I do not own Supernatural (if I did I wouldn't have made such an anti-climactic finale) or Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes.

VII

Seven Nation Army

I'm gonna fight 'em all. A nation army couldn't hold me back. They're gonna rip it off, taking their time right behind my back.

You really don't know what to say, and all Sam can do is stutter, "Oh God," and shut the door. The internal wrestling match that's taking place inside you momentarily paralyzes you. You're brought back to reality by Max's voice, "I'm guessing those are your brothers?"

You sigh and affirm his question. Hastily pulling a dirty t-shirt over your head you command, "You should probably leave. This isn't gonna be pretty."

Max grins at you and lies back down on Bobby's guest bed. You roll your eyes and shut the door. Sam and Dean are downstairs and you make your way towards them. Before you can say a word Dean's on you like moths to a flame.

"Who the hell is that?"

"Who?" you ask innocently.

"Goddamn it Toni you know what I'm talking about!"

"Where have you been?" Sam interrupts Dean, not acknowledging his tirade

"Around," you reply vaguely, barely disguising the fact that you're completely enjoying this.

"This isn't funny Toni! We were worried about you! What were you thinking jumping out of the car like that? Are you fucking insane?" Sam yells.

"It was pretty dope man," you laugh, pushing your brothers' buttons even further.

Dean just stares at you, a bemused expression on his face. "What is wrong with you Tone? This isn't like you."

"How would you know what I'm like? You haven't seen me for two years!"

"It was 19 months! How long are you gonna hold that over our heads? For Christsake, you're the one that wanted to go! You're the one that said you wanted a normal life. We thought we were helping you!"

"By leaving me alone with a cracked old lady? I was fifteen! You expect me to make the right decisions?"

Dean sighs and rubs his face with his calloused hands. You know you're being unfair, but you want to make them suffer for all the pain you're feeling. This is the only satisfaction you'll ever get, might as well enjoy it.

"Look," Sam persuades, ever the mediator in these situations, "We can't change the past. Toni I'm sorry I never stood up for you, I really am. If you want to stay here with Bobby we understand. But whoever that was up there has got to go."

You stare disbelieving at your brothers, "Jesus, do you ever listen! It's like I'm talking to myself! I don't want to be set down somewhere and told to sit tight and be a good girl! I want to be with you fucking assholes!"

Sam looks slightly perturbed, "But I thought-"

"Do I have to spell it out morons? I fucking missed you!"

Your brothers don't really have a response for that, they just stare at you, speechless for the first time in their lives. You're tired of this fight. In your head you pictured it differently. You'd end up feeling vindicated and satisfied. Instead you're drained and empty.

As you turn to ascend the worn out stairs to the guest room Dean seems to have remembered there was a guy in your bed and loudly makes his opinion known.

"Not so fast jailbait," Dean barks rudely. He grabs your arm and pulls you down the stairs, and out the back door. As he and Sam tower over you they fix you with their best intimidating expressions.

"Please tell me we walked in on a huge misunderstanding earlier." Sam asks, sounding like he's trying to convince himself more than you.

"Yeah right, keep dreaming Sammy." Dean answers for you. "Why would you think its ok for you to have sex?"

Truthfully, you don't think it should come as a surprise to your brothers. They sent you to a public high school with only an old lady who could barely remember her own name to watch over you. Did they think you'd be a virgin forever?

Deciding to voice your opinion you ask, "Did you expect me to be a virgin forever?"

"Yes!" Dean yells. Sam's face is contorted in an unpleasant grimace as Dean continues, "Who is this guy anyway?"

"Max," you reply defiantly. You hope he's taken your hint and jumped out the window or something.

"Oh, Max," Dean spits as if simply saying his name brings a vile taste to his mouth. "How old is he Toni?"

"23," you say boldly. If you're crashing you might as well go down in flames.

Sam groans and you look him in the eyes for the first time since he caught you half-naked with some guy about 10 minutes ago. You hate the disappointed look he gives you. The self-deprecating voices in your head scream at you for being such a slut. You're used to that disappointing look from your Dad, Dean, teachers, counselors, cops, and occasionally friends. But never from Sam. Never from him.

"He's older than me?" Sam yells in a half question, half scolding sort of way.

You feel the familiar cold grip you in a way that 100 blankets couldn't fix. Your stomach is in your throat and you're brought back to a much younger self. A thirteen year old self whose self-esteem was non-existent, and whose hobbies consisted of listening to angry rock songs internalizing all her pain. Funny how just one look can send you back four years.

But you've made promises to yourself, promises you intend to keep. You're not going to be that same pathetic, pitiable girl. You're confident, cocky, and devil-may-care attitude has defined you for the last two years. You're Toni Winchester. You're not a girl, you're a woman. You scream 'fuck the world' at the top of your lungs, and don't give a shit what anyone thinks about you.

But deep within yourself you know that saying it as many times as you can isn't going to make it true.

And I'm talking to myself at night because I can't forget. Back and forth through my mind behind a cigarette. And the message coming from my eyes says leave it alone.

You've had an unsuccessful argument with your brothers for almost the entire day now, and Bobby and Max are nowhere to be found. That's probably for the best. The fights between you, Sam and Dean are never pleasant. You've been told they're excruciatingly uncomfortable to witness.

For some strange reason, Sam and Dean were angry that Max had taken your advice and skipped out through the upstairs window. You thought they would be glad to get rid of him. From what you can gather from their whispered conversations when they think you can't hear them, is that they're waiting for him to come back. You hate to disappoint them, but there's no way Max will be returning here any time soon. He was here to get answers from Bobby, and now that he has them he's probably half way to Texas by now. You're working on a theory that if you tell yourself you don't care enough times you'll be convinced. So far there's no proof that it's working.

The only thing that's been accomplished today is you will be returning to life on the road with the two idiots that somehow share your DNA. They promised to respect and listen to you, you promised not to jump out of any more cars. They also mentioned something about amputating body parts if they find any pot on you. You're not too concerned about that condition. Smoking grass was only a habit you picked up cause of the crowd you hung around with. Now that they're gone you don't have much of a reason to continue.

Don't want to hear about it. Every single one's got a story to tell. Everyone knows about it, from the Queen of England to the hounds of hell.

You're packing up your duffel once more, feeling slightly defeated. You tried to break away from this life, but somehow you always find your way back. This time will be different, you promise yourself. This time, it won't be "Yes sir, no sir" and military drills and always staying behind. Your brother's and you will be equals. You'll kick some demon ass and travel the country. "Oh well," you muse, "At least there won't be any homework."

When the Impala is packed and ready to go you glance around the house once more. "Where's Bobby?" you ask trying to hide the disappointment in your voice. You wanted to say goodbye to him in person. Dean slams the truck and opening the driver's door answers brusquely, "He's busy. You can call him later if you want to talk."

You are suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that you've forgotten something. You shout, "I'll be right back!" to your brothers and dash into the house. You race up the stairs, intent on combing the guest room in hopes of recovering what was presumably lost. Your heart almost stops the moment you reach the door.

Leaning apathetically against the windowsill is Max. As you enter he walks up to you. He grabs your arms and stares almost searchingly into your eyes. He starts to say something but all you can think about are his strikingly blue eyes, and you wonder how you possibly could have missed them before.

"I thought you'd be halfway to Texas by now," you remark, trying to keep your voice casual.

"I couldn't leave without seeing you," he whispers.

"That's got to be one of the most overused lines in history," you laugh. Sobering up you begin with trepidation, "I'm sorry 'bout your dad. Did you find all the answers you were looking for?"

He avoids your gaze and mutters, "No. But I don't think most people ever do in these cases." Then changing the subject he asks, "You off with your brothers again?"

You shrug, "Looks that way."

"The way you was tellin' it, I'd of thought that's the last place on Earth you want to be."

You sigh feeling uncomfortable and, rubbing the back of your neck assure Max, "Things will be different this time."

He throws a playful smirk your way and drawls, "Ya' know, Einstein's definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting different results."

"Where'd you here that?"

"I've read a few books," Max defends, pretending to be offended.

"Ya? Only the ones with pictures right?"

He laughs and begins to stare at you again. You don't like the look in his eyes. It suggests he might feel something. Something other than the vague indifference you've been pretending to feel. It makes you guarded

"Look you don't have to worry 'bout me. I've had lots of experience saying goodbye."

His scrutinizing is so unbearable you're forced to look away. That deep silky voice that tugs on your heart and messes with your mind declares, "Well maybe I'm the one who needs help this time."

With his customarily impeccable timing, Dean slams open the door and shouts, "Yo Toni we gotta…What the hell?" Eyes bulging out of their sockets at the sight of you and Max in close proximity he thunders, "Sam! Get up here!"

Rolling your eyes you groan, "Dean, calm down. This is Max Kelly. Max, Dean, Dean Max. All good? Great let's go."

As per usual, no one takes your advice. Sam bursts into the room and upon seeing Max immediately tackles him to the ground. You stare exasperatedly at the two guys wrestling on the floor like ten year olds. "Dean! Do something!" you implore.

You can tell he's enjoying this and you continue to shoot daggers at him until he relents and pulls Sam and Max apart.

Sam's sporting some nasty bruises and Max has a split lip. He spits out blood and yells at Sam, "What the hell man?"

Dean holds Sam as he lunges towards Max screaming, "Stay away from my sister!"

"Shut up Sam!" you reproach him.

Ignoring you, your brother continues to berate him, "What's the matter with you? She's only seventeen!"

"Listen man, I don't know who you think you are…"

"We're her brothers that's who! And if you know what's good for you you'll stay the hell away." Dean commanded glowering at Max.

"I think Toni's old enough to make that decision for herself," he argued calmly.

"Toni's already made her decision."

"Toni can talk!" you scream exasperatedly. After glaring reproachfully at your brothers you turn to Max. "It's like I already said, I'm going back on the road. We've got some stuff to take care of and we have to do it as a family. Maybe when this is all over we'll see each other again. But for now we gotta go our separate ways."

He analyzes you for a while, prompting a rude cough from Dean. When he finally speaks you begin to notice for the first time the age difference between you two. "You're free to do whatever you want Toni, you know I'd respect your decision either way. But look me in the eyes and tell me this isn't a cop out."

You're too shocked to say anything and he takes your silence as confirmation. "You pretend like you're some confident girl who's got it all figured out, but all you really do is 'fake it till you make it'. You can keep telling yourself that you don't need anyone, but one day you'll wake up and find you've pushed everyone away."

As Sam makes a move towards Max he backtracks quickly, "So maybe you're right. Maybe we will see each other again. I hope by then you will have learned the difference between living and just pretending. Goodbye Toni."

The drive afterwards is long and awkward. Dean won't say it, but he's thrilled at the prospect of being on the road again. Sam's still irritated by the whole 'Max' incident. You're not one for apologies, so you estimate two or three days until you Sam simply fall back into your regular patterns. That'll give him time to sulk and you time to grieve. Although you'd vehemently deny it, you're starting to wonder if Max was right about you. One thing's for sure, thinking about him gives you the feeling of slicing an already open wound. Your heart bleeds for the Texan you hope to never see again.

And I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding, and I'm bleeding right before the Lord. All the words are gonna bleed from me and I will sing no more. And the stains coming from my blood tell me go back home.

I'm sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks. Things get busy what can I say. But now that SPN is over I have nothing to look forward to except finals!

Well anyway tell me what you thought, Max is gone for now, should he come back? I'll try to get some action in the story soon. Anything else Toni

should deal with? Review or not, whatever floats your boat.

~Whatsername