Twelve hours later it was mid-afternoon, and Beca returned from her Philosophy class just as Chloe began to stir. She sat up in bed and blearily asked, "Wh-what time is it?" Beca dumped her bag on the floor and replied, "Nearly 4pm. You're just in time; Aubrey's called an emergency Bella meeting in ten minutes." Chloe groaned and reluctantly rolled out of bed. She looked down at her attire and noticed she was only wearing a pyjama shirt and her underwear, and said, "What happened? I swear I had bottoms on last night?"
"You collapsed in the shower room. Fat Amy carried you back here," Beca explained. Chloe panicked and asked, "Does she know about us?" Beca nodded, but then explained how Amy had sworn to keep it a secret. They got ready for rehearsal and headed out, complaining all the way. They approached the hall, mentally preparing for whatever lecture or workout they faced from Aubrey for the next two hours. "Come on girls, you're late!" Aubrey's shrill voice rang out across the room. They hurried to their seats and the blonde continued, "This is only a brief meeting, but I needed to tell you about the fundraiser I have scheduled tomorrow. Now I know I had reservations about it at first, but I've managed to arrange a bikini car wash at Sigma Beta Theta tomorrow. Here are the outfits: just grab your size."
Half an hour later after a brief class in how to act at a bikini car wash, Beca was walking out with the rest of the Bellas, holding a pair of short shorts in one hand and a bikini top in the other. Chloe approached her, but before she could say anything Beca said, "I have to get to the radio station. I'll see you tomorrow." She walked off, leaving Chloe standing alone. Worrying that she had done something wrong, she retreated to her own apartment to get on with work. As always, she kept her phone by her side just in case Beca text her.
The next day there was still no word from her, so Chloe decided to go over Beca's before the bikini car wash. She put on the shorts and covered the bruise on her ribcage as best as she could with make-up, and then pulled a top over the bikini and left. When she arrived, she knocked on the door and heard from inside, "Just a minute!" A few moments later the door opened and Beca stood in front of her, wearing tracksuit bottoms and a thick-striped yellow and black jumper. "What are you doing?" Chloe asked confused as to why Beca was looking so relaxed and homely. "I'm not going," came the reply as she walked further into her room, inviting Chloe in. "What do you mean?!" Chloe panicked, "Aubrey's going to kill you if you don't turn up!"
"I'd rather have a lecture from Aubrey than wear… that," Beca replied and gestured to the outfit on the bed. After a lot of protesting, Chloe eventually convinced her to at least try the clothes on. She turned around to allow Beca privacy as she changed, and when she turned back Beca was wearing the shorts but she had a hoodie over the top of the bikini. "I can't do it," she protested, "I refuse to stand in front of people wearing so little. I can cope with the shorts because they're not much shorter than those awful skirts we have to wear, but the bikini top is too far." Chloe took several slow steps towards Beca, starting to figure out what the whole thing was about.
Remembering how Beca had opened up to her about the issues she faced in high school, Chloe said, "Beca… you have nothing to be ashamed of. You're beautiful." Beca merely climbed onto her bed and shook her head, giving up. Unwilling to let it slide, Chloe reached out and grabbed both of her hands, pulling her onto her feet again. "Trust me," she said, placing a gentle kiss on Beca's lips. Still seeing doubt in her girlfriend's eyes, Chloe leant forward again, this time kissing her a lot more deeply, more passionately. "I think you're more than beautiful," she said in between kisses, and slowly placed her hands at the base of Beca's hoodie.
They stopped kissing and pulled apart slightly, but their eyes were still only millimetres apart. "You're sexy," Chloe continued as she lifted the hoodie past Beca's waist. "You're stunning," she said as the bikini became visible. Slowly she lifted up Beca's arms and pulled the hoodie completely away from her body. "And I can't keep my eyes off you," Chloe finished as she leaned in for a longer, sweeter kiss. Their lips touched and Beca felt all of her insecurities disappear as she rested her hands at the back of Chloe's neck.
Chloe placed her hands on the base of Beca's back, gently pulling her closer. She loved the feel of her bare skin as she tenderly ran her fingers up and down her girlfriend's spine. Beca took Chloe's lower lip between her teeth briefly, which Chloe responded to by placing her hands at the back of the shorter girl's thighs and lifting her into the air. She carried her over to the bed, and sat down bringing Beca onto her lap. A sharp knock at the door made both girls jump and Beca fell harshly on the floor. "Beca!" Aubrey's voice rang out. "I expect you to see you downstairs in two minutes!" The clip-clop of heels retreated down the corridor and Beca sighed. "Come on," she said standing up, "Let's not keep her waiting."
The car wash wasn't as bad as Beca thought it would be, although in all honesty it was Chloe who kept her going. Every now and then she would shoot her a wink encouraging her to keep going, before turning around to direct the hot and flustered SBT boys away from her and towards the money buckets. Stacey was their biggest money earner, probably because she had purposely chosen a bikini that was 2 sizes too small for her. After 5 gruelling hours of work, they had raised enough money to go to Regionals, and so Beca and Chloe retreated to Chloe's apartment.
On the way they briefly stopped by Beca's dorm so she could grab a toothbrush, planning to stay the night at Chloe's. "I won't be here tonight," Beca called out to Kimmy Jin who didn't respond, but Beca knew she'd be jumping for joy inside. They reached the apartment and Chloe headed straight for the phone to order pizza. Beca sat on the sofa next to Aubrey, and the two sat there in an awkward silence waiting for Chloe to come over and break the ice. "Pizza's on the way," she said as she sat down in between her best friend and her girlfriend, and put her arm around Beca's shoulders as Aubrey put on the TV. Several hours and two pizzas later they were halfway into an episode of House, much to Aubrey's annoyance, when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Aubrey said and walked to the door. She opened it and was faced with a man she had never seen before in her life.
"I'm here for Beca," the man said, and Beca jumped out of her seat as Aubrey tactfully slid out of the front door, giving them some privacy. Chloe began to worry when she saw the look of panic on Beca's face. "Daddy what are you doing here?" she asked as she walked cautiously towards him. Her dad was a professor at the university, and after his attempt to greet her at the start of term he only sought her out if something was wrong. "Your friend Kimmy Jin told me I could find you here," he said, and Beca noticed a letter clutched in his hand. "Well you found me," she said, "So what do you want?"
He held up the piece of paper and lightly shook it as he explained, "Your mother forwarded me a letter this morning. It's a few months old, they still used my old address – I was supposed to get it when you started here: when you were signed off from the service." As he mentioned 'the service' Beca knew what it was about, and she tried to cut him off before he revealed everything to Chloe. Unfortunately, he just ignored the interruptions and continued, "This is a full report from your therapist letting us know everything about the progress you made and why she was signing you off. She included a detailed report of how you were when she first started seeing you." He scoffed and Beca's heart sank. Only Beca's mum knew the real reason why she was in hospital for 30 days, and even she didn't know the whole truth about why she continued to see a therapist once she was discharged. Now there was a detailed account of everything she had ever discussed in her 'sessions'. "That's supposed to be confidential," Beca said through gritted teeth.
"Well I guess she thought that now you're signed off from her, it was safe to tell us everything. I can't believe how you lied to me! I thought those 30 days in hospital were because of stress! I thought the only reason why you saw Doctor McLaren afterwards was because of your mother and me divorcing. I had no idea about the… the…"
"The what, dad?!" Beca shouted loudly, "The suicide? The fact that I didn't think I had a future, and I didn't have anyone who loved me so I actually resorted to slitting my wrist?"
"I loved you Beca. Your mom and I both love you."
"No you don't! You only love the step-monster. If you really loved me, you would have noticed me when I needed you to notice me! Not at the last minute when you finally get a letter from some stupid doctor!" Beca screamed and held her hands to her head. She had come to college to leave everything behind, and the last thing she needed was her dad storming in like this and thinking he had the right to be annoyed at her. As if she had read her mind, Chloe stood up and said, "I think you need to leave, Mr Mitchell." Admitting defeat, he threw the letter on the floor and walked out. Putting her arms protectively around Beca, Chloe said, "Come on – let's go to bed. It's late." She had a million and one questions about everything that had just happened, but she decided now wasn't the time, and Beca would talk about it when she was ready.
They didn't even bother changing into pyjamas before climbing into bed, and for some reason that even she didn't know Beca picked up the letter from the floor before heading into Chloe's room. Chloe was sitting upright in bed with the duvet over her lap and her back resting against the wall. Beca mimicked her, and they just sat there for a while in each other's company. Much to Chloe's surprise, Beca was the first one to bring up the topic of her father's outburst. "I erm… I didn't quite expect for you to find out like that. I'm sorry." Chloe shook her head, placed a kiss against Beca's forehead and said, "You don't ever have to apologise to me. Especially not about that. So, did the therapist help you?"
Beca shook her head and said, "No. I saw her for months, and I hated her. But the deal was I either saw her or went back into hospital."
"How did you get her to sign you off?"
"I figured out that the only way I would get better was without her, so I stopped listening to her advice and started to take my own. Then, I gradually told her I was fine and a lot better, so she signed me off just before I came here."
"And are you better?" Chloe asked hopefully.
"I am. I just needed to get away from everything, and coming here was exactly what I needed." Suddenly feeling guilty about the attention being on her, Beca continued, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you all of this – you've got your own stuff to worry about. I'm supposed to be here for you."
"Don't be ridiculous, everyone has their own stuff going on. You deserve a night where I look after you for once," Chloe said, and then taking a risk she gestured to the letter in Beca's hands and said, "May I?" Beca shrugged nonchalantly and handed it over. She surprised herself at how open was being. For some reason she didn't mind handing over the letter that depicted her in some of her worst moments to the very person she wanted to impress. But she knew that Chloe wouldn't judge her, and she in a way she actually liked the thought of Chloe knowing more about her.
As you may know, Beca was presenting earlier this year with concerns about mood changes and significant low self-esteem. She had previously spent time in hospital due to a suicide attempt, and was still presenting signs of suicidal ideation. She revealed that she liked imagining that she could 'disappear' when the girls at school taunted her about her weight, hairstyle, sexual orientation, and facial appearance. One particular concern was that during times of distress, Beca would trace the scar on her wrist with her thumb. This is one issue she was unable to overcome.
Chloe couldn't read any further, and turned to Beca. "I had no idea… I'd seen you rubbing the skin underneath your bracelets before, but I just thought they were irritating you. Is that why you wear them? To hide the scar?" Beca nodded, and took a deep breath before sliding all of her bracelets off. It was a big deal – she hadn't even seen the scar in months. It was too triggering, so she just hid it underneath a pile of bracelets. It ran vertically up her wrist for a couple of inches, and tears formed in Chloe's eyes as she gently ran one finger along it. "Don't cry," Beca warned, "I've got over it, so you shouldn't get upset about it." Chloe nodded and smiled, trying to be strong. Then she continued, "I knew you were self-conscious, but I had no idea…"
"I'm not self-conscious, I'm realistic," Beca explained, and Chloe's heart broke. Fair enough, Beca did seem to be genuinely okay where suicide was concerned and Chloe accepted that was no longer a worry – it was a bad time from her past that she would rather forget. But the self-criticism was very much in the present, and it was heart-breaking to witness. "Why? What on earth could be wrong with you?" Chloe asked, genuinely confused as to what could be negative about her girlfriend's appearance. Beca laughed and said, "What's right with me would give you a shorter answer. What's wrong with me is that I'm too big in some places then too small in others; my hair is horrible and my eyes are an ugly colour; my legs are a weird shape; my nose has a small bump in it; my eyebrows are too dark; my-…" Chloe silenced her by placing her hand sideways across Beca's whole mouth.
"Do you want to know what I see?" Chloe said, "And you know I won't be lying, because I'm an awful liar." Giving in, Beca looked at her and waited to hear the shortest list of compliments ever. "Your hair is really soft and always smells really nice, like strawberries." Beca smirked, but ignoring her Chloe continued, "Your eyes are these beautiful, deep blue colours that have these darker tinges around the middle that make a really cool pattern. Your legs are absolutely hypnotising; the bump in your nose is hardly noticeable, and even if I do notice it I get distracted by your eyes, because they glint sometimes like you know something I don't. Your eyebrows aren't too dark, they match the colour of your hair perfectly and they always have a perfect shape."
"Your lips," Chloe said and then leaned in so their lips met. She pulled away and continued, "They're shaped just like cupid's bow, which makes sense because every time I kiss you I fall more and more in love with you." She leaned in again, as if to test her theory before continuing, "They're really soft, and a pretty shade of pink. Your body is not too big or too small: it fits perfectly next to mine so when I hug you, every inch of your body is touching mine. And do you know something?"
"What?" Beca asked, held in a trance as she looked into Chloe's eyes.
"I love you."
A smile spread across Chloe's face, and Beca's mouth seemed to copy.
"I love you too."