A/N: A fast update, is this? I got inspired in the morning and wrote this whole day, not even expecting I will finish it today! But I couldn't stop. It turned out to be way more tragic as I planned. But I think I am satisfied with the way it goes. It's also a bit too long, I hope it won't make you lose your interest in reading. Well, I'd love to hear your responds, let me know if you care for more, thank you and enjoy!

7: The man not worthy remembering

Waking up to the void is a horrific, anxious situation - which I experience every morning. Over and over again. You think you get used to it, which you do, but can you really permanently erase the feeling of confusion, disorientation and a fear, that you woke up at the different place after all? Just like today.

This is not my bed. This is not my home. And this state, is the worst thing I can imagine happening. Because I don't know a thing and I can't open eyes to find out. My head hurts so bad. I don't know how I got here or what I did before. Wait, why? That's wrong.

My palm can sense the sheets underneath and I am trying to find out who does this bed belong to. I smell unpleasant scent of this room and I am so afraid of what I smell. Medical surroundings.

"Ciel, you woke up?.." Someone has noticed I woke up, and it's someone who knows me because he knows I am awake even though I didn't open my eyes. This is just one horrible deja-vu. The male grasped my hand and I exactly know, I feel exactly the same as then. Tears rush in my eyes as I whisper "Alois.."

5 years ago, I woke up at hospital, Alois was the one sitting next to me, holding my hand the day my father died and I lost my sight. Why does this feel exactly the same? Why do I feel like I lost something again? He was holding my hand that way. That way 'it's going to be okay'. I let the tears escape my eyes autonomically because I know something bad happened.

"I am so sorry. It's all my fault." I wasn't the only one crying, my brother, always so strong and cool-headed now started crying right in front of me.

"What happened, Alois?" I knew this is the only non-useless thing I can ask. He knew he has to answer me because he is the only one who can and I want to hear the truth straight away.

"From now on we are orphans."

It all fell apart once again. I wanted to die. I couldn't see, neither hear, neither breathe. I held hand of the last and only person I have. I couldn't believe it happened to me again. We cried frantically.

It lasted many seconds, maybe minutes before we were able to continue talking, he told me everything that happened. That he was at the party, drunk...

"And it was all great fun, I would never think it would turn to such a disaster. I was pretty much in love with Thompson, we did crazy things, absolutely crazy things but that would hurt nobody. Until he decided to make prank calls. Which was fatal. I know he called our mother randomly, saying that me and you are both dead. He sounded pretty convincing. I was so drunk I couldn't prevent it, I didn't think straight. I don't know what else made mother act like this, but she...she cut her wrists ...and you know what is the worst? If I came earlier I could still save her, she died only a few hours before I came in the morning. You were there, lying next to her with head injured, you were in a large puddle of blood and I thought someone murdered you both. I was so startled" he paused "and I am so sorry, Ciel. I am trying my best to help you but sometimes I am useless and your life would have been better off without me."

"Don't say that." I only said while sobbing, I didn't know what to think but to him to leave me was the last thing I wanted, no matter what he's done.

But not only that I couldn't see this story, I didn't remember a thing from past days. When did Alois leave to a party? Who is Thompson? What-

"Hey, I came as early as I could. Thanks for texting me. How is Ciel?" I suddenly heard an unfamiliar voice of someone coming in the room. What's going on?

"Hey Sebastian. Why don't you ask him."

Who is Sebastian?

"Ciel. I am so sorry, it was my fault. I realize what you are going through is something...I can't even imagine."

The man said my name and apologized. I wish I knew what the hell happened recent days, why can't I remember?! I started to panic already. So he knows what happened to my mother? Why is everyone feeling guilty? I thought I am the guilty one, I was with Hannah when she was probably still alive! I could have saved her if I-... Wait. The flash of memory appeared in my head but soon disappeared as I tried to remember what happened then. I just remembered myself in bathroom, finding her there, I got up to run somewhere but I can't remember where or what was before or after.

I leaned to Alois and whispered "Who is he?"

Alois flinched in shock "What are you saying? Sebastian Michaelis, don't you remember? He picked you up from the beach."

"What? Beach? I don't remember. I don't know this man, I am sure."

"Michaelis, come with me please." Alois excused himself and left with the man next door.

I put hand on my head, feeling a bandage around it, one spot on the left hurt really bad when touching it. So does it mean I hit my head? Have I lost a short-term memory then? Why is that all happening to me? Didn't I have enough? I put hands over my face and I couldn't stop shivering, weeping silently.

...

"You don't remember me, Ciel?" That man asked again when he sat next to my bed.

"Alois, do you have my glasses?" I asked before answering to the stranger. I felt extremely uncomfortable with talking to people I don't know, without my glasses on.

"I couldn't find them but I got you my black ones, ok? He said and handed me his black sunglasses, which I remember looked the same as mine but different color. I thanked and sat up, wiping my tears off before putting the glasses on. I turned head at this 'Sebastian'.

"I am sorry. Who are you? Where and when did we meet, if I can ask?"

The man sighed in absolute defeat, for some reason. Why is he even here? My mother is dead. What is he up to? I don't think I have time or mood to care about some stranger right now.

"Sebastian Michaelis. I run an estate agency in this town. We met several days ago, I saw you at a certain cafeteria you were with your brother. The day after we went on dinner" the man continued and all I could think about was how lost I am, how much betrayed I was by my life. His sentences seemed like a different language, I didn't know what he's saying, it seemed like he just made this all up right now. I could only hear that smooth, deep voice, slowly connecting his sentences in a story, which was the only thing making me calm. That voice…it was comforting. Regardless if it was truth or not.

"...we were at my place, you fell in that whirlpool and the shirt you came here in, was mine."

He finished. Alois put a folded shirt in my hands afterwards, which seemed to be the one he was talking about. "As far as I know, what he says is true." Alois confirmed calmly, decreasing my doubts.

"Is that so?... It's- so..hard to believe that when I can't remember. But still, I don't think I understand the main thing. Why are you here? What do you have in common with the death of my mother and what's your- who am I to you? The dinner? Your house? How old even are you? I don't suppose you are my friend, your voice is sure after 20."

Both of them stayed silent then, we all seemed to wait for a reply from someone, but nobody seemed to know the answer. Everybody just remained in that guilty silence.

"The connection is... that I was the last one being with you before you found your mother. She did call my number and I didn't have my phone to answer. Because of the water from whirlpool, everything is connected to everything as you see. I am the manager of the company she worked in, by the way."

"What? It sounds more and more complicated." I interrupted him, shaking head in disbelief and continuous confusion.

"Listen, Ciel. So the summary is, if I had my phone and just told her you are alive and that I drive you home - which I did, it didn't have to end up this way. I could lead you inside the flat if I wasn't a coward, if I only knew. I could save her. And I am very sorry for it, truly."

With those words, he both, gained some little trust with me but also created some more doubts. I am not sure if I should blame him. According to what he said, he is pure innocence, or not? It was nobody's and everyone's fault then.

"If you weren't a coward? - Why? Shouldn't she see you with me? And you avoided the second question of mine."

"You are as smart as ever, Ciel," he kept repeating my name as if it should gain more of my trust. Well, it seemed to work but I don't want to let him fool me. "You are right, we avoided from her seeing us together, because last time you had problems because of that. You are also right I am older than you, a lot. 9 years more. I don't know how to answer you on that because that was only your opinion and I don't know it, you haven't told me. We certainly weren't friends, neither strangers. We were acquaintances. And it's only up to you to make up the rest, it only depends on you, how you took it, that's your answer."

We weren't friends but we were close. Means, we were like friends but it wasn't the thing we would ever have. I got this deja-vu again. Seems to me like I've already had this brain traffic.

However, this man was also smart. It is understandable I know him then, because he is the kind of person I would talk to. He seems like a man I would let get closer to me. But now; did I? And how close? Were we romantically involved? Would this all happen if I didn't know him?

Should I regret knowing him?

I turned my head on the other side to see Alois but Sebastian informed me that he left somewhere couple of minutes ago, probably giving us space for personal talk.

"I see. Well, thanks for making it clearer to me then." I took this as ended then, there's nothing more we could do. I either remember by time or I start over again. While the tears already dried on my face, I have to get used to the new cruel way of my future life. Where do I live? What do I do? I feel so lost, so hopeless. I wished the tears wouldn't force themselves into my eyes to show my weakness. When have I become that vulnerable? That's not me, I am not weak.

I put the shirt I was holding to my face unconsciously, maybe to wipe up the already non-existing tears and I breathed in. A sudden wave of energy run through my body in that while. I smelled something familiar, something that made my heart beat faster. I just didn't know why-

"Is this your shirt?" I asked the man on my left.

"Yes." He answered simply and in that while I knew what he said was truth. I couldn't remember what happened between us but I started to feel it. "Can I just..." I found and took his hand carefully. Oh yes, I am familiar with it. I know this man. I let more tears flow down my cheeks, I took off my glasses, the shield of all my emotions, and let the man see me like this. It was the biggest sympathy I could show to him and I didn't mind anymore, he wasn't a stranger to me, even though I couldn't even say color of his hair.

"Everything is going to be alright." He said and that was all I needed to hear and hoped in. He then had to leave back to work. Before he left, he put something on a side desk by my bed.

"Yesterday I promised I will buy you a new phone. My number is in it, Alois' too, maybe ask him to teach you how to work with it. Let me know if you cared for my visit. Be strong, Ciel" he stroked my hand with a thumb and then got up and his presence was exchanged with Alois' again.

My step-brother stayed in the hospital with me, each other being our mental help. It was Friday and we skipped school today but let's face it, it was the last thing we care about. I was trying to convince myself we get over this but it was so difficult. What's the chance we both lose our parents, I lose sight and even short-term memory? How is that possible? We talked to the doctors then, who confirmed my loss of memory and told us something about what happened to Hannah but it didn't really bring new information, but only painful ones.

I had to stay for a night and because they casted Alois out, he decided to sleep at his friend's place. They won't leave it like this though, they won't let us live on our own and we are not even able – we don't have money for rental, food, anything. Oh no, please don't let me live in an orphanage…

-Sebastian's POV-

Saturday, 6 PM

"Hello, Trancy. What is it?" I picked up my phone while walking to my car after a visit in fitness.

"Could we please call each other by names? I'm Alois, I told you. Are you busy?" The blonde said in the phone.

"Not really, what's going on?" I walked to my car in garages in underground of the building.

"How much do you truly care about Ciel? I wouldn't bother you if I had feeling like you don't. But honestly, you do, right?" He asked me such a strange question. I unlocked my car, throwing my bag on passenger's seat. Then I stood up and answered.

"What are you up to now? I do care about him, of course. Is there anything you want me to do for him?" I sat on my seat and closed the door.

"Yes. He has to leave the hospital tonight. I was thinking if you minded to let him sleep at your place for today. Before we think of where to live, Ciel's biggest nightmare is to be sent to orphanage, you know. And I trust you, I know I can leave him in your care."

"You can count on me. That's no problem at all, I am going for him then, but I don't know if they let him go with me. Moreover doesn't Ciel mind?" I leaned on the backrest of my car, waiting until I finish the call.

"I told him he can trust you. He isn't sure about it but he has no choice, there are worse places to stay, aren't there? "

"And where do you stay tonight? Wouldn't he want to be with you?"

"Probably, but understand, we can't both stay on streets or at someone from school. I will find something, hopefully, but I know you can protect him at the worst times like this. Please, Sebastian." It was so kind of him to try to help Ciel, he only wanted the best for him and I couldn't refuse such an offer. Even if I wanted.

"I will. But may I suggest something? What if you stayed too? I don't want Ciel to be unsure or anxious at a place he basically doesn't know. I don't mind if you stay tonight too. I think you should stick together after what happened."

"Oh god, seriously? That would be great. I'm so grateful, thank you. Will we meet in Ciel's room at hospital then?"

"Deal."

…

40 minutes later

"Hey boys" I said as I walked in the medical room "so are we going?" I asked when I looked them over. Ciel was already dressed in clothes Alois probably brought him, he had a blue long-sleeved t-shirt with few buttons, and black jeans.

"Yep, Ciel also agreed so let's go." The blond answered for both of them and took Ciel's hand, leading him towards me.

"Thank you for letting us stay," Ciel said when he approached me but his face was very cold while saying it. Well that is usual about him, moreover in his situation.

We left the hospital and by my car we drove to my apartment. They were sitting on back seats in silence, so we drove like that, just with the radio playing quietly.

…

"Wooooah, what a magnificent apartment you have" Alois said as they entered, which was expectable, people say it every time. And that's what is different about Ciel, he didn't. Understandably. However, compliments always please.

"Thank you." I said, putting my things on a table and undressing my jacket. "You guys hungry?" I ask, already counting on yes so I head to the kitchen.

"Yeah totally," The blond said with this cheeky way of his but his brother spoke up as well,

"It's ok, we don't want to bother you with everything. I think we would be okay if you just show us place to sleep," I wasn't sure if Ciel avoided me or he was just extremely polite. He has never been that much, or has he?

"Don't be modest, Ciel. I don't mind having you here in slightest. I will cook." I didn't let him torture himself even more, he obviously lacks the memories such as when I told him there's no need to be polite when we are at home alone. "Make yourself at home," I said and Alois took my word, convincing Ciel to do the same. Soon I heard the TV playing and the boys talking and I had to admit it was nice. It felt less lonely.

I intended to cook something simple, such as simple pasta or just sandwiches – but I got an idea. I wanted to work at waking Ciel's memories, effectively. And that meant the only thing, lasagna. Ciel will realize he told me that he likes this meal and maybe the taste will help him get some flashes of memories. I did it the exactly same way as the last time. In about 40 minutes I served the food in my dining room.

"Holy fuck, who are you? Qualified chef? A freaking experienced butler? How come it looks absolutely amazing, I didn't know you can cook" Alois spilled some compliment again and Ciel only sat to the table in silence.

"Keep calm, it's just a cooking course, I can't cook everything," I laughed quietly and put glasses with beverages on table as well.

Except a few notes on how good the food is, we stayed silent, Ciel didn't feel or at least didn't show any sign of remembering.

"How are you two holding on? You are really strong to deal with the incident that well." I said to fill the silence and also because I was really wondering, I didn't want them to think about it but to at least show some empathy. I don't want us to be strangers after all.

"Well, what to say, it's hard, you know. It's not like we didn't know how that feels, though. But since it happened for the second time, it seems even more painful." Contrary to Ciel, Alois looked like he didn't mind talking about his emotions. Ciel then dropped his fork, 'looking' down at the table.

"Are you okay, Ciel?" Alois asked but the bluenette stood up, leaving the food, not fully finished.

They left somewhere next door, so I took a sip of my drink and waited. Alois came back in a while, sighing.

"I guess he wants to be alone, let's finish the food." I nodded and we continued eating. I talked to the boy for few minutes about several topics, keeping the atmosphere at proper tinge. Kind of depressive I dare to say. Then we tidied up the dishes and I lead Alois to a guest room. He had his laptop along with himself so I told him the password to the wi-fi and prepared the bed for him. When I left the room, I walked to Ciel, who was sitting on a sofa in living room, with his legs on it as well. He was facing the glazed wall next to him, but obviously not being able to see it.

"Hey there," I said quietly and carefully as I approached him. His head turned in my direction, with the same look as ever.

"Hi." He answered shortly and let the conversation die before I spoke up again.

"May I talk to you? Or do you want to be alone?"

"You can, I guess." With this permission, I sat on the sofa next to him and after while I carefully tried to grasp his hand. He flinched at first but then grasped it back.

"Listen, I know you probably feel like we don't know each other but will you trust me, when I say I am here for you? If you needed anything." When I said that, I heard some drops fell on the window next to us. I looked left and really, it has begun to rain.

"Why?" I looked at him with a 'hm?' and he repeated himself, "why do you care that much?"

I don't know what to tell him. I simply want to. I simply care for him. I am simply fond of him. Raising my hand, I carefully place it on Ciel's cheek, stroking it with my thumb. Ciel sobbed at that point. He took off his glasses, but he never opens his eyes. However he showed me his face, the broken expression, emotions, summarized in the few tears slipping between his eyelids, watering his black eyelashes.

"Sebastian..." I shivered as those words vulnerably escaped blind boy's lips. He put hand on mine on his cheek and then put it away. Shifting from the place, he leaned towards me and then hung his arms around my neck, embracing me but as I didn't expect it, he outweighed me and toppled me down on sofa. He didn't seem to panic and be sorry, he simply leaned his head on my shoulder and didn't let go off me, embracing me still.

"This is who we used to be, right?" He said vacantly but with so many feelings at the same time. He made my heart race once again, he made me feel so weak, so devoted to him. I think that his loss of memory won't really damage what we have, after all.

"Not used to be. Are." I corrected him and also embraced him with one arm.

"But we weren't-... aren't really far, are we?" He asked calmly, almost in whisper as he was close to me.

"Um-um," I confirmed. He then raised a little, looking down at me as if he actually could. He reached for a strand of my black hair, brushing it a bit to see how long it is and so on, I suppose. Then he put hand on my cheek, sliding it down and then lightly touching my lips with his thumb. His way of examining for sure. He leaned down afterwards, close to my face so that his short hair was falling onto my cheekbones. I swallowed, looking straight at him while about two tears of his fell onto my face.

"Do you love me?"

I was completely caught off guard by this question, truly. I parted my lips, not sure what to say, not sure what he wants to hear and what I want to say. But before I could, he just filled the little gap between us and kissed my lips softly. Only shortly and then he pulled away. He rested his head on my shoulder again, and his hand on my chest, feeling my wild heartbeat certainly. "You don't have to answer." He assured me. After a while of silence and not a single movement I closed my eyes, letting the boy lie close to me. With the mild sound of drops falling on the glass, we slowly fell asleep like this.