Been A Little Wicked, Have We?

"Keptain," the intercom in his room bleeped, and a Russian brogue entered his room. Kirk slowly lifted himself from his bed, his limbs aching. He really should ask McCoy for something to help… But, no! That would give the old Doctor another reason to bicker about his health. Suddenly something in his back popped, and his eyes widened a little in shock.

"Ooh!" he exclaimed, placing a hand gingerly on his spine. He straightened out his back ever so slowly, wincing at the loud, continuous snapping and cracking coming from behind. Once he was thoroughly upright, he shook his head. That can't be good, he thought.

"Keptain, are you there?" Chekov asked, sounding a bit worried.

"I'm coming!" Kirk called out, walking up to the com unit. He slammed his fist on a button and huffed. "Yes?" he said calmly, his voice suddenly changing. No need to alarm the young ensign, he figured.

"Keptain, ve have beamed aboard some people, and they vish to see you, eef eet's alright vith you," he said, and Kirk swore he could hear something in his voice. Humor? Smugness? What was it?

"Alright," he said finally, rubbing his temple. Might as well, he thought. If he didn't, they'd probably just be sent to his quarters anyway.

"Wery good," Chekov continued, and again Kirk heard some sort of smirk in his tone. "They are een the rec room," the young ensign finished and cut off the line, but not before Kirk could catch a glimpse of a laugh bubbling up. He scrunched his brow, but chose to ignore it. The kid had probably just had a lot of coffee that morning.

The door swished shut behind him and the only sound in the hall was the sound of his clicking boots. He stepped into the turbo lift, and he was confused by the surprised expression on a Lieutenant already there. The nervous man's lips were twitch and he was wringing his hands together. Kirk was about to ask him what was up when the lift doors opened. He gave the man one last glance before walking out and rolling his eyes. What was with everyone today?

He walked up to the rec room door and it swished open before him, allowing him to enter. He was surprised to see McCoy, Scotty, Uhura, and Spock sitting at a table together. Three out of the four of them were grinning and seeming to suppress hysterical laughter. Only the stoic Vulcan was silent, though Kirk could see mild interest in his eyes. He walked up to the group.

"Why are you here?" He demanded, his hands on his sides, balled up in fists. "You're supposed to be on duty," he added, looking at each one of them in turn. He was especially surprised to see Spock there. The man hadn't missed a day of work in his whole life. And now, here he was, obviously skipping his shift and… what? Enjoying some down-time with other fellow ditch-men? He didn't dare call them crewmen. They were cutting work! What was this?

"Sorry, Jim," the doctor spoke up, his voice strangled as he held back chuckles. "We just didn't want to miss this."

"Miss what?" Kirk asked, angry still. He followed McCoy's finger and peered to his right, then gasped.

There, sitting at a table together, was a few, or rather, a lot, of women. And he recognized each and every one. There was Janice Lester, a woman he had been with for a year. Areel Shaw, his old love. Janet Wallace, whom he had begun to get over a long while ago. Lenore Karidian, whom he had blatantly used. Then, as he looked further, he could see more women, whom he remembered sharing a kiss or two or three or four with. Ruth, Eve, Janice, Helen, Sylvia, Marlena, Nona, Shahna, Marta, Kelinda, Anne, Elaan, Odona, Rayna, Drusilla, Miramanee, Carol, Antonia, Miranda, Martia… All of them. He gulped, standing awkwardly as, beside him, three of the ditch-crew cracked up and boiled with laughter.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat, stepping tentatively forward one step. He waved a shaking hand, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. "Hello," he squeaked nervously. A sleek Orion woman stood from the middle of the group and walked up to nearly five feet from the blushing captain. She raised a slim eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"We need to talk."

Note: This chapter was made purely to be humorous, and should not be looked into very much. A lot of the women noted would probably not be able to get aboard the Enterprise to speak with our naughty little captain, but whatever.

Also, Happy Halloween! What are you going as? I'm going as Charlie Chaplin! What's that you say? Too old? How can someone be too old for free candy and dress-up? :)