled back at the end of a mindblowing kiss, as I held myself up over her, both of us panting. I was trying to force my brain to start working again, but I found myself speechless.

Clare's brain was clearly working better than mine, but she almost seemed shocked herself when she revealed, "I've never felt like this before," in a sexy, breathy voice.

"Like what?" I asked, but she clammed up, apparently too shy to answer. "Horny?" I asked smirking at her as her eyes widened. "Turned on? Aroused?" I drawled out, teasing her.

She wiggled underneath me, rubbing herself directly against my cock for the first time. "Frustrated," she admitted, meeting my eyes.

Was she -? Did she want me to -? My head was spinning and rather than leap to any conclusions, I needed her to tell me what she wanted. "Well, you have a few options. We could stop right now and go back to doing homework." She raised her eyebrows, encouraging me to continue. "You could go home and take a cold shower." I caressed the skin of her stomach that was still exposed, teasing her. "I'd let you use mine, but I'm pretty sure you're not going to let me watch, and that's going to make me frustrated."

She gave me a smirk of her own. "You're right about that."

I leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "We could keep kissing and just try to ignore the fact that we're about to explode."

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Or?"

I swallowed harshly. If she was looking for another option, that meant she was at least considering taking this farther. "Or, we could keep kissing and instead of making you frustrated, you could let me make you feel really, really good."

Clare closed her eyes. "I don't know," she said, but she didn't sound very convincing. She turned her head away from me, and my eyes were drawn to her neck. I leaned down to press a kiss below her ear, continuing down her neck to her collarbone, as I reached back into her shirt, dragging my thumb over her nipple.

"We're not going to have sex," I reminded her. "But if you want me to, I'd like to touch you…" My hand started a slow journey back down her stomach and my lips moved back up her neck as I whispered, "…finger you…" I sucked on her earlobe and my hand gave her one gentle stroke through the fabric of her skirt. "…get you off."

"God, Eli," she moaned, and I knew she wanted this. I just needed to make sure.

"If you don't like it, I'll stop, I swear," I pleaded. She put her hand on my cheek and looked into my eyes before biting her lip and nodding. I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I leaned down to kiss her.

I surveyed the situation, glad she decided to wear a skirt today rather than uncomfortable khaki pants. I knew if she didn't want me to remove her shirt there was no way I was getting her skirt off. I watched her face as I reached under her skirt slowly, making sure that if she wanted to change her mind, I could reverse course at any time. But though she looked a bit nervous, her hips moved in anticipation, and when I slipped a finger into her underwear, she let out a loud moan.

"You like that?" I asked, but she cut me off with a frantic kiss.

It felt amazing, touching her so intimately. She was so wet that I got two fingers inside of her with ease, though I tried to be gentle, knowing she'd never done this before – at least not with a guy. The thought of Clare touching herself like this almost made me come and I had to pull my lips away from hers and put a few centimetres of distance between her hip and my cock.

I hadn't done this in a long time – not since Julia – but fortunately it appeared that I hadn't lost my skills. Clare's head had fallen back against the pillow, her eyes closed, her mouth open in a silent "O." I shifted my hand so that my thumb brushed over her clit and to my shock and delight, Clare let out an involuntary, "Fuck."

I couldn't help myself from gaping at her in wonder. "You cursed!" I couldn't help but laugh in awe. "I told you I'd get you to curse…I just never thought it would be like this."

She socked me in the stomach. "Shut up," she said, her jaw clenched. I realized in my glee that I had been neglectful in continuing to give her a good time. I stepped up my effort, and Clare rewarded me with a series of increasingly loud moans that were such a turn on. Her back was arching off the bed and she was thrusting back against my hand.

I could tell she was getting close. I moved my other hand back into her bra and started kissing her stomach, wondering if she was still reluctant to let me see her breasts. But before I could test the waters by pushing her shirt up a little farther, Clare convulsed with a loud scream, "Ohh, Eli…" Her back came completely off the bed and she pushed my arm away, clearly sensitive after her intense orgasm.

Clare lay back down against the pillow, panting hard and I curled up next to her. I had a feeling that she probably wasn't going to offer to return the favour, and while that was fine with me if she didn't feel ready for that, I wondered if I could sneak off to the bathroom to take care of things without being too obvious. But before I could bring it up, there was a loud banging on my bedroom door.

"Eli, get your clothes on and get your ass out of there," Bullfrog said, his voice practically menacing for a guy who was usually so mellow. "We need to talk."

Clare gasped and covered her face. "Oh my God," she said softly, clearly upset that he had heard her.

"It's okay," I said, putting my arm around her waist. But she pushed me away.

"Go," she insisted.

I hated leaving her like this. But I knew Bullfrog was not the kind of guy to be patient when he was pissed off and the door was unlocked and I didn't want to have this argument in front of Clare anyway. I got out of bed, straightening my disheveled shirt, and thinking that it was ironic that neither of us had actually taken any clothes off.

I closed my door behind me and found Bullfrog pacing in his bedroom, directly across the hall. "What the hell?" I asked.

"What the hell? I should be asking you the same thing. What do you think you're doing?"

"I was having a very nice time until I was so rudely interrupted."

Bullfrog shook his head. "This isn't right. Sneaking girls up to your room… Do you even know this girl?"

I gave him a look that told him he was insane. "Of course I know this girl…it's Clare! And since when has having girls up to my room been a problem?"

"Clare? Shit, Eli, that nice Christian girl from your English class?" He sat down on the edge of his bed, putting his head in his hands. "Dammit, you're even worse than I thought. What were you thinking?"

"What the fuck, Bullfrog? When I was with Julia, you were buying us condoms and letting her sleepover. I have Clare over one time, and suddenly it's against the rules?"

"If you were in your right mind, you wouldn't be fucking her. You know it's not a good idea to get involved with a girl. You're bipolar."

My hands balled up into fists and I struggled to keep my voice down. "First of all, I'm not fucking her."

Bullfrog scoffed. "I fucking heard you guys as soon as I got in the door."

I rolled my eyes. "There's more than one way to make a girl scream."

"You shouldn't be doing anything like that. Your therapist isn't going to like this."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "My therapist is just going to have to deal. As are you. Because I'm going to be bipolar for the rest of my life, and I'm not going to give up dating."

"Well, I forbid it." Bullfrog stood up, as to give his words more authority.

"Fuck you," I said. "I'm not a little kid anymore and you can't tell me what to do."

"I'm your father."

"Well you spent seventeen years trying to be my friend, so you don't get to change the rules just because I'm crazy."

Bullfrog's face softened, but I was in no mood to hear him backpedal and tell me that I was wrong. "Could you go downstairs? I need to walk Clare home, and she's so humiliated she's never going to leave my room if she thinks she's going to see you."

"Sure," he said, his voice tight. "But this conversation isn't over."

He went down the stairs and I took a moment to get my temper back under control before I went back into Clare. She was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking just as tense as I felt, gripping her backpack. "You don't have to walk me home," she said, and I felt despair in the pit of my stomach as I realized she had overheard the entire conversation.

"I want to," I said and she nodded, not looking in my direction.

The walk home was silent and awkward, a direct antithesis of the last time we'd done this, after we kissed the first time. Instead of swinging, interlaced hands and shared smiles, there was more space between us than every before.

When we reached her front step, she turned to look at me. "I'm sor…" I began but she cut me off.

"I don't think this is a good idea."

She wasn't touching me but it felt like she had just socked me in the gut. "You mean….you don't want to...?"

"I don't know what I want," she said, her voice sounding like she was about to burst into tears. "Maybe…maybe we should just cool things off a little bit. Slow things down."

"Right," I said, taking a step back, my eyes threatening to unleash a deluge of their own.

She looked down at the ground. "We can talk in a couple of days," she said, and I felt like my heart was breaking.

"If that's what you want," I said darkly. She nodded briefly and turned around, fumbling to get her key in the lock. There was no goodbye kiss tonight.

There was just goodbye.