Yang stared at the screen in front of her. She didn't know how long she had been scrolling through the blog, how often she had read every single entry. It had gotten dark since, Ruby had come home and left again to meet up with Penny, and the longer she waited the more pressured she felt to text Blake back, but what could she even reply to all of this?

Love was such a strong word and usually she used it very lightly. She loved her family and her friends, sunshine and lemonade, the air right before dawn. But she had always struggled with romantic love. She had never been able to fall in love as quickly as others and her last relationship had ended years ago. The lines between friendship and love had always been blurred for her and when she thought about whether or not she was in love with Blake she thought maybe and then why not? and then fuck.

Yang closed her laptop. She couldn't bear staring at the blog in front of her. She buried her face in her pillow and groaned. It made too much sense and felt completely overwhelming at the same time. It was easy to think about what would be best for others, but what did she want?

If she was completely honest with herself the thought of dating someone scared her. But the thought of losing Blake scared her more. She sat up. It felt like if she didn't talk to her right now she was going to explode, and if she didn't go right now maybe she'd wait forever. For a moment she thought about getting changed, but Blake had seen her drunk and sick and on PMS, with greasy hair and in her worst pyjamas, so where was the point?

When she walked over the campus she was about to turn around and walk back home. She hated being anxious, she hated situations that made her anxious, she hated it when she was walking into a situation without having any idea what to do, and most of all she hated that Blake was the one who made her anxious right now. Blake who usually was her safe haven.

Someone was having a party in Blake's dormitory. Yang could hear the music and voices when she walked upstairs, but she didn't see anyone. She knocked at Blake's door before she could change her mind and then almost felt like running away. When Weiss opened the door she seriously considered it.

"Oh, Yang!" Weiss gave her a warm smile. Something moved behind her inside of the room.

"Can I… talk to Blake?" Yang asked.

"Yeah, sure." Weiss looked around. "She's just… she's right there, just hasn't taken her headphones off. You know, I'll send her outside in a minute." She closed the door again. Yang ran her hands through her hair and let out a long groan.

She heard voices behind the door. When it opened again it was Blake, staring down at her feet instead of looking at her. She was wearing her hair in a messy bun, but she hadn't changed into a pyjama yet. Black had always looked good on her, and Yang couldn't say that about anyone else. "Hey."

"Can we… can we go somewhere and talk? This sounds so serious, I didn't want it to sound that serious, do you wanna go grab a milkshake?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me just grab my jacket."

They didn't speak until they had left the building. The air was so cold she could see her breath. Yang buried her hands in the pockets of her jeans because she didn't know what to do with them. "I guess summer's really over, huh?" She bit her lip. The weather? Really?

"Maybe we'll get one last heat wave. You never know."

"Oh, I hope we do, we really haven't been swimming often enough this summer."

"Use the last chance you have before I have to pull your drunk ass out of an ice cold lake again. I really thought you were dying."

"Because you were drunk, too." She chuckled. When she looked at Blake she was trying to hide a smirk, like she always did when she didn't want to admit that what Yang had just said was actually hilarious. For a moment she wasn't sure why she had been that worried, because this was still her best friend, the person she felt most comfortable with. This was still Blake. She quickly looked away.

Junior's Diner was almost empty at this hour. They had to order their milkshakes at the bar and sat down in the last booth right in the corner, far away from the grumpy waitress. She sat down next to Blake before she could think about it. It was an old habit from countless hours they had spent here, sitting next to each other so they could stare out of the window, because why would she have to look at Blake when they could look at the world together? For some reason they were already playing Christmas jingles and Yang busied herself with eating the cream on top of her milkshake with a spoon because she didn't know what to say.

"So, I have… I've read your blog." She watched some sugar sprinkles slowly being swallowed by the rest of her cream. "I didn't understand all the nicknames, I mean Maud Lily has to be Weiss, but why that nickname?"

"In the book she's a rich lesbian."

"Oh, yeah. Spot on."

"I never would have posted anything online if I had known one of you would read it one day. I'm sorry if I –"

"No, it's fine. Really, you have no reason to apologise. Not for… anything you wrote on that blog." She stared at her milkshake. Maybe the cream was only there because it really didn't look all that appetising without it. "Though, maybe you should apologise for… I mean I really don't get how you can actually think you wouldn't be good or pretty enough for me. That's bullshit and you should know that."

Blake took a deep breath. For a moment Yang was sure she had gone too far, that her words had come across as harsher than she had meant it. "I know," Blake said eventually. "My ex-boyfriend used to say those kinds of things to me. Sometimes it just comes back."

"I told you he was a jerk," Yang said, softer now.

"Maybe I should have… told anyone else but you about him. Just so I could hear people say that more often."

"I'll say it as often as you want." She finally dared to look up. Blake's smile was almost invisible, but one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. She didn't know how to put into words how she felt about Blake. Calm. Warmth. Something made her want to be around her, to stare at her, watch her smile. "I can't believe you were jealous of Neptune," she said all of a sudden.

Blake blushed and looked down. "I didn't even know I was jealous at that time."

"Neptune isn't my type and he totally has a crush on Sun."

The silence that followed was awkward, a question lingering between them and pressing the air out of her lungs when the longer she thought about it. The question of what would happen between them. Of how they would deal with the feelings Blake had admitted to her and Yang didn't dare to think about. She stared at her milkshake again and all of a sudden she realised that it was up to her. Blake had told her how she felt and she was probably waiting for her to react, to show how she felt, but that was something Yang herself didn't even know. Or did she?

"It's kinda cute though," Yang said eventually. Blake's hand was resting on the table and she reached for it before she really knew if she should hold it or not, so she almost pulled it back before she laid it on the table next to Blake's, her fingertips resting on the back of her hand. Her heart was pounding fast. It felt like the bravest thing she had ever done, but at the same time it was Blake, the only person who could make her feel nervous and calm at the same time.

"His crush on Sun or…" She didn't complete her sentence, but when she looked up her smile was warm.

"Or. Definitely the or."

Blake leaned forward and then she felt her lips on hers, soft and warm. It was a brief kiss, clumsy because Blake pulled away just as sudden, leaving Yang with the burning dissatisfaction of wanting more. She didn't think anymore when she pulled Blake closer and kissed her again.

First kisses always had something equally awkward and exciting to them. Kissing Blake felt familiar and new at the same time. She didn't know where to put her hands because there were so many places where she wanted to touch her, so she ran one through her hair and intertwined the other with hers.

"Sorry, I…" Blake said when they pulled away from each other. "I didn't mean to –"

"Well, I did."

They looked at each other, Yang's thumb brushing her cheek and then they both started to laugh. It was still Blake. Nothing felt awkward with Blake, at least not for too long. Blake leaned her head against her shoulder for a moment, her hair tickling Yang's cheek. It felt strange how naturally it all came to her. Shouldn't it be weird to be that close all of a sudden? But it didn't, and maybe it was better not to think about it for too long.

When they left the diner the air outside smelled like rain. The wall that separated the pavement from the lawn barely reached to her knees but when Yang jumped up to walk on it, you couldn't even call it balancing, Blake still took her hand to keep her from falling. Like she always did.

"I hate university," Yang said all of a sudden. A single heavy raindrop hit her neck and ran down her spine. "I just hate it. I don't want to go to my classes anymore, the thought of having to write exams at the end of the semester makes me sick already, and I just can't see myself pulling through with it and finishing this stupid programme, but work just keeps piling up. Qrow is already worried, dad probably too, and mum just keeps telling me that I can do it and that I will make it. I shouldn't be running after her, but what if I tell her I won't make it and she's disappointed? What if she doesn't talk to me anymore?"

"You know she will." Blake's thumb softly brushed the back of her hand. "Is it just the workload?"

She took a deep breath. "I think I picked the wrong major." Another raindrop hit her shoulder. "I mean I didn't even really know what I wanted to do. I think I just went with social work because my uncle does it."

"It's not too late to change your major, you know?"

"How am I gonna explain that to my mum?"

"I mean I didn't meet her often, but I think she'd be the more understanding one. With Qrow you're just less scared he might start to hate you."

"You already know her better than I do."

"No, I'm just less biased and emotional about it. But I… you know, I understand it. I really do. When I came back home after six months of sleeping in crappy motels and trying to get married to a guy who was bad for me I thought my parents would hate me, but of course they didn't."

More raindrops hit her arms. She pulled Blake with her, seeking shelter beneath a large tree. "Maybe you're right," Yang said when they sat down next to each other. "So you think I should do it?"

"You're unhappy. If there's a chance changing your major would make you less unhappy then yeah, you should give it a try."

She pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Raindrops were hitting the earth now, one of those quick and heavy showers she had always loved about summer. She wanted to lean against Blake, but something was stopping her. She bit her lip. But if there was something she had learned it was that keeping things to herself never worked with Blake. "Do you think this is a good idea?" she asked. "The whole thing with you and me I mean. Don't get me wrong, it's not like… but what if I stop feeling that way about you? I can't even make up my mind about my major, what if I –"

"Yang." Her voice was calm and gentle. "Only because you sometimes don't know what you want doesn't mean you can't trust your feelings when you want something. So if you want this then… trust that feeling."

Blake wasn't looking at her. Her black sweater was too big on her, but it always sat tight on Yang when she borrowed it. She always loved it on Blake because it sometimes slipped down one of her shoulders, exposing her collarbone and the strap of her bra. She wasn't even sure if Blake realised it, but when it came to others she could be the most soothing person she had ever met. Right now she didn't look anxious, not as anxious as Yang felt. For some reason that always calmed her down, because if Blake wasn't anxious about something then there was probably no reason to be.

Yang sighed and stretched her hand out, brushing some strands of hair out of Blake's face. When Blake looked at her she tried to give her a reassuring smile. "It wouldn't be me if I didn't panic about it, huh?"

"It wouldn't be you if you wouldn't panic about whether or not you're going to hurt me before anything else."

Their next kiss was calm and gentle. For some reason it felt like she had never kissed anyone else and never wanted to kiss anyone else again.