The Big O and all of its settings and characters are owned by Bandai Visual, Sunrise, and Cartoon Network.

THE BIG O:

ACT 38

KNIGHT AND DATE

Chapter Seven: By the Light of the Moon

The gibbous moon was almost full. It shone out over the water illuminating the waves and the rusted hulks of the past. No matter how dirty and polluted Paradigm City's beach was, there was something cleansing about it. Even if the beach was pristine, the water from the ocean would be undrinkable, but Roger always got the feeling of the purity, of renewal, as if the dirt from the city was being washed away. Not even the hulks of wrecked ships or the ruins of flooded buildings sticking out of the sea could change that.

Roger's long black Cadillac was parked on the beach. He was leaning against the car, almost sitting on the hood looking at the girl in front of him. This was the first time he had ever taken Dorothy to the ocean. It was a special place for Roger.

"How many other girls have you brought here Roger?" the little android asked him. There was no venom in her voice, merely a mild curiosity.

"More than I care to admit," Roger shrugged. "Why? Is it important? You already know that I had a steady dating life before you moved in," he teased with false resentment.

"Did you ever take her here?" Dorothy asked in her emotionless 'android' voice.

"Who?" Roger shifted his weight uncomfortably. "Angel? Don't worry; we never got beyond holding hands."

"No Roger, her," she clarified. "The other Dorothy. The first one."

"The human Dorothy?" Roger asked. "I have no idea. If they lived by the coast I'd be surprised if the first Roger didn't take her to the beach, if only to see her in her bathing suit. We should get you one. You'd be cute in a bathing suit."

"It would be far too embarrassing," Dorothy protested.

"That's what would be so cute about it," Roger winked.

"Roger you're changing the sub—" Dorothy cut off her sentence abruptly before turning away from him in one eerily fluid motion. Roger could almost make out the quiet whirring of her servos as the crashing waves drowned it out. "I'm doing it again aren't I?"

"Doing what?"

"Looking for reasons why I can't be happy."

"That's okay, Dorothy, sometimes I do the same thing," Roger admitted as he walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. "More than I'd like to admit in fact. It's just human nature."

"I'm not human."

"That's a matter of opinion."

"I'm sorry Roger," she said. "I'm spoiling this moment. I can't stop myself. You're making such an effort and all I can do is…"

"Sh-sh-sh-sh," Roger hissed as he put his arms around her and leaned down to rest his head on her shoulder. "It's okay. I do the same thing all the time. After what we've been through it's hard to relax and just let go."

"I want to let go," she said in a quiet voice. "I want to let go so badly."

"Then why don't you?" he murmured softly. "Or do you need to express yourself? After everything that's happened you must be ready to burst."

"I don't want to spoil things more by letting you know how damaged I really am."

"It's okay, Dorothy," he said as he stood up straight, rested his chin on the top of her head and gently rocked her in his arms. "You may be an android but you're not a robot. It's okay if you let it out once in a while. I'll understand."

"It's… it's so beautiful," Dorothy whined in a restrained voice. "The way the moon reflects off the water, it even turns those wrecked ships into sculptures of light and shadow, and all I can think about is how many other women you must have brought here. If you brought the other Dorothy here. I can't turn it off I…"

"It's okay," Roger purred as he cuddled her from behind. "They were all dress rehearsals for the real thing."

"But Roger, I'm not the real thing," Dorothy said in a calmer, more 'android' voice. The poor girl was closing herself off again.

"To me you are," he said.

Dorothy looked down at the surf foaming at her feet. "Roger, why do you put up with me?" she asked in a quiet voice.

Roger's answer came without hesitation. "Because when I'm with you, I don't have to accept being the man I really am; I get to be the man I want to be," he purred in her ear. "When I'm with you I know who Roger Smith really is. He's the man who loves you."

"Roger that's beautiful," she said softly.

"It's true," he murmured in her ear. "I've often said that a person is whoever they choose to be. When I'm with you I choose to be a better man. I choose to change for you. If that isn't love I don't know what is."

"You often complain that you don't know what love is," sparred quietly.

"You do," he purred as he gave her ear a kiss, "even if you think you don't sometimes. For you it's instinctual."

"Or programmed," she said distantly. "Roger, do you think that I have a choice… that I have a choice in who I love?"

"Of course," Roger assured her. "When your father died you let Norman into your life didn't you? He's become your father figure hasn't he? I don't think the original Dorothy Wayneright ever knew him."

"You know what I mean."

"Dorothy lots of humans don't have much choice in who they love," Roger explained with a hint of patient resignation, "but do I think that you would have to love me no matter what I did, of course not. I'm sure there are lines I could cross that would free you from any insecurity you have regarding choice." He paused and leaned over her shoulder so she could see his bittersweet smile. "Not that I have any intentions of crossing them of course."

"I'm sorry I'm bringing this up and spoiling this," she apologized.

"No, don't apologize," Roger said as he pressed his stomach against her back and gently rocked her back and forth. "You know my rules. Apologies are a sign of weakness, and you're not weak. Besides, you have nothing to apologize for. You've kept everything in for so long. It's about time you feel safe enough to let it all out. These are issues we should face together and not just sweep under the rug. We've got to face them, or they'll be getting in the way of every moment we have together."

"How did you get to be so wise Roger?" she asked wistfully.

"By making bonehead mistakes mainly," Roger chuckled quietly. "Experience can be an effective teacher if you're able to set aside your pride and actually face your painful memories."

"Roger, did you just say that you're a product of your Memories?" Dorothy asked tentatively. "Are we truly ruled by our Memories after all?"

"I suppose in some ways we are," Roger admitted. "They certainly influence us at any rate. The trouble is that the information our Memories give us can be misleading or just plain wrong. Memories can teach us the wrong lessons as well as the right ones you know. The trick is to make sure you're in the driver's seat, even if your Memories are reading the map. It's too easy to let our Memories make our decisions for us, when we ought to be keeping our minds open to accept new possibilities." He kissed her ear and was rewarded when she shivered. "Like us."

"Roger do you think that if you met her you would love the original Dorothy Wayneright more than me?" she blurted out in that controlled precise manner of hers. It was perfect for conveying insecurity.

"Maybe, but she could never understand me the way you do," Roger sighed as he rested his chin on the top of her head and gazed out at the water. "We just wouldn't have enough in common. I'm sure I'd like her and maybe even fall for her, but in the end it just wouldn't work out. If I actually met her the only decent thing I could do would be to just let her go."

"What about me?"

"You understand me better than anyone else, except possibly Angel," Roger said in the same wistful tone of voice, "and she already knows me well enough to know who my heart really belongs to. If I had to choose I think I would choose you before the girl you were modeled after."

"Really?" The servos in Dorothy's neck were audible as she turned her head to look at him with her peripheral vision. "You're not just saying that?"

"Come on Dorothy," Roger laughed bitterly. "Surely by now you've noticed that I've got more in common with you than with any human woman. What about you? If the other Roger came back to life would you pick him instead of me?"

"I don't… know," she admitted.

Roger chuckled at her distress. "Don't worry Dorothy. I'm not jealous. I'm sure that he'd sweep you off your feet and dazzle your senses but in the end you'd realize that I'm the only one for you."

"Why do you say that?" the android girl asked, although by this point it seemed like she just wanted to hear him talk.

"Like I said, we have so much in common," Roger purred as he rocked her body in his arms as if they were still slow dancing. "We have our shared experiences and our shared insecurities. We both don't know if we're real, we both don't seem to age, we both have a hard time letting people in. And we're both breathing," he added saucily. "With my arms around you I can feel your body drawing in air and pushing it out. I might even be able to sense a pulse unless my mind's playing tricks on me. Did you do this just for me?"

Dorothy's reaction wasn't what he expected. "Roger!" she snapped as she freed herself from his arms and stomped over to his car before turning to face him. "Did you have to be so rude as to mention it out loud?"

"Dorothy! What's the matter?" Roger asked as he turned and took a few steps towards her. "What did I say?"

"Roger you know what those android girls I was based on were built for," she whined as she trembled near the car. "You know what breathing and having those little devices under my skin to simulate a pulse means."

"No I don't Dorothy," Roger shrugged helplessly. "I just assumed that you finally felt safe around me."

"You don't understand," Dorothy shook her head and turned away. "How could you? You're human, you're a man."

"No I don't understand," Roger said as he slowly approached her. "Whatever I did, let me know what it was so I don't repeat it," he added as he put his hands on his shoulders. "Come on Dorothy this is important to you. Tell me what it is."

"The android girls," Dorothy said as she looked away. "The ones I was based on, when do you think they needed to breathe and actually have a pulse? When did they need to be the most lifelike?"

"I don't know," Roger shrugged. "I never thought about it before."

Dorothy looked up at him with a pained expression on her colorless, unlined face. "Roger what were those android girls built for?"

"Oh"! Roger's eyes widened in revelation. "You mean that they became more lifelike when it was time for…"

"Yes," Dorothy whispered as she bowed her head and rested it on his chest. "They became more lifelike when they were… when they were ready to…"

"But I didn't give any special override command," Roger shook his head as he put his comforting arms around her. "You can usually hide your reactions perfectly. Can't you just turn it off?"

"You don't understand Roger," Dorothy sighed as she returned his embrace and rested the side of her face against his chest. "When my body gets stimulated in a certain way it activates involuntary subroutines in my program. I can't control them. I don't think you can possibly understand what it's like to have your body let everybody know how much you want to do naughty things with the one you love."

"Stand any closer and I'll prove you wrong," Roger blushed as he sheepishly grinned. "The human body does the same thing Dorothy, particularly the man's. Trust me on this one." Despite himself, he started laughing, and staggered backwards when the android girl pushed him away.

"You're laughing at me."

"Maybe I am, just not for the reasons you think," Roger smiled. "No matter how much you try to point out that we're too different, all you do is let me know how similar we really are. We both can't chose who we love. The heart wants what it wants. Both of our bodies, um do things that let everybody know when we're aroused. The things you're ashamed of, they have nothing to do with being an android. Humans have the same problem. I hate to burst your bubble Dorothy, but your concerns are not only unnecessary but they're completely normal. Everybody has them."

"They do?" the girl asked in a shy voice before hugging him tightly again. "Roger, I don't understand. I feel so happy yet if I relax my behavioral protocols I'll start crying. Am I malfunctioning?"

"No Darling, you're just overcome with emotion, that's all," he assured her. "Come on, you've seen the way I act when my feelings overpower me haven't you?"

"Yes, but I thought it was because you were losing your mind," she admitted.

Roger burst out laughing again.

"Roger?" Dorothy asked shyly.

"Yes."

"Well now that you know," she murmured as she squirmed nervously in his arms. "Now that you know how I really feel, do you want to…"

"No," he cut her off. "I'm sorry Dorothy but we won't even discuss it until I think that you're ready."

"That's okay," she admitted. "To be honest, I'm kind of self-conscious about my body anyway. I can't help worrying that I'll be different from what you're used to. If I can feel the same as other girls and be able to make you happy…"

"Believe me Dorothy, by the time I'm sure you're ready to make me happy I'll be more than ready to accept whatever you have for me, android body or no."

"Are you sure you want to wait that long Roger?" she asked shyly. "I mean, I have a lot of issues. This is going to sound silly but I'm very shy."

"I have a lot of issues as well," Roger replied, "but according to Beck as long as we keep both you and Big O in perfect running order neither one of us will get any older. According to Beck my body has these little nanodeuces that Big O controls and that…"

"My body will wear out like Roscoe Fitzgerald's."

"It might not," Roger told her. "Before he died Beck told me that your father put little nanodeuces in your body so you could heal little cuts and scratches like a human can. They would run maintenance and preserve the structural integrity of your body from everyday wear and tear. Assuming you aren't injured it wouldn't be necessary to replace any parts or make repairs. We don't know how long you're going to live."

"That's amazing," she said in her quiet breathless voice.

"The trouble is, the silly things aren't bonded to any single megadeus like mine are," Roger continued. "That's why you can bring any forgotten megadeus to life. Did you really think that your father built you that way just to be mean to you?"

"I always wondered."

"Speaking of wondering about your father, I can't help asking why you were so expressive that night at the Nightengale when I saw you with him," Roger said as they separated and took a step back from each other. "You just told me that you become lifelike when you're um, aroused."

"I can express myself at other times you louse," Dorothy pouted. "That night at the Nightengale we were working on getting me to emote outside of an intimate situation. Do you really think he wanted his daughter to be one of those kinds of androids?"

"I guess not," Roger laughed. "Come on, we better get back. Norman will worry about us if I keep you out too long."

"Roger," Dorothy looked away. "I know a lady never kisses on the first date, but do you think it would be okay in this case? Even though I'm… breathing, and I have a pulse," she added quietly as she turned to look at him with her sparkling purple eyes. "I'm not… being too bold am I?"

Roger smiled knowingly. "We just won't tell him," he assured her before he put his arms around her and kissed her tenderly on the lips.

On a desk filled with hourglasses a phone rings. Roger's hand picks up the receiver and a sinister voice says:

Next: Spare