Ch 7

Sam drove home in silence. No radio, just her thoughts to keep her company.

Jack is retiring. He's going to help me with the baby and what about the marriage? She fingered the ring hanging around her neck. What now? Do we go through with the annulment? What did he mean he doesn't want to go back to the way it was with our feelings locked in a room. Can we really have it all? Will it work?

Her mind didn't stop. Questions. Different scenarios playing out in her mind. She quickly showered, changed, and returned to the Colonel's house. She knocked, but didn't bother waiting for anyone to answer. She walked in. The guys were all sitting in the living room laughing, joking, and watching hockey. It was encouraging to see Jack so relaxed after all he'd been through.

Jack looked up from his beer when Sam walked into the room. He grew silent and just stared at her. This was the first time he'd seen her out of uniform since he'd gotten home. Her pregnant stomach was large and round. His child. She carried his child. He was still trying to get used to it. He stood up and hobbled over to greet her, his knee was given him fits. When he reached her, she took his hand and placed it on her round abdomen. The baby was kicking. He just smiled, a since of wonder and awe filled him. Daniel broke the silence, "come sit down, Sam. Pizza?"

They laughed and joked and enjoyed each others company. They hadn't had a true team night, with everyone, since Vegas. Around eleven, Teal'c and Daniel headed home. "Are you sure you want first watch Sam, you're looking tired" Daniel asked.

Sam looked at Jack, who looked back in her eyes, giving her an ever so subtle look that only she recognized. "I'll be fine Daniel. Colonel O'Neill and I have a lot to discuss still."

"Okay, I'll be by at ten to relieve you."

"Make it eleven, Daniel" Jack said.

"Okay? Sure."

The guys left and Sam and Jack were left alone. They had talked so much earlier, she wasn't sure what to say at this point.

"You do look tired, Carter."

"I'll be okay, Sir. Are you headed to bed soon?"

"Probably not. I'm not looking forward to the nightmares. The doctor gave me some sleeping pills, but I'm not eager to take that either. I am going to change though and I suggest you do the same, unless you want to wear jeans all night."

Sam smiled. "No, Sir, not especially."

They both changed clothes, Jack into a t-shirt and gym shorts, and Sam into an oversized T-shirt and knit pants, comfortable, but not inappropriate. He was her CO after all.

Sam sat in the kitchen with a cup of decaf coffee and Jack came and sat down beside her.

"We have more to discuss," he said.

"I know."

"Do you still want the annulment?" he asked.

Sam was quiet for a long time. She too, was tired of skirting around the issues of their feelings, and if he really wanted to retire, it wouldn't matter anymore.

"Not really." She looked at her hands.

Jack took her hands in his.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm not ready to go full throttle into married life. But I don't want to completely turn my back on the idea either. Since it's already done, maybe we can leave it on the table and work our way up to it?"

"You mean, maybe date some, and see how it works out?"

Her eyes sparkled. "I like that idea."

He smiled, "Me, too."

"When are you going to talk to the General about retirement?"

"Monday. He'll probably insist I wait awhile, but at least he'll know my intentions. And he'll officially remove me as your CO, since I'll be spending most of my time in medical, so that shouldn't be an issue, okay?"

"Okay" she smiled. "Does that mean we're officially dating?" she teased.

He leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek, whispering in her ear "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Samantha with a baby carriage."

They sat around and talked and held hands into the wee hours of the morning. Jack could tell that Sam was exhausted, but it was her job to watch him, for what he wasn't sure, but he decided to go to bed. Maybe if he slept some, she could rest a little as well.

"Well, I'm going to head for bed. If you want you can sleep in the guest bedroom."

She gave him a grateful smile, "Thank-you, but how am I supposed to watch you if I'm sleeping?"

"I promise I'll make a lot of noise if I wake up, how's that."

She laughed. "Goodnight, Sir."

"Jack. Goodnight, Jack." he said.

Jack made his way to his room and Sam decided to check out the guest bedroom. If she left the door open, she'd hear him move down the hall, and the General didn't say she had to keep her eyes on him the whole time, just be there if he needed someone. Still she hesitated. Instead of climbing in the bed, she returned to the living room and sat up with a book.

A few hours later, she heard noises in the back of the house. She looked at her watch, four a.m. She wondered how long ago he actually fell asleep. She recognized the sounds of a nightmare. At first she did nothing. Just sat and listened. Maybe it would pass. But shortly his mutterings turned to screams. She couldn't sit still any longer. She ran to the back of the house and entered his room just as he sat up and screamed her name..."SAM, NO!"

She rushed to his side and gently touched his arm. She knew better than to wake him to quickly. But he didn't respond to her touch. He laid back down and continued muttering "No, don't hurt her. I don't know what you want."

What did they do to you? Why are you screaming my name? she thought.

Sam tried again to wake him, gently shaking him. Still nothing. Finally she crawled in bed and laid down next to him. She gently touched his face. "Jack, wake up. Wake up, Jack. You're home. You're safe. I'm safe." With her soothing voice , he visibly calmed and then opened his eyes.

She immediately saw the terror in his look. "It's okay. I'm here" she said. He blinked a few times and seemed to remember where he was.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"You want to talk about it?"

"I can't."

"Because you're not ready, or because I don't have clearance?"

"Both."

"General Hammond, cleared me. He knew you'd be more comfortable talking with me than some base shrink. I know now why you went on the mission. I just don't know what went wrong."

"Are you sure you want to hear this Sam? It wasn't good."

"I know. I can handle it. We can handle it together. And if there are things you don't want to discuss with me, that's okay. But know this, whatever they did to you, whatever you had to do to survive, I won't think any less of you. I won't think you are weak or evil or any of those things. Okay?"

So Jack started to talk.

"It started out okay. I was supposed to meet the Tok'ra operative and provide him with a subspace transponder and give him some updated information about his mission. He was supposed to give me a mission update to take back to the the Tok'ra council. I don't know what it was, but shortly after I arrived on the planet, something went wrong. I don't know how it happened exactly, but I was surrounded by enemy Jaffa. They zatted me and I woke up in a cell. I'm still not even sure who the Goa'uld was, but shortly after my arrival, he brought me to an interrogation room and started asking questions. Who was I there to see. What information did I have to give, etc. Luckily I didn't have a lot of information to give. At first he tried to intimidate me, but seeing that didn't work, he switched to violence. Often punching me in the face or burning me. After a while, I lost track of time. I couldn't tell them the Tok'ra operative. I didn't know who it was. I couldn't give them the location of the new Tok'ra base. I had never been told. All I really knew was the updated mission information that I'd been sent with, but I was able to avoid telling him that, at least for a while. Then they started talking about you Sam. They said they had captured you, and if I talked, they wouldn't hurt you. I didn't believe them at first, but then they started placing images of you in my mind. Images of you being beaten and tortured." A tear slipped from his eye at the memory. "I couldn't take thinking that they were really hurting you. They already knew I was there to meet a Tok'ra agent, so I figured I'd just give them a little information, nothing I thought was too important. With that information, they gave me a break. They didn't come for me for several days and they assured me you were safe. While I was recovering, the Tok'ra agent made himself known to me. When I realized who it was, I knew I couldn't reveal him, no matter what they did to me. He assured me that they didn't have you and that they never did. He knew you were my weakness, but promised me he would never let them get to you. He'd reveal himself first if he had to."

"Who?" Sam asked.

"Jacob" he paused letting Sam process that it was her father who Jack was supposed to meet that day. "I knew he wasn't lying. He would never let them hurt you. He kept telling me to hang on and he was working on a way to get me out. After several days they started back in on the torture. More black eyes and bruised kidneys. But I wouldn't talk anymore. I had a renewed since of hope. Then they showed me more images of you. You being tortured … and raped. I almost broke. I couldn't watch them do that to you, even if it wasn't real. But I held on. Remembering what Jacob said and I knew he wouldn't let that happen to you. But, Sam, the images were still there."

Sam sat in silence. Processing all that he said. Her father was the Tok'ra operative. He had to sit by and watch for months as Jack was tortured. The realization infuriated her.

Jack saw the flash of fury cross her eyes. "Sam, it wasn't his fault. He had to protect his cover. The more I think about it, it had to have been him who finally got me out. It's a good thing too, because I couldn't have taken much more. I was going to talk. I would have told them anything, Sam. I would have blown his cover, just so I didn't have to watch your abuse over and over again." Jack sat quietly. Shamed by his admission.

Sam reached up and touched his face. The creases under his eyes more evident now. She gazed in his eyes then leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Don't ever be ashamed, Jack. You held on. You didn't reveal anything important and you came home. I don't know if I could have held out under those circumstances, if I had to watch you being beaten and tortured. Not knowing for sure if the man I loved was safe. I might have broken a lot sooner."

His eyes flickered. He heard the word and the implication. Love. She loved him and he loved her.

He wrapped his arms around her, drew her close, and snuggled into her embrace. They both fell asleep.