A/N – Ok, so I hope I'm getting better at this updating thing. At least it hasn't been like 6 months right? Anyways, Special shoutout to my reviewers so far,
DatLittleStar – Thank you so much, I'm so happy that my story suits your tastes so far!
RegularShowMemorabilia – Thanks for being so upbeat with your reviews, I'm so happy I have a follower like you
Jandralyn – Glad to hear you're liking the story so far!
Hope to hear from you all again, enjoy the new chapter!
~Chapter 6: Comatose~
POV: Kyle Broflovski
The clock read 5:42 am. I looked up at it on the ceiling, I had one of those clocks that beamed the time up through a red light, projecting it on the ceiling; I've had it for a while now actually. I remember Kenny gave it to me as a present on my 12th birthday. That was 3 years ago, now…God damn.
My eyelids lazily hung from my face in the early morning, my eyes drifting toward the faint light of the rising sun peeking through my bedroom curtains. They were pretty thin, so the light just kind of shone through them, illuminating the room with this dim light blue aura. I found it calming, much more calming than the unusually horrible night sleep I had. I gave up on the thought of sleeping an hour ago. I guess I'm just so restless from all of the shit circling me at every turn lately. Makes sense right? I'm so tired that I'm not tired, and all I can do is wait out the night, hoping that I get the hour or two that thankfully, I got tonight.
But now, all I can do is stare at the light. It's…nice. Stan rustled in his sleep as my gaze was fixated on the window as I was lost in my daydream. I sat up on the pillow I had, leaning up against my dresser as a backrest. I tucked my arms away in a fold and took a deep breath, suddenly finding the ceiling quite interesting. Hm. 5:44 am.
Looking back down at Stan, I couldn't help but feel a melancholic uplifting of some sorts. Like I was suddenly happy but still reminded of a sadness deep down. That's right, all of the past events of the last 24 hours were coming back to me now. It all unrolled on me in a giant heap of self-realization.
I almost lost my best friend in the whole world yesterday.
I almost started to feel sick all over again; I couldn't bear the thought for very long, as I buried my face in my hands, letting a good sigh escape my lips.
"Kyle?" I heard from across the room. Startled, I brought my face back up to find where it was coming from. Folding my arms over my knees, I looked down at the obvious source of it.
"What are you doing up, sleepy?" I asked lightly, hushed so nobody could hear outside the room.
Stan gave me a concerned look. "I could ask the same to you." To this, I had no reply. I just looked at him, not really knowing nor caring what to say. I was just tired.
"Um. Dude, don't worry about it, it's all good." I said, scratching the back of my head through my mess of red curls. Stan got up without a word nor any other sound, took his pillow and blanket from the floor, and carried them over to the dresser where I was.
Dropping everything in a ball, he slid down the dresser next to me, letting his feet also slide back into the blanket he was in moments ago. He pulled it over me as well.
"Thanks, Stan."
"Hey, no problem, it's cold right? I'm surprised you don't have one."
"I did." I said, bringing my arm up to point at the pile of rolled up softness about 3 feet from where Stan was sleeping. "I don't know, it got hot and I couldn't fall asleep."
My best friend looked at me from the bottom up, finally meeting my gaze with a look that said he didn't believe me at all. "Kyle, I highly doubt that, it's like 3 degrees at night this time of year."
I swallowed, I wasn't really up to debating this any further than it had to go. I just offered a content expression, but Stan just kept staring. I felt just…nervous. Yeah, nervous was a good way to describe it, but I'm not sure why. His eyes are given an icy blue glint with the faint light of morning, and it's so captivating. Aside from that, I was just worried about him. I was so fucking worried about him.
"Kyle." Stan said, expecting an answer because he wasn't buying into the bullshit I was feeding him, as his tone obviously showed. I inhaled deep, and looked back at him.
"…I know that I keep saying that I'm here for you and all that…but…"
Stan looked at me with prying eyes, silently and curiously urging me to continue.
"It just feels like I—" I paused. "It feels like I'm still not getting to you. Like, the real you. I—I don't know why you did what you did, I don't know how I can fix it, I don't know how, Stan, I don't. And I think…I think it's killing me."
Stan's motionless face offered understanding, but still some reserve, like he had to think about how he was going to respond before he did. So he's still not going to tell me…I know this simply from a split second reaction from him. We're connected that way; sometimes it's a gift, and sometimes it's a curse.
"Kyle, I did what I did because at the time, I thought that it was my only way out of a place where I felt like I had died a thousand times. It's a place I never want to be again."
"But at the hospital, you wanted to be as far away from me as possible when you woke up until I talked to you. You didn't want my pity, and I tried my hardest not to give you any. It just feels like you wanted something else. Something you never told me."
Stan stared at me, not saying a word for what felt like the longest time. I stared back, hoping that I would get something. Anything that would tell me that he would be alright for real. After a few more moments, I finally spoke again.
"…They told me when they found you that you had this with you." I reached into my pocket, pulling out a photo folded in fours. I opened it, and Stan examined it in my hands, his eyes growing ever so very slightly wider.
"This isn't your fault Kyle. I want you to know that." He said, finally.
"You know," I continued, "my worst fear was that you did it thinking of me. That I failed you. That even with me around, you'd still want to do this. I'm scared that I will never be good enough. That's why…that's why I keep saying that I'm here for you, man…I want you to trust me, even with your life.
Stan smiled. "I will never make that mistake again…and you're all I need. I trust you with my everything, Kyle. I always will." Stan said, before dozing off once again.
I wrapped my arm around him, letting his head fall into my chest as he slept soundly. I put my head back onto my pillow, pinning it between my head and my dresser, before finally letting sleep take me.
POV: Stan Marsh
My eyes cracked open, and I was lying on the floor of Kyle's bedroom, clad in a blanket and probably one of the softest pillows I will ever sleep on. Kyle wasn't in here though. Seeing as it was now…10:20 in the morning, he'd probably woken up already. He always was the early bird. But last night, I could swear he was awake all night. It sure looked like it.
I can't help but feel that this is my fault. From what he told me last night, I'm imposing a burden on him. A burden I really don't want to give; it belongs to me. Hopefully I can keep away from—
"Stan?" Kyle poked his head in the door with some breakfast.
"Morning dude, you got breakfast?"
"Yeah, I have Perkins. My mom got us some."
"…Fuck yes." I said, suddenly feeling like I'm gonna start drooling at any second.
Kyle laughed, "Just come downstairs dude. Ike's at the dentist so we have the tv to ourselves."
Downstairs, Kyle and I sat on the couch, delving into the syrupy goodness that was Perkins takeout pancakes.
"Enjoying, I see. God damn, Stan you really dug in, Jesus dude." Kyle laughed as he switched through the channels, switching to see if Terrance and Phillip was on, which it was. That's when I got a little uneasy. Terrance and Phillip was the show I was watching when I...you know. I'm the kind of guy where I'm reminded of whatever mood I was in when I see something that triggers the memory that put me in said mood. It's kind of like shitty déjà vu. So seeing Terrance and Phillip on started reminding me of that night. The night I died a thousand times. I almost wanted to go up to the tv and just shut it off, but I disregard it and just try to enjoy Kyle's company.
"Hey Stan, why aren't you laughing at all? I thought you liked Terrance and Phillip." Kyle inquired. Must've noticed the sudden change in mood.
"Oh, I saw this one a million times. I'm kinda used to it now, sorry."
"Nah, it's fine dude, I get that way too. Just sucks because it always happens with one of my favorite episodes." Kyle said, taking another forkful of pancakes into his mouth.
"Yeah, seriously." I say.
A few minutes later, Kyle's phone buzzes on the table in front of us. He picks it up checking the messages.
"It's Kenny. We good to hang out at like…15 minutes from now?" Kyle said hopefully jokingly.
I just stopped chewing and looked at him, giving him my look that says "really…"
"Alright, fine. I'll say 20 mins." Kyle said, grinning deviously to himself, texting back as I rolled my eyes. Classic Kyle, messing with me on purpose. We finished our plates and changed in Kyle's room before heading out.
"Where are we going, anyway?" I asked. Kyle never really did fill me in. Not yet anyway.
"Oh, Kenny wanted to play xbox at his house. I think."
"Sounds good."
We knocked on Kenny's door, and he opened up with a grin. He ditched the parka a while ago, I forgot about mentioning that. He kinda opted for expressing himself more in the recent years, because apparently it scored more women. So today, he was wearing somewhat tarnished jeans, a black tee shirt, and over it, an orange and black flannel shirt. He had wild dirty blond hair, kinda like what I would imagine Kyle's hair to look like if it were straight.
"Sup guys!" Kenny cheerfully greeted, giving out the classic handshake-hug combo. Kenny's always been friendly like that. Probably why he's honestly one of the absolute best friends I could ever ask for.
"Nothin much, Kenny, how're you?" Kyle asked, stepping inside with me. I could never help but nonchalantly look around his house. I felt bad. Like, why does God put a soul like Kenny's in a place like this? It's just…to put it nicely, extremely raggedy. I would never tell him that though.
"Eh, you know, same old. Just getting shit done and sleeping. What else!" Kenny laughed, shifting his eyes over to me. "How bout you, Stan? Arm feeling a little better today?"
"Still pretty fucked up, but I'll deal. I can still play video games though! Doctor said I could still use my hand lightly."
"I don't know Stan, pushing buttons can be pretty exhausting." Kyle said. I gave him the look again, this time with a knowing smile. I could tell already, Kenny was enjoying every minute of it.
"Keeny! Where'd you go Keeny! I just kicked your ass so fucking hard—"
"Hey Cartman." I waved.
"Oh, Stan and the Jew. Welcome to Haiti!" He said, obviously trying to push Kenny's buttons on the house situation. Kyle and I just looked at each other, shrugged, then looked at Kenny. He didn't really seem fazed. Partly because these days, either Cartman doesn't really mean it and is joking, or we've just heard the same line so many times that we just got used to it.
"Ah, shut up fatass. Who wants to play Xbox? I got Halo 3 in there."
"Oh dude, that's a classic! I'm so ready for this." Kyle said, making Kenny smile again. I smiled too, definitely in the mood to play some video games again. I don't really care if my arm is gonna hurt like a bitch. Which it will, but whatever.
We ended up playing a few rounds of matchmaking, just enough to get Cartman to literally start shaking the tv in his rage at the online community, much to our amusement. God I missed this. It's been way too long since we were all together just hanging out with some chips, Coca Cola, and a good old tv.
Then we played some forge. Basically, it's where you get to design, build, and play on your own map inside the game. Our imaginations went absolutely wild. One of us would hop in a tank, and someone else would grab it while one of us was still driving it, and start hurling it around the place. I don't think I ever laughed so hard to the point of tears. We were on that thing for hours. Hours damn well spent! Before we all knew it, it was like 6 o' clock at night. Everyone would be making dinner soon, so we decided to call it a day.
"Dude! I never had so much fun playing Halo. Seriously, that was fucking AMAZING." Kyle exclaimed at the rest of us. We were all still recovering from all of the laughter that exploded from our lungs in the past couple hours.
"Dude, I know. Best time ever!" Kenny said back.
"Hey Jew, I totally shredded you in that tank like ten million times. I've never felt so happy in my life!" Cartman said to Kyle, who brushed off the nickname that he sort of adopted as it was used more and more often.
"Yeah dude, I got revenge though. A lot." Kyle laughed.
"Alright guys, thanks so much for the fun times, let's do it again like, really soon!" Kenny waved at Kyle and Cartman, who were walking home side by side after they said their goodnights. At this point, it was just me and Kenny. God, I really hope this doesn't get awkward. His parents weren't exactly the most functional people. Or so I've been told. My parents never really exposed me to them a whole lot.
"Have a good time, Stan?" Kenny asked from the couch. I was leaning in his open front doorway, looking upon the orange and purple skies, watching my best friend and the fatass disappear behind a hill.
"Dude, I really, really needed that. I don't think I've had this much fun in years." I said, entranced by the sky. Kenny flipped through the channels after readjusting the taped-up antennae on the tv.
"Sweet!" Kenny laughed. "So, your dad's picking you up, right?"
"Yeah. Apparently he bought this sick new sportscar after the divorce. Should be cool." I said in kind of an uncaring tone, like I was just talking to fill the gaps of silence between us. I just kept staring at the sky.
"Alright Stan, what's up." Kenny asked genuinely. I looked back at him, he was still flipping through the channels with a can of coke in his left hand.
"Nothing really. Just uh, you know." I said, scuffing up my shoes a little on the floor. I could feel Kenny looking at me. It felt like everyone was always looking at me these days. With pity. Honestly, I know that they care and are just trying to help, but I fucking hate the pity. I always have.
"Kenny, please don't look at me like that." I said, not even having to turn around to know what he was doing.
"Well dude, you really can't blame me for being a little concerned. This whole thing just happened like 2 days ago."
"I know, Kenny, but you don't have to worry. I won't be doing that again anytime soon." I said. There was a brief pause afterwards, as I could hear Kenny lowering the volume on the tv.
"I don't want you to do it ever, though." Kenny said, egging on the conversation.
I looked back at him.
"Neither do I."
There was another pause. He looked at me intriguingly. Like he was trying to figure something out or like he was a doctor examining for a wound.
"Come sit here." He said, looking at the tv again for a little bit.
"Oh, my dad's gonna be like—"
"Your dad lives 20 minutes away and you called him like 10 minutes ago. Come on, let's just chill for a little. My parents won't be home till late." Kenny insisted. I don't really mind it, I just didn't really want to get any damn pity from anybody. I guess I'm wrongfully assuming though. Kenny is my friend after all.
I sat down on the couch with him, looking at the tv, which was playing a recording of the Daytona 500. Typical Kenny, Nascar lover.
"So you never told me, and I understand if you never wanna tell me, but—"
"Why did I do it?" I finished for him, leaving him silently looking at me with his mouth hung halfway open. He closed it, and put his can of coke on the table.
"Look. I get it if you don't feel like talking about it," Kenny said tentatively "but if you do, I can always be trusted."
I laughed a little bit at that.
"Stan. Come on, when's the last time I spilled the beans about anything?" He asked matter-of-factly.
"Well for the better part of your childhood, nobody really knew what you were even saying so—"
"See! I'm dependable!" He laughed. I gotta say, he's really easing up tension for me. I would be ok with that, but part of me feels like he's winning. Like he's getting to me. And I hate to think of my friend like that.
"Kenny, how is it that your parents are so distant yet still together? I don't get it."
Kenny sighed. "Well, it's complicated. To be honest, I stopped thinking that they were even together a long time ago."
"But they're married still, aren't they?" I asked, making a puzzled face. Kenny looked at me seriously for the first time tonight. It was a light seriousness, though. He almost embodied a therapist or a counselor or something.
"Marriage is just a legal bond. It has no meaning unless both of them actually love each other enough to fulfill it." Kenny said. He always was wise when he wanted to be. That's why I love Kenny. He could put things into a perspective that I could never dream of perceiving.
"Like this," Kenny began again, waving around the house as if he were showcasing the sights, "this isn't love. This isn't a marriage. Even if on paper it says it is."
"But how do you live with it? It's only been like a month and I'm falling apart, Kenny." I said. I could feel my eyes getting glassy. Kenny looked on, his eyes piercing mine, almost as if he knew everything. That he knew I had to let it out.
"You need to stop focusing on the happiness that you used to have when your parents were together. The past is the past. Now look, based on what I've witnessed, your parents may be going through a rough patch, but they are still at least somewhat friendly toward each other. On top of that, when it concerns your well-being, they still put you first ahead of their problems. I can't tell you how much I wish I could have that. Not just for me, but for my brother and my sister too."
I looked down. I almost feel ashamed. I thought I had it horrible because I was split between two parents, when I completely forgot that they still care for me…
How could I be so stupid?
"I'm sorry, Kenny." I say, unable to really come up with a response to what he just told me. He gives his thanks, but once again puts me as his focus.
"You don't have to be sorry. I want to help you because you're in a similar boat as I am. Can't expect to get through it alone, right?" He said, offering me an optimistic smile.
"I'm not alone. Not while I have you guys. You're all quickly becoming the last light that I have." I said.
"Well, what are friends for, Stan?" He says with another smile. "If you really want some advice," Kenny continued as I looked back at him from my lap with glassy eyes, "you need to tell me why you did it. And it needs to be the truth."
I looked at him, my composure noticeably becoming more and more defensive.
"Stan, you need to let it out. Believe me. It really is the first step to feeling like yourself again…For real this time." He said. I never broke our eye contact. I could feel my eyes getting heavy. Kenny was reaching inside of my soul, talking straight to my heart, offering me a way out. An escape from this wretched depression. I nodded to him shakily, gathering the courage to open my mouth, leaving it hanging halfway open.
"You…you need to promise me you'll never let it leave here, Ken." I said. He nodded slowly.
"I promise, Stan. You can trust me."
"I..I think I might like Kyle, Kenny…" I scratched the sentence out, pulling what needed to be said for so long out of my lungs.
Kenny gave me a smile and nodded again. "Good, Stan. Good. How do you feel after finally telling someone?"
I just stared, bewildered. I didn't know whether to be happy or cry. The weight was lifted so high off of my shoulders that I just didn't know what to say. Didn't know what to feel. I said something that had been turning inside me for months, something that would surely be friendship-wrecking, and Kenny doesn't even flinch at it.
I just let out a happy half laugh, half cough. I couldn't be happier. It was genuine happiness. Happiness that I haven't felt in a LONG time. Kenny continued to smile at me, only enlightening my newfound optimism.
"See, dude? I knew you would feel better. Your secret is safe with me. I have to say though, I kind of thought you were into each other even back in third grade. I'm so happy for you though, Stan. And I don't think I could be prouder to have a friend who is as courageous and loving as you." Kenny admired.
"Kyle would be absolutely blessed to have you." He concluded with a nod and a light smile. I let a tear fall and let myself slowly fall into a hug. I could feel Kenny rest his chin on my head as I did so.
"And I'll be with you…every step of the way." He said after a moment.
That's why I love Kenny. He is the only one I have ever met that could truly make everyone he touch…turn to gold.
A/N – Hope you guys liked the new chapter, WOAH! This one was 4059 words long! Guess you guys deserve it for waiting on me for long periods of time. Anyways, more to come, so come say hi and leave a review! I'll get back to everybody. Good night!