Hey everyone. sorry it took so long to update..RL is kind of sucky right now, but hopefully i will get back to writing somewhat more frequently. A big thanks to those of you reviewing. It truly does inspire me so if you want me to keep going lets get those reveiws in. I think i got like two for the last chapter. I know you can do better than that. SO hopefully you will review if you like this.

xoxo Read and review my pretties :-D

Chapter 7-

I made my way along the walkway lost in thought tying to put my words in order, trying to figure out how to tell these people who I knew loved me dearly what had been done to me. Hell, I wasn't even sure of all of it. I let myself drift to the darkness to get away so much that there was a lot missing. I knew I had a lot to deal with and I didn't want to do it alone, but I also knew that I didn't want sympathy from everyone either. It was something I just couldn't deal with. I was not some poor girl who couldn't deal with this shit. Yes, I was having issues…even I couldn't deny that, but it wasn't something I couldn't sort out given time.

I bit my lip as we came to the guardians building and made our way to the lounge away from any prying ears that may be hanging around. I took a seat and wrung my hands not looking at anyone. I sat there for several minutes trying to force myself to talk. "Just like a band aid Sam. Quicker the better," I thought to myself. With a deep sigh I began my story.

"I had to go…it was me or everyone. The choice was so easy to make. I would have done it no matter what and I would do it again to save all of you. I'm so sorry I hurt you all by leaving, but you have to know it had to be done." I looked at my hands fighting the tears that were threatening to spill over and run down my face. I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands hard over my face.

"At first I thought Victor was just some nutcase that really needed some mental help. He scolded his little henchmen if they even looked at me wrong when we were in the cars. When we got to the house he showed me around. I couldn't figure out why he would do that. It was like he was asking for me to escape, but then everything changed. As soon as the door to my room shut everything changed. He wanted me to talk about the bond. Tell him how it worked. He wanted to see how far he could take it before he turned me to see how it would be affected then."

I ran my hand through my hair too afraid to look up at any of my friends. I was afraid to see the disappointment. I knew I let them down in so many ways. I felt guilty for reasons I didn't even know. I know deep down it was stupid, but I felt I should have been stronger, fought harder…something.

"I refused. I told him I would die before I told him anything or turned. After that I became a strigoi play toy. Tossed around from one to the next beaten and left broken for the next one to play with once the previous was bored. They…they…I couldn't…I fought…"

The tears I had fought so hard to keep at bay spilled over and I felt as though I was going to be sick. Only part of it was my own emotions. Adrian knew all too well what happened and he was reliving the horror right along with me. I could feel pain, hate, and guilt seeping through the bond and intensifying my own feelings. I finally looked up at all my friends. Their faces were full of pain and anger. A sob shook my body. I didn't know how I was going to get through this.

"They…I…."

I looked around and felt my chest tighten and my breath was becoming panicked and short. The room around me began to spin and I felt Eddie's arms wrap around me. I jumped a foot into the air and let out a small screech before realizing I was okay. He held me close and kissed my head. Hot tears stung my face and stained eddies shirt.

"Eddie, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I didn't fight harder. I'm so sorry. It was supposed to be you."

"Shhh…Sam. What are you trying to tell us?" he whispered.

"Eddie they…they"

"They raped her," Adrian growled. Venom dripped from his words. I could feel he wanted nothing more to have been the one to kill the monsters that had hurt me. At that moment I jumped from my seat running for the door. I couldn't swallow back the bile that had made its way up my throat and was now pilling into the bushes outside.

I sat for a few minutes trying to calm myself and get collected when Rose came up to me holding a cup of water and a damp napkin.

"Thought you could use this," she said holding them out when a sad smile. "Sam, you don't have to do this. Everyone will understand and we know it takes time. I've been through a lot in the past few years, but I can't even begin to imagine what Victor put you through. What they did to you. But you need to know, that we are all here for you. We will help you in whatever way you need…whether it be us leaving you the hell alone or someone to beat the crap out of to release some of those frustrations. I'll go ahead and volunteer Stan for that job."

I couldn't help but laugh when she said that. Little did she know the reason he was the way he was. But that was not my story to tell, the little I knew. We sat in silence for a few moments both lost in thoughts of the horrors we had both witnessed and survived so young.

"I need to talk to Eddie," I said getting up from my spot next to Rose. "I need to tell him I'm sorry and that I understand if he wants to end things."

Rose grabbed my arm. "Don't do it just yet. He's not going to leave, but you need to let him process this. He loves you so much Sam. He almost lost you and in a way he did. You will never be the same Sam you once were. As much as I wish I could tell you that everything will go back to the way it was, I just can't. In time it will be easier and you won't feel like you want to throw yourself off the roof every day, but you will never look at life the same way. Everything will become more precious…more serious. In some ways it's good. You know early that this isn't some glory filled job, but a serious job that can't be taken lightly, but at the same time you lose out on what you have left of childhood. So, Eddie kind of did lose you when you were taken, but what he did get back he will never let go of. You just need to wait for him to come to you…in his own time. Eddie has been there too, he knows what it's like. Let him help you. Don't push him away Sam. He just might end up being what saves you."

I smiled through the tears and hugged Rose tight. I never thought she could be so deep. She was always joking around and playing things off, but when she talked to me like this…I could see the pain she hid so well. I could see the guilt she had from not being able to save her friend. She really did understand some of what I was feeling.

"Was Dimitri your savior?" I asked.

Rose smiled and her eyes got a distant look remembering back to her days of pain and nodded. "If I didn't have him…I don't think I would have survived it. Sure I had Liss, but I needed someone who had been through it. Someone who had survived loss and beaten the sadness and learned to live. He showed me how to live again and in doing so showed me how to love myself again when I thought I would never be able to. He pulled me from my sinking ship."

She turned to me and grabbed my shoulders. "Sam, you will survive this. It is going to be hard, but you cannot give up. I will not let that happen to you. If Eddie isn't your savior, then let me help you. Let us all help you. You are so strong and you are good at what you do. Don't let this stop you from living. Please Sam…Just don't stop living."

I nodded through my tears. I wouldn't stop living. I wouldn't let Victor win. I was surrounded by my family and my friends, by people who cared for me. I wouldn't just live because I had to, but because I wanted to. I knew right then that in time I would have my life back.