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Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
…I steeled my gaze and I knew that I was going to regret the next words out of my mouth, but that didn't stop me from saying them.
"Stay away from me!"
PPOV:
It physically hurt me to say those words to her and watch as her expression turned to one of sadness, one that I know if anyone else had put there they would be missing a few limbs.
Nobody could have anticipated what happened next. Bella stepped forwards her eyes shining with a new found anger, her expression fierce and determined. She had never looked more beautiful, it took all my strength not to reach and grab her.
"You listen here Paul Meraz." Her voice interrupting my thoughts. "I'm sorry okay, I know I'm the last person you would ever want to have imprinted on. If I could change that for you I promise I would. But please don't ever order me around, don't tell me what I can and can't do, I've lived with that Paul and it damn nearly killed me. I know you hate me and I'm sorry that you ended up imprinting on the leech lover." Numerous growls sounded from the pack at the name, I knew none of them saw her like that anymore.
Bella took a deep breath and I cringed as I saw her eyes fill with tears, her voice trembled as she continued. "I know that I'm nowhere near what you want or need to keep you happy Paul and I'm so sorry." My mind was screaming at me to contradict her, tell her how wrong she was and exactly how much that I actually did want and need her. "I know I'm not a typical sexy leggy blonde that you go for and I'm never going to pretend to be. When I was with…Edward" I growled at the leech's name, but she ignored me and carried on.
"He would make all the decisions, what I did, where I went, hell it even got to the point where he decided what I was going to wear. And Paul, I'm not ever going to let that happen here. I know how the imprint works and I'm so sorry that you have to be near me all the time to be able to think straight, but I'm going to make this easier for you. I'll see you everyday but I promise, I won't talk to you, won't touch you, I'll simply be there and you'll know that I'm okay and can go back to the girls who company you do enjoy. That way you're happy and not stuck with me all the time."
Mentally I was screaming at her, I wanted her to talk to me, I wanted to hear her beautiful voice, but not when I was listening in on another conversation, I wanted her to be talking to me. I needed her to touch me; my body ached for her from the second she'd left my arms. I couldn't live with this arrangement, it was stupid it was ridiculous, I didn't want it to be this way.
"Fine by me."
The words had left my mouth before I even had time to blink. She looked a little shocked at first and I swear her eyes flashed with disappointment, but she covered it quickly and gave a little smile, turning to face the guys behind her. I could see Sam shaking out of the corner of my eye and I was soaring through the air not a heartbeat later. My instincts kicked in and I phased in time to land without breaking any bones.
Growling wildly I spun round to face my attacker, but my body slumped in defeat as I realised that Sam wasn't alone. Embry and Jacob had joined him and I knew I was in for a real bollocking.
How could you Paul. Just stand there and let her say all those things about herself and then agree with her. How do you expect to cope every day for the rest of her life seeing her but not ever saying a word to her. Do you realise how many times in one day she hugs the guys, she barely ever gets put down. You know what you just agreed to Paul? You're going to have to watch it but you won't be the one touching her, wrapping your arms around her waist, kissing her forehead, all the other guys will be able to, but not you Paul. You were stupid enough to give that up.
Sam's voice reverberated through my head and I growled as I realise he was right and there was nothing I could do to change that. I had stupidly agreed to it even though I didn't even want it. Truth was I was scared. I couldn't be what she needed and by placing all of this on her I was taking the easy way out and making the choice for both of us.
Man up Paul. What if Bella meets a guy that she likes, granted she'll never feel the same way she does about you, but imagine he asks her on a date and she accepts, he kissed her, touches her, does all these things that you could do except you were too darn self-centred to give in to what you both want.
Jacob's voice faded out as my vision tunnelled going red as I watched the scene he was seeing in his mind, Bella was with another guy, She was laughing, her eyes shining, she was happy, I growled as the vision changed. The faceless guy was there again, the pack too, but I was nowhere to be heart clenched as I realised that this was going to happen if I didn't snap out of it.
For the first time since I had phased I deliberately searched in Sam's mind for thoughts of Emily, they weren't hard to find seeing as he was always thinking about her both consciously and subconsciously. I watched as his memories played before my eyes. She was always smiling, her voice filled with love for him, they danced, they talked, they slept, they laughed, they cried, they loved and they just were. They were Sam and Emily and there were so madly in love it was beautiful to watch.
I realised then that this is what I could have with Bella. If I stopped being such an obtuse ass, I could be loved the way Sam was.
Hallelujah. He realises.
Embry's sarcasm elicited a growl from lips as I realised they could still hear me. I never thought like this around anyone and it was embarrassing to let anyone see that I was anything other than a hardass. Sam scoffed.
We won't judge Paul, we understand.
I nodded and loped off towards home. Tomorrow I was going to make this right, I was going to explain to Bella why I had been such an ass to her. I was going to love her the way she deserved and I hoped that she would love me in return even though I had given her no reason to do so.
The niggling sensation in the back of my mind had me doubting that she ever would want me the way I did her, after all beauty only falls in love with the beast in stories.
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AN: Thank you for reading.
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