Alright guys, three things I have to say.

First thing, sorry that I always keep you waiting for so long. The last weeks were just really stressful because I just moved to a new place but it's just temporary and soon I'll move again and then university will start but I'm really into this story, too, so don't worry if you'll have to wait for an update. As long as this won't be complete, I'll continue this.

Second thing, I always have to thank you for your kind words and amazing reviews, they always make me find some time to write some words.

And last but not least, I hope this chapter was worth the wait and as always, let me know what you think! Oh and I almost forgot to say, the next chapter will be absolutely Vauseman-centric...

PS: I managed to hide an easter egg in it and I'm sure if you used to be in this one fandom I got it from and if your hearts were ripped apart about two weeks ago as well, I'm sure you'll find it easily...

Chapter 7: The Perfect Girlfriend

I'm so wrong, so wrong,
To let you in my,
To let you in my home
Now you know where I sleep
Now you know where I sleep,
Never felt so damn weak.

She only stayed until dawn because when the sun came, the darkness disappeared for a little while and in the light, everyone could see her. Only at night when the darkness blinded she could reveal herself, every part of her that was damaged, every corner that was broken, every piece that was incomplete. That was why when Alex woke up, she was gone. The sun was up, and so were her walls and her perfect facade. Alex's arms were empty again and the warmth that was hidden underneath the blonde's cold exterior and had provided her the last night was obviously missing.

Its lack was the reason Alex stirred, awakening from her dreamless and short sleep. When she woke up and opened her eyes, everything seemed to be the same. But the realisation that it was just an enormous illusion hit her faster than her own fists could. The intruder from the last night had left marks. On Alex's pillow, on Alex's sheets, on Alex's body, in Alex's apartment, in Alex's life. Piper's scent was still lingering on Alex's cushions. Piper's body was carved into Alex's mattress. Piper's teeth and nails had buried so deep and held on so tight that they branded Alex's skin. Piper's silhouette was drifting like a ghost through the rooms of Alex's place. Piper was haunting her. And Alex herself maledicted herself. When she had let her in her life. And the curse had become irrevocable last night when Alex had let Piper in her home.

Without her glasses on, she could see the damage they have made. The tables have turned and for the first time in her life, Alex wasn't the one who left someone. She was the one who was left as someone left her. Piper was gone when the brunette woke up and yet, it was like the blonde had left pieces of her soul behind that Alex's small closed-up heart had opened up to and let in, and instantly grew. Piper has officially become Alex's drug and it was better than any rush she would get from her heroine, coke and crack combined. And that was why she felt horrible, wishing her eyes wouldn't have opened up and her unconsciousness from her sleep would have remained. Because after every almost overdose, after every highest high, after every ecstasy-filled night, only Piper could give her this feeling. This feeling that she was at her lowest. This feeling that she was losing her mind. This feeling that she and her whole existence were expiring. And the only reason for it was that she needed another heavy dose of her own very personal drug. It wasn't only killing her that Piper wasn't around. It was even more killing her that she would have to admit that she so desperately needed Piper around. Her own feelings were ruining her. Feelings she believed she wasn't capable of feeling. Feelings she believed she would never have. People had told her a thousand times that she was self-destructive but only after his one time she said it herself, she realised what it really meant. It weren't the drugs, it wasn't her selfish attitude, it wasn't her cocky behaviour. The thing that has constantly been turning her into such a massive wreck was her true self. The person she really was, the person her soul created was a person who was driven by emotions. She had been dead once and now, as she was more alive than she had ever been, she was dying. Piper looked like an angel with her golden long hair and ethereal eyes that were more beautiful than any heaven and nevertheless, was crueler than the devil itself as she was the reason Alex felt like dying.

And just like her, Piper was lifeless, too. Yet, these two broken pieces would never admit it. They both were such a perfect mess and have adapted to it so perfectly, long forgotten that they could be fixed. Her mind was going ways Alex didn't want to follow and the only thing that could keep her from this path was the only alternative to Piper that once had been her first choice. Heroin. This powder and these pills she has been using so normally that she didn't really need a reason to use them anymore and would just consume them like her daily water or her coffee in the morning have become secondary. Her drugs were this perfect girlfriend that she could always turn to and was always there for her. And yet, they have become an alternative, on the verge of becoming an ex, an alternative to a person that was even worse for Alex than her usual drugs. Those pills and that powder were bad for Alex's health but in comparison to what Piper was doing to the MMA fighter, they were just as toxic as stinging nettles. Piper has become her kryptonite whilst her heroin and her coke have become her morphine. Piper was destroying her as her secondary drugs were actually helping the dark-haired woman not to acknowledge that Piper was ruining her. In the end though Alex was just a stupid drug-addict, a junkie that needed her dose. And if she didn't get it from her most dangerous drug, she'd turn to the softer ones that would and never could kill her as much as her favourite one.

Alex still hasn't gotten used to the fact that someone else had been in her apartment but she would forget about it in a minute when she would chase the dragon, flying on its back to escape her problems, feelings and reality. She needed to calm down. And she only would if she lost her memory. Nevertheless, a tiny part deeply buried inside of her was whispering with the strength and conviction of a scream that she was going to forget everything except for one thing. Neither Alex nor this small part of her had to explain what this one thing was. So the brunette finally got out of her the bed that was no longer owned solely by her and she put on her glasses although everything was clear to her. Too clear, as Alex had already concluded and strolled from her bedroom into her kitchen where she was storing her antidote. Piper was so toxic that she had managed to rush into the dark-haired woman's veins and mind without any effort. When the heroin that was wrapped up in the thin foil was heated enough that its smoke began to rise, Alex didn't hesitate to inhale it deeply. Right in this moment, she couldn't be happier that, regardless how much Alex has used and was going to use, her body would never be capable of crossing a tolerance limit. Maybe her body has always needed that medicine more than her, and maybe only her heart has always been this great masochist that has needed this one explicit poison that she had found in Piper. She hadn't been looking for it and yet, she had found it. All these thoughts eventually went into this box Alex once had gotten herself to lock all these things she refused to deal with away, things like her thoughts, her fears, her desires, her dreams, her nightmares, her pain, her hopes, her problems and her love. She has had it for so long that it would probably be covered in dust and would soon enough burst because it was so full. Both, luckily and unfortunately, this box was only existent every time she left the real world and sought refuge in her own world. Maybe Piper wasn't the only one who belonged to a world.

Not after even a minute Alex could feel her cure begin to heal her. The heroin found its way through Alex's lungs almost as easily as Piper with her complete being into her system and the brunette's and her mind's ways parted, the numb, existing drug-addict getting into her zone whilst her mind got stowed away in this old box. The only thing that was still working were her lungs, providing her heart with oxygen, air and the opium becoming the only two things rushing through her veins. Alex finally calmed down. Her back was leaning against the kitchen counter as she was sitting on the wooden floor of her kitchen, her eyes staring through the huge windows but seeing nothing. That was her favourite state. She felt nothing. She saw nothing. She cared about nothing. She thought nothing. She only existed, drifting away from her problems and the dark world, finding solace and peace in her very own. It wasn't as good as Piper, but for this very moment, it was that she forgot and lost her memory.

However, someone was knocking on the door of her world when the sound of her ringtone intruded her zone. If she could, she would groan but all she was able to do was rolling her eyes so slowly as they were so heavy. The loss of track of time became present when Alex was sure that her cellphone would never become silent. In the time it was ringing, she managed to finish the rest of her heroin before she was too annoyed by her mobile to relax.

"I'm coming," she mumbled, talking to herself, something she usually did every time she was stoned.

As she lost her memory, the brunette was struggling to locate her loud, vibrating phone that was getting more and more annoying immensely per second. On her way through the labyrinth that was her home, Alex had to stop in between, resting her arm on tables or chairs or leaning against the walls to stop herself from falling. If somebody saw her like this, if Nicky, her mum or Piper saw her like this right now, she'd know exactly what they'd say and what looks they'd give her. That was an advantage of being alone. Nobody would get to see when you fall. Yet, it was a disadvantage as well because, if you did fall and were alone, nobody would be there to catch you. But Alex was wearing pride as her armor, she didn't need help. Just like Piper who was pretending to be fine on her own.

Piper. Piper. Piper.

Were the drugs falling her?

Piper.

Why was this name present in her zone?

"What the fuck," Alex cursed under her breath, wondering what was going on as she just had shredded every piece of memory.

Was Piper her tolerance limit she believed she didn't have?

Was Piper the queen that conquered even Alex's own world and defeated every soldier Alex's drugs had?

These thoughts were too much for Alex to deal with. And when she tried to push them into her box, they suddenly didn't fit in. It was a nightmare. Suddenly, her high abandoned Alex and for the second time this morning, the black-haired woman found herself being left behind, this time by her other drug. The ropes were sliced through and let Alex fall. Suddenly, the world was upside down. Alex wasn't high, she was low. She wasn't in the sky, she was on the bottom of the ocean. Her peaceful illusion turned into an atrocious nightmare. The ringtone of her mobile was the only connection Alex had to the real world, reminding her that she would wake up soon.

She was no longer escaping from something that wasn't hunting her actively. She became prey and the predator was her own box.

"You are no good, Alex."

"Your mother has cancer."

"You're such a such a fucking selfish, self-absorbed, manipulative asshole."

"She has only a few weeks left."

"You only care about yourself."

"You're a mistake, that's why your father left you before you were even born."

"Go ahead, ruin your life, pop some pills, fuck girls and destroy everything that makes you human, you're doing a pretty good job so far."

"You're a lost cause, Alex. You'll forever be nothing."

"You're not capable of love… Nobody will ever love you…You only love yourself."

Echoes, screams, faces of the persons who reminded her of the truth, who reminded her that sooner or later, she would always return to the real world. Echoes, screams and faces of the persons who reminded her what she was running from, why she escaped into her own world. They had never managed to pass the borders to follow Alex into her paradise but right in this moment, they were bombarding her safe haven and were dragging it and her down the bottomless sea.
She was running away from this darkness that was about to consume her whilst in the real world, her feet were fighting to carry her to her phone that was still ringing aggressively. Alex's body was making it rather hard for them though as her heart that had been caged in the brunette's ribs began to beat so heavily and rapidly that it broke through, making her body shake so violently as if her heart was beating in every fibre of her being. Everything was fleeting inside of her, getting catapulted to the surface after it had been drowning in Alex's box deep down. Every feeling she had swallowed down, every word she had tossed away, every black memory she had buried eventually broke free. It was an overdose. Suddenly, the emerald-eyed woman could feel cold sweat dripping from her forehead. She had no control.

No control over her feelings.

No control over her body.

No control over her mind.

She was so close to her own downfall. The only thing that was still holding her burdened being together somehow was the little thin thread that was her mobile. She was focusing on its sound, finally making out where it was coming from. Yet, her bedroom seemed so far away. If it weren't for the phone, Alex would collapse any second. She had a goal and the rest of her willpower to achieve it. Silencing her damn phone that she thought was the reason her box had exploded and had turned her into this wreck she was right now. She stumbled but her physical pain was nothing compared to all those feelings that have gotten exposed. She was aching, barely breathing, her hands gripping so tightly around things of her apartment because nobody was around to catch her.
It was so hard for her to see as images, memories and faces of the past flashing in front of the green of her eyes. Suddenly, the phrase that "she felt like dying" had gotten a literal meaning. Everyone heard that once you die, you'd see your whole life playing out in front of you like a short video. You'd see the faces of the people who are dear to you, you'd hear them speaking to you barely audible. You'd see bits of your greatest moments. Alex once heard that, too and she refused with her whole being to jump to that one logical conclusion. If she had been in this situation she was in right now a few weeks ago, precisely eight weeks ago, she wouldn't have minded. She would've been fine with it. But now, two months later she had something to live for. She had something worth suffering for. As lifeless as she once had been, Alex's life has gotten filled with a purpose very slowly over the past 8 weeks and although she knew why, she denied this one golden reason.

Finally, the brunette reached her bedroom that was still marked by Piper but all Alex could focus on was her cellphone. Heavily breathing, almost panting, the MMA fighter fell on her knees in front of her nightstand out of exhaustion and with every short breath tiny bits of the life she had so slowly gained left her again rather quickly. As her hand was shaking in rhythm with her heartbeat, the athlete was struggling to grab her phone. Everything was moving. Her hand, her mobile, her whole body, her surroundings. And that she had no control over it increased the speed in which her lifeful soul became lifeless again. As if Alex had found her anchor, she had to exhale deeply when she eventually managed to pick up her phone, a shaky, throaty and almost whispered "Hello" coming out.

"Kiddo?"

If Alex could, she would roll her eyes. Out of all people who could've called her, it was Red.

"What… Do you want?"

And she returned to her primary state, she was lifeless again and with her arrogant question she silenced all these echoes and shoved them back into her box, about to add more to them in the next moments.

She heard a sigh coming from the other line before her former trainer and mentor began, "Are you okay?"

If Alex hadn't been this ignorant asshole she turned into again, she could've heard the big concern in Red's voice. But she had already returned to her own hollow shallows.

"I'm perfectly fine," Alex replied after a short pause, making sure to emphasize the second word.

"Your voice is saying something different."

One part of Piper that was inside of her revealed itself when just like the blonde usually did, Alex huffed. She waited for the other woman to speak up as she had no intention of continuing this conversation. Luckily, Red took the cue and nevertheless tried to reach the little girl that she believed was still somewhere inside of Alex.

"Alex, I'm worried about you. Please talk to me. I haven't heard from you ever since-"

"you kicked me out like a dog? Yeah, I remember," the brunette interrupted, finishing Red's sentence. Although Alex never admitted it, the fact that her own mentor had given up on her had hit her harder than everyone would assume. Piper wasn't the only who could wear masks and build walls to hide.

Another sigh came from the red-haired woman as all her attempts to get to Alex seemed to fail.

"I just did what was best for you. If there had been another way, I would have taken it, you know that."

"Oh I do? Are you sure? Do I really know that? Please spare me with this fucking bullshit Red and tell me what you want."

The sarcasm and the scornfulness were clearly audible in Alex's voice. Being this "fucking selfish, self-absorbed, manipulative asshole" again as Piper had once called her, the brunette finally managed to regain some control. Her heartbeat slowed down, her body became stiff, her mind was clear and silent. She was so good at this that even she herself didn't know who or what she was. Was she really this giant asshole? Or was this just her way to kill her true feelings and to bury her true self as well? What if she wasn't really this selfish piece of shit and actually had feelings that defined her and made her who she truly was? What if she was actually capable of love? And if she was, was she worth of it?

Too many questions and thoughts began to fill her mind and Alex emptied it by putting them into her box.

"Alex, I care about you, I raised you and treated you like my own child when things were falling apart for you. I was there for you, I'll always be there for you. Do you really think that I wanted to push you away?"

Red was trying to drive on the emotional, deep rail but she would soon collide with Alex's cold, soulless train.

"You did. You did push me away," the brunette eventually reminded her after she had to look for the right words. Although she was too deaf, Red nevertheless could hear the pain and disappointment in the dark-haired woman's tone.

"Because I was trying to help! I'm still trying," the older woman clarified.

But Alex wouldn't understand.

"No you're not. Do you know what this is? This is a call to silence your own conscience, so you can be at peace with your guilt. This is what it's all about and don't say shit to me like you care about me and just want for me what is best for me. You don't get to say that after you fucking kicked me out!"
Her last words carried much more meaning than they'd give away as Alex's voice nearly trembled when they fell from her lips. The brunette knew it all too well. As her teachers and other stuck-up pigs had once said to her that "she was a mistake" and would "forever be nothing", the moment Red had turned her back on her were more painful and violent than these words had been. Because that moment was different. It had taken Alex a long time to realise that these words those people had said to her when she had been a kid had been meaningless and would forever be. It hadn't been her fault that those people had been living such desperate and pointless lives that they had the urge to let it out on a little child. This time though, Alex knew; it was her own fault. She fucked up. Red has never been one of those people. Red has always cared about her and her well-being. Red only tore Alex down to make her rise higher than she had been before. And when she had seen that she had let this woman down, she had proved all those goddamn people right. All she was and all she was forever going to be was a mistake.

But those thoughts and this realisation had already been locked up in Alex's box and they had vanished, making space for Alex's ego that was saying and doing all these regretful things.

"Do you really believe that?"

No, was her true answer. She knew that Red was giving her a chance to make herself better, to fix herself, to rescue her from forever being adapted to the ice inside of her. But Alex believed that it was too late.

So she lied.

"Yes."

Although she couldn't see the other woman, Alex knew that she defeatedly nodded her head. Red was right. Alex was her own greatest enemy and she couldn't teach her how to beat it. Only Alex herself was able to do that. That was they thought and both knew, neither of them aware of the angel that had already been sent to Alex that could rescue her. Piper only had to reveal her own wings.

"Well," Red swallowed to keep her own feelings down as well and continued with a final statement in her tone, "if that is what you really believe I guess there's nothing I can do for you."

Red really wanted to help Alex, to pull her together again but she was drifting away, slipping out of her hand and out of her reach. The black-haired woman was growing apart from everything and after this call Red was sure about this assumption.

The brunette knew the meaning of those words but ignored them as she questioned her again out of context, "Why did you call, Red?"

Her walls were up and her box was getting bigger.

"As I already said, I was worried about you. And…" now she won Alex's interest as she could tell that Red definitely called for another reason. "A few days ago some member of the UFC called me and told me about a big tournament in Vegas. He was really eager to get the world-champion into this. I just wanted to let you know that there are some people out there who miss you."

They miss the champion, not me, Alex instantly knew but couldn't read much into this information.

"What does that mean?" she directly asked, wondering if Red was actually about to get her back again.

"It means that you are someone and that people still want you," the red-haired woman knew exactly which words she should use and paused before she added, "but as long as you're not able to see that, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I said no."

To be honest, Alex was actually getting her hopes up before Red violently crashed them down again. She actually missed the fighting, the training, the way people chanted her name, no matter if because they didn't like her or cheered for her. She couldn't believe that her trainer, her former trainer turned down such an opportunity for her.

"You said what?!"

Alex didn't act as if she hadn't heard her Red's words as they were pretty clear. She just couldn't believe them and internally wished that she misunderstood the other woman.

"You're not ready for a comeback. There's not one person who doesn't know that you and I are on a break and if you won't come back stronger than you were, it will be your downfall."

Alex already had one downfall today and although she didn't need another one, she refused to acknowledge the sense in Red's words.

"I can make my own decisions. You're no longer my trainer Red or, as you said it, you and I are on a break. I'll fight."

"No you won't," Red immediately told her with this serious trainer tone Alex knew too well.

"You're not in the position to decide for me. Not anymore," before Alex continued, she hesitated, having an inner fight with herself if she should really say those things that were about to come out of her mouth. Her enemy was stronger than her though.

"You know what? You never really saw the talent in me. You always saw less in me although we both know that I'm so much more. You always dragged me down. Honestly Red? I'm so much better off without you. I don't need you to better myself. I could've already been the best if you hadn't made me so much worse. You're the reason I fucked up."

With every word that had fallen from her lips, they had burned so much that every single one had left a mark on them. She internally wished that Red believed those words more than Alex because she didn't. She actually meant the opposite. If she hadn't found shelter in Red's gym, she would've been the worst. And now, as the red-haired woman was no longer around, she was on her way to become the worst. It wasn't Red who fucked Alex's life up but the brunette herself.

She couldn't tell if Red was speechless, or hurt, or aware of the fact that Alex was blatantly lying because her response couldn't give away anything.

"Maybe you're right Alex."

"About what?!" the brunette instantly asked but got no response when the line turned dead, just like her.

Piper really hoped that her day was going to end better than it had started. Last night she had again gotten dangerously close to Alex, too close and another thing she had in common with the brunette was that she didn't know how to deal with feelings, closure and emotional stuff, too. After she had made sure that the dark-haired woman had fallen into a deep sleep, she had sneaked out of her tight embrace and out of her apartment. Her driver had picked her up from a corner nobody could have seen her and when she had arrived home, she hadn't even had time to go back to sleep. As her break had been eventually over, the blonde had to work again and although this was the first week, it was already stressful. Today she had to walk at the Pre-Opening for the coming Fashion-Week. All she had had time for this morning had been to take a quick shower. Although her body had been clean after it, her skin has still been marked by Alex.

Her fingertips and hands and lips remained engraved in it whilst the brunette was plaguing her mind as well. Piper actually began to get used to the raven-haired woman occupying her mind as all of her thoughts would circle and revolve around Alex. It had become a normal thing. So she had given up to fight it and simply accepted it, yet hasn't given in to admit anything to anybody. Most things were still the same. Piper still didn't like Alex. She just liked to fuck her and to be fucked by her. She just liked to use her to distract herself from her loneliness. She just liked the fact that every time she would be in the need of company, someone would be around to keep hers. And that someone simply happened to be Alex. Alex just happened to be around every time Piper needed to get off and out of the darkness that had been consuming her. If she had to define what Alex and she were, she'd say that they were soulless soulmates or, heartless lovers. Every time they were together, their bodies matched perfectly and everything seemed to fall into place. And as both insisted that this thing that was going on between them was only about physical needs without any feelings or emotions or deeper meaning involved, neither of them had to pretend. They knew what they wanted from each other and what their bodies craved for. Alex knew Piper's body and Piper knew Alex's. Yet, neither of them had confirmed nor neglected anything. They never really talked to each other and if they actually did, they would say mean things and piss each other off. And the only way to shut each other up was to silence the other by reclaiming their mouth and by the end of the night, the only thing either of them said was the other person's name. 'Fuck you's would turn into 'Fuck me's and 'You're a fucking asshole' would turn into 'You're fucking beautiful'. If somebody saw how Alex and Piper interacted, nobody would suspect that something was going on between them. They would see them as nemeses, arch enemies who were constantly fighting and reminding the other how much they hated each other. Yet, love and hate were the most passionate feelings a person can have. And as much as they believed to hate each other, the love they could have for the other would be even greater.

"I like hot girls, and I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say? I'm shallow," a voice quoted Piper that echoed through her dressing room.

Without turning around, Piper's eyes remained on the mirror to look at Polly who had just walked into her room. It was a habit for Piper to have her best friend around every time she would have a photoshoot or a fashion show the model had to represent clothes at. The blonde raised a brow at her friend and just shrugged before she returned her gaze on her own reflection in the mirror. She knew that Polly would speak up any second to discuss the interview Piper had had after she had returned to New York.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you bi? Are you gay? Are you horny 24/7? Since when have you been into girls? Why didn't you tell me about it?" Polly began to ramble.

Whilst her best friend was eagerly waiting for a clear confirmation from Piper and was already about to ask her next questions, the blonde wasn't interested in making a big fuss about it. Sure, she was a professional and maybe her answer to the questions that had come up ever since she had been seen with her fellow model in Italy hadn't been as slick, the model actually didn't really care. Because of Alex. It was all about and because of Alex. It had been her intention to be seen with her co-worker. And she had achieved her goal when her paths had crossed the brunette's again who had seen these pictures and had heard about Piper on the news as well. And it had ended in her favor when the emerald-eyed beauty had taken her home.

When the blonde was about to speak up, the door to her room swung open another time when one of the members of her agency informed her that her stylists was already expecting her.

"What can I say? I'm shallow," Piper repeated her own words from the interview and slightly smirked at her friend, leaving a confused and stuttering Polly behind when she made her way to her make-up artists.

Of course Polly followed her, not willing to simply forget about it. The golden-haired woman eventually reached her destination and took a seat, her azure eyes falling shut for a moment.

"I'm serious about this, Pipe. I'm your best friend and I should be the first person you would talk to."

It always amused Piper how Polly was literally this little girl who would play with dolls and would have this weird obsession to be saved by a knight in a golden armor on a white horse from the evil dragon. She loved her nevertheless and opened her eyes to see in the mirror the reflection of a concerned Polly standing behind her.

"I'm sorry, next time you'll be the first one, I promise," Piper assured her and the way she made it sound like it was nothing drove Polly crazy. Although the two friends never really had too much in common, they still got along very well. Especially because Polly could tell every time something was bothering her best friend or if she was hiding something from her. She couldn't read her like this one certain raven-haired woman but nonetheless could see if Piper was trying not to deal with something. Because every time her best friend refused to, she would leave.

"Who is she?" Polly eventually asked after she had put one and one together. And she knew she hit the right spot when the expression on the blonde's face instantly changed, her brows pulled together and her nose wrinkled.

"Who is who?" the blonde asked, too casually though and her attempt to play all innocent failed.

When she received no response from her shorter friend, Piper eventually turned her head to gaze at her, seeing a grin on Polly's face.

"The one you went home with when you were out with your model friends," Piper's eyes did what she couldn't do right and left her friend's figure who continued as she shifted her position to stand beside her, "Yes, they told me. They said that you ran into someone on your way to the club and never actually came back. Who is the mysterious person? Is it a woman? I asked them if they knew who the person was you left them for but nobody could really tell me. They just said something like he or she looked like a hobo… Are you a junkie, Piper?!"

Polly's question made Piper almost jump in her chair but instead her eyes immediately shot up at her and she saw that she was more serious about this than Piper would've guessed.

"What? No!"

Alex was a junkie. Yet, knowing that those other models called the brunette a 'hobo' made her actually furious. As much as Piper had insulted Alex, she wasn't okay with anyone else insulting the dark-haired woman. It was far from okay. And she was more than furious because of it, her temper beginning to break through.

"Who said that?" the blonde asked, nearly gritting her teeth.

"I, I, I dunno," Polly stuttered as she knew that her friend was getting angry. "I just asked them and they told me what they saw. It's not like you would talk to me."

The blonde sighed and closed her eyes before she slowly calmed down again whilst her make-up artist started to prepare her for the show. Silence surrounded them but that moment wouldn't last long when Piper's stylist lifted her blonde hair and freed the skin that had been covered. And when Polly's eyes fell on the newly exposed skin, her eyeballs nearly fall out.

"Oh my god," she gasped.

Whilst Piper tried to relax and to enjoy the few moments of calmness and silence before the show, her eyes remained closed and she only opened her mouth to ask, "What?"

When she didn't get a response from her friend, the model reluctantly broke the calm moment she had had and looked up at her friend who had an expression on her face that made Piper uncomfortable. Polly's shit-eating grin was huge and made the blonde furrow her brows. She was still waiting for an answer but instead, Polly just pointed with her index finger at her collar bone. Sighing, the blonde rolled her eyes before they dropped to the spot on her skin her friend had indicated. And the thing she saw caught her breath in her throat.

"No," Piper said as if her word could remove the big mark Alex had left on her.

"Yes," her friend replied with a playful tone in her voice.

The blonde's fingers traced over the hickey over her collarbone to prove to herself that it was real. Fuck you, Alex were the words she'd say to the brunette if she were around right now. Alex branded her, marked her, left her sign on Piper to make everyone see that she was hers.

"Spill it out, Pipe."

Wide-eyed, the golden-haired woman shot a glance at her stylist first, telling him with her eyes that he had to cover it up. Then her eyes wandered over to Polly who was grinning so stupidly that Piper had to roll her eyes.

Before she could say anything though, Faye walked by and of course, saw the hickey as well. Alex had made sure that everyone was going to see it.

"I guess Alex must have really missed you," the model commented and made everything worse.

"Alex?!" Polly instantly exclaimed as she had gotten a name, finally able to continue her investigation. "Who is Alex?"

"Piper's not-girlfriend girlfriend."

The blonde already buried her face in her palm, mentally kicking Faye in the face. Although she didn't want to answer any of her friend's questions, she definitely didn't want her one-night stand to speak for her.

"Don't you have to go somewhere, Faye?" Piper eventually asked her, the tone of her voice making her question sound like a threat.

The other model chuckled, throwing one last glance at Piper to wink at her as she praised her, "Good to know that you know my name by now," and finally left the two friends.

Another sigh left Piper's mouth and she didn't even need to look at her best friend to see her completely dumbfounded face. Instead, she simply waited and it didn't take her friend even a second to say, "What the hell was she talking about? And even more important-Who is Alex?!"

"Nobody."

"Ghosts can't kiss you so hard that your skin turns purple and blue, Piper," Polly immediately deadpanned as she was far from willing to drop the topic.

As the blonde was trying her best to ignore her best friend, the shorter woman eventually didn't need any explanation or confirmation from Piper when she jumped to her own conclusion.

"No way," she spoke up after she had solved the mystery.

Back when they had happened to go to this one MMA fight a while ago, Polly had actually only been joking. But now she knew that her jokes were more than empty banter.

Piper's brows were in a thin line again and Polly explained, "I can't believe it. I was right! I've been right the whole time! How long?"

"Polly," the blonde sighed before she added, "what are you talking about? How long what?"

"How long have you been fucking Alex Vause?"

The way Piper's face instantly dropped as her eyes grew was enough proof for Polly. The model saw in the mirror how her stylist shot a glance at her, stopping what he was doing for a second before he saw that Piper caught him looking at her, telling him with a threatening look that he was supposed to keep his mouth shut.

"Calm down, Polly!" she hushed her friend as she looked around to check if anyone else was in earshot.

This time, it was Polly who was waiting for Piper to speak up. And she eventually did when she told her best friend, "There's nothing going on between her and me, alright?"

Nothing.

It was a lie and Polly knew her best friend all too well. And she also knew that Piper was a bad liar. Yet, she decided to give the blonde some rest and lifted her hands, surrendering but giving her friend one last look so she didn't have to remind Piper that she knew her.

Although Piper didn't know what Alex and she were or, if they even were anything, she did know that they weren't nothing. It was just too hard to admit it.

Their long days eventually came to an end. It was between one and two o'clock at night when Piper was finally free to go home. Again, she had made everyone fall head over heels with love in her when she had been walking the stage up and down in this exaggeratedly expensive clothing. Although she was more than looking forward to drop onto her bed and to actually get some sleep, she pulled her phone out when she was making her way from the elevator to the front door of her apartment. The blonde opened her contacts, unbeknownst to her that she didn't need to make this one phone call when she was all alone as the person whose number she intended to call was already there. This time though, it wasn't Piper who needed to be saved.

The model didn't see the other person at first as the automatic lights lately needed a few more seconds to eventually turn on. When the lightness revealed her and diminished Piper's darkness that had already been wrapping its fingers around the blonde, she actually jumped.

"What are you doing here?!" the model instantly asked, obviously surprised.

This was the point Piper officially knew, Alex wasn't only able to see through her. The brunette was also able to read her.

"I, I don't know."

Alex immediately shot up from the floor and was standing in front of Piper, their eyes finding each other easily.

"Are you high?" the blonde asked, trying to destroy every possible emotional intimacy that had been between them more than once.

"No!" the emerald-eyed woman instantly answered as she was aware in which direction Piper was heading. Yet, she also knew that her face would bust her. Because her skin was whiter than the coke she would snort and her eyes were redder than her blood that she would mix with heroin and her light green eyes were pale as they had lost its colour and looked ice blue. "Yes… I mean, I was? Before I came here?"

She sighed, seeing how the expressions on Piper's face altered. Alex had to be careful with the choice of her words.

"Alex," Piper eventually began, shaking her head as she was more than confused. "Why are you here?"

The brunette's jade-green eyes pierced their way through Piper's walls and her words managed to make them crumble.

"Honestly? I didn't know where to go… I actually wanted to go home but I kinda ended up here… It doesn't make sense, does it?"

Ever since the dark-haired woman had stepped into Piper's life, nothing has made sense anymore. Because Alex made Piper question everything.

"Not really," the blonde replied, her eyes absolutely empty and at the same time full of wonder.

While Alex had already looked Piper up and down the moment she had come in, it took some more time for the blonde to study the other woman who again was looking so attractive that it was unfair. Although she was only wearing some tight casual jeans and a normal top that was covered by this leather jacket Piper had been familiar with, she looked gorgeous nevertheless. The blonde had to collect enough willpower to eventually manage to stop herself from staring and she needed even more to actually focus.

"How did you even get in?" the model asked as this building was guarded all the time.

She saw a small smile tugging at the corner of Alex's lips who explained, "Through the back door. And I might or might not have paid your doorkeeper some money."

The two women were still facing each other and although both would agree that there was too much distance between them and too many clothes on them, neither of them knew how to deal with this situation. It was getting out of their hands. Even though this thing between the two of them was on its best way to become a routine, Piper knowing Alex only by night and Alex letting Piper use her to distract herself from her demons, this moment was on another level. Piper had been about to call Alex as she had gotten lonely again and had found out that this call had been unnecessary. The brunette had already found her way to Piper. Literally. Because after Alex had had this rough and shitty day, she had swallowed more pills that had dragged her emotions with them and had gone out to some fancy clubs nearly unconscious. And although her perfect girlfriend had gotten her high, Alex somehow had been on autopilot as her feet had led her to Piper who could easily turn Alex's perfect girlfriend into an ex. Simply because Piper was the best drug Alex had ever used.

When the dark-haired woman began to adjust her glasses and eventually put them on top of her head, Piper had to inhale deeply as if she found some composure in the thin air between them. She really didn't know what to do. She sucked at dealing with emotional chaos because although she usually would avoid it by simply leaving, that was no option for her. When Alex told her indirectly that Piper was the only person she could turn to, her emerald eyes revealed so much more. They were tired. And the way the brunette was staring at her the whole time, Piper knew that she didn't come to talk.

Although Piper still hasn't forgotten that Alex was no good and a drug-addict and an asshole and driving her crazy, she silenced her mind with her words, "Do you want to come in?"

Whilst the blonde reluctantly took her eyes off the other woman to unlock her door with her trembling hand, Alex didn't step aside, her body remaining in front of the door Piper was trying to open and her eyes projecting its pale green on the model's face. She just wanted to be sure that Piper didn't misinterpreted anything. The reason she came wasn't because she wanted to talk about God and the world. Her day had been terrible and only Piper was able to better her night. With her lips, with her moans, with her hands, with her tongue, with her skin and all those other addictive traits that replaced Alex's heroin and coke.

"Piper."

Her name came out throaty and low and when the door finally flew open, Piper's eyes shot up at the raven-haired woman again who added, "I didn't come here to talk."

"I didn't invite you in to talk," the blonde clarified, letting Alex know that she had the same intention.

And Piper's body confirmed her statement when her lips crushed on Alex's bruised and yet soft ones to keep any other words from coming out as her hands gripped the brunette's collar and pushed her into her apartment to keep her from leaving.

'Cause the least I deserve is no conversation,
I been struggling all week
I'd rather be your enemy
than any friend you think I would be

The most of their clothes were off in the blink of an eye before they even managed to get upstairs to Piper's bed. Their hands were exploring the exposed skin whilst their lips were consuming each other, Alex finally about to get this overdose she had been craving for all day. The only thing that filled the silence between them were Piper's soft moans that escaped her mouth every time Alex bit and sucked on her neck. Somehow they managed to reach the blonde's bed and when Piper sat down on the end of it as the other woman was standing in front of her between her legs, her jade-green eyes telling her that she was the most beautiful thing they had ever fallen on. As the brunette was towering her, Piper lifted her hands to rest them softly on Alex's sides and when they wandered up, the standing woman leaned down to connect their lips and let herself be pulled down on the bed. Alex's bra was instantly off and she knew she would have to search for it when she'd leave.

Their flash fronts met when the woman underneath Alex dragged her impossibly closer, her tongue tracing over the brunette's bottom lip. Of course Alex granted access and whilst their tongues were battling, she used her hand to unclasp Piper's bra as well and tossed it across the room. And when she did, something cracked in the blonde's apartment as Alex might have hit something with Piper's underwear. Neither cared though, their focus on worshipping each other's bodies. While their lips were far from willing to let each other go, the woman on top wandered her hand over Piper's smooth skin before it settled on her chest. Only the feeling of Alex's fingertips on her skin would be enough for the golden-haired woman to fly sky high. She wouldn't need any sweet words from Alex, although she appreciated them nevertheless. If somebody told her that Alex would be able to perform magic, she wouldn't question it. Because the way the dark-haired woman perfectly knew where to touch Piper and where to kiss her as if she knew Piper's body by heart was simply inexplicable. They might have spent two long nights together and a short morning and yet, it was like they had known each other a lifetime, as if they found each other in a heartbeat in another life, in another universe, as if they were soulmates. But as Piper had already figured, they both were soulless.

When Alex broke the intense contact for a short moment to put her glasses away, she saw the big mark she had left nonetheless.

"Is that a hickey?" she asked whilst Piper was heavily breathing underneath her as she lusted for the woman on top of her.

Her azure eyes opened slowly, not because of Alex's question but rather because she was wondering why the brunette's lips weren't on hers again. She saw a mischievous smirk ghosting over Alex's face who was looking proudly at the colourful spot near Piper's collarbone.

"Yes Dracula," the blonde commented and informed the other woman, "It was really hard to hide it."

Alex chuckled at this and although her voice was usually raspy and low, her soft laughter was light and as beautiful as the noises the dark-haired woman made every time she came.

"Did anyone else see it?"

"Yes," Piper breathed out whilst she she brushed her fingers over Alex's abdomen.

The woman that was hovering her nodded and eventually returned her gaze on Piper and before she kissed her hard and deep, she whispered against her lips, "Good."

The rest of their clothes were ripped off, too and when Alex thought it was time to kiss Piper's other lips, she left a trail of kisses on the blonde's front before she finally rested her head between the other woman's legs. She kissed her everywhere except for where the blonde needed her the most and heard soft whimpers coming from her. Alex's hands were gripping tightly around her thighs and every time her breath hit Piper's core, her hips arched up and her body was impatiently shaking. And her voice was impatiently pleading, "Fuck… Alex."

Piper wasn't the only impatient one though. If Alex had to live off only one thing for the rest of her life, she would Piper in an instant. The way she smelled and the way she tasted was simply heavenly. Just like Piper who'd reach her paradise every time Alex would dive into her, Alex would follow her.

"Say one more word and I'll stop," Alex eventually warned before she sticked her tongue between Piper's wet lips.

By the way Piper's body was trembling underneath her Alex could tell that she wanted to moan. But every word would stop her because Alex truly didn't want to talk. She hated talking. Especially about feelings and fears and bad days. All she wanted was to get into her zone. And she would if she entered Piper.

As the blonde wasn't allowed to talk, her body did and shook violently as her hips lifted from the sheets every time Alex's tongue went deeper. With every lick and curl of it Alex got another dose of Piper who was so close to the edge. Every motion of her tongue hit the right spot and made it so easy for Alex to make Piper cum without a word.

When Alex licked the rest of the blonde's juices, she placed one last kiss on her clit before she crawled up to Piper. And she looked so beautiful that Alex was about to tell her a third time that she was. But this night was supposed to remain silent. She didn't want to talk. So she told her with a gentle and passionate kiss all those things she refused to say.

I'm just trying to kiss your neck without a word
I'm just trying to lay you down without a word
I'm just trying to get you high without a word
I'm just trying to make you cum without a word

Please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me, get what I want this time

It was probably still the middle of the night as the moon and the stars were the only light illuminating the blonde's bedroom when Alex eventually talked. She was asleep though and those things that left her mouth made Piper realise that the woman next to her was having a nightmare. They had passed out after Piper had kissed and sucked on every part of Alex's body and when the model woke up, the dark-haired woman was lying with her back to her whilst she was muttering nonsense and her body was shaking. The nonsense was horrible though as Alex repeatedly said things like 'please, no' and sharp breaths interrupted her other words. Although Piper was slightly surprised to find Alex sleeping next to her as they both had gotten what they had wanted, it was her instinct to reach for the brunette's shoulder to carefully rest her hand on it.

With the softest tone her voice could make, Piper whispered Alex's name into the space between them. Alex's body kept trembling nevertheless and the blonde who had been lying on her back shifted her weight onto her side and propped herself up on her left elbow, her right hand still on Alex's shoulder, the skin underneath her it unusually hot as the dark-haired woman's body was normally ice-cold.

"Alex," she said again as she inched closer to the black mane that covered Alex's ear.

Her hand eventually intensified its grip and began to shake the brunette to wake her up from her bad dream. When Alex's muttering grew louder and the nervous movements of her body seemed to increase its speed and intensity, the golden-haired woman finally managed to stop them with one final strong whisper of the other woman's name.

When she heard a deep breath quickly escaping Alex's throat that seemed to have taken a bit of the nightmare with it, Piper scooted closer to see the side of the face of the woman next to her.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay," she assured Alex and the way she said it actually made the broken woman believe that she was okay.

Only for a short moment though because when the brunette managed to slowly calm down, her mind began to function and she realised that she was in the wrong bed, in the wrong room. And Piper witnessed her having one of those haunting, devilish, dark nightmares. Nothing was okay.

When she could feel under the touch of her hand that Alex's heavy breathing slowed down, her hand dropped but didn't leave Alex's body. It wandered from her shoulder over her back, with her fingertips gently stroking Alex's salt shaker tattoo. Although she wondered why the brunette had gotten this motive inked onto her skin, she could wait for an explanation. Instead, she asked her something else, something more important in this moment.

"How often do you have such… dreams?"

Piper didn't dare to say 'nightmares' as she feared saying this word would make Alex leave in an instant because suddenly, she didn't want her to leave.

"It's nothing," Alex replied, obviously still holding onto her 'No Talking' rule.

Although her back was still facing the blonde, Alex knew she was staring at her, expectantly waiting for an appropriate answer. She sighed but didn't shift when she lied, "It's the drugs."

Well, to be correct, it wasn't a lie but it also wasn't completely the truth. These nightmares that have been haunting her for longer than she could actually remember would be triggered by many things and would intensify every time Alex would get absolutely stoned. Yet, those disturbing images and horrendous voices could never stop her from her drug abuse. Alex and sleep had never been friends. Most nights Alex would roll from one side to another, never finding real peace, getting up in the morning after another sleepless night. She'd only fall asleep for some time if she killed her mind by some pills or some hits. And if the price for a short night of some sleep were those nightmares, she'd pay it.

As forward as Piper has been ever since Alex had met her, she could've expected this question coming from her.

"Why do you use them if you have nightmares because of them?"

Because before Piper, they had been the perfect girlfriend. They had understood Alex without any need of a conversation. They had supported Alex without any doubt. They had been there for Alex when no else had been. But now Alex realised that Piper's question was actually justified. Piper had taken their place. Piper could be this perfect girlfriend Alex had once found in the drugs. Piper was the one who understood Alex when the dark-haired woman didn't want to talk. Piper helped Alex to wake up from her nightmare. Piper offered Alex shelter when no one else was there for the brunette.

Yet, as much as her life had changed in such a short amount of time, Alex wouldn't change this easily. She was still a closed-up, coldhearted asshole. So when she turned to Piper and rolled over to face her, she gave her an expressionless look before she asked, "Can we talk about something else?"

And what made Piper even more this perfect girlfriend she could be was the fact that she was just as emotionless, lifeless and hollow as Alex.

"We don't have to talk at all."

This response was simply meant to drag Alex physically closer and, to her still unbeknownst, emotionally as well, and she was climbing on top of the golden-haired woman again, silencing her with an ardent kiss to avert any possible word from ruining this moment.