Persephone Chapter 7
Carol made a beeline for the back porch when they returned home. She wanted to tell Daryl what she'd found out so he would stop sulking. She was impressed with Lucy and wanted her to feel welcomed by everyone in the community. Daryl sulking and scowling wouldn't help in any way.
As she rounded the corner of the back porch, she saw Daryl pacing in the yard and smoking. He had that agitated look about him again. This last year the dogs had gone a long way to calming him, but just one day with Lucy and he was back to the pacing and mumbling. She smirked. Lucy had certainly had an effect on Daryl, she hoped he would settle down when she talked to him.
"Daryl," she said softly. He whirled quickly, grimacing.
"What?" he snapped. Carol sighed. He definitely had his back up. This was going to take some serious coaxing to calm him down.
"Daryl, I want you to listen to me. I went over to Lucy's," her he snorted in disgust, "with Maggie and Michonne," she continued smoothly. "We had a nice visit." Daryl lit another cigarette and shifted restively. He waved at her tersely to continue. "She's not a medical doctor," she said. Daryl frowned at her, confused. "She's a doctor of letters-she was a professor at a college." He stared sharply at Carol and she saw he was thinking this over. "And she didn't tell you she was a doctor because she didn't want to have to explain all of that until she met all of us so she could say it once and be done with it." At this Daryl nodded in understanding. "And she doesn't like her name, Lucia. Seems her parents liked opera and named her after one and she's spent her lifetime explaining her name-that she's not Italian, blah blah blah," she continued. Daryl smirked. He could definitely understand a person not liking their name-how many times had he wished his name was anything other than Dixon? "But she does have a lot of experience with dogs-well her dad was a vet so she helped deliver foals, helped out at dog shows with grooming and helped out up at different kennels. She's excited about the pups, and wants to help you with their training or anything else." Carol watched Daryl as he absorbed all this. "Also, she has very little experience with the walkers," he looked up in disbelief at this. "Yes, she was extremely lucky. Until she was with that group you found her with, she was very well taken care of." Daryl snorted in disgust and shook his head.
"Yeah, those assholes were passed out on a picnic table when we found 'em," he grumbled. "They could've all been killed by walkers or who knows who else." He shook his head in disgust.
"Well, she's a lucky young woman. First she was with a very good group of people, and then you found her before somebody else's stupidity cost her her life." Carol watched Daryl silently as he absorbed all of this. She saw his agitation subside slowly and he stopped pacing and moving restlessly. Good, she had smoothed things over. Although knowing Daryl, he'd have his back up again about something else before too long. She had a feeling Lucy and Daryl were going to have a rather tempestuous friendship at the very least. She knew he would feel intimidated by Lucy's intelligence, education, background. She was aware of how Daryl viewed himself-after all this time he still had little self confidence around new people and was still more of a loner, disliking being in large groups and remaining very private. She was glad he had found the pups when he had-they'd all been worried about his prolonged and intense grieving over Beth. A few women of the community had made efforts to draw him out and tried to at the least befriend him, but he had rebuffed all efforts. Maybe now with Lucy added she and the dogs could lessen his grief and he could have a little happiness. Carol had hoped for a time she and Daryl could have something more than friendship, but she had finally accepted the fact that he viewed her as an older sister –often seeking advise from her or venting when he was exceptionally agitated about something. She sighed. She had been disappointed, but valued his friendship enough not to ever push or pursue it. And then since Beth's death she had seen how deeply he had felt about Beth from their time together alone after the prison fell and known he would never look her at her that way.
"Maybe in the morning you two can start over, maybe take the pups over to her house and properly introduce them?" she asked softly. He nodded slowly and stubbed his cigarette out. He sighed deeply and she smiled. She could see his curiosity about Lucy and obvious attraction to her had won out his earlier anger. "Well, I'm going in now. I'll see you in the morning."
It was midnight and Daryl was sitting on the front steps of the porch, silently smoking. He'd never been one to sleep through the night, often getting up and wandering around wherever he had been living for a few hours before settling down again-if he could on any particular night. As he looked out at the street, his eyes were drawn again and again to the house Lucy had moved into. He grimaced in disgust at himself. Didn't even know the woman and here he was acting like some damn grade schooler with a crush on some little girl in his class. He rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head. He heard a door closing and looked up to see Lucy descending her porch steps and walking his way. What the hell was she doing up? And walking around in the middle of the night? He straightened up and kept his eyes on her as she slowly approached. She crossed the lawn and walked up to the porch steps and smiled.
"Whatta ya doin' out wanderin' around like some damn cat?" he rasped. She raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms.
"Yes, hello to you too bud," she said with a smirk. "Are you the only one in this place allowed to sit up at night and smoke?" she reached over to his pack of cigarettes he had laid on the top step beside him. He watched with his mouth open a little as she shook out a cigarette and replaced the pack. She waved the cigarette at him. "Are you going to light it for me, or do I have to find some other insomniac to do that?" she teased.
Daryl grunted and held his lighter out. "Didn't figure you for a smoker?" he grumbled.
"Figured all that out about me in that short little conversation we had?" she smirked again and leaned in to the flame of the lighter and drew and inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly. Daryl reddened and shifted restlessly. Lucy saw his discomfort and relented. "um, I rarely drink-have no tolerance for it, don't do drugs-well pot occasionally-I was around a lot of pretty stuffy people where I worked-college isn't the fun it used to be back in the day unless you're a very young student. The academic life was so not what I envisioned when I decided to go that route. Anyway, smoking is my one real vice but so many places were penalizing employees for smoking that I had to hide it. Got into the habit and it stuck I guess." She shrugged. "By the way, what does a smoker look like?" and she grinned mischievously at him. Daryl shifted uncomfortably again.
"Ya know," he muttered, waving a hand at her, "smelling of smoke, usually got burn holes in their clothes….somethin' like that," he finished weakly. He thought of all the women he'd known who had smoked-mainly his mom. Unkempt, messy, usually half lit, stumbling around drunkenly waving their cigarette around so that you'd have to duck or move to avoid getting accidentally burnt. He hadn't ever seen someone like Lucy smoking-she looked like all those prissy stuck up types he'd seen tsking over he and his brother whenever they'd light up even when they were outside-like all the crap already in the air wasn't going to kill them but the secondhand smoke from his cigarette would.
Lucy nodded silently, watching him. She saw she made him uncomfortable, but she didn't think that was necessarily a bad thing. He was probably used to a certain type of woman-poorly educated, a drunk or drug addict, slutty. The kind of woman you saw on those shows like COPS, arguing and fighting with the police or each other over something stupid. Not like she thought she was the only intelligent person or woman he'd ever run across, just it had probably been rare that he'd ever engaged in any kind of interaction with a person such as herself. She had never been the type to look down her nose at anyone, unlike many of the people she'd worked with at the college and museum. That had been one of many reasons she'd broken off with Richard a few years ago. She had detested the arch and contemptuous manner and behavior he and his friends had displayed toward anyone they had deemed not of their "class". She had tried to tell him that was an outmoded and outdated attitude but he had refused to listen and over the years it had become a major source of contention between them. He belittled her involvement in groups that sought to relieve suffering in different parts of the world and their own country, calling her Mother Lucy as his way of twisting Mother Teresa.
Lucy motioned toward the steps. "May I?" she asked politely. Her father had always said she'd catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so she decided if she wanted to have any chance of getting to know this man at all she'd better brush up on her manners. And tone down her tendency to speak as if she were addressing her class or a fellow teacher. She'd need to make sure her speech was more similar to what he was probably used to.
Daryl nodded and scooted over a bit to make room. He stared ahead while Lucy settled herself on the step beside him. He caught the scent of vanilla as her curls lifted in the slight breeze. She smelled like cookies, he thought and licked his lip slightly.
"I'd like to apologize, " Lucy said softly. Daryl glanced at her sharply.
"What for?" he grunted. Lucy smiled sweetly.
"I'm afraid I gave you the wrong impression when we first met by not telling you my full name and that I'm a doctor." Daryl waved her off.
"No need, Carol explained all that. I can see your point, why ya did that," he grunted.
Lucy nodded. "I'm glad Carol spoke to you, but I still need to apologize to you. I'm sorry for misleading you, it was wrong because it seemed to embarrass you and made you not trust me. In the future I'll always tell you the truth and make myself more clear when I tell you anything." She paused and looked him in the eyes. He was looking at her, surprise clear on his face. She doubted anyone had ever apologized to this man for anything, much less the way she just had. She had taken a course about better communication with students and others and apologizing properly had been emphasized. Once she had incorporated it into her daily speech-when necessary-she had seen an immediate response from those around her. It was true that kindness and caring were just as infectious as hate and intolerance. She couldn't stop the awful things that went on every day everywhere, but she had been determined to do her small part toward making the world a better place. "Will you forgive me?" she whispered.
Daryl's eyes widened slightly in surprise. No one had ever asked him that. His parents certainly hadn't apologized after beating him, Merle hadn't apologized when he'd hurt his feelings or roughed him up when he was drunk and belligerent. He flushed and shifted awkwardly. This girl was full of surprises. His throat had gone dry and he cleared his throat.
"Um, sure. No big deal," he mumbled, avoiding her eyes now. What the hell was wrong with him? He felt his eyes fill up and his chest tightened with emotion. Merle would definitely laugh at him, getting all emotional because some woman had apologized to him.
Lucy watched him struggle to maintain a gruff appearance, but she saw her apology had surprised and touched him. She wondered what type of life he'd had if he was this surprised by an apology. She thought perhaps it had not been a very happy one and her heart turned over. She had always been easily upset whenever she'd seen or read stories about children or animals being mistreated and had volunteered at the local shelter trying to rescue and care for animals they had taken out of dangerous situations. Another reason she and Richard had parted-he'd thought she was just silly getting so upset about stories of abandoned or mistreated children or animals. She didn't know them, nothing she could do, so why was she crying about it? He had refused to even discuss their getting a dog or cat-he was often away on projects and insisted he had no desire to care for anyone other than Lucy and himself. He had gotten angry when he'd come home one time and saw she'd gotten a saltwater tank full of beautiful fish. He had griped so often and loudly that she'd given the tank away to a friend and they had never discussed it again. One of her friends had told Lucy this was just another example of Richard trying to control her but she had brushed it off. When she had finally walked out, she realized her friend had been right. Everything about their relationship had been about control-his over her. Where they ate, what they ate, who they socialized with, what she wore, on and on. She had caught herself sneaking cigarettes and then anxiously spraying the room so Richard wouldn't smell the smoke. She hadn't done that with her parents, she was disgusted with herself for having done so with Richard. She hadn't dated anyone since leaving Richard because she wanted to make sure she didn't slip right into another relationship like theirs had been.
Daryl and Lucy smoked in silence. When he saw her stub out her cigarette he quirked his eyebrow at her. "Want another one?" he asked softly. Lucy smiled and nodded.
"Yes please," she murmured. "It's been so long since I had any, this is a real treat. I mean, this is a real town with lights and running water, food and dogs," she laughed softly. "I feel like I should pinch myself-that I'm going to wake up back at that lake with those idiots," and she laughed a little louder. He smirked.
"Yeah, ya sure wouldn't have survived another day or so with those idiots," he agreed and lit another cigarette for himself. "So ya know bout dogs huh?" he asked. Lucy nodded eagerly. He looked closely at her. She didn't look any older than Maggie, but if she had really taught at a college she had to be closer to his age. He was 38, she must be in her early thirties anyway. He felt a bit of relief at knowing she was closer to his age and not a lot younger, like Beth had been. Nothing had ever happened between he and Beth, but he had often wished they had had the time to see if anything could have developed. Her age had made him hesitate though, she had barely been eighteen-he was old enough to be her dad. And his hesitation had cost him the chance to see what could be between them. And now there would never be another chance because she was gone. Gone over a year now, almost two. Time had not made the memories easier to deal with and he clenched his jaw slightly at the ache in his chest.
Lucy silently watched the different emotions play over his face. He was obviously disturbed by something, she saw the sadness in his face though he tried not to show it. No doubt he was remembering someone he'd lost, everyone had a piece of their heart missing nowadays. She herself tried not to think about her father and uncle and the day the horde of walkers had overrun the farm. She had told Rick and Deanna she hadn't killed any humans but she'd lied. She had killed her father and uncle. She had gone back to the farm, later after the herd had passed through to search for survivors and to see if there was anything that could be salvaged. Her father and uncle had been bitten, were lying on the ground in pieces, but still growling and trying to move. She had cried while watching them, and then driven a spike from their yard where'd played horseshoes into their skulls. She had wanted to bury them, but the group had been impatient to leave fearing another herd would come through. So she had left them lying there scattered amongst others the walkers had torn apart. She had quickly retrieved some pictures from the house and some of her mother's jewelry, but these had been lost along the way. She had nothing now of her family but memories and she knew that all that most people had now.
Lucy shook off her thoughts and started to tell Daryl about the kennels she'd worked in, the different breeds she'd worked with. He asked few questions but listened carefully to what she told him. Carol had heard voices and glanced out her bedroom window and caught a glimpse of Lucy and Daryl sitting on the front porch smoking and talking. She smiled in relief and went back to bed.