This is like a sequel to If We Ever Meet Again. A very, very, long sequel.
A Little Death
When Lily woke up the next morning James was gone. She didn't mind of course. That relationship wouldn't have been going anywhere in the first place and they both knew it. Still though, that didn't stop her from spending almost an entire hour simply lying in bed and revelling in memories of last night. Her muscles were sore and she had marks in the most strangest of places (teeth marks on her thighs and back, fingerprints on her hips and slight reddish-purplish bruises littered all over the rest of her body- especially her chest.) He was a good shag. Pity it was only a onetime thing.
Eventually she did get out of bed and get dressed, downing a small vial of potion to cure the slight hangover, before cleaning out her flat. That was the only productive thing she did for the entire weekend. On Monday when she went back out to work Amira was waiting for her outside her office.
"I didn't hear of any murders this weekend," she said dryly in greeting as Lily approached. "I'm assuming you had fun?"
"Well I didn't gouge out my eyeballs so I consider it successful," Lily said lightly, tapping the doorknob with her wand, opening it.
"Did the dress work?" she asked eagerly, following Lily inside (making sure the close the door behind her- gossip travelled fast after all in the office after all) and draping herself over one of the chairs. She flicked her wand and two teacups floated across the room. With another flick she added water to each of the cups and tapped them to warm it.
Lily smirked, remembering how James looked at her in it. "Oh definitely," she said, flicking through the stacks on her desk.
"Did you shag anyone?" she half teased, adding sugar to the tea.
She plucked a file from a stack that was tilting precariously. "Maybe," she said, grinning to herself like the cat that caught the canary before flipping through the file.
Amira's hands stilled and her eyes snapped up to Lily who was reading the file, a slight smirk decorating her face. "You didn't," she breathed, the tea all but forgotten.
"I did."
The older woman shrieked happily and practically lunged across the desk to grasp at Lily's robes. "About bloody time! You've had your first one night stand. Took you long enough. You're finally a woman, Lily Evans."
"You're talking as though you're some great slag," Lily teased her. "I know for a fact that you've never had a one night stand, Ms Shafiq."
"Yes well, I don't count," she replied. "Most men are turned off by this," she pointed to her hijaab. "Can't imagine why."
Lily snorted. "Well they're a bunch of tossers," she explained. "After all, who wouldn't want a piece of that?"
Amira threw her head back and laughed. "I know right. Between you and me I think it's because they're intimidated." She straightened out her hijaab. "Now back to you. Who was he?"
"James Potter."
Her eyes all but bulged out of her head. "James Potter," she sputtered. "As in the James Potter who plays as the chaser for Puddlemere United? The same James Potter who I would very much like to get alone because he's so damn fit and do things that would have my mother rolling in her grave?"
Lily laughed. "Keep your thirty two year old sex fantasies away from me," she told her.
Amira shrugged, unabashed. "It's not my fault the boy's yummy. If I had known he was going to grow up to be so fine when I was Head Girl I would have kept him in detention with me all the time."
"He was eleven, Mira. You're borderline paedophilia right now."
"Oh who cares. Tell me all about him, it, everything."
"He's a good shag."
"Just good?" she speculated. "Not amazing, fabulous, wonderful? Come on. I need all the details. I live vicariously through you."
"Ugh, fine you pervy bird," Lily said, shoving her shoulder before jumping into the story.
When she finished, Amira had her head in her and was leaning forward slightly, a glazed look over her face. "Why is it that whenever I go out I never run into quidditch players with delicious bodies? I always get hit on by the creepies. So are you going to see him again?"
Lily shrugged. "Probably not. We didn't really talk much when he came over." For the first time that morning she blushed. "His mouth was otherwise engaged for most of the evening."
"I'm so jealous of you," she sighed before draining her teacup. "Well I've got to run. I'll meet you later. Who knows, I could do some looking around- maybe bat my eyelashes at those boys in the sports department- and have you 'accidentally' bump into him again." Lily waved her off and went back to her work.
Amira returned a few hours later after lunch just as Lily was finishing up a report on the black market dealings of goblin made jewellery. She wore a slight frown as she sat down. "Looks like you're going to have to wait a while before you see Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome. He signed a deal with the National team this morning. They'll be on a European tour for the next three months."
"Pity," drawled Lily not sounding bothered the slightest as she tapped away on the typewriter.
Amira's frown deepened. "You really don't want to meet him again?"
"I'm not going to actively sought him out if that's what you mean," she scoffed, folding her hands. "Look, Mira, it was just a night with good sex. That's it. Nothing more. I don't really fancy a relationship right now."
"You haven't fancied a relationship for the past five years."
"Because men are pricks."
"Not even with dishy Potter?"
"Nope."
Amira sighed. "You're one odd bird, Lily Evans."
She flashed her a smile. "I know."
Almost two entire months had passed since that conversation with Amira and thoughts of James Potter hardly ever sprung up again as her workload increased. She always felt tired and a few weeks after she had taken ill causing her to take almost an entire week off from work. It seemed as though nothing she ate could stay down anymore. And the most absurd thing was that she didn't lose any weight at all; in fact, it seemed as though she had actually gained weight. Most of her trousers had slowly become snugger and snugger over the course of the few weeks until none of them could button. She managed to fish out a pair of faded jeans from the back of her closet that could still snap closed. At least most of her jumpers could stretch but she had taken to stepping out of her boots and trudging around barefooted as soon as she arrived to the office.
Now it was nearing Christmas and she was headed over to Mary's place where she was invited for dinner with a few others. However she faced the dilemma in which none of her clothes seemed to fit her properly, even after she had magically altered them. She stood in her bedroom while in her undergarments, silently fuming at the stack of clothing that was piled on to the bed. With a snarl she snatched at another one- royal blue and gold- and tried shimmying herself into it.
"Why- won't- it- go- up!" she grunted, each word punctuated with a hard tug at the zipper in the back. In a fit of pique she pelted her wand at the opposite wall and a series of red sparks shot out, slightly singing the bedspread. Lily sunk to the floor, trying her best not to cry. He back ached, her breasts ached, her feet ached, she still felt vaguely sick (especially whenever she smelt coffee) and bloated and so damn irritable all the time.
Lily angrily swiped at the few tears that rolled down her cheek before determinedly setting her jaw and standing up again. She snatched up her wand from the corner and with the aid of eleven more charms, seven attempts at impossible body contortions, two more fits in which she cried some more, threw other things besides her wand and a few mouthfuls of whiskey, and a whole lot of swearing, Lily finally managed to wiggle her way in to the dress. She couldn't find it in her to care enough that her breasts were practically spilling out and if she breathed too hard the seams might burst, so instead she shoved her feet into a gold pair of sandals (that she'll be kicking off under the table), took another swig from the whiskey bottle and apparated.
"Lily!" squealed Mary as she gave her a bone crushing hug. "I've missed you!"
She hugged her back, smiling widely. "I've missed you too," she said before passing her a prettily wrapped present. "Where's Alfred?" she asked.
"In his cot. He's been a right menace whole morning. He's finally lied down for a sleep," she said, looking towards the small crib where the baby slept.
"All right then," she said, pulling out a small stuffed bear from her purse. "I'll just leave this with you then."
"I'll put it with the others," she promised. "Honestly, between you and Jillian my child is going to be the most spoilt thing in the world. In fact, we'll add Amira to that list too. She bought him a set of pop books that he absolutely adores."
"Amira's here?" Lily asked, brightening slightly.
Mary nodded. "Yeah; along with Jill. Between you and me, I've locked away all the liquor. You all aren't getting anything besides wine. Come on, they're waiting for you in the dining room. They've been groaning about how hungry they are for the last ten minutes."
Lily threw her back and laughed. "That sounds like them," she told her. She followed Mary into the kitchen. Greetings, hugs and kisses were passed about before she finally took the seat in the middle of Jillian and Mary.
"About bloody time," scoffed Jillian. "I'm starving Evans."
"You're always starving, Jill," Lily said wryly before quickly passing her the peas. Her stomach had turned at the mere scent of it.
The gesture did not go unnoticed by Mary, who frowned and asked, "I thought you liked peas?"
"I do," Lily said quickly, "It's just that I've been feeling a bit under the weather. Not particularly hungry." Her stomach gave a slight gurgle and she flushed lightly. Luckily, no one heard it- or at least pretended not to. Almost every dish that was handed to her Lily quickly passed it over to Jillian. In the end, the only thing that was on her plate was a slice of shepherd's pie, a handful of carrots and a small amount of gravy.
Mary 'tsked' at her. "On a diet there Lils?"
"A bit," she hedged. "My clothes have been feeling a bit snug."
"I'm a bit offended that you didn't take any of my turkey," teased Reginald, "Usually we have to reserve half of it for you."
She took a deep breath to calm her stomach at the mention of the meat. "No thank you," she said quickly, taking a small sip of wine.
Mary shrugged. "Suit yourself," she said. "I'm going to end up eating all of the parsnips, that's for sure. Do you know how terrible it is to go without your favourite food for almost nine months?" she joked, before shoving her fork into her mouth and sighing. "Merlin I missed this."
"How was that, Mary," asked Amira, "The pregnancy."
"A right pain," Mary laughed. "I could hardly eat- especially spicy things because the heartburn was atrocious- and everywhere hurt-"
"And she was very mean to her husband," put in Reginald, swinging an arm around his wife's shoulders. "Throwing shoes at me, pelting me with clothes when they couldn't fit any more."
"I think one time I emptied an entire bottle of Firewhiskey down the sink," Mary mused.
Jillian gaped at her. "Bloody hell," she sputtered. "That's a waste of good rum. Remind me to never get pregnant."
"I second that," came Amira's quick response. "I don't think I can handle not eating samosas for nine months."
Mary laughed again. "Sometimes you really don't have a say in it," she teased them. "Especially if you forget to take- Lily what's wrong?"
All eyes had turned to Lily whose fork had dropped with a clatter onto her plate and whose face was almost as white as bone. "Lily?" Jillian asked, touching her arm gently. "Lily, love, are you all right?"
"I- um- excuse me," she said, pushing away from the table and almost tripping over her own feet in her haste to get to the bathroom. Her head was spinning. She couldn't be- No it was impossible. Surely she would have known already. It was almost two months ago since James was over. Surely one of them had the sense to cast a contraceptive charm or something. The details from that night were hazy at best- the two of them had more than a few drinks after all- but she certainly did remember shagging all over the flat- the wall by the door, the rug on the sitting room floor, behind the couch, on the kitchen table, on her bed.
Her breath was coming in short, fast pants now as she tried to remember the last time she had her cycle. The week or so before the reunion is the last that she remembered. A small sob escaped her mouth and it was then that Lily realised that she was crying. She quickly scrubbed away the tears but it was to no avail, they just kept on falling. Here she was, twenty five and pregnant all because of one stupid mistake. She slid down the wall next to the face sink and pulled her knees to her chest wrapping her arms around her abdomen. There was a little part of her growing inside of there; a little part of her and James.
A sharp knock at the door caused her head to snap up. "Lily," came Mary's voice. "Lily, are you all right?"
"I- I'm fine," she hiccupped.
She heard Jillian scoff from behind the door. "If you're not going to come out and tell us then we'll come in."
"Jill," Mary admonished. "If she doesn't want us in there, we should respect that."
"Fuck that," snorted Jillian. "This is barmy, even for Lily."
They descended into silence for a little while before it was abruptly brought to an end when Mary said, "You've got a point." There was an utterance of a charm and the door flew open. The two of them barged in, Amira standing in the doorway, only to stop short at the sight of her curled up on the floor in tears.
"What happened?" Jillian asked gently, sinking down next to her. Mary joined her on the floor as well. "Lily, love, what's wrong?"
She shook her head. She couldn't bear to tell them. What would people think of her? She's practically the town trollop at this point. Another sob escaped, and Mary started petting her hair while Jillian muttered nonsense to try and calm her down.
Eventually, after a few minutes, Lily finally relaxed enough so that she wasn't hiccupping when she spoke. She stared down into her hands, working up the courage to tell them.
"You all were talking about... Mary's pregnancy," she cringed as she said the word, "And it made me realise that I might be... pregnant too."
Silence rang out in the bathroom.
Amira sucked in a breath. "Is it-"
"Who else's could it be?" Lily cut her off, laughing bitterly. She placed her head in her hands. "I'm so stupid," she moaned.
Jillian and Mary shared a look. "Whose is it?" Mary asked Amira.
"James Potter," Lily answered. "The night of the reunion. We were both a bit tipsy and I ended up inviting him home and, bloody hell I'm so stupid," she cried, "I don't know what came over me. I've never done something like that before and the first time I do it I end up pregnant!"
She was crying again and Mary and Jillian went back to stroking her head and whispering what they hoped to be soothing words.
"Are you going to tell him?" Mary asked after sometime, still stroking her head. At this point Amira had come to sit down in front of her, saying nothing but holding on to her hand.
Lily weakly shook her head. "We haven't talked since that night," she told them. "Besides, he's off somewhere training for the national team." She wiped her face and bit her lip. "Do you think I should tell him? I mean, I don't even know for sure- I haven't had it confirmed or anything-"
"We'll come with you to St. Mungos to get it known for sure," promised Mary. "And then we'll work out the rest after that."
Jillian hugged her tighter. "Don't worry, Lily, we're not going to let you go through this alone."
To no one's surprise, it was confirmed that Lily was pregnant the day after the dinner. Lily had never been happier to have her friends at her side. Mary gave her tips on what to expect, Jillian took her shopping for maternity clothes during her few days left in England and Amira covered for her at work, passing her stories to investigate during the next few weeks.
Right now she was at the ministry with the hijaabi in question. She was here to interview the Head of the Department of Magical Sports and Games while Lily was here to find out more information on the alleged falling out between the English Head of Department of Magical Transportation and the Romanian Minister of Transportation over an unsettled bar tab. An overall boring topic but Lily didn't mind.
Amira had long switched over to determined reporter mode, leaving Lily to stand at the sides and keep an eye on her. She sipped her drink- a warm Butterbeer- and casually eyed the crowd. There were obviously several higher ups mingling about them and Lily wanted to leave here with at least three more pending stories to dig into.
She wouldn't lie though; it was near boring her stiff, being here with all of those people. Usually she needed a good drink to get through the night with her sanity intact but that was out of the question now. She had already gathered what she needed for the entire week and was itching to head home to write it. Not to mention that these shoes were practically murdering her feet. Honestly, haven't these people ever heard of chairs? Pregnant ladies shouldn't have to stand around smiling at fifty something year old men looking down her dress. During her and Jillian's impromptu shopping trip, they completely forgot about formal wear, leading her to wear the same blue and gold ensemble here again. Lily self consciously pulled up the neckline, mentally berating herself for forgoing a shawl.
Several minutes later (two bathroom breaks and a drinks refill included) Lily was just about to hex every male in the vicinity. She had stuck herself in a secluded corner, finding a barstool to sit on and virtually hissed at anyone who looked her way. She wished to leave, but to do so she had to tell Amira and Amira had been in deep conversation with the Head for the past twenty minutes.
"I thought I taught you better than this, Evans," a voice remarked. "Tsk, tsk. You never learn do you?"
Lily's eyes widened and her blood froze. He hands immediately dropped to hide her midsection. "Oh, er, hello," she waved shyly, the other arm firmly drawn across her stomach. James smiled at her and it was as though she had been transported back to that little balcony, just the two of them. James leant down to give her a one armed hug and maybe she imagined it, but Lily swore she felt his lips brush against her temple. If possible, she tensed even more. "I didn't know you were back in England," she said, her cheeks tainted red.
James ruffled his hair and smiled sheepishly at her. "I meant to write you but then I realised I didn't exactly know where to send it," he said, sidling up next to her. "You look ready to kill someone," he commented, looking her up and down, the smile slowly dropping from his face. "Who pissed in your cup?"
"Everyone in this bloody room," she said through gritted teeth, allowing her irritation to show because goddammit her back ached and feet hurt and here she was, pregnant and talking to the baby's father who didn't even know he was going to be a father. Bloody hell, she would kill for a drink right about now.
James grinned at her and pulled out the flask. "Always be prepared, Evans," he said sagely, uncorking it.
Lily quickly grabbed her glass out of the way. "Not drinking tonight," she told him.
He hitched an eyebrow. "Trying to test your patience?"
"Can't drink, really," she muttered more to herself than anything else.
Much to her dismay, James heard her and narrowed his eyes slightly. "What was that?" he asked.
"Nothing," Lily said quickly, her cheeks darkening. "Just that I wish I could leave now."
James chuckled, apparently believing her answer and pulled at the collar of his dress robes. "I know what you mean. These things are torture. At least you're not stuck in bloody dress robes. It must be a lot more comfortable in a dress." He eyed her outfit carefully, face impassive.
Once again Lily pulled up the neckline. "It's not, trust me. At least in dress robes you don't have anyone bloody gawking at your tits. I'm about to curse the whole lot of them."
A dark look crossed his face and he shifted half of a step closer to her, something that went unnoticed by her. "Tell me again why you're not drinking?" he said bitterly, swishing around his flask and taking a large sip. "If I was in your place I would have had their arses already."
"Well I don't particularly fancy a stint in Azkaban so I'm holding my tongue."
He breathed a short laugh. "What exactly are you doing here, Evans, torturing yourself?"
"My friend dragged me," she said, jerking her head towards Amira and wishing that she would just turn around already and get her out of here. Lily still didn't know if she wanted to tell James about the baby. If it got out to the press it would ruin his career.
James hummed noncommittally and the two of them trailed off into silence. Lily bit the inside of her cheek, contemplating the pros and cons of telling him. Pro, she wouldn't be alone in it. Con, he might very well leave her to fend on her own. She repressed a sigh and knocked back the rest of her Butterbeer.
"Need a refill there, love?" he asked, plucking the glass from her hands.
"James," she called out to him. "Don't spike it."
James grinned at her and winked. "Oh of course not."
"I'm serious, Potter," Lily stated firmly. "Don't spike it. I'm not drinking."
His grin dulled. "Are you all right, Evans?" he asked, scrutinising her face. "You've been acting odd all evening."
"I'm fine," she said tersely.
"Are you sure?" he asked. James glanced around before dropping his tone and saying, "I didn't mean to run out that night. I was just thinking of what you said and thought that I should go for it. They wanted my answer before seven that morning and the next few days were spent packing and figuring out paperwork and..." he trailed off, ruffling his hair. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry. I actually like you a bit and I've gone and cocked it up-"
"Can we please have this conversation somewhere else?" interjected Lily pleadingly.
James slowly shut his mouth and regarded her strangely. "All right then..." he said slowly before leading her to the exit. She caught Amira's eye and motioned towards James. The older woman quickly pieced together what was happening and her eyes widened for a moment before she shot Lily a saucy wink and turned back around before her friend could even react.
He led them outside and Lily's hands were shaking. 'I'm going to tell him,' she chanted to herself. 'I'm going to tell him.' It was empty save for a few men smoking about twelve paces away from them. Lily shook her head. "Somewhere else," she said again, "Where there's no chance of anyone hearing us."
"There's always my flat," James said slowly, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Could that work?"
Lily's mouth went dry. She sucked in a huge gulp of air before nodding once. James took her by her hand and apparated them directly into the sitting room of his flat. If Lily wasn't falling apart at the seams she would have thought the place pretty. But as it was, she was falling apart at the seams and was more focused on wringing her hands than the decor.
"You- you might want to sit down for this," she began, glancing up at him for a second as she paced back and forth.
He crossed his hands across his chest. "Come off it, Evans," he scoffed. "It can't be that bad, can it?"
"I'm serious James," she said sternly.
"I think I can handle it," he said, kicking the rug. "You didn't have to pull me over in private to tell me that you want nothing to do with me."
Her eyes snapped up to his. "What the hell are you on about?"
"You know what I mean. You don't like me. Fine. I'm sorry I harassed you this evening, but it became clear a few minutes ago when you panicked as I said that I like you-"
"That has nothing to do with it. Why would you think I don't like you? Of course I like you," she bit her lip.
He ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Then why'd you call me all the way-"
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out immediately, choosing to get it out and over with. She stared at him, gauging his reaction, hand on her wand and ready to disapparate at a moment's notice.
James' hand stilled in his hair and he froze completely as though he was hit with a body bind curse. Several seconds passed in which Lily stared at him, gnawing her lip raw while staring at him, with his hand stuck in his hair and looking like a deer caught in headlights.
"Come again?" he whispered, sounding strangled.
It sent a shard through her heart. "I'm pregnant," she repeated, willing herself not to cry. It didn't work of course; crying seemed to be the only thing she was capable of for these past few weeks. At the first sight of tears James snapped out of it and immediately gathered her into his arms.
"Don't worry," he muttered into her hair, pressing her head to his chest. "We'll get through this, love. You'll be fine."
"No, I'm not!" she wailed, weakly pounding against him. "I'm going to be a single mum with a child and a stupid reporter job to support the two of us; not to mention that everyone's going to think of me as some slag who jumps the first bloke she sees and gets blood pregnant!"
He pulled back from her for a moment. "Do you really think I'd let that happen?" he asked, cupping her face. The pads of his fingers felt rough against her skin.
Lily sniffed. "I don't know. I'm not really sure of anything right now."
He pulled her back in for a hug and the two of them sank down in front of the sofa in a pile. They sat there for a good while, Lily curled up against James' chest and his arms wrapped around her so that she sat between his legs.
Eventually she asked, "What will people think?"
He shrugged, pressing a kiss to her temple. "Who cares?"
"I care, James," she said, rubbing her eyes. "We're not even dating and I'm pregnant."
"We could be," he said offhandedly, closing his eyes. "Dating, I mean."
Lily studied his face. "Are you sure you want to do that?"
"I've actually wanted to do that since the reunion, in all honesty," he said, grinning slightly and ducking his head. He reopened his eyes. "What do you say? Go out with me, Evans?"
"I guess," she said, biting her lip. "But what about everything else? Where do we go from there?"
"We can lie and say that we've been dating for the past year and a half," he said, nuzzling her neck. "Obviously people are going to disapprove- frankly I don't give a tosh about what they think- but it'll be less than if they found out that all of this was as a result of a night of drunken debauchery."
Lily snorted. "I think that's the most pleasant way of saying one night stand I've ever heard," she said.
James laughed slightly and ruffled his hair again. "How... How long have you known?" he asked slowly, peering over her shoulder at the barely noticeable bump there.
"Since Christmas," she sighed, placing her hands on her growing abdomen. "The healer said that I'm due in early August."
Hesitantly, James reached around her to cover her hands with his. They sat like that for a few moments, neither of them saying anything at all. Her back was pressed to the front of his chest and he could feel her heartbeat, every shuddering breath she took, each muscle that moved. He pretended to feel another heartbeat along there with them. Not two anymore. Three.
"How are we going to make this work?" she asked after some time. "I feel as though I don't know a single thing about you."
"I think we know some things about each other," he refuted. "We did go to school with each other for seven years. I don't think I've changed much since then."
"Really?" she said, a hint of a smile sneaking on to her face. "What's my favourite sweet then?"
"Sugar quills," he answered promptly. "What's mine?"
"Chocolate covered pumpkin pasties," she replied, wrinkling her nose delicately. "It used to make me so nauseous before just think of it."
"Used to?" he questioned, grinning slightly and resting his head on her shoulder. "What do you mean by used to?"
She coloured slightly. "It doesn't make me feel nauseous now- surprising actually since everything does these days. In fact, it actually sounds... appealing." Lily made a face. "Merlin, I'm not looking forward to this."
James laughed, pressing a kiss to the exposed skin of her shoulder. "Come to the kitchen then; I'll make you a snack."
He helped her to her feet. "I have no doubt in my mind that this is your child," she said to him, her blush darkening as she said those words. James grinned and leant in to press a small kiss to her lips that took her by surprise.
"Glad to know that your food preferences is the equivalent of a paternity test," he rolled his eyes and took her hand, leading her to the kitchen.
So maybe they hadn't worked out all the kinks as yet in their newfound relationship. Lily giggled at his terrible jokes and James gave her that stomach swooping grin that he was so adept at doing while tightly gripping on to her hand. Maybe things were messed up between them but as they sat there in his immaculately clean kitchen (he had confessed that he only used it to make tea since he was shite at cooking) eating what she had previously deemed a disgusting desert, they thought that they could just make things work.
I know next to nothing about pregnancy and textbooks don't really go into a lot of detail so I sort of ratched quite a lot of things when it came to that part. Also, I'm about 90% sure that the title has nothing to do with the actual story but it's a bit of a dirty joke involving the untold happenings that unfurled between that chapter and this one.
:) xoxo Nai