After Sebastian left and the adrenaline rush along with him, Clary is consumed once more by an energy sucking presence. Two rounds of torture within the same hour. One given by her father the other by her brother.
Her bleeding body sags against the stonewall. She can't even sit down because the metal cuffs have her supported in a standing position and they aren't adjustable. Clary slumps against the wall as her collarbone and arm scream in pain. The cuts from her chest cry out in protest with every breath she takes. Her still sore back, her all over aching body and lack of energy add to the painful chorus.
How did her life come to this? Being chained in some castle dungeon and tortured repeatedly by her family. Valentine was sure to come back as he said he would but Clary has a few hours because her still bleeding demon metal wounds leak gold blood. Sebastian hadn't even put an iratze on her let alone made an effort to stop her bleeding before he left. She doesn't doubt that the next time Sebastian comes she'll be passed out from blood loss.
What did she do to deserve this? Did she not return her library books? Not save a cat from a tree? Write a get well card for Simon? What could she have possibly done that could warrant this type of treatment? No sin that she could think of can measure up to the punishments being wrought upon her. No sin can permit her brother whipping her. No sin can account for the insurmountable pain suffered when demon blood had been introduced to her veins. No sin can warrant the application of a brand claiming her as her brother's property.
Dread fills her stomach as she thinks back to Lake Lyn. What if the angels are punishing her because Valentine's death did not stay permanent? That she did not guarantee his death. That she allowed the terrible man to come back and once again wreak havoc on the world. What if they're punishing her for allowing Lilith to bring back her brother? Surely she could have stopped her if she had just tried. She had allowed Jace to become enslaved by Lilith and kidnap herself. She had let that she demon force Simon to drink Sebastian's blood. She had put both Simon and Jace in danger when she had stayed on that roof. Simon threw himself in front of the demoness's whip to protect her.
Or that just by seeing Jace, Alec and Isabelle that first time in Pandemonium she had brought with her the chaos of her family. She had put them all in danger just by knowing them. Allowing Valentine to become involved in their lives, allowing Jace and herself to believe they were siblings. Then having Sebastian come after her like this. He had taken Jace and enslaved him. He had kidnapped him and Clary for his own selfish wants.
Clary starts to quietly sob as she races through the past few months finding things that happened because of her, her actions or her family. She had placed them all in danger; it was her fault, all her fault.
Clary remembers the words Jace had spoken one night and says them now into the dimness of the torture chamber. "Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa."
She repeats these words over and over in her head like a mantra, slowly realizing that maybe she did deserve this fate, this punishment for bringing hell on earth to those she cared for. She lets her hot tears mingle with the gold blood on her chest. Her red hair hanging down around her face now stained gold with her blood. Sebastian was right, she was like him. She caused trouble everywhere she went, death and pain followed her. For hours Clary hangs there, supported only by her chains.
And only hours later does she hear another chamber door open. She draws a breath and struggles to lift her head. It sounded like the one to her left was opened. She hears footfalls and silence. Then her father's voice, "I'm disappointed Jonathan. I'm gone for less than half a year and you forget all the lessons I so painstakingly taught you."
"Maybe you weren't as good a teacher as you thought Father," she hears Sebastian say coolly.
She can imagine her father's face tightening in rage then pushing it down so his face can assume his usual bland composure. Silence is all she hears for a few minutes, then the scrape of a whip being dragged along the stone floor. The crack of metal breaking the sound barrier as it sails to meet flesh. She hears Sebastian grunt in pain as his father whips him with the demon metal.
Another sin to add to her plate: she smiles as she hears the whip crack. It drops from her face almost as quickly as it appeared. She took little joy in someone being whipped but she feels her brother deserves it for his earlier actions. She hears the whip crack again and again. She counts ten, twenty, twenty-five, thirty lashes before the blood soaked whip hits the ground with a grotesque smack.
Pity for her brother battles the rage she feels for him. Thirty was too many. Sebastian, no matter how badly he had treated her a few hours previous, did not deserve thirty lashes from that horrid metal.
She hears Sebastian's groan as he says, "What? Now do you expect me to treat Clarissa with more kindness?"
Valentine scoffs. "I do not care how you use your sister so long as she is still alive enough that I can withdraw what I need from her. However, I expect you to treat me with more respect. I'm your father, boy. You do not come barging in during the middle of an experiment and man handle me." Silence. She can practically feel the heat and anger through the wall between the two men. "We have another dinner tonight and I need Clarissa to look presentable and somewhat energetic. Get to it, boy." She hears a pair of footsteps leave the chamber and fade into the far corridor.
Great, another dinner to look forward to and more quality time with her brother. She hears Sebastian groan as he leaves the chamber. He's probably going to clean up his back.
Clary didn't know how much time had passed between hearing Sebastian leave and now, it felt like forever but surely it isn't near dinnertime. The footsteps sound again and approach her door and she cringes into the wall. No it can't be time. She doesn't want to face Sebastian, too late does the door fall open revealing a bare chested Sebastian.
"Sweet sister," he coos, "Dinner time."
He must be used to being whipped because besides the almost unnoticeable cringe as he moves his shoulders, she can't tell Sebastian is in any pain. Still half-conscious, Clary yelps in pain as Sebastian unlocks the cuffs holding her wrists. She falls to the ground in a bloody heap, inwardly screaming as her barely healed cuts reopen and her body moans in pain, still throbbing from exposure to demon blood.
Sebastian gathers her into his arms from the floor after a moment and carries her out of the chamber. She groans as his hands, cold hands, touch her fiery back. She keeps her eyes shut as Sebastian takes her to his room. She is still incredibly weak and doubts she will be able to stand. Her fingers brush her right forearm and she winces as she remembers that is where Sebastian had thrown the demon knife. That and her collarbone brand are still extremely sensitive and throb in pain.
Sebastian reaches his room and shoves open his newly repaired door. He must have fixed it after he tortured her. He carries her broken, mangled form into the bathroom. He doesn't set her down, only holds her trembling weak body.
"Now you don't have a choice little sister. Now I have to give you a shower."
Clary cracks her eyes open enough to glare at Sebastian but is still too weak to say anything. She is dreading this; she is going to have her dignity stripped away with every piece of clothing Sebastian takes. Clary wishes she could just pass out until Sebastian finishes, no such luck as Sebastian takes the first of her dignity. He sets her on the counter of the sink.
He removes her bloodstained shirt and throws it in the corner. She has to lean against him for support and it disgusts her how greedily his hands run up her thighs. She grabs his wrists, her eyes closed and forehead resting on his shoulder. She knows she can't stop his assault, even if she was at full strength but Sebastian halts. He kisses her cheek and she cringes in revulsion as his hands slide her pants off of her, lifting up her hips to slip them from her rear. Something changes in how Sebastian breathes, becoming slightly, almost noticeably quicker.
She whimpers quietly as her bra disappears and almost cries out in panic as her underwear no longer cover her. She moves her hands down to try and cover herself, her cheeks flaming and still pressed against his shoulder but Jonathan's hands encircle her wrists and drag her fro the counter, letting her feet hit the ground and holding her as her legs crumble beneath her. She bleeds profusely from her collarbone, the blood, amazingly, still shining gold. Sebastian runs his thumb along the wound lightly, making her cringe away but he holds her tightly, sweeping her up once again and taking her into the shower.
Surprisingly, Sebastian keeps his jeans on, despite his lusty eyes, scanning her naked body. He turns, bringing her around to the other side of the shower, wrapping an arm around tightly around her waist to support her as he reaches back and turns on the shower. Her muscles ache and protest as Sebastian supports her, the water running down his back and over his hair, sliding down his chest to where he's got her pressed against him. Clary can't really see his expression as she keeps her flaming cheeks buried against Sebastian's chest.
He pulls back and Clary's hands shoot out, grabbing his biceps to steady herself. Sebastian lets her wobble on her feet as he reaches for the shampoo, moving her hands from his arms to loop around his neck before lathering the soap between his fingers and pushing it through her sweaty, matted hair. She doesn't know how she survives the embarrassment, maybe because Sebastian still seems angry with her, taking no pleasure at all at washing his little sister.
Sebastian turns around, swinging her body under the hot stream of water. She gasps, jerking away from the scalding water, consequently into Sebastian, who nudges her back into the water and rinses out the shampoo. She finds it disturbing that he hasn't said anything aside from earlier. She can't do anything but let him condition her soaking curls and run body wash over her blood stained body. She cringes away from him as he comes to her breasts which have golden trails stained onto them, running down the center of her sternum. Her cheeks flush crimson and she doesn't look up as her brother scrubs them away, being especially gentle when he comes to her brand.
He wipes away the old blood and some of the new before leaning down and kissing the still burning skin. She jerks but Sebastian moves forward, pressing her into the water as he continues washing her skin, his touch feather light and reverent, disgusting her. Before she knows it, his hand has traveled from her collarbone to between her legs and Clary manages to step back from her brother, hands going down to the apex of her legs, shoving Sebastian's away.
"You are not touching me there," Clary growls. "Ever."
"That's what you think, little sister," he says with a devilish smile. "Come on, isn't it good hygiene to keep clean down there. I wouldn't want it to be dirty before I got down there."
Clary almost hurls right there from revulsion. She closes her legs, locking her ankles together. "You are disgusting."
"What? Angel boy never whisper sinful words in your ear?" He steps forward, backing her against the cold tile wall of the shower. "Don't worry, you won't be sin free for long," he whispers before pressing the soapy sponge he was using into her hands and stepping out of the shower. Clary stares after him, horrified but quickly moves to finish washing down there.
Looking down she can see multiple blue-black bruises. She touches her collarbone and hisses in pain as her fingers brush over the three new letters there.
JCM. She still can't believe her brother branded her. What did he hope to accomplish? He said that it was a reminder of her place, her place by his side. She would gladly be placeless if it meant not having to be by her brother's side in more ways than one but she wouldn't wish it on anyone else. She finishes and sticks her hand outside the shower, hiding behind the stall door.
She sticks her arm out of the door and says, "Can you get me a towel?"
She can hear the smile playing on his lips as he says, "I can… but I won't."
"I'm not stepping out of this shower until you do," Clary says, gripping the shower door and quivering as the water dripping off her body turns cold, but is quickly undermined when Sebastian grabs her outstretched arm and pulls her naked body from the shower. Clary lets out a yelp as Sebastian pulls her into him. She crosses her arms across her chest as Sebastian looks up and down her naked body. She can feel her cheeks turning pink and her ears heating up as Sebastian's black eyes take in every detail of her. Her body shakes violently as Sebastian appreciates her tight body.
Sebastian's face is plastered with a dirty grin. "I see the carpet matches the drapes," he says as he throws a towel at Clary who quickly catches it and wraps it around her body.
Clary stands bewildered for a moment, unsure what what Sebastian meant then she realizes he meant… down there. Clary grabs another towel and flings it at him while yelling, "Pervert!"
"Only for you, sister," he says, picking Clary up off her feet to her disgust, as she only had a towel on but is too weak and injured to fight him, and carries her out to the bedroom. He plops her down on the edge of the bed and her knuckles turn white from holding her towel so tightly. Sebastian turns away and starts unbuttoning his jeans.
Her eyes widen as the wet jeans slide down his muscular legs. "What are you doing?" Clary squeaks.
"You can't expect me to go to dinner in wet jeans can you? I need clothes too, though I would much rather prefer you without them," he says,a sly smile creeping up the corner of his mouth. His thumbs hook in his boxer's waistband and Clary turns away, a fiery blush creeping onto her cheeks.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Sebastian's fingers close lightly around her chin and tilt her head up. She doesn't look at him as she feels the stele tip touch her neck and relief floods through her body. Bruises fade, aching muscles subside, cuts heal but the demon metal wounds do nothing except scab over with a pale, white sheet of new skin, still pulsing harshly. Having energy now, she tears her chin away from Sebastian's grasp.
Standing, she strides over to the closet, wanting to put a layer of clothes between her and her brother's hands and eyes. Clary shudders at the thought and walks over to the dresser inside the closet, rummaging around in the drawers. Judging on her past wardrobe changes she thinks Sebastian has a drawer of her underthings. She looks around the room and realizes for the first time since she was taken that the bedroom is a master suite, made for two people. The bed is a king and one side of the closet is lined with women's clothing, all for her.
Greens and yellows that suit her skin tone, blues and purples that will make her fiery hair blaze and accent her eyes. Finally Clary pulls open a drawer filled with lace, silk and straps. The panties and bras all are either black, red, dark blue, or a deep purple. If you can even call them panties. Most of them have a single piece of cloth on the front with a cord going back. Thong. She digs around, thong, thong, thong. She scowls as she thinks that Sebastian wants her to wear these.
"Didn't he get me a single piece of decent clothing?" she mutters to herself.
She comes across the bras and all are, lace, silk and very thin. She pulls out a black slip that would barely cover from her torso to her butt. She holds it between her thumb and fore finger with a look of disgust on her face. She throws it back in the drawer and continues digging until she comes across a pair of cotton underwear that are still what a skank would wear but cover more of her than the rest of her choices.
She pulls out a black bra with red lace roses sewn into it. She sighs it will have to do. She wiggles into her underwear and clips her bra on, dropping her towel she walks over to the closet and pushes open the door.
The side lined with Sebastian's clothes range from designer tuxedos to tank tops and jeans to T- shirts and sweat pants. Clary's never seen Sebastian in sweat pants. Looking on the other side Clary runs her hand over the rows of dresses and cleavage friendly shirts. Finally she finds the jeans, all designer, and zips herself into a pair of dark blue jeans then laces a leather belt through the belt loops, making one more layer between herself and Sebastian.
Still hunting for a shirt that won't make her look like she just walked out of a bar, she doesn't hear Sebastian come in and walk over to his side of the closet.
"Admiring your new wardrobe little sister?"
Clary jumps and turns around to see Sebastian in nothing but his towel, still dripping wet. Did he take another shower? His lop-sided grin and wet white blond hair hanging in his face remind her of an Irish wolfhound she once met. Gorgeous and playful, except the wolfhound had a sweet disposition whereas Sebastian has the devil running amuck inside him.
"I wouldn't call it a wardrobe. There's barely anything here," she says pulling out a red halter-top and showing it to Sebastian.
He shrugs, "May I not desire for my sister to look beautiful?"
"You may not desire for your sister at all," Clary says, finally finding a black shirt that would hug her waist and dipped low in the front but it was decent enough.
Out of the corner of her eye she sees Sebastian drop his towel. She shrieks and spins around, the black shirt clutched to her chest. "Put some clothes on Sebastian!"
"That's what I'm doing," he says as he pulls on his boxers.
Clary hastily pulls on her shirt and scurries back into the room. Sebastian exits soon after but Clary is staring across the room at the window looking out at the beach.
"Now what?" she says not looking at Sebastian.
His arms snake around her waist and pull her lower body flush with his. Clary struggles against him but stops after she remembers her time chained to the dungeon wall not too long ago. She didn't want to go back there so she decides not to incite Sebastian's anger.
Sebastian kisses her neck, slowly, as if reveling in his sister's touch. She tries not to shiver in disgust, at least she thinks it's disgust but does not dare stop him, remembering the last time he got angry. "Well, we still have an hour before dinner… and I brought you up early so I could do this."
He nips at the cusp of her ear; a shudder runs through her spine.
"And this…" he whispers, burying his face in her neck and kissing her from her jaw to shoulder. Clary's nervousness shoots through the roof but she curbs it because she does not want to be thrown back in the dungeon to be tortured repeatedly.
"And this…" He spins her around and pulls her into a deep kiss. His hands rest on her hips then travel down her thighs. Clary starts to tremble. A voice in her head tries to reason that Sebastian was going to do this eventually and that this side of Sebastian was much preferred to his raging demon that chained her to that wall.
That if she lets him do this, maybe he'll leave her alone. Maybe after he does this the Angel's will forgive her of her sins and she will finally find peace in her life. Just maybe… She returns his kiss whole-heartedly, curious as to how he will respond.
As Sebastian feels the returning pressure of his sister's lips he picks her up, still kissing her, and walks over to lay her on the bed. Clary's legs wrap around his waist as he lays himself over her, propping himself on his elbows so not to crush her.
Sebastian runs his hands along her side, lightly scratching his nails and evoking a quiet moan from Clary who digs her nails into his shoulders. Clary knows she shouldn't be letting her brother do this, she knows it's wrong but she allows Sebastian to have his moment. She thinks back to what she knows of his childhood and assumes he has never had much. That he has only wanted a few things in life.
She thinks it better for Sebastian to have her instead of burning down the world. She thinks maybe if she gives herself to him he won't need to decimate the Shadowhunters. So she lays on the bed with her eyes closed and allows her brother to have his fun.
They keep their clothes on but Sebastian snakes his hand into her pants and starts to toy with her. He rubs her spot, evoking more moans that Sebastian muffles with kisses and sometimes he allows them to escape as he gently kisses her chest.
She knows why he is holding back, keeping himself from tearing off their clothes and ravishing her until she screams. He wants to have time, to take his sweet time pulling every moan and sigh and scream of pleasure he can from her. Right now they don't have the time because they need to look presentable for dinner or their father would be furious and punish them both once again.
Clary pushes her hands up under her brother's shirt and runs gentle fingers along his back, careful not to hit his whip scars. Sebastian in turn leans down to kiss the brand he left on her and she winces from the still too fresh pain.
"Now we are the same in more ways than one, little sister," Sebastian whispers onto her collarbone. His hot breath feels good on the pulsing wound for some reason. Clary has an army of responses to the words that have just fallen from her brother's lips but she holds her tongue, knowing any one of her comebacks would only get her punished.
For the next hour she lets Sebastian do as he pleases, which seems to put him in an extremely lively mood that his sister had allowed him to do with her what he wanted and let it go unprotested. So as the hour struck Sebastian pulled Clary up from the bed, both panting, with a smile on his face. Clary had to admit that all of the things Sebastian had done to her made her feel phenomenal and gave her the tolerance to deal with the oncoming dinner. She maybe even feels happy… No the word to describe it would be satisfied.
Neither saying a word they pull on their boots, Sebastian links his arm with his sister's and walks them both to the dining hall . Clary glances back at the bedroom, the sheets on the bed tossed as though they had been rolled around in, which they had, as she thinks: One more sin.