Chapter Six
Elliot's still talking.
I've never noticed before but when she's telling you something she really is totally absorbed in what she's saying and nothing distracts her. I think I could pull the vent tube out of my mouth and jump up off the bed and she wouldn't notice. She looks pretty though, and sounds pretty. I'm too tired to listen to her properly but just the sound of her voice is good at the moment.
I wish I knew what time it was. But more than that I wish I could stop wishing I knew what goddamn time it was! That thought keeps creeping into my head and it's driving me nuts. What does it matter what time it is? Am I late? Do I have a pressing appointment?
Hey, something's happening. Elliot's talking to someone, she's standing up.
"Hey man, how you doing?" Turk moved to the foot of JD's bed, closely followed by Dr Wen, and grabbed up the chart. After a minute checking the vitals that had been taken over night he passed the chart to the other surgeon.
Oh, I guess I do have an appointment. Hey Turk, I can talk to you if you ask me a question, oh and it helps if you look at me when you do.
Turk moved further up the bed and took JD's hand in his, looking over at Elliot he began to speak. "He does look a little more alert." He turned his attention back to JD. "We're gonna take you for a little trip down to the OR, OK, but you have nothing to worry about 'cause I'm gonna be with you all the way."
I blinked once SCB, did you notice? It's supposed to be for 'yes' but I'm trying it out for 'OK' as well.
Dr Wen moved to JD's side and lifted his gown so he could mark for the incision.
Ah, tickles.
"Elliot, d'you get the feeling he understands what's going on or what we're saying?"
Yes, see, the single blink! God, I love you Chocolate Bear but you are really slow sometimes.
Turk looked directly into JD's eyes. "Are you with me buddy, blink if you ..."
"Hey, Ghandi!" Dr Cox huffed his way into the room noisily making Elliot jump and Turk scowl in his direction. "I thought I made it clear that you had to wait for Daddy before you could go out and play with your little friend."
No, Turk, look at me! Please, you asked me something ...please...just... Percival Cox, I have never been as mad at you as I am right now!
"Yeah, well you're five minutes late, Dr Cox." Turk replied evenly.
"Well forgive me oh benevolent one, but I have other patients." Dr Cox scowled, angry at himself for not being on time. "You know, when you're lucky enough to be in internal medicine you have to actually talk to your patients, not just slice and dice 'em. Sometimes, I'm even expected to know their names!" Dr Cox let out a mock shriek and held his hand up to his mouth. "I know it is sho-ho-hocking, isn't it? You see I just can't get away with calling them things like 'Hernia Guy' or 'Appendix Kid', which reminds me we really must come up with a good name for Judy here for you scalpel jocks to remember him by. We need something snappy like 'Gomer' but he's not in his nineties so wait, how about Jr Gomer?"
Turk crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at Dr Cox for a moment before turning to Dr Wen. "I'm gonna go scrub up." He moved towards the door, stopping right in front of Perry.
"If I didn't need these hands to be good today I swear to God I'd punch you in the face." With that he left.
Perry closed his eyes for a second before turning to Elliot. "Barbie, go get a porter while I take care of this pre-med."
Elliot nodded and scurried out of the room, keeping her eyes to the floor so Dr Cox wouldn't see her cry.
Suddenly Perry felt a strong hand on his shoulder. Turning he saw Dr Wen sporting a wry smile. "Good to see you never change Perry." After another firm pat he left the room.
Perry fingered the IV tube before he slid the pre-med needle into the junction and depressed the plunger. He'd never felt a bigger jackass than he did right now and that was saying something. Why the hell did he always take out the anger he felt toward himself on other people, people who didn't deserve it. Why couldn't he just say 'Ghandi, you're right, I'm late 'cause Jack's got a stomach bug and he puked on me just as I was about to leave the apartment.' Why couldn't he be anything less than super doc? Why couldn't he let himself be weak?
Gritting his teeth he looked down at JD. Maybe he could be a little weak, just for a second. No one else was in the room, well no one who could tell anyways.
"You hang in there, you here Suzie. We're gonna get this gastric peg in and then we can make sure you get some nutrition inside you, and hey, the good thing is that it'll be better than the cafeteria stuff." He tried to be light hearted but could quite pull it off. He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I didn't mean the Jr Gomer thing. You know that, right Newbie?"
I know, but it was still mean. You're always mean.
"I'll be here when you get back."
Ah, pre-med... Ooh my eyes are slippery.
Is my bed moving?
I'm done.
Elliot stood by the nurse's station cradling a cup of hot chocolate Laverne had made for her. She was steadfastly refusing to acknowledge Dr Cox who had come to stand next to her while he asked Carla to find some of his charts.
"Carla, these are the wrong charts." He said holding them back out to her.
She shook her head in irritation. "Sorry. Just thinking about stuff."
"JD?" Elliot asked.
"Yeah, and other stuff." She replied simply.
Perry stole a quick glance at her from under his eyebrows. "It's a simple procedure, he'll be fine."
"Oh, is this the warm and fuzzy moment where you actually give a crap that's supposed to counteract the moment of pure jerk back in JD's room?" Elliot snapped, finally looking up at him.
"Barbie? Do you really want to pick a fight, 'cause I don't, but I never like to disappoint a lady."
"Cut it out, both of you. I'm not in the mood." Carla slammed the charts onto the counter and gave them both a warning look.
Elliot's brow crinkled. "I just wish I knew if he understood what's happening. I mean it's stupid because a part of me thinks that if he knows what's going on but can't do anything that's worse than if he doesn't so then I feel guilty for wanting him to ..." Elliot took a huge gasping breath.
"Elliot, breathe, honey." Carla soothed. "I wish I could tell you he understands but we just don't know right now."
"I do." A new voice cut in commanding everyone's attention.
Dr Cox turned to look in the direction of the voice. "Jumpsuit? Did you mutter something over there?"
"Yeah, I said 'I do' as in 'I do know if Scooter understands what's happening to him', and the answer is yes."
"And how is it that you know this, Mop Jockey?" Perry questioned.
"I sat with him last night and we had this whole blink once for yes thing going on. It was kinda cool, a real bonding moment for us."
"And you didn't think to point this out to anyone?" Perry shook his head in amazement.
The Janitor considered what Perry had said for a moment. "Gee, no, I didn't, and I know exactly how disappointed you feel because I ran low on ammonia just this very morning and none of you doc's thought to mention it to me, hmm."
Suddenly Dr Cox grabbed the mop the Janitor was twisting in his hands, holding it still against the Janitors chest. "This isn't a joke jolly green, now are ya talking out of your mop bucket or is this on the level?"
"On the level. Maybe if you stopped fiddling with all your charts and machines for a second and actually looked at him you might know what was going on."
The janitor pulled the mop back out of Perry's hands and worked it along the floor as he moved away. "Next time I'll write my findings up on his chart." Saluting Dr Cox he wandered back down the hall.
Turk pulled off his doo-rag and dropped it onto the side of the sink. Leaning forward he turned the faucet and held his hands under the steady stream of hot water.
Placing a G-Tube wasn't a long procedure, in fact they had almost beaten their record of eighteen minutes and would have done if Todd hadn't knocked over a tray of instruments and been kicked out by Dr Wen, but even though it was short, Turk felt as though he had been operating for hours he was so wiped out. He knew it was a simple case of mental fatigue but that didn't make him feel any better.
In practice the surgery had gone well. The incision was small enough and they'd done a really tidy job but the sight of that tube, sutured tightly into place, erupting from an inflamed spot on JD's pale abdomen made Turk feel more than a little queasy. He didn't know why, he'd definitely seen worse.
With a jolt he realised that the water was burning his hands. Quickly he pulled back and grabbed up a fist full of paper towels, drying his hands off before tossing the towels into the trash.
Quietly he made his way into the recovery room. JD was lying on a bed in the far corner of the room. The lights were dimmed as usual and all Turk could hear was the rhythmic whooshing of the ventilator pump and the conflicting beeps of the heart and pulse-ox monitors. Slowly he crossed over to the bedside.
JD looked a little clammy, a sheen of perspiration covering his forehead.
"Don't you go getting an infection on me now Vanilla. You know Dr Cox will ream my ass if you do." He smiled a little, faltering after a moment.
"I could really do with you right now man. Carla's on my back about starting a family and all I want to do is have some down time with you, Rowdy and the Gilmore Girls." He took a deep breath. "I told her I couldn't think about it because of you, yeah I know, I shouldn't have done that but you gotta admit you're a damn good excuse for a lotta' stuff getting neglected at the moment." He raised his hand, brushing a couple of limp strands of dark hair away from JD's forehead.
"You are gonna be seriously pissed when you see what they did to your hair." He wiped a single tear away from his eye. "Damn."
Hmm? What happened to my hair? Oh, I feel weird. Kinda sick...
Aagh, the side of my stomach is burning. It hurts like hell every time the vent makes me breathe in. Good job I'm a pro at keeping really still at the moment...Oh no, not that again, not now...
"I just want you to know that I love you man and I really don't wanna have to see you like this for the rest of my life and I really need to talk to you about this baby thing." Another tear trickled down Turks face. He swiped it away angrily. "Shit, I need to get in control, don't I?" He laughed shakily. "Carla sees me cryin' and she's gonna think I killed your ass on that table."
That horrible feeling is back. My chest is heaving again, my throat contracting against the vent tube, Oh God it's making my stomach clench ...Christ that hurts, it hurts so much I... Oh please Turk make it stop... I just want to...what, what do I want to do? Hurl, cough what? That's it. I want to cough. I have to cough.
Turk was still swiping at the tears with the hem of his scrubs top when he heard the ventilator beep, once, twice and again.
I have to get this tube out, it's not working right, it can't be I can't breathe properly! I have to pull it out...have to....uh...move...MOVE MY FUCKING HAND ..NOW!
Turk was about to lean across JD and check the stats on the ventilator when JD's left hand shot out to the side and connected hard with the metal of the bed rail and then continued to flail wildly, ricocheting from the rail to the mattress and back again.
Quickly Turk pressed JD's hand against the mattress.
"JD can you hear me? It's Turk, can you hear me man?" A wave of relief greater than anything he had felt before washed over Turk as JD's eyelids fluttered open and his blue eyes stared up at him.
His relief was short lived though when he recognised the look in them as one of pure anguish as JD tried desperately to cough around the wide plastic tube.
Perry ran down the corridor as fast as he could, avoiding the occasional wheelchair and mop bucket as he went before skidding to a halt in front of the elevators. Impatiently he jabbed at the metal button before deciding that waiting two seconds for a response was two seconds too long.
He turned and strode over to the door to the stairwell and slammed the flat of his hand against the wood, making it swing back and crash into the wall behind it. Less than a minute later he was emerging from the corresponding door one flight up, his leg muscles burning from taking the steps two at a time.
Ghandi had paged him. That simple sentence kept reeling through his brain like a news feed. Ghandi had paged him.
'Recovery room. Urgent.'
God help him if this didn't fall within his definition of urgent because for the first time in his life Perry had begun to seriously consider that the massive shots of adrenalin that this hell hole caused to flood into his system on a daily basis just might kill him.
Something must be wrong; it had to be didn't it? Why else would he page? It's a simple procedure, his own words to Barbie, a simple procedure.
As he neared the doorway to the recovery room a nurse darted ahead of him and he could hear staccato voices within the room. It was then that he faltered. It was like he'd stepped in gum and couldn't lift his feet.
What if?
What if Newbie hadn't hung in there, like he'd asked?
What if he were gone?
Perry felt his mouth grow dry as he paused, his heart racing. 'Get a grip you goddamn pansy' he said to himself, 'Get a grip.'
With that he forced himself to carry on into the room.
He almost laughed when he got in there. Not because the scene that greeted him was funny, in fact it was anything but funny, but the kid wasn't dead and Perry had never felt such relief.
The bed had been raised into a more upright position and a nurse was sitting on the edge of the mattress on JD's left, her hands firmly on his shoulders as Turk and another nurse started to disconnect the ventilator, the pump letting down its last blast of air before they could remove the tube.
"Scoot." Perry snapped at the nurse on the bed. "I'll take over now." He planted himself next to JD, grimacing inwardly at the horrible gasping noises JD was making around the tube, his eyes watering, his face flushed.
"Just one second kid, you know the drill, we need one big cough, m'kay?"
Oh, just pull it out please...I think I need to throw up....please, please, please...
"On three Newbie, one, two, three." Perry quickly drew the vent tube forward out of JD's mouth as JD gagged and coughed against it, tears running freely down his face.
"Slow down there Janine, even breaths now." Dr Cox soothed as JD gasped at the air.
I'm gonna be sick. Dr Cox, you should really move.
JD tried to push Dr Cox away with his left hand but it fell, thudding limply against Perry's leg before slidding off onto the bed.
My arm feels weird; like I slept on it...it won't do what I want, what the hell is wrong? Why can't I...my other arm won't move...aaghh...WHY DOESN'T ANYTHING WORK, WHY DONT I WORK!
"JD, stay calm brother." Turk placed his hand gently on JD's, his face worried. He looked up at Perry. "Should we get restraints? If that G-Tube dislodges he could wind up with peritonitis."
I need to tell him, tell Turk what's wrong, that I can't move my arm...and... and...
JD opened his mouth to speak but all he could manage was an undecipherable sound which made Turk and Dr Cox exchange frowns.
What is that awful noise? Is that me;is that what I sound like?
Dr Cox pressed JD gently back against the bed and put the flat of his hand on the side of his face, eyes locked with his.
"Newbie, listen to me, calm down. Everything's gonna be ok, hard part's over, we got ya now."
Suddenly JD lurched forward and unceremoniously covered the front of Perry's hockey shirt in bile.