Chapter Seven – Things Get Weirder

[The Real A/N] I'm sorry, my loyal followers. I have lied to you.

This story is not, actually, the pile of Trubbish you think it is.

This is the bee's knees. This is one swanking great story, and I know y'alls love reading it just as much as I love writing it. I mean, who comes up with all of this? 10K words of it? That's an achievement if you ask me.

Think about that one Bidoof sitting in the back of box sixteen, eating his digital cookies. Now imagine you named that Bidoof "Chunk Norris," and you teach it nothing but status moves and rock smash.

You don't care about the game wants you to do.

Team Galactic is gonna face the wrath of The Chunk.

You're feeling it. Every time you go to Floraroma Town to buy more flower accessories for your delightful midafternoon strolls through Amity Square, you find yourself getting the urge to frolic in the flowers as you holler "IKU ZE" at the top of your lungs, alongside your faithful companion.

You know that no matter what, you will have the Plump Mouse Pokemon right by your side, to guide you from darkness to light.

This is the true meaning of Chosen By Arceus? Is this the true meaning of Chosen By Arceus? My titular punctuation confuses even me.

Thank you, Chunk Norris. Thank you, my loyal accolades.

Okay, you can go revi-

[A/N] Sorry about that, I had a moment of clarity and happiness in my depression. This was unintentional. We can all go back to drowning our sorrows in dank memes now.

-Ash is lost… Again…-

"Hey Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there a girl on a bike following behind us?"

-Spoilers: It's Misty-

Misty, Princess of the Mallets, was on the hunt.

Her loyal mallet was securely fastened to her back. Her water type Pokemon were ready to rip insolent little punk trainers to shreds. She was back on her bike, ready to take on whatever might come her way. When she got to Ash, she would hurt him, then she would hug him to make all- Wait, where had that come from?

She didn't care. Nothing could stand in her-

A Butterfree flittered across the path.

"AAAAASSSSSHHHHH! HEEELP MEEEEEE!"

-Hall of Origins-

"Alright, order everyone! We have to go through our quarterly report!" Arceus boomed.

Mew, Hoopa, and Victini stopped chasing each other around, and Keldeo and Raquayza stopped sparing. Palkia stopped cuddling him and stood as still as rock, while Dialga stifled a laugh on his other side. Several legendaries popped into the room, and in seconds the table was in silent order.

"Ho-oh!"

The fiery bird angrily looked up at the creator. "That stupid son of yours ruined ten careful years of planing! Ash was supposed to come into his role slowly. Can you get your-"

Arceus nodded as he froze Ho-oh in place. "Wonderful, wonderful. Azelf?"

"You know I resent your existence for making me babysit Mew, and am always plotting the thousands of ways I can succeed in acheiving your downfall."

"I'm glad to hear it. Raikou?"

The electric dog burst into tears.

Arceus smiled. He just loved it when his job went smoothly. "Those are all of the individual reports I wanted. Now, onto the first order of business. What should we do about fillers?"

"You have already set out world so far askew, I cannot sleep because of my migranes!" Zygarde hissed.

"But you can't sleep, sir," Volcanion whispered into his ear.

"I can dream, okay!" Zygarde protested, fluffing out his tentacles as he glowed green.

"But how can you dream if you can't sleep?"

There was suddenly a doughnut shaped hole in the fabrics of reality.

"# $%#T^?" Nihilego asked.

"Um, excuse me? Haven't we made it clear before that nobody here likes you?" Latias said pointedly before launching him back to his dimension.

Nihilego would always remember that moment as the start of his goal for domination of the Pokemon world.

"Thank you, Zygarde. Anyone else?"

"If we do not allow Ash to partake in these experiences," Mespirit said, "Then he may never recover. He has already taken enough damage to his mind."

"Oh, ignore her, she's such a downer," Palkia muttered to Arceus, warping space to distract the creator from her alluring psychic energies. "I don't want to watch it happen, that's sooo boring."

"I have it!" Arceus exclaimed. "We'll combine them all into one scene and see what happens!"

"This ends poorly," Uxie said matter of factly, floating out of the room as she pushed past Arceus Jr.

"Hey everyone, what did I miss?"

Arceus smiled as a horde of furious legendaries descended on his son. His plans were now in motion, and it would all be in his glory.

It was a shame about the fourth wall, though. Maybe Azelf would actually fix it properly.

Then again, the last time Mew had been bored, the Hall had been filled with Pyukumukus floating around in bubbles for a week, so maybe that wasn't the best idea.

-Somewhere In Between Cerulean and Vermillion-

:GYM – 98 WINS, 0 WINS:

Lightning flashed through the fog bank as Ash stared up at the dark outline of the lighthouse in front of him. "Huh, I didn't think there was a gym out here."

Misty and Brock shot each other a meaningful glance. "That's because it's not."

Bulbasaur sighed in relief. "Great, so can we avoid the shady fake gym on the edge of the cliff with the ominous foreshadowing? I'm thinking spending a nice dry night in the Pokemon Center, maybe getting some good food, and a glass of something..."

"Awesome, I'm going to be the first loss that fake gym leader gets!" Ash exclaimed. "Anyways, how could I lose?"

"Of course not. Of course his ego has something to say about it," the grass type grumbled.

"Something feels off..." Charmander mused.

"Seventeen thousand edits to the fabric of reality will do that to you," Squirtle said mildly as he lounged beneath Pikachu.

"Huh?"

"My, isn't this lovely pickleball weather?"

Pikachu just sighed and held his Gameboy closer to his face. Bulbasaur didn't have to ask to know he was playing Pokemon – Yellow. "I guess Ash isn't the only one with an ego."

"Hey Ash," Misty said as they walked under the sign towards the looming lighthouse. "Do you see a fire?"

As they walked closer, a black Pokemon with a flame on the tip of its tail huddled down on its stump. Ash gaped at it. "Woah, is that some kind of Pokemon?"

"No, Ash, it's a tree."

A spark lit in Ash's eyes, and he smiled. "That's so cool! I didn't know there were fire trees!"

"That's no tree," Brock said ominously, shadows spilling down his face as he looked to the ground.

"Now we're getting somewhere."

"You know, Bulbasaur, your constant snark is beginning to get on my nerves."

"Shut up, Charmander."

"It's a shiny Charmander!"

"SQUIRTLE!"

Five Squirtles wearing sunglasses shot through the fog. One of them was carrying a dark green Bulbasaur, and another Squirtle, this one a pale blue, grabbed Charmander before they sprinted into the lighthouse. The massive bronze door slammed shut behind them with a massive thud.

Misty gaped at the tower. "Was that three shiny starters in the same place?"

Brock nodded. "Of course, seems about right."

"Why don't I have any shiny Pokemon yet?" Ash exclaimed as he took off towards the tower. "C'mon, I need to catch them, let's go!"

As Ash burst through the doors, a trainer with blue hair and sunglasses turned around and grinned savagely. "Oh, good, another runt I can crush."

"Who are you?" Ash asked.

"My name is Damien, and I'm the unofficial gym trainer," he exclaimed.

Brock stepped forwards. "Do you know anything about the Pokemon who was outside?"

Damien nodded. "Oh, yeah, that Charmander used to be mine, but it was a weakling. Couldn't even beat the gym leader, can you believe it? I'm glad the Squirtle Squad brought it back for the gym leader's collection, along with that Bulbasaur that garden was hiding."

"..."

"What?"

Ash's shoulders shook as he started to glow bright blue. "You abandoned a Pokemon?"

"Hell yeah, why would I keep a weakling like that around? Besides, why do you care?"

"Why do I care?"

"Yeah, why do you care?"

"I'll tell you why I care!"

"OKAY, TELL ME WHY YOU CARE!"

"I WILL!"

"DO IT NOW!"

"I HAVE A HERO COMPLEEEEEEEEEX!" Ash screamed as he punched Damien through the wall and out towards the ocean.

Misty smiled wistfully as she saw the ocean. "Sometimes I wish I could return to the ocean too and live life as a Feebas."

"Don't say that too loudly," Bulbasaur sighed. "Chances are, it'll happen."

Damien laughed as he punched through the side of the St. Anne cruise ship, sending the ship sinking down into the ocean depths alongside his brutally crushed figure. "I probably deserve this, don't I?"

It's okay, Damien. At least your worthless life helped Arceus avert one annoying long filler arc.

"Greetings," a dark shadow boomed from the far side of the lighthouse's top floor. Then, a light switch flipped and a meek man with glasses said, "Welcome to Bill's gym!"

"Oh no, it's Bill!" Misty exclaimed in shocked horror as Psyduck used her, Goldeen, and Staryu for juggling practice.

"Bill..." Ash groaned.

"Why is everything always Bill's fault?" Brock asked pensively as he scribbled down a quick will onto his arm.

"No, Ash. Everything is your fault."

"Actually, I believe that all of this is Arceus' fault."

"Am I the only one who thinks this fic hasn't had enough Lugia yet?"

"Chu ka pi."

"Nobody has ever beaten my gym!" said Bill, menacingly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "In this gym, we battle using humans transformed in my Pokemon Transformation Machine! If you win, then you get my entire Pokemon collection!"

"No."

"No."

"We'll pass."

"For once, I agree with Bulbasaur."

"Arceus… Please..."

"Pikachu..."

"You're on," Ash exclaimed. "I've got two whole gym badges and I just turned my cap backwards, so how could I lose?"

Bill malevolently smiled. "I can see you are already playing into my evil plans!"

"Awesome!"

Bulbasaur looked up at the sky. "When can I leave?"

Bill snapped his fingers, and a boy wearing a power harness walked out of the back room. "Perfect! I will use A.J. He used to run this gym before I kidnapped him to turn him into a Sandshrew!"

Ash nodded, "Okay, I'll use Misty!"

Bulbasaur groaned, "This just took a darker turn."

"NO!"

Bill glanced down at his computer. "Hmm, according to my Biometric Videosanguipoketorianistical Radioeledunsparcianistic Scanner, she'll turn into a Feebas if I use the machine on her."

"YES!"

"In that case, never mind," Ash said, thinking hard. Who could he use?

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To uni-"

"They'll do," he yawned.

A loud zap rang across the battlefield, and Ekans, Koffing, and a girl wearing a light brown dress fell to the floor. "Meowth!" she exclaimed, scrambling away from Bill in fear.

A Sandshrew landed on the battlefield, and Bill laughed maniacally. "You cannot beat A.J., he is resistant to all water type attacks!"

"No," Misty gasped in horror, covering her mouth. "We don't stand a chance!"

"Hey, Bill!" Melanie yelled. "I knew this was your fault! Everything is Bill's fault. Give me back Bulbasaur!"

"Sludge bomb!"

Sandshrew flew backwards into a wall of machinery as Officer Jenny rode into the room. "I'm here to arrest the Squirtle Squad!"

"Jenny! Oh, your eyes sparkle with the magnificence of-"

Misty's mallet found the back of Brock's head.

A group of students ran out of the hole A.J had created in the wall. One girl fell at Ash's feet in gratitude. "Oh, thank you. My name is Gisele, we're from Pokemon Tech and Bill was holding us all hostage after we lost to him."

"Hey, there's still a kid in there!" Officer Jenny yelled as she mud wrestled the shiny Squirtle to the ground.

"It's okay, nobody likes Joe," Gisele said as she massaged Ash's feet.

"HERO COMPLEX!"

"Does he do that often?" Melanie asked.

"You have no idea," Bulbasaur grumbled.

"He kicked me in the face," Gisele whispered in reverent awe. "I have to keep this bruise forever..."

"I was going to be a Feebas..." Misty sighed as she continued pummeling Brock into the ground.

"Don't hit me, blame it on Bill!" Brock exclaimed.

"Yeah!"

"Let's blame Bill."

"It's all Bill's fault!"

Bill laughed nervously as the characters from at least five filler episodes converged on him angrily. "I'll be going now..."

"LUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Thank you, Arceus..." Squirtle muttered reverently.

Yes, you will, Bill. Yes you will.

-As Bill Crashed Into a Remote Mountain Range, Setting Off a Series of Events That Are All His Fault-

Gary was-

-Suicune's Show-

Suicune panted as she screamed, "NO!"

Entei sighed as he drooped over the edge of his chair. "It's educational to be taught about-"

"K+! K+! K+!"

[A/N] Did you follow any of that? Good, neither did I.

Laziness is a powerful motivator. Here is a full list of episodes I will not be doing individual chapters for because I have put th parts in this chapter:

-Episode 8: The Path to the Pokemon League

-Episode 9: The School of Hard Knocks

-Episode 10: Bulbasaur and the Hidden Village

-Episode 11: Charmander – The Stray Pokemon

-Episode 12: Here Comes the Squirtle Squad

-Episode 13: Mystery at the Lighthouse

-Episode 15: Battle Aboard the St. Anne

-Episode 16: Pokemon Shipwreck

-Episode 17: Island of the Giant Pokemon

I mean, goddamn does this show have some filler (Blah blah catching Pokemon blah blah character development I get it okay?)

It's probably Bill's fault.

If you like memes, review this story.

If you don't like memes, I appreciate your dedication to making yourself suffer, so you should still review.

If you don't review, then Bill will get his way and the universe -might- end.

Just saying.

Not like it won't be his fault.

But it'll be your fault too.

Just review, okay?

DO IT FOR CHUNK NORRIS!