[Author's Note: Please do check the warnings for each chapter! Some are different than the others and may contain more sensitive content than the last. This chapter in particular does contain more mature content, so proceed with caution! Also, please review! There's only seven reviews so far. ;_;]

On that one fateful day, everything I had was lost to me, and in the worst possible way. That innocent, joyous perception I once had of the world was shattered the instant those dark, foreboding eyes had peered ominously over the wall, reminding mankind of the presence of our greatest enemies - the Titans. But who was the true enemy? Who was the real threat?

That day, I vowed to seek revenge. I was going to right the wrongs, even if it meant I would have to take drastic measures to do so.

Chapter Seven: Soldier

(Warning: Strong language, violence, etc. Proceed with caution, my loves!)

When I spotted the first emergency smoke signal, I instantly knew something had gone terribly wrong. A series of emergency signals were shot up into the sky, spanning out from the right flank where the lookouts were supposed to be keeping an eye out for any Titans.

"What? Is the right flank completely wiped out already?" Bertholdt asked nervously. He bit his lip, turning his gaze out to the endless expanse of plains.

"It looks like they've encountered some kind of problem," Ymir mused. "I wonder what he'll do now."

"Who?" Bertholdt inquired.

"The Commander, of course," Ymir responded, appearing as stoic and unfazed as ever. Bertholdt clutched his reigns tightly, a bead of sweat collecting at his temple as we galloped on ahead, waiting for some kind of signal from the Commander. None came and we were forced to continue on in spite of the obvious circumstances. I stared off at the vanishing smoke signals, my mind roaming back to what information I had managed to pick up from my eavesdropping earlier. Levi and Hanji appeared before I could figure out anything useful, but I did know that the Commander had something in mind, something he only shared with a selected few of his officers. Something that had to deal with Eren and something that he didn't trust even his own men to share it with.

'Just what are you thinking, Commander?'

I bit my lip as I pondered over the possibilities. What could be so important that he wouldn't withdraw even though we were obviously in a tight situation? Nothing could be that valuable, could it? Just what was he aiming for with this mission if it wasn't to establish a supply root? I puzzled over this as we rode on, lacking the authority and the choice to do otherwise. I saw a group of Titans approaching from the left and took out my gun, alerting the others that more Titans were coming from this side as well. From the looks of it, too, one of them was an Abnormal-Class, crawling on the ground at a dangerously fast pace. He was heading straight towards us like a torpedo.

"Squad Leader, what is your command?" I called out to Squad Leader Roger, who was up ahead, farther to the left than Bertholdt was. If it was a Deviant, we were instructed to kill it. That wasn't a problem, but the fact that there were several other Titans around it was. If Roger charged in by himself, he would have to deal with not just an Abnormal, but also a handful of other ten-meter class Titans.

"I'll handle it, you three stay here," he spoke, then prepared his swords.

"Sir, I'd like to come with you," I asked, shocking Bertholdt and Ymir with my forwardness. "I'd like to assist you with this."

"Kriger…" he seemed to be contemplating over it for a while before realizing it was probably a good idea to take me along, even if it meant that he lost a little face by bringing a rookie into a kill. "Fine. But be careful, you're still only a rookie. I'll take the Abnormal and help you out after that. As soon as I step in, you return to your position, you hear?"

"Yes, sir."

I directed Queen to follow after the Squad Leader, leaving Bertholdt and Ymir behind as the two of us headed out to fight the Titans. As soon as we had gotten within a close-enough proximity, the Squad Leader launched his wires out towards the crawling Abnormal, swords poised for the kill. I pat Queen on her mane before jumping off, shooting my anchor into the shoulder of one of the Titans. Using momentum to propel myself around the back, my body braved the harsh flapping of the wind as I reeled myself in to deal the killing blow. I mowed down the first Titan with ease, dodging under the outstretched arm of the second and shooting my right anchor into the backside of the third.

I moved quickly, narrowly managing to escape the clutches of the fourth Titan as I cleanly diced out the neck of the one I was currently attached to. I maneuvered myself with ease, smoothly taking out the last two before the Squad Leader could even step in. Queen trotted over upon my whistle and I mounted her, plugging my swords back in and returning to the formation behind Bertholdt and Ymir. Squad Leader Roger, on his black steed, rejoined us a moment later, appearing genuinely surprised.

"Kriger, you're quick. They were all dead before I'd even finished off the Abnormal," he said.

"You're pretty fast, aren't you?" Ymir smiled, glancing back at me. "I saw how good you were. Why didn't you rank?"

"Because, I wasn't as good as the others were," I answered nonchalantly, unaffected by her suspicions.

Even Bertholdt cast a wondering gaze my way, having witnessed how easily I had taken down four Titans on my own. Ymir pressed no further and all of advanced ahead, right towards a thick, dark forest up ahead. Were we going to go through it? Surely, the Commander had knowledge we were headed straight for this, so why hadn't he changed courses to go around it when we had the chance? It had to be a part of his plan. I knew it in my heart that it was.

"We're heading around the forest! Commander's orders!" a man from the center formation informed, delivering the instructions from the head of this mission. "New recruits are to stay on the outside of the forest, preventing any Titans from entering!"

Ymir, Bertholdt, and I exchanged glances. Just what was the Commander thinking?

We ended up tethering our horses and assuming positions upon the giant trees, attracting the Titans and preventing them from entering the forest like we were instructed. Squatting upon the thick, prickly, uncomfortable cushion of the tree branch below me, I stared down at the Titans clawing at the trunk of the tree underneath us, trying to reach us Scouts who were perched upon the tree like birds rather than soldiers. I propped my elbow on my leg, leaning my head onto my hand and staring down at the ugly creatures dumbly making futile attempts to get a hold of us. I fought the itching desire to swing down and obliterate them all, restraining myself solely because the Squad Leader was standing close by, preventing me from taking actions into my own hands.

After what felt like hours idly lounging about, a screech erupted from the center of the forest, rippling out in large sound waves and reaching us all the way on the outskirts of the forest. Wincing, my sensitive ears buzzed as the sound echoed throughout, alerting those sitting on the outside of activity going on inside. Moments after the sound rang out, even stranger noises traveled out from the epicenter, sounds that sounded like the firing of cannons of projectiles. Raising my head, I saw that Ymir was leaning against a tree disinterestedly, Bertholdt the only one who appeared remotely concerned.

"Geez, it's so noisy behind us," she droned. "Say, Bertholdt, you haven't any idea where Krista went, do you?"

"No, sorry."

The air was tense and quiet as the sounds subsided, leaving us to wonder what possibly could be going on inside of there. The Commander must have had a good reason for leaving so many people out on his true intentions. Squad Leader Roger was just as puzzled as we were, though he tried not to show it. I easily read through his seemingly knowing expression, realizing he was left out of the loop just as we were. I crossed my arms, shifting positions as I heard what sounded like maneuver gear behind used in the dark behind me.

I turned my head and saw that a shadow had passed behind me, out of the detection range of the others. My gut feelings were telling me that that person had notified only me of their presence purposely, pressing me to follow after them.

"I'm moving," was all I had said before leaving my spot by Bertholdt. The Squad Leader didn't even notice as I stole away, gliding through the trees after the mysterious person. Their hood eventually blew back, revealing a full head of gelled-back blond hair, one of which I recognized belonged to that nobody who had the nerve to pick a fight with me – Matthew Mackerie. What the hell was he doing leading me out so far from my original post, and without so much as glancing back at me?

I narrowed my eyes into slits, gaining on him to confront him. However, before I could catch up, he suddenly turned around, malice slithering across his face like a snake as he drew his blade. He swung his arm, making a slice at my wire and narrowly missing my second one. Spiraling out of control, I leaned towards the left, attempting to overpower the force throwing me out of balance.

"Wha—" I swung out of control, colliding into the trunk of a tree as what remained of my right wire fell down to the Titans crawling down below. I attached myself to the trunk that I had impacted, hanging idly as I glowered venomously at him. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"I've been waiting for this time to come, where I finally get to ask you for the truth," he spoke, ice coating his voice. I looked at him as if he were insane, which he truly was. What nerve he had to cut my wire, especially at a time like this! If I weren't as practiced and as accustomed to the gear as I was, I certainly would have fallen to my demise in the clutches of the Titans. What kind of thing induced him to go to such measures, just to ask me a question he could've asked while back in the city? The battlefield was no time for nonsense like this, especially when our lives were at risk.

"You're insane," I growled. "If you wanted to ask me something, you could have done so without having to cut my wire, idiot. You could have murdered me."

"I wish I did," he huffed. "Right here, right now, you're going to tell me the truth. The truth about Marco! If you don't, I'll cut off your other wire!"

I stared at him in disbelief. Marco? What did he have to do with anything?

I gazed testily at Matthew, who I had only conversed with twice prior to this day, and wondered what kind of bullshit was running through his mind that he wanted to go so far as to kill me. The blond was crazed; sweat was pouring down his face and his eyes were wild and animalistic. I could recognize that expression anywhere – it was that of true insanity and murderous intent. I kept on my toes, my sword at my side in case he decided to come at me. At this point, I had no idea what he was capable of if he would even kill a fellow human.

"What about Marco? I don't know what you're talking about, you psycho," I replied. "He's been dead for over a month already, why bring it up now?"

"Because, I never had the chance to confront you, not like this, where I finally have the upper hand over you," he spat. "How does it feel, huh? You're not so high and mighty now, are you, Lilianna Kriger? Or should I say, murderer?"

"'Murderer'? What the hell has gotten into you?" I asked, trying to keep my voice down. "What are you accusing me of doing?"

"You evil bitch, you killed Marco! I heard what Jean said. You were the one who caused his death," he claimed. "Tell me the truth right now! Why did you kill him? He was the only good person I'd ever known, nobody but him has ever cared about me, ever worried about me. What kind of reason did you have to take away such an innocent person who has done nothing to you?"

"Look, I don't know where you got the idea I had something to do with him dying. I never killed him, ask Jean, he knows I'm telling the truth," I argued. "Why would I kill Marco? There's no reason I would do something like that."

"Exactly, that's why I'm asking you right now. Just admit it, you bitch! I know you did it! Just confess here and I'll have a peace of mind!" he shouted in sheer despair. "If you don't tell me you did it, then I'll get you kicked out… I'll tell the Commander what kind of person you are. Evidence or not, that'll definitely get you booted out of the Survey Legion. Lance Corporal Levi, that bastard, always letting you off the hook... But this time, this time, you're not getting away. I'll ruin you… I'll fucking kill you!"

"You'd do that?" I demanded. "What kind of nonsense are you saying? Do you hear yourself? You're going crazy. I didn't have anything to do with Marco dying, he died in battle, fighting against the Titans."

Just then, I began to put two and two together, tying all of the loose ends and linking everything that had happened to me the past month. That feeling that someone was following me, that absurd complaint, the reason the Lance Corporal was so keen on monitoring me – it was all because of Matthew. He was the reason that he couldn't trust me, the reason why the Lance Corporal went out of his way to always seek me out; it was because of Matthew's constant complaining, his adamancy in getting me kicked out that prompted the Lance Corporal to have to see things out for himself. Matthew had stalked me, had followed my every movement, looking for the opportunity to strike, to figure out what would render me helpless. He had filed a hateful complaint against me, sending it to the Lance Corporal himself because he strongly believed I had something to do with killing Marco.

Why did he believe that? Was it only because he'd overheard Jean yelling at me that one day, and falsely believed that his accusations were true?

He had no hope to cling on to, nobody to explain the reason Marco died, so he pinned it on me, the last one to see Marco living.

"I'm 'crazy', huh?" he snorted. "I asked Jean a few weeks back. He said the same thing, that you were the last one to see Marco alive. How could you leave him? What did he do to deserve that? Tell me, you murderer! I'll force it out of you, if it's the last thing I do!"

He tightened his grip on his swords, as if gearing up to attack me. I kept my wits about me as I tried to avoid any further conflict with him, wanting to bypass the incoming struggle that was looming up ahead. From the way he comported himself, his eyes bloodshot and hazy, I knew that a fight would soon ensue, in which one of us might end up seriously hurt or even… dead. His judgment had long since clouded and without a single doubt in my mind, I knew he possessed the capacity to kill, and kill because he genuinely held the false belief that it I was to be blamed for Marco Bodt's death. Was that it? Or was there another, more prevalent reason as to why this nobody, who'd only confronted me now, had wanted to get rid of me so badly?

That was it.

It wasn't just because of Marco, it was because Matthew Mackerie was envious of me and envied me so much that his jealousy eventually morphed into loathing. That loathing, that sense of inferiority, prompted him to go insane. Could a human really be pushed to these limits? To be so driven by their rage, their jealousy, their emotions, that they'd do anything? Suddenly, my blood went cold and my whole body was abruptly seized with an overbearing chill that froze me to my very bone. The jolting revelation was enough to temporarily incapacitate me, leaving me completely open, vulnerable to the malicious man who finally had the upper hand over me. He came flying at me with his swords raised up high, the steel glinting in what little sunlight had penetrated the canopy of trees above our heads. A barbarous cry emitted from the depths of his throat as he closed in upon me, too stunned, too horrified, too petrified to put up a fight.

He was the same as me. He was just like I was.

Slash!

I watched as he desperately grasped at thin air, trying to grab a hold of me, of anything, as he fell, fell straight down into the pit of Titans below, screaming a scream that rang in my ears, louder and more terrifying than everything I had ever heard before. I was rendered immobile, watching from where I hung as he was caught in the hands of a savage Titan and was ruthlessly shoved into its mouth. The Titan, ignoring his cries of agony, sunk its teeth down into him, severing his body into two halves. His shrieks were muted as his torso was chewed up, his dark red blood spewing out from his body and spraying high up until it splashed on my face, serving as a reminder of the man who had just been standing there before me.

The Titan smiled as it devoured what remained of Matthew's body, ingesting his gear along with him. It went down with a horrifying crunch as his bones were crushed and the metal accompanying him on his journey to hell. Unspoken words lodged up in my throat as I looked down at my hands, my hands coated in hot, crimson liquid that seemed to burn my skin. A pair of sliced wires was dangling in front of me, anchored to the tree before me but missing the person that they belonged to. In self-defense, while Matthew had came spiraling towards me like a torpedo, I'd parried his swords, knocking them out of his hands, and at the same time, had inadvertently cut his wires in the process. Having nothing to hold him up, and no swords to protect himself with, he was utterly defenseless as he dropped from the sky, pummeling straight down into the vat of monsters waiting down below.

I'd done it. I'd orchestrated the murder of Matthew Mackerie.

"Matthew, you…" I uttered, unable to move. I gazed down into the smiling face of the Titan, a sick feeling churning deep in my gut. He craned his head up, as if asking me for more from where that had come from. "You… knew too much anyway…"

Bertholdt and Ymir glanced at me curiously when I returned, noticing that one of my wires had been cut and there was blood all over me. I sat tiredly down on the branch that I had been poised on before, wordlessly staring out into the distance. Bertholdt recoiled in apprehension, noticing that my clothes and my hands were spotted with the blood of another person, not of my own.

"What happened? You're covered in… you're covered in blood," he sputtered.

"What?" Ymir stared at me in disbelief as I remained unresponsive to their inquiries. "Lilianna, what the hell happened? How did your wire get cut? Why are you covered in blood?"

She strode over, her cold, hard hands roughly grabbing my stiff shoulders. "Just what did you get yourself into?! Answer us, or—"

A sudden blood-curdling, shrill cry rung out from the inside of the forest, temporarily rendering us all deaf. That cry, it was just like Matthew Mackerie's – desperate, helpless, like a cornered animal. I shuddered, grabbing onto Ymir's collar.

"I had to do it, he tried to kill me!" I exclaimed. "He said I killed Marco, he told me he was gonna kill me if I didn't tell him I did it… He came at me, so I cut his wires. H-he fell, and a Titan ate him. His blood… it's all over me. He knew too much, he said too much, he did too much... It's his fault. It's his entire fault, he did it to himself."

"What are you saying?" Ymir shouted. "Get a hold of yourself for God's sakes, Lilianna! Who? Who tried to kill you?"

"I couldn't help it, I swear, it was an accident," I wailed, holding my hands up. "I didn't wanna kill him, I didn't. Why'd he have to do that? If he'd just stayed where he was, this wouldn't have happened. He did it; I promise you, I swear to God, it wasn't my fault. It was an accident, honest. Yes, it was an accident, I don't have to worry, nothing's going to go wrong… I can still do what I sought out for…"

"She's going crazy," I heard Ymir mutter as I continued to ramble on. "Bertholdt, try and talk some sense into her. She's nuts."

"B-but—"

"Hurry up, we don't have any choice here!" she yelled, shocking him with the force of his voice. "If we leave her like this, she's really going to go insane."

"He deserved to die, anyway, calling me a fucking murderer," I hissed, smiling. "You should've seen all the blood… it was all over the place. The Titan, it was smiling, like it was laughing at him… I could've died too, y'know? What would happen then? Nobody would've known what ended up happening to me… Just like Marco."

"Lilianna," Bertholdt called nervously as he took over. "Are you okay?"

"Bert! You know I'm not a killer, right?" I asked. "I'm not, I swear."

"I know, I know you're not," he said cautiously, then placed gentle hands on my shoulders. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm not."

"Someone else was hurt, right? Who?"

Matthew's shriek rang throughout my head, still fresh in my mind, as if he was dying in front of me all over again. I clutched my ears, trying to shield out the screams, the images of the blood and carnage flashing wildly through my head. "No! Stop it… You're just a nobody, a nobody, stop haunting me…!"

Bertholdt's eyes went wide in realization, as he turned back to an uneasy Ymir, who was standing there, watching me go mad. "I know who it is – Matthew." He shook me lightly, trying to get me to stop the quaking that was now rocking my system. "Lilianna, it's over now. P-please, stop screaming."

My throat felt dry.

I lifted my head up and through my misty eyes I could see Ymir and Bertholdt, staring at me half in reproach, half in unadulterated concern. Was I screaming? What kind of things had I just said in the last few minutes? I was going insane, losing my mind, but for what reason? Why were they looking at me like that, genuine fear in their eyes like I was some kind of monster?

"I-I feel sick to my stomach," I whispered, before barfing, my guts pouring out and searing my throat in an unbearable pain. Bertholdt pat me on my back, trying to no avail to soothe me.

"Let it out, you'll feel better afterward. Ymir, hand me some water," Bertholdt mumbled. Ymir sighed, fetching a flask of water and handing to the boy kneeling at my side. He handed me the bottle. "Drink some. It'll help."

"Thanks," I weakly said, gingerly accepting it.

What the hell was wrong with me? My head was pounding and I was becoming increasingly nauseous by the second, my head swelling with a tangled amalgam of trauma. The pain was hard to bear and I found myself chugging down all of the water, the cold liquid soothing the burning in my throat. Just what kind of things had I inadvertently revealed to these two in my fit of insanity? Did I let it slip out, what I was truly hoping for when I'd joined the Survey Corps? Surely, surely, I hadn't, right? But why were they looking at me with such an expression in their eyes? Was it fear, or was it… understanding? ...Sympathy?

"Levi, where is he? I need to speak to him," I croaked, trying to stand up. "He needs to know, that I—"

"No, nobody needs to know!" Bertholdt cried, stunning both Ymir and I. "Nobody needs to know what happened… It was an accident, you didn't mean it. The Titan was the one who killed Matthew, it wasn't you. Forget about it."

"Bertholdt…"

"Drink up the water - it'll revitalize your body."

"B-but…"

I reluctantly nodded my head, keeping it low so that they wouldn't be able to see the guilt riddling my eyes.

When I next awoke, I was lying down in a cart, covered by a cloak, one that smelled… sweet. I slowly sat up and winced when a sharp pain shot up my left shoulder. It was late afternoon and the sun was still beating down upon the earth, unrelenting, merciless. We were far from the forest, in the safety of the plains away from the Titans. Rubbing the back of my head, I scanned my surroundings and saw that people had been collecting bodies, wrapping them up on stretchers. Just how many people had died on the mission? And had it even been successful?

Before I had fallen asleep earlier, I'd overheard Armin and Jean speaking with one another about a 'Female Titan'. I'd been too dazed to ask, but apparently all of the commotion that had gone on in the center of the forest was because the Survey Corps had attempted to capture a Titan, one who was like Eren – a human clad in Titan's flesh, or a Titan-Shifter, as the name had been coined. I didn't know much about it, but from the looks on people's faces, the whole mission had been in vain and we had accomplished nothing. All of those bodies that were strewn out on stretchers on the ground – had they all died for nothing?

"So, you're finally awake," a voice said beside me. The Lance Corporal was standing by the cart, only the top of his head visible. He was hardly taller than I was, so his height made it hard to see him over the edge of the cart. I almost laughed, but then realized what kind of predicament I had managed to land myself in. I was suddenly punched in the gut with my revelations and clamped my hand over my mouth to muffle the vomit threatening to burst out. The man hoisted himself into the cart, kneeling down beside me. "You've been out for an hour and your shoulder's busted. How are you feeling?"

"Levi," I uttered, completely forgetting the attach honorifics. "I… Matthew… He's… "

"I know," he muttered gently. It was silent for a while, before Hanji popped her head into the conversation.

"Lili! You're up," she beamed, awfully cheerful in spite of the obvious situation. I knew she was doing so because she wanted to be as optimistic as she possibly could, but it just made the whole thing seem even worse. I tried to get up, grimacing as my shoulder reminded me of its condition. When I'd crashed into the tree after Matthew had sliced my wire, I had hit it pretty hard against the hard trunk, except at that time, I didn't realize how bad it actually was. "Levi was worried about you, you know?"

"Squad Leader," I mumbled. "Forgive me for being rude, but it isn't the time for that."

The smile vanished as fast as it had come and she lowered her eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry."

Levi noticed the situation and changed the topic. "Can you walk, Kriger?"

"Yes. It's only my shoulder that's hurt," I assured. "How about you, are you hurt?"

"No."

"How many did we lose?"

"A lot."

Connie and Sasha were tending to their horses as I walked over to them, my shoulder bandaged up in an improvised cast. They greeted me in relief, though their eyes were soulless. Queen trotted over to me from where Jean and Armin stood, affectionately prodding at me with her muzzle. I stroked her mane with a forced smile, feeling dizzy as if I were in some kind of dream, but then I realized this was more like a horrible nightmare. At least I could say that I was glad Connie and Sasha were okay, although it was hard to say the same for those that had died or gotten severely wounded during the battle.

"Your shoulder…" Sasha pointed out.

"Yeah, it's pretty bad, but I'll live. It's nothing," I said. "Are you guys hurt?"

They shook their heads in unison.

"I'm glad, thank goodness you guys are okay," I smiled weakly.

"Are you sure you didn't hit your head, too?" Connie inquired. "You're acting so nice, it's unlike you."

I laughed dryly. "Is it?"

After speaking with them for a while, learning about the Female Titan and our failure to capture it, I heard a commotion going on not too far off. Dieter, a veteran, along with another, had confronted the Commander about retrieving the body of their friend, who had been left behind while most officers' bodies had been picked up and brought along.

"I can't accept this, Commander Erwin!" Dieter yelled, approaching the blond, grim-faced man. "We should go back and retrieve them! Ivan's body was right in front of us!"

A higher-ranked officer, who stood by Erwin, interjected as soon as he'd seen the man raising his voice against him. "There was a Titan right in front of him! If we retrieved him, it could have resulted in another casualty!"

Dieter shot back, undaunted by the man's reasoning. "If they attacked, we could have just killed them!"

His friend, much more composed than he, turned towards Erwin. "Ivan's an old friend. We're from the same town. I know his parents. If nothing else, I'd like to bring his body home."

"Don't be so selfish!" the officer snapped, as Levi stepped in, drawn to all of the noise.

"Squabbling kids?" he asked. They whipped around in surprise, staring at the authoritative figure that had heard their pleading. "If you confirmed he's dead, that's enough. Whether or not you have the body, dead is dead. It won't change anything."

"N-no…"

"We'll say Ivan and the others are missing. That's my final decision. Give it up."

With that being said, Erwin turned and walked away, Levi shortly following after him.

"Don't you guys have any human feelings at all?" Dieter shouted after them, pain and anger encompassing his features.

I bore my eyes into the back of Erwin's head, my hands balling up into tight fists. I understood where Dieter was coming from. My parents, my brother, my family… everything was wrenched away from me That Day and it was all because of him. Because of him and his failures, I'd lost everything and the lives of the innocent were unlawfully taken away from them. The mission today was just proof that I needed to go through with my plan, injured or not, whether I was torn, broken, or powerless. I had to do it, no matter what. I was going to make sure that I followed through with the preparations I had made the past five years.

I was going to make him pay.