If he was honest with himself, Harry Kim was eating alone at 1500 hours to avoid any more awkward silences. At least if he was intentionally alone, no one would sit opposite him and spend half an hour avoiding discussing Chakotay's death.

He knew everyone was wondering what was happening. Why were they still hanging around Ki'jan territory, sticking their noses into a situation that was none of their business?

No one wanted to question the Captain, not in the state she was in. He knew the entire ship was well aware of her collapse, the rumours of her relationship with Chakotay had been circling the ship at warp speed – he'd heard a few version –from them being secretly in love with each other to they had been together since their time on New Earth, and everything in between.

He'd laughed it off, but thinking about it, her reaction to Chakotay's death had been surprising to him. She was always so incredibly strong and determined, not afraid to show her emotions, but not letting them overwhelm her in the heat of battle.

The entire ship looked to her for strength and he knew that's why they were all struggling now, not only because they had lost someone so important to Voyager, but because this might be the death that finally broke their strong Captain.

And they needed closure.

Tuvok had informed all senior officers that Captain Janeway hadn't wanted a funeral yet, but Harry couldn't help thinking that it might just be the thing they all needed to take the next step forward.

He was surprised to see Tom enter the mess hall, looking slightly dazed and confused. He stopped when he saw Harry, glancing at his watch.

'I guess I'm not the only one who forgot to eat lunch,' Tom muttered, grabbing some of the stew Neelix had left out for stragglers.

He headed over to Harry and took a seat.

'Actually, I was avoiding having lunch with anyone else,' Harry told him as Tom smelt his food, unsure he actually wanted to eat it. 'It's not so bad.'

Tom looked up at him. 'Avoiding people or the stew?'

'The stew,' Harry replied.

'Well, sorry to interrupt your alone time, but if I don't eat something I may collapse,' Tom sighed, taking a bite and seeming okay with the food.

'As long as you don't sit there awkwardly avoiding the topic of Chakotay's death, I don't mind the company,' Harry took another bite of his food.

Tom looked up at him and Harry couldn't quite read the emotions on his face. It was almost as if Tom wanted to say something but had decided not to.

'What?' Harry asked.

'Nothing,' Tom replied.

Harry put his fork down, annoyed. Now Tom was avoiding talking about it too.

'I think we need a funeral,' Harry said. 'Until we all stand up there and say goodbye, this awkwardness is just going to hang over the ship. Not to mention the rumours swirling about Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay's relationship. It's all a distraction from what we should actually be doing.'

Tom almost choked on his stew. 'What about their relationship?'

'Well at the low end of the spectrum people are saying they were secretly in love with each other but the Captain wouldn't let it happen, at the other end I heard the ridiculous idea this morning that she's pregnant with his child,' Harry laughed.

Tom didn't.

'I have to go,' Tom stood up, pushing his food towards Harry. 'Feel free to finish that.'

Harry watched as his friend bolted, suddenly suspicious that Tom knew something he wasn't letting on.

Folding her arms over her chest she stared out at the stars passing by. She wanted to believe so much that he was still out there, that they would find a way back, but she felt like the crew had already let go. With the exception of B'Elanna.

Her words still echoed through her mind.

'No but you're the only person here he was in love with.'

She had wanted B'Elanna to tell her that those were his words and when she hadn't, Kathryn couldn't push away the anger a moment longer. She hadn't meant to explode but the words she had longed to hear from him for so long were right there and he wasn't the one saying them.

There was a chime at the door and for a moment she considered not answering, then sighed.

'Come in,' she called, turning around to face the door.

She wasn't sure if she was relieved or anxious when she saw Tom Paris step through the door. She raised an eyebrow at him as the door closed.

'You seem confused, Lieutenant,' she commented, almost amused.

'Is it his?' Tom asked bluntly.

She was taken aback, Tom had never been one to follow the rules, but he was always respectful of her and the others around her. It wasn't like him to behave like this. She looked at him, watching the way his brow was furrowed and the obvious tension in his shoulders and she sighed.

He wasn't dealing with this much better than she was.

'I'm sorry, Captain, I didn't mean…'

She waved him silent. 'It's alright, Tom. Take a seat.'

Slowly she sat down on the couch, indicating the chair next to her, usually reserved for Chakotay and on rare occasions Tuvok.

She guessed this was something that everyone was going to find out eventually, but she wasn't sure it was a secret she wanted being public knowledge quite yet.

'Why did you just ask me that question?' she asked calmly, suddenly concerned for Tom.

She didn't want to burden him with this secret, if it was up to her she would erase it from his memory. But it was too late for that.

'There are a lot of rumours circulating the ship today, and I guess I wanted to know from you how much damage control you need me to do? Do you want me to deny everything and shut it down or are you about to announce to the whole ship that you're having his child anyway?'

She smiled slightly. 'You don't need to lie for me Tom, although I would appreciate your discretion until the time is right.'

'Of course,' he replied instantly. 'I'm sorry to bring it up, I just can't imagine…'

'Yes,' she said quietly. 'It is his.'

He took in a deep breath then looked her in the eye. She was surprised to see genuinely caring in his eyes, a slight smile tugging at his lips.

'You should probably tell the Doctor, get him to check you over sooner rather than later,' Tom said. 'A lot of people on this ship cared deeply for Chakotay and this child might be the thing that holds them all together.'

He stood up, and for the first time she looked at him with new-found respect. Perhaps Tom Paris had a good future as a First Officer, and although that responsibility would default to Tuvok, maybe it was worth consideration that Tom Paris step up instead.

'Are you giving me an order, Lieutenant?' she narrowed her eyes at him, allowing herself a partial smile to let him know that she was in no way annoyed with him.

In fact she could finally understand why B'Elanna had fallen for him so strongly.

'Well I guess without Chakotay around to look after you, someone has to,' Tom replied. 'So no, I'm not giving you an order, but I'm strongly suggesting it.'

He began walking away and she was glad he couldn't see her expression as she tried to process the knife he had just stabbed through straight through her heart. It wasn't that she didn't know he wasn't there anymore, but hearing it said in that way made it seem so real.

Just as she was about to let the tears rise to the surface again, Tom stopped and turned back to look at her.

'There's one more thing,' he said.

'I've already cut out the coffee,' she tried to joke, but it came out flat and she could hear the heaviness to her voice.

Jokes weren't going to come easy for a while.

'I think we should have some kind of memorial service,' he spoke slowly, precisely, as though he wanted to make very sure that she understood what he was saying.

Panic seized her immediately as he said it, and it took all of her energy to push that feeling away. Of course they would have to have a memorial service eventually but, so soon?

Well?

Why not?

It's not like there was a body to autopsy or any preparations that needed to be done.

'I just think that the crew are too afraid to even mention his name, that no one can accept he's gone because there's no closure of any kind,' Tom continued. 'I feel like before we can continue our journey we need closure.'

She nodded slowly, realising what he was saying.

'Okay,' she said softly, turning back to look out the window. 'Tell Tuvok we'll do it tonight.'

'Yes, ma'am,' Tom replied.

And with that he was gone, the door sliding shut a sudden comfort to her.

She closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths as she did so. She would be expected to talk, to say something.

But what?

How was she supposed to even begin saying goodbye to Chakotay?

Opening her eyes she looked back out into space.

She had no idea how to do this and all she could hope was that someone else would.

Seven was more than a little annoyed at B'Elanna's presence. If anyone but Captain Janeway had sent her down she would have kicked her out, but the order had come straight from the Captain and she didn't want to upset the Captain any more than she had to right now.

'Please stop pacing,' Seven commanded.

B'Elanna stopped and glared at her. 'Excuse me?'

'It is distracting and does not achieve anything,' Seven replied, looking up from her screen. 'Unless of course you are trying to lose weight, in which case I believe the holodeck would be a more appropriate place for you to work off calories.'

Seven knew enough about B'Elanna to be aware that the look she gave her meant that she was considering hitting her in the face with her fist.

'Violence also won't assist me getting my task done any faster,' Seven defended herself, looking back down at the screen.

B'Elanna sighed and walked around to stand next to her. 'So?'

'I have not yet completed my analysis, as you keep distracting me,' Seven looked at her in annoyance.

'But surely you have an opinion on whether or not I'm right?' B'Elanna shot back.

'I cannot be sure one way or the other until…'

'Just take a guess.'

'That would be inefficient,' Seven replied.

B'Elanna let out a loud groan and walked away from Seven, much to her delight. She watched B'Elanna for a few moments as she began pacing again, observing the way her fists were balled up, her forehead creased, her jaw clenched shut.

She was upset but trying to hide it.

'You have feelings for Commander Chakotay,' Seven observed.

The look of shock on the other woman's face told Seven that she had misread the situation.

'No! I mean yes I have feelings for him, he's my friend,' B'Elanna shot back. 'And if he's alive, I want to know so that we can return and rescue him from those bastards! Is that so hard for you to understand?'

'Yes,' Seven replied honestly. 'This whole situation is entirely unfamiliar to me. The Collective simply leave behind those who are suspected dead.'

B'Elanna took a few more steps towards her, her facial expression softening as she narrowed her eyes, tilting her head slightly.

'You don't feel anything about Chakotay's death?' she asked.

Seven was immediately uncomfortable. She wasn't used to having feelings to deal with and she definitely wasn't used to discussing them with anyone, let alone with a woman she had barely had anything to do with.

'I feel blank,' she replied.

'Blank?' B'Elanna questioned.

Seven looked at her. 'Yes. I felt confusion and then something unfamiliar, melancholic I suppose, and now I feel nothing. Even less than I felt before.'

B'Elanna searched her eyes with fascination for a moment.

'So you've just blocked it? Because that's the most efficient way to deal with it?' she asked.

'I guess so,' Seven responded.

'How?'

Seven was surprised. Was B'Elanna…asking for advice?

'I simply focused on work and haven't given myself time to think about it,' Seven replied.

'I've already tried that, but all I feel is anger,' B'Elanna replied, sinking down into the seat she had been standing near.

Seven watched her for a moment. Was this what it felt like to have friends? She wasn't sure how she felt about this. It wasn't something she had experienced before, but there was also something nice about B'Elanna actually opening up to her.

'I guess because you have not accepted his death,' Seven spoke simply. 'You are standing here, asking me to tell you he is still alive. That is why you cannot block your emotions.'

B'Elanna's eyes again sparked with the fire that had been there when she first entered the room.

'Then I guess I'd rather be angry,' she replied, standing up and storming out of Astrometrics.

Seven watched her go, confused about what she had said wrong. Then she turned her attention back to the data B'Elanna had brought her.

Humans were confusing.

And Klingons were even worse.

Kathryn wasn't sure how long she had been standing in his quarters, wearing her dress uniform. The idea of standing in front of everyone and admitting that he was gone was too much for her to comprehend and she had come there for strength, but now she wasn't sure it had been such a good idea.

She had taken in every inch of his quarters, taking comfort from just being surrounded by him, but now she couldn't leave.

When she had managed to leave his quarters that morning she had sworn to herself that she wouldn't step in there again yet, but here she was.

'Chakotay,' she whispered, almost afraid that she might get a response. 'I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to go into that room and say goodbye to you on behalf of everybody, without having even told you how much you meant to me. How can I stand there and tell those people what a wonderful person you are? How I cherished every minute of every day I spent with you, even on our worst days when we fought, you were still the best thing to ever happen to me…'

She took a seat, lightly touching his medicine bundle that sat on the table in front of her.

'You are the best thing that's ever happened to me,' she whispered quietly. 'And I wish you could know that, and I'm sorry that I kept you at arms length for so long. I was afraid, afraid of exactly this happening. That you would be gone and I wouldn't know anymore how to exist without you. Because I don't, Chakotay. You are my everything, even before we kissed, before I even vaguely suspected you had feelings for me, basically from that first moment you agreed to be my First Officer. I didn't want to admit it, not then and not even a few weeks ago, but I love you. I will always love you and you will always be a part of me.'

Her fingers tightened around the medicine bundle, as if she were grabbing him as she spoke.

'And Chakotay, I'm pregnant,' she whispered, unable to fight the tears anymore, her voice cracking as she spoke. 'We're having a child. And all I can think about is you being here, holding our child in your arms. I can see your smile as you laugh with them and suddenly all my fears about being with you seem redundant. So I'm sorry, sorry that I left it so late and sorry that you'll never even get to know about our family.'

She took a deep breath as she stood back up.

'And if by some miracle you are still out there, I will do everything in my power to get you back,' she spoke determinedly as she wiped her tears away. 'I promise.'

Picking up the medicine bundle she held it close to her for a moment, as though she was hugging him. Then she turned and headed to the one place she had hoped she would never have to go.

Chakotay's funeral.