I hadn't gotten all the way under when I felt something warm on my body. Ugh! I am trying to die here! Let me be! I was being pulled out of the water, I could hear voices around me.

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! THE PACK WAS HERE!!!!!!!!!!! CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I couldn't find my muscles to move my body. My head was being cradled and my body was laying on a flat surface. I could feel the gash on my torso, it hurt extremely bad! But it was healing quickly, so it would be over soon. I could make out some of what people were saying.

" First Bella now Leah, what is this, jump off the cliff to your death month!" I heard Jacob, it was coming from behind me, I could feel his body moving as he talked. He was the one who pulled me out of the water. My cut was healing quickly, I was regaining my strength, I felt an extreme relief in my chest as I took one long breath, my fist since I jumped.

I felt 4 sets of hands examining my body, pulling at skin, and one was just poking my side, it was aggravating me, I couldn't find my voice. I was trying to find the muscles in my body to move any part of my body, I could barely get my chest up to breath. I felt so helpless, a feeling I did not enjoy. Then I heard the one voice that pieced through my body and made it twitch.

Seth, he was yelling at me through tears, well I wouldn't call it yelling, he was trying to yell , but he was too relieved that I was o.k.

Why couldn't these stupid wolves stay out of my business, how did they know to find me anyway, this isn't the usual cliff they jump off of, and it's kind of hidden from normal view. Why did they have to find me, I mean, I was doing them a favor!

I was screaming at the top of my lungs, but no sound came out of my mouth. I couldn't find anything, I was utterly helpless, and most of all…I was scared. What if I actually died? But wasn't that what I wanted? I am confused, SO confused.

Something touched my stomach, it felt so good, it made my muscles relax. AH HA! I found them! Someone with warm hands touch my arms and legs!!!!!!

It was like I was actually saying these things out loud. The same person started to touch one of my arm's, I think he was checking to make sure nothing was actually hurt. I didn't know who it was, and it was scary, it was all scary. I didn't know what got into me thinking to kill myself. I am amazingly freaked out right now, I'm scared, and worried and ashamed, and embarrassed. I want to just run off into the forest, but I still can't find my legs, and I don't know how to use my arms. Suddenly I hear my mom, she is crying, and sounds incredibly worried.

My body jerks into motion and I'm on my feet within seconds. Everyone gasps when they see me move so quickly, and when I dart into the forest they gasp at the huge bruise I'm guessing is on my back. I ate bruises, they don't heal as quickly. I keep running, I can't stop, and honestly, I don't want to.

My dress is soaked, but drying out quickly with my speed. I just want to be free, to be able to be Leah, not she-wolf, or bitter bitch, or ex-girlfriend, or obligation, or burden, or anything else. I'm tired of it, I've gotten my heart broken by multiple people, and I'm reminded of it every day. I cover up my hurt and pain, with sarcasm and bitchiness. I hurt too, I have feeling, and a heart, but it got broken and is trying to heal. Not very successfully though, I see Sam every day, hear his thoughts, the amount of time he spends fantasizing about Emily would be about the amount of time I spend thinking of ways to kill Emily, see how he likes it when your love just leaves you. I hear all the La push boys calling me a bitch, complaining about me to Sam, I know I bring it on myself, but if this happened to you, you would want to push some of it off on someone else. I am utterly unwanted, by anyone, a lot of the time, even my own mother.

I should make a list, WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD BE. That'll go over well Leah! I snort. I've slowed down, but I'm still a blur to human eyes. I can hear people running after me, but I have a head start and I'm the fastest. I pick up my speed, it's easier to think in wolf form, but I don't want to hear the rest of them, I don't want to know what they think of me right now. I don't need another tear to my self confidence; it's barely survived this long. I wonder if I'll hit a tree. I laugh lightly, I can try, but I bet my instincts will move me out of the way. I'm calm, which is weird for what just happened, and the fact that I'm on the run.

It starts to rain, it feels so good on my body. Running in the rain? I never thought so much fun could come from something so blank. I use to love to splash in puddles when I was little, I use to love the rain, the magic of it, the wonder of the phenomenon. I stop in a clearing, the rain is coming down, I just want to be free, for just one second. I run through the tree line and splash in a puddle. I start to giggle and run into more of the rain. I twirl in circles, I can hear the rain mixed in with my laughter. I run around like I'm a little kid again, laughing, care free, and happy. I feel to my knees, I was having the most fun I've had in almost a year, just playing in the rain. I got back up and went to see if I could climb a tree, I went to a sturdy branch and crawled out to the edge, I jumped and did a flip in the air, I landed on my feet in a puddle, it made a huge splash, I laughed even harder.

I heard a chuckle coming from the edge of the forest. I looked and found Seth standing right at the edge of the forest. I blushed and laughed even harder, I skipped over to him and grabbed his arm. I wanted to share my new found joy with him, he had a frown permanently ironed onto his face lately. He laughed and came with me, we started to splash around in puddles and twirl in circles. He tried to catch rain drops on his tongue. I had to laugh, he looked like a dog-I realize the irony- he looked at me and I laughed even harder.

We played like that for a while, just enjoying the rain, and enjoying being happy for once, in a very long time.

We were walking home in the pouring rain, completely soaked, and we had no idea which way was home, we were trying to hear, or smell something that would tell us we're on the right track, but the rain is too loud, and has washed away any scent. We are still having fun in the rain, we're actually acting like 3 year old, splashing each other, and seeing who can catch the most rain drops in one minute. I was having so much fun. I could see light, and that was where we we're headed, with a couple detours.

We were getting towards the edge of the forest, I knew we were at La Push because I could see my bag of clothes that I kept hidden in case of accidental phasing emergencies, we don't want any more repeats. I could feel my body getting really tired, really fast. There was one thing I had to do, I had to apologize to Jacob. He was trying to help, and I hit him and screamed, he was only trying to be nice.

Why did he have to be so nice though, why did he care? I don't need a man to save me, I can do perfectly fine on my own. I am independent, and just trying to look out for myself because no one else will. We reach the front porch and my mom isn't home. That's weird, she usually is always home. Huh, I wonder what the dweeb wants for dinner; I'll ask him before I go to Jacob's.

I go into my room and turn on my lamp, I broke my over head lights last week when I got curious. I plopped down on my floor, and started to remove my clothes. I put on the robe that's hanging on my door and walk over to my closet. I grab out one of my way oversized sweat shirts and my gray sweat pants. I was too tired to do anything else. I was thinking about going over to Jacob's tomorrow morning to apologize instead of tonight, but then I would end up backing out because of some excuse that wasn't even real. I went down stairs and Seth was on the couch watching Kung Fu Panda, yes a 15 year old werewolf was watching Kung Fu Panda. Not that I have anywhere to talk, I've seen it like 5 times. Anyway, I went to the counter and found a note from our mom, next to a hot cocoa mug. That's where Seth must have gotten it.

Hey guys,

I went out to help Charlie find Bella, apparently she disappeared to go help her ex-boyfriend Edward, and Charlie is freaking out. You guys are on your own for diner, sorry about that! I made hot chocolate though, figured you guys could use some of my home made hot chocolate right now! If it's cold put it in the heater for 1 minute and 17 seconds!

Love you guys so much,

Mom

I decided to go right now to apologize to Jacob, then I'll make diner and watch a movie with the Seth.

" Hey, I've got something I need to take care of real quick, then I'll make dinner, okay? Think about what you want, I'll be right back!" I shouted as I started to walk from the kitchen to the door. "Don't burn the house down while I'm gone."

"That was you!" He shouted at me, I am a curious person, and the axe bottle was just asking for it.

I battled the rain, and ran under the protection of the houses, when I arrived at Jacob's I was barely wet. I knocked on the door, he answered, and looked majorly pissed off. Was that because of me? Wait! Bella went to find her leech, that's probably why he's mad. It was a pretty bad storm outside now, thunder, lighting, rain drops about the size of my foot. I was going to have to raise my voice for him to hear me.

I lifted my hood of my head.

"Thank you, I don't know what makes you think that you need to save me, because I don't need to be saved, but you somehow seem to know when I need you, and where I need you, and you're the only person who can actually say the right words to calm me down. I know you hate me, and I still hate you" I laughed, you gotta love irony " but you really helped me the day my dad died, and you saved me from a really stupid lapse of judgment, and then I freaked out on you and hit you. I ran, because I'm scared, and I'm sorry. But just so you know, I don't always need you, and I don't like you, and to be fair, everyone was warning you about Bella." I'm really trying, I can't be nice for a long period of time, I don't know why, but I just have to put something mean in there.

" Thanks for your advice queen of BITCH! But I don't need your advice, and I really don't care. You go back to being a total raging bitch, and I'll go back to being the better of the two of us, I mean look at you, you can't say something nice to someone without putting them down, and you can't go a day without making someone wish they were dead, and you like misery because you think it's better than feeling hope than being let down, I know I already said it…..but look at you, you look awful, and you are just such a miserable, lonely, shrew who will end up alone, No wonder Sam left you."

HE DID NOT JUST GO THERE!!!! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS!!!!

I am trembling, very dangerously close to phasing.

"LISTEN YOU MISERABLE ASS HOLE!! I WAS TRYING TO APOLOGIZE, I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN DOING THE WORLDS BEST JOB, BUT I WAS TRYING, AND YOU DEFINANTELY CROSSED A LINE. YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SAM AND ME! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! MAYBE I WILL END UP ALONE, BUT THAT IS DEFINANTELY NOT OK FOR YOU TO SAY!! THAT'S LIKE ME TELLING YOU THAT BELLA DITCHED YOU THE FIRST CHANCE SHE GOT, AFETR YOU PUT HER TOGETHER AGAIN, AND MADE HER HALF WAY HIMAN AGAIN, AND THEN SHE LEFT, LIKE EVERYONE SAID SHE WOULD, FOR THE BLOODSUCKERS!!! OH WAIT! THAT JUST HAPPENED!" I snarled! How dare that ungrateful jack ass!

I was still trembling, even more than before, I ran under the forest, it was dry; the tree's covered it up so the rain wouldn't get to it.

I got undressed, I was going to phase within seconds, my whole body was trembling with anger, it was even hotter than usual. I put my clothes in my in case of emergency bag and phased. I was surprised to find someone else phased. Embry, he usually is never phased unless he has to be. He doesn't like this, he hates his temper.

Are you done with your inner monologue?

Sorry, my bad I wasn't thinking

Wait, back up, did you just apologize?

Crap! I did didn't I! At least I apologized the right way to somebody.

What does that mean? I could hear the edge in his voice, the one person who hates me more than Jacob would probably be Embry, what with him being the center of my bitchy comments, and Sam, but he deserves it.

I replayed what just happened in my head. I could hear Embry's jerk face comments at certain parts, I tried to ignore them. When it came to when I made my Bella comment, Embry started to laugh

What?

Nothing, you just verbally kicked him in the goodies! I was waiting for you to actually kick him in the goodies! He was replying when some girl he was fighting with at school kicked him where the sun don't shine, because he was being a "butt face" to her. I laughed.

So why are you phased, who pissed you off?

I did, I was thinking about how many times you've pissed me off, all the jokes you've made at me, and then I realized how true they are, and I just randomly got pissed off. I can't believe Bella just ditched Jake like that though! I mean, she looked like ass when Sam found her that night, when I first met her, she looked absolutely terrible, she just barely looked human again before she left. Did Jake tell you she jumped off a cliff, I have no idea why, she said she wasn't trying to kill herself or anything, she was just bored.

I started to think about when I jumped off a cliff, how much fun I had in the rain, Embry burst into laughter, he thought I was a dork. CRAP!!!!!! Seth!!!

Shut up! I have to go! Because my mother actually cares if I come home or not!

That was another low blow, Embry got angry

I hate you, miserable bitch!

Hate you too, fatherless bastard! I ran away to phase, I got on my clothes. I was all dry, and so were my clothes. I don't know how, but the rain somehow totally avoids this part of the woods. I put on my clothes. I was feeling a sense of calm wash over me. Phasing makes me feel better, I wish it wasn't the only thing that could make me feel better. I ran home and Seth was still on the couch, well sort of. He was sprawled out, most of his body slumped onto the floor, I laughed, I walked over and nudged him with my foot.

" Dweeber! Wake up!" I kept nudging him.

" go away!" seth managed to mumble, if I didn't have super hearing I wouldn't have heard him.

" come on! I want food! Mom just went shopping!" I was in the kitchen searching through our fridge.

I found Hamburger, I could make some hamburger. I turned to the freezer. I found bacon, Ooh I can make bacon cheeseburgers! Yummy!

" hey loser! I'm making Bacon cheeseburgers, get your butt in here and tell me what you want on it!"

Within 30 seconds Seth was right in front of me sitting on a chair. His hair was messed up and his eyes were huge! I laughed really hard, he looked like a 4 year old waiting for a pudding!

I made the food, and we ate at the counter, we actually talked, like brother-sister talk. We made fun of each other and we talked about mom, and food, and how I am always at Emily's house because Sam always has us meet there! I actually had to go there a couple of weeks ago for 6 hours because Sam wanted to meet about our pack attitude. *cough* me *cough*. Emily made muffins and sand witches and stuff like that. I was a good sport, I ate them without making any comments, and I sucked it up when Sam kissed Emily for like 3 minutes ( no I was not counting, Quil made a crack about it) but when he directed attitude adjustments right at me, he even said my name. I went off. I stormed out of the house, and accidentally broke the front of her door. I took the door off his hinges, and pulled out part of the wood in my anger.

I don't have problems with my temper when it's just the guys, but when Sam or Jacob start to say something, it just gets to me. I don't know why. I mean, I'm still not over Sam, and it kills every time he tells me too go away, and every time he wishes I would just disappear, but Jacob. I don't know. I wonder f it's some Alpha thing. Jacob is suppose to be the Alpha, but he doesn't want it, so Sam is that Alpha. I think that might be it, anyway. I had fun with Seth. We watched a bunch of movies and put whatever we could find and put it on ice cream sundae's, I ate popcorn, ice cream, gummy fish, m and m's and whip cream all in one bite. I put them in my mouth one by one. I was squirting the whip cream in Seth's mouth when I moved my hand and it got all over his face, I thought it was pretty hilarious, but then he just put down all the junk food and we started to fight. My mom walked in on me and Seth with ice cream all over the couch. We had to clean it up, it was really funny. We were laughing the whole time. My mom watched a movie with us and made kettle corn.

All in all, it was a good day!