Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors or the cats dared/tortured, but Sparkleflower, Angelfur, Tigerstripe, Spottedpaw, Mudface, Willowmoon, Greykit, Redkit, Stripekit, Snowkit, and Moonkit are mine.
Hosts:
Sparkleflower - Sanity level -115. Is obsessed with Graystripe. Most insane, dangerous, and smart host. Owns a purple sparkly taser (pink is too manly!) named Electrovi, is her best friend. Hates Millie and constantly tortures her.
Tigerstripe - Sanity level 70 when grumpy (so just about always) but when happy it lowers. Doesn't care about most the cats, but enjoys watching Sparkleflower taser them. Has "muscle spasms" while holding a knife that makes him stab "on accident". Currently is very suspicious of all other cats because of his new kits, Redkit, Stripekit, Snowkit, and Moonkit.
Angelfur - Sanity level -80. Hates Blackstar. Obsessed with Brackenfur. Cousins with Sparkleflower. Owns a random ball with retractable poison spikes.
Spottedpaw – Apprentice. Sanity level 0. Loves Hollyleaf (o.e). Enjoys watching Tigerstripe get annoyed. Uses a slingshot with sharp rocks as projectiles.
Bouldertalon – Dark gray tom with black stripes and bright green eyes. Sanity level 54. Uses fiery thorns. Enjoys other cats' pain and suffering.
Security:
Willowmoon - Sanity level 45. Stalker to Firestar. Has syringe needles (don't ask where they came from) that make cats fall asleep. Can hack the law system to keep Graystripe from putting a restraining order on Sparkleflower.
Mudface - Sanity level 38. Uses a grenade launcher. If annoyed, cats will go flying.
Greykit - Sanity level -95. Sparkleflower's kit. Named after Graystripe, replacing the 'a' with an 'e'. Uses all assassin items.
Hawkpath - Sanity level 97. Brown she-cat with black paws, tail tip, and ears. When made mad her eyes will turn ice blue and she WILL use her incredibly sharp claws
Spottedfire - Sanity level 103. Has a bracelet that lets her turn into stuff like dragons and tigers (her favorite transformations) Dark tortoiseshell she-cat with orange splotches and emerald green eyes. Has 3 kits (Eaglekit, Mosskit, Honeykit)Likes to fight with Lionblaze. Mate is Lightningstrike (White tom with golden streaks and pale green eyes) who makes random appearances on the show with various weapons.
Sunblaze – Sanity level 112. Bright Ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Smart, sarcastic, sometimes violent. She can control the elements of nature (water, wind, fire, and air).
Leafwing – Weapon is a big stick with poisonous thorns on it that can make you fall asleep and have 100 nightmares.
"Hi!" Sparkleflower said. "Welcome to..."
"The Warriors Torture Show!" the other hosts shouted.
"Tigerstripe is being scary!" Sparkleflower and Spottedfire's kits wailed.
"Come along, Redkit, you'll be fine," Tigerstripe cooed to a small bright auburn tabby kit. She squeaked slightly. He quickly turned to a pale brown tabby. "Calm down, Stripekit, and quit messing with Snowkit! Come along, Snowkit, get up and come with the other hosts. Daddy will kill them if they so much as breathe in your direction. Don't be afraid. There you are, Moonkit! Don't wander off again."
"Daddy?" Angelfur giggled. "He's really obsessed."
"What the hay?" Sparkleflower demanded (she is in love with My Little Pony the show right now). "Tigerstripe is awfully cheerful with them kits."
"What the hell is with that Applejack accent?" Spottedpaw stared.
"Fine, fine!" Sparkleflower pouted, her voice back to normal. "Let's get on with the show. As you wonderful viewers can see, last episode's... incident... left four kits in the care of Tigerstripe. He's quite attached to them- and this also leaves us in the care of what is now 5-8 kits needing mentors to become apprentices, not to mention the other thing we need to do during this episode which you'll just have to discover later."
"Yeah, there's a lot we have to do in this episode besides the dares!" Angelfur said.
"Well, Sparkleflower, tell them our special one-time offer for this episode!" Spottedpaw exclaimed.
"Right." Sparkleflower took a deep breath. "This is your chance! Do you want your cat to become a mentor? This is for all the viewers who have their cats on the show! You have your pick of Greykit, Redkit, Stripekit, Snowkit, Moonkit, Eaglekit, Mosskit, or Honeykit to be your own apprentice! This is first-come, first-serve! Now to you, Sunblaze!"
"Next announcement!" Sunblaze said. "New host, finally! I was beginning to think we'd only get new security. Anyway, this host's name is Bouldertalon. He has fiery thorns."
"Hello!" Bouldertalon waved and walked off to the hosts.
"ONTO THE DARES!" Spottedpaw announced.
"Heehee..." Angelfur was staring at Bouldertalon. "Yeah..."
"Right." Bouldertalon stared at her wearily.
"Right." Sparkleflower looked at the list and poofed Jayfeather and Brambleclaw to the studio.
"What the hell?" Brambleclaw demanded.
"That's it," Jayfeather snarled. "I'm not even surprised anymore. Do your worst!"
"Technically, it's Hawkpath-the-anonymous-viewer's worst," Bouldertalon pointed out. "It's her idea."
"What he said..." Angelfur murmured dreamily.
"What the fuck ever! What do I have to do?"
"You have make out with Brambleclaw," Sparkleflower told him in a soft, shy voice.
"Why Fluttershy?" Spottedpaw exclaimed.
"'Cause she's awesome." Sparkleflower sniffed.
"Well, quit it!"
"Anyways," Tigerstripe cut in, "You two have to make out."
"The hell?" Brambleclaw demanded again.
"Why am I so gay on this show?" Jayfeather tackled the deputy and started to make out with him.
"Wait—nnh-Jayfeather-mm-" Brambleclaw tried to speak. Sparkleflower poofed them back to ThunderClan.
"Next..." Sparkleflower looked at the list. She hissed at the next one.
Bouldertalon locked her in a room and poofed Graystripe to the studio. Graystripe looked around.
"What?" he wondered. "Wasn't I just sharing tongues with Briarlight in RiverClan?"
"How should I know?" Bouldertalon shrugged. "You have to kill one of your kits."
Graystripe sighed and thought for a moment. "... bring Blossomfall here."
"'Kay." Spottedpaw poofed Blossomfall to the studio. Graystripe looked at her, then smashed her head in the wall, breaking her skull and immediately killing her. "Can I go now?" he asked simply.
"He didn't even think twice!" Angelfur said in dismay, letting Sparkleflower out after sending Blossomfall back to ThunderClan in full health.
"You guys suck," Sparkleflower huffed in a very Rainbowdash-like way. "Whatever. Jayfeather torture will take my mind off things." She poofed Jayfeather to the studio.
"You should've just kept me here," the blind medicine cat grumbled. "What do you want?"
Sparkleflower handed him an electric guitar. "Try playing this time cause it's a magical guitar and it's really specially made and will sound great and you will be awesome and JUST PLAY IT!" she said at an incomprehensible speed.
"Pinkie Pie..." Spottedpaw facepalmed.
"Shut up, Pony, you're frightening the kits!" Tigerstripe snarled. He licked Redkit's head. "Sssh, Daddy's here," he cooed to a startled Snowkit.
"Hello?" Jayfeather had the guitar pick in his paw. "Shouldn't I be playing?" he mewed pointedly.
"Go on, then," Sparkleflower said. "Show us those absolutely marvelous skills of yours."
"Shut the fuck up, Rarity!" Angelfur shrieked.
Jayfeather took a decisive strum. It was like the opening note in a rock band. He kept playing a guitar solo, and it was so epic that Chuck Norris poofed to the studio all by himself.
"Chuck fucking Norris!" Bouldertalon shouted, fainting on the spot and having two giggling she-cat hosts take pictures.
"TRAIN ME IN YOUR WAYS, O WISE ONE." Chuck Norris bowed to Jayfeather. The medicine cat stared confusedly.
"But it's not me... it's the guitar..." He watched as a wronged Chuck Norris stood and round-house kicked him in the face.
"We're glad to—" Sparkleflower as Twilightsparkle couldn't even finish her sentence when Chuck Norris disappeared. "-have... you..." She sighed in disappointment and woke Jayfeather up, then poofed Breezepelt to the studio. "You two hug and kiss."
"Another gay dare." Jayfeather heaved a sigh and hugged an uncomfortable Breezepelt, then at the attempt to kiss him he was ripped to shreds.
"And that, kits, is why you stay away from all of Crowfeather's family," Tigerstripe taught his kits, gazing at them warmly.
"Breezepelt is mean!" Redkit squeaked.
"Don't worry, Snowkit!" Stripekit growled, arching his back and letting out a hiss. "I'll protect all of you from that smelly mange-pelt!"
"I don't need protecting!" Moonkit sniffed angrily.
"Nor do I!" Snowkit agreed.
Redkit, on the other hand, pressed close to Stripekit with wide, fearful eyes. Stripekit gave her a friendly lick on the head. She gave a small irritated mew but didn't back away.
"He's turning out just like his father," Spottedpaw complimented. "Ambitious, strong, fearless... and with a weakness for weaker family," he added with a snicker.
"MOVING ON!" Sparkleflower yowled as the toms faced each other, snarling, hackles raised. She poofed Leafpool, Feathertail, Nightcloud, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and Crowfeather to the studio and brought Jayfeather back to life.
"Crowfeather, who do you love most out of these cats?" Bouldertalon asked.
"Feathertail and Leafpool," he said immediately.
"Shall they fight for who gets him?" Spottedpaw queried.
"Nah," Bouldertalon answered. "Both she-cats are too nonviolent."
"What he said," Angelfur quickly greed. "Too nonviolent."
"Right..." Sparkleflower's gaze swept across the ignored cats. "You may attack now."
Nightcloud, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, Breezepelt, and Jayfeather leaped at Crowfeather. The tom screeched as claws ripped through his pelt. The cats were poofed back to where they came from, except for Lionblaze and Jayfeather.
"Go to the movies!" Bouldertalon poofed them to the Warren Theater without giving them a chance to talk. Lionblaze looked at his brother and they both shrugged. Jayfeather payed for popcorn and a soda. They watched Twilight and when it was done Jayfeather was poofed to ThunderClan and Lionblaze came back to the studio.
"Boooriiing," Spottedpaw complained. "Next..." He tossed paintbrushes to Tigerstripe's four kits. "Knock yourselves out."
The kits raced up to Lionblaze, pinning him down. Stripekit painted him completely black, then his sisters painted pretty pink flowers all over. Lionblaze staggered up, the kits jumping off and staring proudly at their masterpiece.
"Well done!" Tigerstripe congratulated them, giving them each a lick on the head. They gave mews of protest.
"The hell!" Lionblaze growled. "Now I'll just embarrass myself in front of Cinderheart!" He quickly turned to try and clean the paint off his fur, but suddenly a large black piano came crashing down on top of him with the classic sound of multiple keys being slammed.
"Oh... my... fuckin'... gawd..." Sparkleflower's eyes were brimming with tears of laughter. "Oh, I love old style humor!" She cackled while poofing Lionblaze back to life and back to ThunderClan. "One more! ALL CATS OLD ENOUGH TO POOF CATS TO THE STUDIO, GATHER BENEATH MY WORK DESK FOR AN IMPORTANT TORTURECLAN MEETING!"
Every cat that was on the show and was older than a kit (including Lightningstrike) appeared beneath Sparkleflower's desk. "I have two important things to do before we start this last dare! I have decided, as unofficially named (she's not Sparklestar :P) leader of this Clan, to appoint a deputy. Hawkpath, come forth!"
The dangerous she-cat stepped forward. "Yes?"
"I say these words before the Dark Forest so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice. The new deputy of TortureClan is Hawkpath."
"Thank you." Hawkpath stepped back. The other cats grumbled since they weren't chosen (there is no respect for other cats in this Clan).
"Second. Spottedpaw, step forward."
The spotted apprentice stepped forward. "What?"
"Mouse-brain," Sunblaze muttered.
"Clan, are you satisfied that this apprentice is ready to become a warrior?" Sparkleflower asked her companions. A murmur of agreement rippled through the group.
"I, Sparkleflower, leader of TortureClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways to disobey StarClan's warrior code, and I commend him to you as a warrior in turn." Sparkleflower looked at Spottedpaw. "Spottedpaw, do you promise to disobey the warrior code but protect this Clan, even at the cost of your life?
Spottedpaw lifted his chin proudly. "I do."
"Then by the powers of the Dark Forest, I give you your warrior name. Spottedpaw, from this moment forth, you will be known as Spottedpelt. TortureClan welcomes you as a full warrior. The Dark Forest could really give a shit less about your annoyingness and readiness to risk your life in being so annoying." Sparkleflower rested her muzzle on Spottedpelt's head and he licked her shoulder in return.
"Spottedpelt! Spottedpelt!" the cat's cheered for the newest warrior.
"Now! Ready for war?" Sparkleflower asked with a mischievous glint in her eye. She poofed Ashfur and Squirrelflight to the studio.
"Squirrelflight!" Ashfur yowled. "I declare war on you!"
"I accept! Let us choose teams!" Squirrelflight hissed. She gathered all the she-cats and Ashfur got all the toms.
"LET US FIGHT, AND MAY IT ONLY BE WITH TOOTH AND CLAW!" Ashfur declared, letting out a battle cry and leaping for Squirrelflight. As the two warriors tussled, Sparkleflower faced Tigerstripe. The tom was slowly gaining the upper hand, but suddenly Spottedfire rushed to her side and they both swerved around him, raking both his sides with their claws and high-pawing when Tigerstripe fainted.
Elsewhere, Leafwing met Mudface, and they were a rolling mass of teeth, claws, and fur. Spottedpelt growled menacingly at Sunblaze, and they stared to swipe at each other. Hawkpath easily knocked down Lightningstrike with a single blow but was knocked over and included in Mudface's and Leafwing's battle. Willowmoon attacked Bouldertalon fiercely, but the tom was evenly matched with her. Sparkleflower leaped over and attacked Bouldertalon, and the two she-cats quickly overcame him, yowling in victory. Nearby, Hawkpath and Leafwing had defeated Mudface and joined in the yowls. Spottedfire helped Sunblaze and Spottedpelt ended up with several scratches on his face. Every she-cat save for Squirrelflight was howling in triumph, but soon Squirrelflight was too, having successfully ripped Ashfur open.
"We give up!" Mudface rasped.
"Just don't kill us!" Spottedpelt pleaded.
"My kits! Give my my kits!" Tigerstripe wailed.
"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" Bouldertalon yowled, making a feeble attempt at pushing Willowmoon and Sparkleflower off of his back and failing miserably.
"Work some of your goddamn magic and heal us!" Lightningstrike growled.
Sparkleflower poofed all the cats to perfect health and sent Ashfur and Squirrelflight back to where they belonged.
"Redkit! Moonkit!" Tigerstripe called happily, nuzzling his kits.
"Finally," Bouldertalon sighed. "That was unfair. There's just so many more she-cats!"
"That's the point!" Sparkleflower sang cheerfully. "Anyways, that's all for today. Don't forget about the apprentice offer! See ya next time on..."
"The Warriors Torture Show!"
Finally! Sorry for the wait! Just finished my goddamn annoying orchestra concert -.-" I was soooo bored. Well here it is! Kits are first come first serve and any left without a mentor will be given to one of my cats! See ya! And yes right now I love My Little Pony so I put that love into Sparkleflower. Ja ne~!