Chapter 7: Incineration
"How came you by this?" demanded Thorin, studying the key in soft awe.
"It was given to me by your father, by Thráin. For safekeeping. It is yours now."
"If there is a key, there must be a door." Fili mused aloud, and Gandalf nodded solemnly.
"These runes..." his withered hands moved over the worn page to tap on a column of foreign inscriptions, "speak of a hidden passage to the Lower Halls."
"There's another way in." Kili murmured to his brother, and gave him a nudge in excitement.
"Well, if we can find it," Gandalf added, "but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed."
He sighed, leaning on the table and staring intently at the parchment before him.
"The answer lies somewhere hidden in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it, but there are others in Middle-earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth and no small amount of courage. But if you're careful and clever I believe that it can be done."
"That's why we need burglars." Ori stated.
"And good ones, too." Bilbo observed, fiddling with his suspenders.
"Experts, I'd imagine." Merida added, her eyes still on the map. She didn't notice that the rest of the dwarves' gazes were pinned on her.
"And are you?" Asked Glóin, to which Merida gave him a puzzled stare.
"Are we what?"
"She said they're experts!" Óin declared.
"Us?" Bilbo squeaked, gesturing between himself and the other hobbit. "No, no, no, no, no. We're not burglars. We've never stolen a thing in our lives."
He stopped, and flicked his eyebrows up before adding, "Or at least I haven't."
"Hey!" Merida shouted, shooting a glare at Bilbo who only returned a sheepish glance in return.
"I have to agree with Mister Baggins." Balin commented, "They're hardly burglar material."
"Aye," Dwalin agreed, "the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves."
"Hey!" Merida repeated, an octave higher.
"They're just fine!" Dori declared.
"Enough!" Gandalf bellowed. The room seemed to grow dark with his anger, as he roared ominously, "If I say Bilbo Baggins and Merida DunBroch are burglars, then burglars they are!"
The group simply stared at the now frightening wizard with pursed lips and wide eyes, Merida showing the most fear of all. Noticing her intimidation, Gandalf breathed out a calming sigh before lowering back down into his seat. His next words were much calmer.
"Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose, and while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives as a distinct advantage."
He sighed, and it was then that Merida noticed how weary he was. It must take a good deal of patience for the wizard to deal with such a spirited group, and she gained a new respect and gratitude for the man. He sucked a puff from his pipe before continuing, his voice soft,
"You asked me to find the last members of this company, and I've made my choice. There's a lot more to them than appearances suggest, and they've got a great deal more to offer than any of you know. Including themselves. You must trust me on this."
He then leaned back in his chair, clamped his pipe in his mouth, and allowed stage room to fill with silence.
"Very well." Thorin finally grumbled before nodding to Balin, "Give them the contract."
"It's just the usual summary about the pocket expenses," Balin began to explain with a smile as he leaned over the table, offering a thick, folded pamplet to Merida, "time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth."
"Funeral arrangements?" Squeaked Bilbo as he shuffled to Merida's side. He snatched the contract from her hands, ignoring the annoyed look she gave him, and began flipping through its contents.
She was quickly distracted from this rudeness, however, by Thorin's low, ominous voice. She could see him from the corner of her eye, murmuring with Gandalf.
"I cannot guarantee their safety." He mumbled.
"Understood." Replied Gandalf.
"Nor will I be responsible for their fate."
It was a moment before Gandalf replied with a solemn "agreed," and Merida felt hurt and betrayed by their discussing the two hobbit's lives so casually. Although she could not put them at fault... Besides, they were still strangers, even if a few were more acquainted with her than others.
She silently removed herself from the table to stand next to Bilbo, leaning down to scan the words as he mumbled them aloud,
"Total is cash on delivery, up to, but not exceeding, 1/14th of total profit, if any."
"Seems fair." Merida commented, eliciting only a slight twitch from the other hobbit which Merida could only assume was agreement. He continued,
"Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to, lacerations..."
"Evisceration..." Merida continued, cocking her head at the word. "What's that mean?"
Bilbo ignored her question, and instead looked at the group still sitting in the dining room,
"Incineration?"
"Oh, aye." Called Bofur from across the room. His tone never seemed to shift from casually comfortable, "He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of 'n eye."
Bilbo just blinked at that, the color draining from his face in an instant.
"You alright, dear?" Merida inquired, concern streaking her face.
He just let out a sound akin to "Huh-yeah-uh" and leaned on his knees. Merida reached out to awkwardly pat his back, not knowing what else to do.
"Feeling a bit faint." He muttered quickly, but at least he straitened back to standing.
"Think furnace... with wings." Bofur continued lightly. Merida didn't know if he were trying make him collapse or if he was just that ignorant, but she shot him a glare all the same.
"I-I-I need air." Bilbo muttered.
"I'll get you some water." Merida whispered, patting his shoulder as she left for the kitchen.
"Flash of light," Bofur continued, "searing pain, then poof! You're nothin' more than a pile o' ash!"
"Bofur!" Merida scolded from the kitchen, her voice sounding like a mother bear's growl. She quickly snatched a mug, filled it with water from the sink, and trudged back into dining room.
"Honestly, are you trying to cause trouble or are you just that obliv-"
The pitiful lump of an unconscious Bilbo, lying motionless on the floor, cut of her rant.
AN: Thank you all for the lovely reviews! 3 Seriously, ya'll are amazing.
By the way, I just finished up The Misty Mountain Song, so stay tuned! It's my favorite chapter so far... such a beautifully sad scene. :')
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, places, or themes from J.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit, The Hobbit Film, or Brave.