Not the chapter I was originally planning on posting, but it's fucking Christmas, people! After I was done it kind of reminded me of that one oneshot I did about the letters… oh well.
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Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: July 17th, 1925
First off, I am only keeping this stupid log because Maes wouldn't shut up about it. Women are the ones supposed to be doing this kind of thing. I don't mean to sound sexist, but I'm not the type to keep a journal. But here I am, writing in this damn thing. But that's not the point; the point is keeping tabs on my wife.
Okay, so she's not my wife yet, a minor technicality. We're working out the plans, but she wants to be married on New Year's Day. Thinks there's something symbolic about it. I honestly don't care when the date is, I just want those bastards on the street to stop eyeing her. Honestly, ever since she got pregnant it's like she's emitting this aphrodisiac to everywhere within a ten-mile radius. I know it sounds evil, but I can't wait until she starts to show. That should show them.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: July 21st, 1925
Those little bastards made a pool. I just found out about it. I can't believe them, gambling about my future son/daughter. I honestly hope it's a boy. I don't care about this whole battle of the genders thing; I'm just really looking forward to having a little son to teach him how to play baseball and how to pick up girls and all those fatherly things. I just know that if it's a girl then I'm gonna get all overprotective and manic and Liz will hit me. And that will hurt. I've put the bets below:
Helmed- March 16, boy, nine and a half pounds
John- March 17th, girl, eight pounds exactly. He says he's determined to win his twenty bucks back, whatever that means.
Ed and Al: March 24th, boy, nine pounds
Kai: March 2nd, girl, seven pounds
Whoever wins I'm adding it to their tab. That should teach them not to gamble.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: August 11th, 1925
Well, it's started. Liz is now incredibly horny, all the time. It's not like I'm complaining or anything, far from it, this is awesome, but she's got a knack for picking the worst possible times. Unlike when she could wait until closing hours and when all the guests were asleep (and even then she needed some seducing), now she feels the need to drag me away from customers, into the break room, and on the couch before I can even say 'What?'. Even though it's damn inconvenient, I have to say, GOD is it sexy…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: August 19th, 1925
I am now stuck in a myriad of nonstop sex. Liz literally can not keep herself to herself. Now I don't feel bad, because I'm not the horny one anymore. Now SHE'S the one who has to seduce ME. I must say she's incredibly good at it. Or maybe I'm just easy. Doesn't matter, the end result is basically the same.
Must go, Liz is calling me, and I think I know what she wants…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: September 2nd, 1925
Maes is insisting he read my pregnancy log. It's not like I hate the guy, but I really don't feel like informing him on the details of the sex life of me and my soon-to-be-wife. Honestly, doesn't he ever go to work?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: September 12th, 1925
Maes stole my log. He says not to worry, Gracie's going through the same thing, but doesn't he have any sense of privacy? He was laughing at the pool. LAUGHING. He says he's adding on his bet. I hope he loses by a country mile, the little fucker.
Maes- March 3rd, girl, six and a half pounds
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: September 25th, 1925
The sex is over. Now she's just freaking out. I miss the sex. Now I'm just consoling her all the time, telling her she's going to be a great mom and that she's not going to beat the child and all these random, impossible things. GOD do I miss the sex…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: September 26th, 1925
Did I mention I REALLY miss the sex?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: October 17th, 1925
Okay, now she's going over names. I am serious. We have six whole months left! But six months is starting to seem like less and less. These past three have been like snapping my fingers. So far Liz has come up with, like twenty names. I'm putting my favorites here.
Girl:
Margaret
Katherinne
Delilah
May
Mae (I don't see the difference, but Liz says there is one. Never argue with a pregnant woman. It hurts.)
Emily
Rose
Rebecca
Lilith
Raine
Ella
Boy:
Liam
Koen
William
Arthur
Emery
Joss
Oliver
Henry
And there's more. If I had to choose, I'd go with Liam. Or Delilah. Those are my top two.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: November 25th, 1925
There is a very good reason I have not written in this thing for so long. I have just had to put up with the unexpected arrival of Liz's father. Needless to say, it ended terribly. Somehow or another he found out about Liz being pregnant, and he went mental. GOD did I want to hit him. I did. It was great. I had to send everyone home, after the man came barging into my bar coming up with all sorts of accusations. He was talking about dragging her away back to Koblenz, bringing shame to the family name, being a little hussy and so on and so forth. Maes had to hold back John and Helmed, which I must say looked like a chore. Ed, however, got in a few good punches. I've never been more proud. Honestly, this man has got to be the most infuriating human being I have ever met, which is saying a lot, knowing Maes and Ed. I have no idea how Liz put up with him for so long.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: November 25th ½, 1925
Now I know. Liz ran away from home when she was fifteen. She was crying about it. It might be the hormones, I don't know, but I've never seen her more upset. Well for a while he was all the family she had, and watching him talk to her like that must have been painful. I have no idea what she must have gone through. Why hadn't I ever asked before? She knows almost everything about me, why don't I know almost anything about her? Right now she's in the bathroom, but when she gets back I'm going to ask her to tell me everything about her. And I'm not going to let her leave until she does.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: November 26th, 1925
Wow. I just… wow. Liz is probably the unluckiest person I have ever met in my life. There's a ton of stuff I don't feel like repeating… let alone remembering. Liz is asleep now, she's been crying for hours. I'm going to go back to bed. Must make sure I don't wake her up…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 5th, 1925
Wow, having the wedding on New Years was a great idea. I have no idea how we're going to get all the preparations for the wedding AND for Christmas all within days of each other. Well, writing in this journal isn't going to solve anything. I've got to go get presents, rings, and food supplies. Not necessarily in that order.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 6th, 1925
WHAT AM I GOING TO GET LIZ FOR CHRISTMAS???
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 7th, 1925
WHAT AM I GOING TO GET LIZ FOR CHRISTMAS????????
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 8th, 1925
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GOING TO GET LIZ FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 9th, 1925
Please shoot me.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 10th, 1925
I know what I'm getting her. A crib, a new apron, and a lifetime supply of Coca-Cola.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 11th, 1925
Never mind. That's stupid.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 12th, 1925
Why is it always so hard to shop for Liz?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 13th, 1925
I saw what she's getting me. A hat. A seriously, seriously nice hat, because I don't have one. FUCK!
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 14th, 1925
Okay, I found something really, really, really nice. It's a really lacey little doll, because she said she had some as a kid. One of the things she took with her when she ran away was this really nice antique doll comb that her mother gave her. So now I'm wondering how I'm gonna pay for this thing. I mean it's like, seriously expensive. Well, there's got to be something around here that I can hock…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 15th, 1925
I officially have absolutely nothing of value that I can sell. Unless you count John. But who would buy him? Maybe some really, really, really lonely woman…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 16th, 1925
I just got a check in the mail for seventy-five bucks. Apparently it's some tax refund thing from years ago, but I don't care because I now have enough money for Liz's present!
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 17th, 1925
What if she doesn't like it?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 18th, 1925
No, that's impossible. She'll love it.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 19th, 1925
Right?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 20th, 1925
Five days until Christmas. Twelve days until my wedding.
Fuck.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 21st, 1925
I just got a card from my sisters, wishing me a Merry Christmas and happy upcoming nuptials. Which, surprise surprise, they won't be able to come to. Not that I was planning on inviting them anyway… How is everyone finding out about the wedding, anyway?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 22nd, 1925
Oh God. Today was one of the scariest days of my life. Liz went into false labor, I seriously thought she was gonna miscarry. And do you know the survival ratings for a miscarriage at her age? Not a lot. She's still recuperating, but God did I nearly have a heart attack. Here come the doctors…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 22nd ½, 1925
The baby will be fine. There were just some premature contractions. I just called John and the others, they're on the way here and they're almost as scared as I am.
And I found out how come everyone knows about the wedding. Turns out John has been sending letters to everyone. Except Liz's father, he must've intercepted one of them.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 22nd ¾, 1925
Liz is insisting that she's fine and that she can go home. The doctors are hesitant, but say she can be home for Christmas. Which is good, because I think she's really going to like her gift…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 24th, 1925
We're about to go open presents downstairs. Please, please, if there is a God, please let Liz like my gift… I don't want to be out a hundred-twenty bucks… I really don't…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 24th ½, 1925
She loves it. I am so getting laid tonight.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 25th, 1925
Liz is in the corner primping her doll. She really loves it, and says it will be a great heirloom for the baby. She seems so sure it's going to be a girl…
Well, must go, getting married in seven days…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 26th, 1925
I am getting married in six days.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 26th, 1925
Oh my God I am getting married in five days…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 27th, 1925
I am getting married in four days. What if she hates me? Oh God, she hates me, doesn't she? She hates me and we're getting married, dear God why am I doing this, she'll never marry me, God, and we're going to have a fucking BABY…
Holy fuck.
I just realized that we are going to have a baby.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 31st, 1925
I am getting married tomorrow. To the most beautiful person in the world. I am getting married tomorrow. Oh God, did they get the inscriptions right? Please let them have gotten the inscriptions right…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 31st, 1925, 11:01 PM
I am getting married. I must sleep.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 31st, 1925, 11:36 PM
I cannot sleep. I am getting married.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: December 31st, 1925, 11:57 PM
Three minutes until the New Year. Three minutes until my wedding day.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 1st, 1926, 12:02 AM
It is officially my wedding day. I think I'm going to pass out.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 1st, 1926
Well, it is official. I am married.
I am MARRIED.
I am officially a married man.
I'm so getting laid tonight.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 11th, 1926
It's amazing how good it feels, knowing that now I can walk wherever I want, knowing that I have a wife, knowing that now all the bastards that look at her on the street have no fucking chance, and the looks on their faces when they see the wedding ring is hilarious. And only three months until I become a father.
I think I'm going to pass out again.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 13th, 1926
I thought Liz was hormonal before, it was NOTHING compared to this. I've asked Ed and Al to run the Nutcracker for a little while, they can handle it, at least Al can. And I don't have to worry about the alcohol thing, because Al isn't of age and Edward is afraid that it'll stunt his growth. I have three months to go. Only three months. Three whole months. And then I'm going to be a dad.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 15th, 1926
What if I'm the worst father ever? What if I turn out like Liz's father, all psycho and paranoid and reclusive and angry and alcoholic and abusive… I don't want to do this. I can't do this. But this isn't about me. It's about Liz and this baby. And no matter what I do, it's going to affect them. So shut the hell up Meier and get out there and be a damn husband to your damn wife…
I need a drink.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: January 24th, 1926
I can't write in this thing as much anymore, there's a lot more baby stuff to do than I originally thought. Gracie has to throw a shower for Liz, Maes is taking everyone out for drinks (Like they really need any more), We need to buy clothes and make hospital preparations and get everything ready for the first few weeks at home…
But hey, we've got two months, right?
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 3rd, 1926
I was wrong we have one month. And maybe not even that, maybe she'll be premature. She could have the baby any minute. What if she has it, like, RIGHT NOW. What would I do? I'm not prepared for this. I love Liz more than anything in the world but I don't know if I can handle it… God, I've had eight months to prepare for this thing and I'm still not ready.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 10th, 1926
Liz is due in two weeks. Ed and Al say they're ready to be called upon in case we can't get to the hospital on time (They say they've delivered a baby before. I don't want to know the details, but I'll take their word for it), Gracie and Maes are all ready to be godparents, I've got all the beds and a crib prepared, there's plenty of alcohol on hand for me and the hospital is ready for us. Now all we need is for ME to be ready…
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 15th, 1926
Did you know a healthy, full-term pregnancy can be two weeks longer or shorter than the intended due date? She could literally have the baby RIGHT NOW.
I need another drink.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 24th, 1926
I have no idea what I'm going to do. The baby is due in a week.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: February 25th, 1926
You know what? I think I'm ready for this. Whatever happens happens, right? I'll just have to do the best that I can and hope that it's enough. Liz is giving it her all, and really, she's been so incredibly great, if it were me I'd be collapsing left and right but even through all the shit she's handled it way better than anyone else ever could have. She's so amazing, really. So I've got to be just like her, that's all, take all the shit life throws me and throw it right back. I can totally do this. I really can.
Now to go find Liz.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: March 1st, 1926
Liz just went into labor.
Roy Meier Pregnancy Log: March 2nd, 1926
I am now a father.
Delilah Hope Meier, seven pounds, born March 2nd, 1926 at two o' clock in the morning. She's so beautiful, really, it's like my heart is melting when I look at her. She has her mother's eyes, I can tell. And I think she'll have my hair. I tell you, this girl hit the genetic jackpot.
Hey, Kai won the bet.
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Hey… until halfway through I forgot to change it from Mustang to Meier. I'm so smart.
I took all the dates and weights from my family members, plus a couple of names. Delilah is my cousin and Hope is my name. Also, guess which birthday is mine? It's really great being German, you know all the names and cities already.
MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU OLD CRAZY HEADS!