I can't do anything else but stare at the red room that looks like a torture chamber. The lighting is faint, as if the room just glowed by itself, giving it somehow an inviting and mysterious look. My brain is telling me to run, that only sociopaths would have this type of playroom, but the other side of me wants to hear why he has this in his apartment. Who cares about the why?, my subconscious screams at me. I take a few careful steps and walk into the room.
The first thing I notice is the smell: it smells like leather, wood and polish that smells faintly of lemons. The walls and the ceiling are painted blood red, that together with the glow made it seem like the room was alive. Facing me there is a big cross, made from a dark wood, and every corner has a kind of shackle made out of leather. Above that there is a big grid, where several ropes and other things hangs that seemed to be used to restrain a person. By the left side of the door there was a set of different whips, I think. Some of them reminded me of the ones one would use on a horse, while some of them I have never seen in my life. On the right side of the door there was a big chest of drawers made from the same dark wood that the cross. The furniture looked old, like it belonged to a museum, but instead it seemed to store, what I assume are various different tools, that a person into BDSM needs to have. In one of the corners of the room there is a bench, and along side it there was an assortment of different canes, all different sizes and widths. On the other side of the room there is an exquisite table with a chair on either side. The thing that takes up the most space though, is the king size bed that stands in the middle of the room. The sheets glisten slightly under the lights making me think that the sheets are made of silk or a material similar to that.
I turn around and see Christian watching me closely. He has an unreadable expression. I take a look at the room again, and realize that I don't have a problem with this at all. Who am I to judge, what he chooses to do with a willing partner on his free time. It's none of my business, but I'm just curious to why or how he became involved with this. I walk out the room and down the stairs, straight to the dinning table where I left my glass of wine. The chilled wine is now slightly warm but I don't care anymore, I gulp down the wine hoping that the alcohol in it will calm my nerves. I hear Christians steps behind me.
"Are you going to leave?" Christian asks. " I can arrange for someone to come pick you up and fly you back home." he continues slowly. I hesitantly shake my head, we're going to talk. I see a small wine cooler in the kitchen and decide that we are going to need a whole bottle. I take one, that already was opened and walk back to table were Christian is standing confounded. I take a seat on the chair that I sat on before, I notice that it is very comfortable. Good because we're going to be here a while, I think to myself.
"Do people use those things on you or you on them?" I ask him calmly while watching him closely. At first he looks a bit taken aback by the question or maybe it's my tone, but he quickly composes himself and sits down at the table. This reminds me of the interview, the only difference is that we're not recording the conversation and the questions are now completely my own.
"I to them." he says slowly while thinking about how to elaborate his answer. "I do this to willing women." I nod my head slowly while taking a big gulp of wine.
"What am I doing here if you have a willing woman at your disposal?" I ask him.
"Because I really want to do it with you." he says. "You're not like anyone I've ever met before."
"I see." I puff. Why?, I think to myself. I look down to the table and feel the surface of the table. It feels smooth to the touch. "Are you a sadist?" I ask him while looking at him straight in the eye. If he is there isn't even a slight chance of anything happening between us...
"I'm a dominant." His gaze is smoldering grey and intensive. That isn't really the answer I'm looking for, he is avoiding the question, my subconscious whispers.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"That I want you to willingly submit, under any circumstances, to me." I look at him trying to hold on to my laughter. Oh no he seems to be serious about this.
"Why would I do that?"
"To satisfy me." he says simply like it's the most obvious answer in the world. His head is turned a little bit to the side watching my reaction, which is shock. From where I'm sitting it seems that I get the bad end of the agreement and I don't think that I could handle him telling me what to do all the time. "To put it simply I want you to want to satisfy me."
"And how would that work?" I ask him. He looks at me like I have missed a very important part of the whole conversation, and I haven't. I get the satisfaction part, even though I'm inexperienced I'm not clueless, is the whole torture chamber situation that has me confused. BDSM by itself isn't wrong, I'm not judging him on his sexual preference, but I don't want it to be my first time, and I realize that even though I trust him, I don't trust him enough for me to feel comfortable with doing that kind of stuff with him.
"I have a set of rules, that I want you to follow. If you follow them to my liking, then you'll be rewarded. If you don't I will punish you." he explains. I nod my head slowly and drink more wine. I pour some more in my glass, Christian hasn't even touched his glass. I wonder if I can take his when the bottle is empty.
"Okay, What do I get out of all of this?"
"You get me."
The room becomes silent. I can feel my head becoming a little bit heavier, I push the glass aside, I don't want to get drunk tonight. What do I say to him? Thanks I'm flattered but I don't want my first time to be in the torture chamber. Should I even tell him that I'm a virgin? The Information seems redundant now that I'm sure but I won't do anything with him... At least not tonight. So, no, I won't tell him. What is our relationship going to be now?
"What happens if I don't want to do this?"
"Then we won't have any kind of relationship." He says.
"Why?"
"Because it's the only kind of relationship that I can maintain."
"Why?" I ask him again, this really doesn't make any sense. He seems to have a functioning relationship with his brother and his family.
"It's just the way I am." he just shrugs.
"But tell me why." I say to him slowly. And then it hits me, something must've happened. The no touching thing, the BDSM, the fact that he is so closed of - something happened. "What happened to you?"
"Why are people how do they are? That's a hard question answer. Why do some people like cheese and why so some hate it? Do you like cheese? Mrs. Jones - my house keeper - has arranged some supper for us." He is changing the conversation to cheese? Should I persist? I don't know him that well. Maybe he'll talk if he gets drunk, I think to myself. I'll let this one slide.
"Yeah, why not? I would like to like some cheese." he sighs with relief, drinks a bit of his wine and goes to refrigerator to get the cheeses. The plate has a few cheeses, crackers and grapes. I take a few grapes and put them in my mouth and start to chew. This man really is a mystery.
"Tell me what you're thinking." he whispers sounding unsure.
"Honestly?" I asked him.
"Yes." He says firmly.
"Well, honestly, I think that sex is completely of the table right now. And it isn't because of the BDSM thing, I don't judge you or despise you for doing that as long you are doing it with a willing partner, it isn't any of my business. I won't be in that kind of relationship with you because I don't know you, and I assume that this kind relationship, like any other really is based on trust, and quite frankly I don't trust you enough for me to feel comfortable in starting this kind of relationship with you right now." I say to him rapidly.
"What do you want to know about me?" he asks me.
A thought springs into my brain. We could make a game out of this, like a combination of truth or dare and never have I ever. Kate and I used to play this in the beginning, when we didn't know each other. I hope this works.
"Let's play a game. We get to ask anything to one another but if one of us don't want to answer we just say pass. Let's say you ask me something and I don't want to answer I can say pass and then you pick a penalty for me to do. Like, I don't know, drink a whole glass of water or scream something out of the balcony." I say to him while smiling a bit. He looks a bit confused, but agrees to it. I stand up, take the wine glasses and walk to the ginormous sofa he has, but for some reason instead on sitting on the couch I sit on the floor and use the sofa as my backrest. He looks down at me with a small smile.
"Isn't the sofa good enough for you?" he asks.
"Yes, but I just like sitting on the floor." he laughs a bit and sits beside me. "Do you want to start?" he asks me. I nod eagerly. He looks tense and nervous he doesn't know what to expect. I decide to start easy, and progressively make the questions harder.
"What is your full name?"
"Christian Trevelyan Grey." he says looking a bit more relaxed. "What's yours?"
"Anastasia Rose Steele." I answer him. "What's your favorite color?"
"Blue." he says rapidly. "What's yours?"
"Grey." I answer him swiftly and without thinking. It is true I've always loved the color grey, according to my mom it represents wisdom and maturity. People always told me that it is a boring color, but it always appealed to me. "You should start making your own questions instead of just stealing mine, Mr. Grey." I chastise him with a smile. "What is the last the last song that you last listed to?"
"Stop asking good questions then, Miss. Steele." he says while he stands up and walks over to his iPod. "Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon." he says while putting the song on. "Where did you grow up?" he asks.
"Montesano, small town a few hours from here." I answer him, he nods while telling me that his family went fishing there once. Who knows maybe they met my dad when they were fishing on that trip. "How old are you?"
"27" he says, He's so young and already accomplished so much. "What's your favorite book?"
"Tess D'Urberville." I tell him. "Why did you drop out of college?" I ask him, it's something that I've been wondering since the interview.
"I felt like I was waisting my time in college learning something that I already knew. I just wanted to start my business and learn that way. My parents weren't so supportive of that decision but obviously it worked out in the end." he shrugs. It isn't so strange that his parents weren't so supportive of him the beginning, they were afraid that he had nothing to fall back on if his business didn't work out. He, on the other hand seems to be bothered by the fact. "Tell me about your parents." he says.
"My mother lives in Georgia with her new husband. My dad, or rather my stepdad, lives in Montesano." I tell him.
"What happened to your dad?" He asks, I shake my head with a smile. "You'll have to wait for your turn to ask the question." I take a sip of wine, that now is room-temperature but still somehow good. I think about what I want to ask him for a few seconds.
"What do your parents do?" I ask him. "My mother is a pediatrician and my dad is a lawyer." he says. He had a stable upbringing then, at least after his adoption. He looks at me expectingly. "Now answer my question."
"My father died when I was little while he was in the military. I don't remember him, I see Ray as my real dad." I explain to him, he nods understandingly. "What do your siblings do?"
"Elliot has his own business in the carpeting industry and my sister Mia is studying in Paris, she wants to be a chef." Christian smiles a bit when he talks about his family, they're close. "Whats your dad like?"
"He isn't very talkative. He is a carpenter so he's good with his hands, and ex-military which means that he can kick some serious butt." I say smiling. I really miss Ray. "Likes football - especially the European kind - bowling and fishing."
It's time to bring up the temperature, I think to myself. "Does your family know about your... ehm... sexual preferences?" He looks uncomfortable and he stiffens up again. He takes his wineglass and drinks it slowly, to buy himself some time to think about if he is going to answer or not. "My brother is the only who knows about it..." he says slowly. "and only because he walked into a scene." he laughs embarrassed.
"So, how come that you never had an orgasm?" he asks me looking at me with a grin. I feel my cheeks burn, damn I didn't want him to ask me that question. Should I pass or should I be honest? I sigh when I realize that I can't expect honesty from him if I'm not honest myself. "Pass." I say. He looks at mischievously knowing that I'm now in his mercy. I wonder what he'll make me do.
"I want you to kiss me." he says. I move closer towards him, look him in the eyes and give him a quick peck on the lips. He looks at me disappointed, like he was expecting more. I lean closer again, brushing my lips against mine, kneading them slowly with mine. I run my fingers through his hair, he groans a bit. I lean back again and drink a little bit more wine.
"How did you get into BDSM?" I ask him carefully.
He seems to evaluate if I can handle the information he is about to tell me. "My introduction into sex was quite unusual. My mom's friend introduced me to the lifestyle." I can feel my face scrunch up in anger and shock. That's just wrong. "How old were you?" I ask him seriously.
"Isn't it my turn to ask?" he says cockily.
"Just answer the question."
"15." he says like there wasn't nothing really wrong with it. Doesn't e realize that what happened to him is abuse? That he was manipulated and used for someone else's entertainment? I don't think he does... Judging by the look on his face I can tell that nothing I say to him will change his mind. My happy mood has now been replaced by anger for the pedophile. The music playing in the background is filling the otherwise tense silence.
"Does your parents now about it?" I ask him quietly.
"Yes." he says while looking somewhat ashamed. So, they now about the sex but what kind of sex. Well, at least his parents are aware of the fact that it has happened. I wonder if he is ashamed because he got caught or for the actual relationship. I look at him, and he looks the lost boy I first saw on that party four years ago. The control freak megalomaniac doesn't know what to do and that scares him. I wish I could say something that could make him feel better, but I don't know what to say. I can't say what I'm really thinking because that would just be throwing fuel at the fire but I can't lie either, and say that I think that it's okay, so I decide to just be quiet. I look down and find that his hands are balled up into tight fists, and by instinct I decide to take his hand. At first nothing happens my hands just lays on top of his, and I stroke his tense knuckles softly. He takes my hand and we just sit there, on the his living room floor watching the dancing flames on his fireplace.
I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a melancholic melody. I look around my surroundings to see a modern room painted in a soft grey. The ceiling is painted in a way that reminds me of the ocean, with blue and white swirls. The sheets feel soft and they smell fresh, like they've been recently laundered. There's a few pieces of furniture made out of wood giving the furniture a more rustic feeling. I stand up to find that I still have all my clothes on except for my shoes, socks and jacket. Silently, I walk towards the music.
Christian is playing beautifully on the grand piano that I saw earlier. I sit down beside him and just watch his hands move across the black and white keys. He finishes the song and then continues to stare at the keys for a while.
"That was beautiful." I say to him softly. He nods, and thanks me for my compliment. His eyes roam my face and land on my lips. I nervously bite my it, which he answers by bending down and kissing me softly on the lips. I feel how one of his hands lands on my neck, pressing my face closer to his and how the other hand lands on my waist. The kisses grow in intensity, making me hot and breathless.
"Stop." I say to him when I take a deep breath.
"What is it?" he asks. "Because if it is the whole 'I don't really know you' thing, I can guarantee that after tonight you know me better than anyone."
He moves me closer to him, and continues to kiss me. Why is he so good at this? My brain is foggy and the only thing I can think about is him. About how his touch feels against my skin, about the heat that he seems to radiate and how addicting his kisses are becoming.
"No." I repeat when I break away again. He looks confused.
"Why?"
"I don't want our first time to be, when you're emotionally drained and tired." I say to him and kiss him on the cheek. "Come its time to go to bed." I stand up and start walking to the place I thought I came from.
"Anastasia, the bedrooms are this way." he says and points to the opposite way.
We walk quietly to the room that I came from, and notice now that one of the walls is made of glass, giving this room an amazing view of the city. I should've taken my pajamas with me, I think to myself. I look around the room to find a discarded shirt sitting on a chair in the corner. I take it and smell it, to make sure that it does't smell bad, and decide that this is going to be my pajamas for the night. Christian observes every move I make.
"is it okay if I borrow this tonight?" I ask him while he nods. I take of my shirt, and put on the his T-shirt on. For some reason I don't feel shy or uncomfortable with him. I fold my clothes neatly and put them on the same chair I took the shirt from, and walk to the bed.
"You aren't making this easy for me." Christian says.
"What do you mean?" He looks at me meaningly, I look down to my bare legs and blush.
"I'm sure that you'll survive."
"Barely." he murmurs.
I lay down, on the side nearest the window, watching the lights of the city that I soon will call home. Christian lays down beside me watching the ceiling.
"What are you doing to me?"
"The same thing you're doing to me." I whisper as I fall asleep.
Hello everyone,
I haven't really decided if I should have Elena Lincoln's character in my story or not, so let me know what you think!
Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
I hope you're having a wonderful day/night wherever you are in the world xx