So it appears that all it needs is a boot up the arse from Kenji and Atsushi swallows his pride, hope you enjoy. :D
"I am never going back there again, that was the most horrible experience of my life!" Atsushi says as he closes the front door behind himself.
"So you went to Lovecraft's then?" Kenji asks, sticking his head out of the kitchen door to grin at him.
"I did yes."
"And...?" Kenji asks cheekily.
"And it was terrifying!" Atsushi cries as if that should have been obvious from his opening outburst.
"Oh why?" Kenji asks feigning innocence, as if the little shit didn't know exactly why. "I thought it was nice."
"Kenji the man has tentacles for hands!" Atsushi cries. "What the fuck is up with that?"
"Oh yeah..." Kenji says. "I thought that was a bit odd too."
"A bit odd?" Atsushi asks, staring at Kenji incredulously.
"Did you buy anything?"
"I did yes but that's not the point."
"But if the book is good then surely there's no harm in going back to get more," Kenji says smiling.
"Do you know how I found out about the tentacles?" Atsushi asks. "By shaking his hand!" Kenji lets out a snort of laughter which his covers with his hand unsuccessfully. "It's not funny!" Atsushi cries.
"Isn't it?"
"No!"
"Sorry," Kenji says trying his hardest to keep his face straight but he can't and just ends up laughing again, "but it is."
"I hate you," Atsushi says before he goes to flop, face down on the sofa.
"No you don't, you love me," Kenji says jumping on top of him and poking his cheek.
"Get off, you're heavy," Atsushi says, his voice muffled by the cushions.
"You know something like this would only ever happen to you, right?" Kenji laughs as he climbs off Atsushi and sits on the arm of the sofa.
"Yes," Atsushi replies getting up. "This is exactly the kind of strange and awful shit that would only happen to me. How on earth did you find out about the tentacles?"
"Saw them," Kenji replies.
"Exactly! I had to find out by touching them. I was not prepared for clammy tentacle hands!"
Kenji sniggers. "So there's nothing I can say to convince you to go back there?"
"Absolutely no way in hell," Atsushi says.
"Well I guess you're going to have to go back to Dazai's then," Kenji says.
"What?"
"You still need books, right?"
"Yeah..."
"And if you won't go back to Lovecraft's place then you're going to have to go back to Dazai's," Kenji says.
"What?"
"My logic is sound," Kenji says folding his arms and grinning.
Atsushi stops to think about this for a moment. It would make sense to go back to Dazai's – it's cheap, it's got a good selection and it doesn't have an owner with creepy tentacle hands. The only thing stopping him is his own pride and not wanting to have to talk to Dazai again. It's almost as if Kenji thought about this long before Atsushi did and...
"You planned this, didn't you?" Atsushi says as that realisation dawns on him.
Kenji smiles sweetly. "Would I ever do something like meddling in your love life?"
"Yes."
"And you would be one hundred percent correct," Kenji grins.
"Thanks."
"Atsushi you're my best friend but you're incredibly dense and you sometimes need a bit of a push in the right direction for something that makes you happy," Kenji says.
"Oh and you think Dazai will make me happy?" Atsushi asks feigning incredulity. He knows that being with Dazai made him happy and would make him happy again if he gave it half the chance.
"It will, don't pretend," Kenji says. "Remember I saw how devastated you were when he was flirting with that girl the other day so you can't fool me."
"Fine," Atsushi pouts.
"Just go back and see him," Kenji says. "Talk to him like you were going to before you really lose your chance."
"I know I should," Atsushi mumbles, tugging on a lock of his hair. "I just don't know what to say when I get there. I fucked things up and I don't know how to make it better."
"Well you can't shoulder all the blame on yourself, just tell him the truth and hopefully he'll listen," Kenji says.
"And if he doesn't?"
"Then I can make some cookies or something," Kenji smiles.
"Ooh I do like cookies..."
"See, nothing to lose."
Kenji is right. Really Atsushi doesn't have to lose by going back to talk to Dazai. If anything he might even stand a chance at explaining himself and maybe even winning him back. Even if he does crash and burn at least he will have tried.
Atsushi's hands are shaking as he pushes open the door of Dazai's book store. He's trying to remain calm but he's so nervous that he can't quite keep it all in. He takes a deep breath to try and steady himself and heads over to the desk where Dazai is sitting reading Great Expectations. Thankfully there is no one else in the shop so they won't be interrupted and no one else will witness his humiliation if he gets shot down.
Dazai still hasn't looked up so Atsushi clears his throat softly, smiling nervously when he finally does looks up. "Hi..."
"Can I help?" Dazai asks.
"I was hoping we could talk," Atsushi says.
"Really?" Dazai asks. "I didn't think there was anything left for us to talk about. You made yourself perfectly clear when I never heard back from you."
"I'm so sorry," Atsushi says. "I can explain everything."
"I'm all ears," Dazai says. He doesn't sound angry but the usual lightness in his voice is no longer present.
"I was going to call – I really was – but my phone broke," Atsushi tells him.
"Oh yeah?"
"I know it sounds like a line but it's the truth," Atsushi says. "I've been using this crappy flip phone that only has two numbers in it." He pulls it out of his pocket for effect. "Then I was just going to come here and see you because I thought that would be easier and I could explain myself but I got dragged into a meeting with Kunikida and by the time he let me out the shop was closed and I didn't know where you lived so I kept running into all these obstacles that meant I couldn't talk to you."
Dazai studies him for a moment. "Okay I'll give you that, I never actually told you where I live."
"I tried to come back and see you but everything just kept getting in the way and then I'd left it too long and I'd blown it," Atsushi continues. "When I finally did manage to come here I saw you flirting with this blonde woman and I just panicked and couldn't take it so I bolted. I'm sorry, I was stupid."
"I'm sorry too," Dazai says after a pause.
"What for?"
"I knew you were there," Dazai says.
"What?"
"I saw you come in when I was talking to the blonde woman," Dazai says. "I was kind of pissed off at you for not calling me so I decided to flirt with her just to hurt you."
"Oh..."
"Not my finest moment I must admit," Dazai chuckles softly as he puts his book down and gets to his feet. "I just thought that you'd given up on me, like the scars had put you off too much or whatever."
"I thought you just flirted with everyone who walked in," Atsushi says fiddling with his hair. "I thought I wasn't special."
"Guess we're both at fault then," Dazai says.
"Yeah..."
"I'm sorry I was flirting with her, especially doing it on purpose when I knew you were standing there," Dazai says.
"I'm sorry I didn't call or try harder to get in touch with you," Atsushi says. "I just want you to know that it wasn't anything to do with the scars, I promise."
"You sure?" Dazai asks with a grin but Atsushi can see the uncertainty in his eyes.
"Trust me," Atsushi says, "that would never have put me off. I know these last couple of weeks haven't exactly shown it but I do really like you."
"I really like you too," Dazai says.
A moment of silence falls between the two of them and they just stare at each other for a moment. Atsushi can still feel himself shaking slightly and he's not sure what to do next. He keeps opening his mouth to say something but the words die on his tongue and he closes it again. What am I doing? I should say something, I should do something, I should...
Before Atsushi can finish that thought train Dazai steps around the desk and pulls him into a tight hug. Atsushi's heart skips as he hugs back, breathing in the scent of Dazai and instantly feels better.
"I missed you," Dazai whispers into his hair.
"I missed you too," Atsushi says, clinging tightly to the back of Dazai's waistcoat. He's quite content to just stay like that forever but he knows that they can't. "So where do we go from here?" he asks as he pulls away.
"Well we could go get some of that cake again?" Dazai offers brushing Atsushi's fringe away from his eyes.
"Cake sounds great," Atsushi says smiling.