Disclaimer (Robin): RLS-san does not own One Piece.
Me: Would it kill you to act a bit weird or something?
Is no one reviewing this chapter because I'm not giving a disclaimer for all of the references? If so, I don't own any of the sources that the references originate from, either!
Anyhoo, in the last chapter, I said that the money would go to whoever GUESSED; it didn't matter if you guessed RIGHT or not. So, since nobody guessed and stood by their prediction, I get to keep all the money! (Hugs sacks of 1000 cyber-bucks and blows it all on a Wii with the Jap. Version of One Piece: Unlimited Adventure). Start Chapter!
Franky and Brook stood in awe at the monstrosity that stood before them: roughly twelve feet tall, a massive body that looked like metal, a strange brown pendant around its neck that had a ruby in the center, a head that looked like a bronze helmet, a blue sash wrapped around its body and seemed to take a life of its own as the creature's right arm, a metallic-looking fist for the left hand, and a pair of boots that stood upon the ground. The creature's head/neck, legs, and left arm seemed to be made of green-blue flames, signifying that it was, indeed, a demon.
This creature, was indeed, Mala Mala Jong (1).
Conveniently, a graphic suddenly appeared beside the monster (like when they introduce a new character in One Piece central to the plot of the current or overall story). The graphic read:
The Invincible Demon Warrior: Mala Mala Jong
Estimated Bounty: 250,000,000 beli
Components of Body:
Helmet of Jong
Two Ton Tunic
Third Arm Sash
Fist of Tebigong
Eye of Dashi
Jet Bootsu
Shroud of Shadows
Heart of Jong
Jong roared again, scaring Brook even more than he had before. Brook yelped and attempted to run away again.
"Come on, don't be a baby!" asserted Franky.
"He's... s-s-s-s-scared the living daylights out of me..." cowered Brook.
"If you still have the nerve to make those ridiculous skull jokes of yours, then you have the nerve to take this guy on!"
Jong, getting impatient, roared again and spat a jet of greenish-blue flames at the two Strawhats. Franky jumped out of the way, as did Brook.
"Wanna fight?!" challenged Franky. "Strong Right!"
Franky's steel fist, shot out by a steel chain, connected with Jong's metallic-looking torso, creating a dull metallic THUD. Jong didn't even budge, and after a few seconds, Franky gained a sweatdrop on the back on his head.
Jong roared, obviously not amused, and grabbed the fist, swinging Franky by the chain around at high speeds like a merry-go-round... of death!
"GET-HIM-YOU-COW-ARD-LY-SKEL-E-TON!" screamed Franky, his speech distorted by his constant spinning at approximately 150 mph. Jong swung Franky into a wall, smashing him through several rooms adjacent to the one that they were in right now. Since the three were on the fifth floor, Franky tumbled against a wall that led to a sixty-foot drop and crashed through it, leaving a large hole in the exterior wall and falling to his imminent death.
Franky's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw the ground coming up towards him. "Franky..." The cyborg said as he retracted his steel fist via the chain and fired it out again, launching his huge hand at the hole that he had made.
"Grappler!"
Once he grabbed onto the rim of the hole, Franky breathed a sigh of relief and retracted the chain, using the mechanism of his arm as a grappling hook.
Once he had gotten back onto the fifth floor, Franky found that Brook was hardly keeping up with Jong. Each one of the skeleton swordsman's strikes did no harm to Jong, while the metallic, demonic warrior's strikes were obviously hurting him.
"Nibai Doble!" Brook declared. (2)
Four strikes, swifter than Franky could see, clashed against Jong's torso. Jony roared for the millionth time and smashed his giant fist at Brook. Brook gracefully leapt to the side, and reared back for another attack.
"Fresh Fire!" screamed Franky. A huge column of fire escaped from his open mouth and headed toward Jong. It scored a direct hit, creating a large explosion and blowing Jong to pieces.
Unfortunately, as soon as Jong was blown to pieces, the eight parts that he was made up of reassembled in a swirl of greenish-blue flames. Apparently not playing around anymore, a lightning bolt fired from the pendant around his neck right at Brook.
Brook coughed up a tiny cloud of smoke. The exposed parts of his bony body were covered with a black soot, as was his tuxedo.
Franky grabbed Brook and hurled him out of the way as Jong fired several more lightning bolts at them. With a growl, Franky bent his left index finger inwards and fired several shots at the monster with a cry of "Ouch Finger!"
Jong's metallic torso deflected all the bullets, so Franky decided to try something different. "Master Nail!"
Dozens of nails flew from Franky's mouth to Jong's head, but his metallic head deflected them all too, except for two that flew right into the eyeholes of the helmet that was Jong's head. Jong roared in pain and placed both of his hands onto his eyeholes.
Relieved by this momentary distraction, Franky bent down and began to pant. He was running low on cola as it was, and he forgot to get a refill while they were on the Sunny, with all the whirlpools and everything...
Franky straightened himself up as Jong pulled the nails out of his eye holes and incinerated them with a tiny breath of fire. This shot had to count, or else...
Unfortunately, before Franky could pull out his trump card, Jong pulled out his and reached behind him, pulling out a small black cape which he wrapped around himself. Franky could not believe his eyes: this guy could turn invisible too?!
Meanwhile...
Joker wandered around in a random hallway, wondering if it was a good idea to let Luffy fight his dub counterpart on his own. Ah, who was he kidding? The kid could totally handle himself!
More importantly, he hadn't killed anyone or anything in the last five minutes! Joker's wandering led him to a large metallic door, which had "UNDESERVED FUNDS" written on it.
Joker's crooked smile grew even wider, as he rubbed his gloved palms in greedy glee. He tried to open the door via the dial, but he didn't know the combination, and that "find the combination by pressing a stethoscope to the door" trick only worked in movies, apparently.
Next, Joker tried to bang the door down with a hammer, but that didn't work either.
Joker gained an anime vein on his head. "So, you wanna do things the hard way, huh?" He pulled out an impossibly large crate from his jacket that had "THE HARD WAY" printed in red letters on a white tag pasted to one side.
Twenty seconds later...
The door had so many explosives stacked against it that one could hardly see it. Bombs, dynamite, and grenades of every size, shape, and design were stacked atop one another, and several fuses tied together into one whose head lied a few inches from Joker's feet.
"Happy New Year!" Joker declared, and lit the fuse with a match. He then proceeded to run as far away as possible from the explosives.
Back to the fight...
Franky's hair was sagging even lower. He had about a liter of cola left in him. The good news was that Jong had turned visible again, the bad news was that he and Brook were almost out of energy, and the terrible news was that they discovered the hard way that Jong could fly with his boots.
"Oi, skeleton, can you distract him?"
"Of course, but what for?"
"Just do it!"
Brook sighed, and if he still had eyeballs, he would've rolled them. Pretty sure that he was running to his own death, Brook rushed toward Jong and began hurling insults, as well as attacks, at him. The demonic warrior began slashing at Brook with the sharp metal tassels on the sash that he had for a right arm, punching at him with the metallic gauntlet that was his left hand, and firing lightning bolts at him.
Franky took a deep breath and connected his beefy arms together. A T-shaped metal tube then connected the arms while Franky took several deep breaths.
"Can you please hurry it up?! Everybody knows that you can only live twice!"
"It's ready! Coup de"
Jong backed Brook up against a wall, not knowing what was on the other side of it.
On the other side of the wall...
Joker hid himself behind a table that he had flipped over on its side, plugging his ears and waiting for the mountain of explosives to do their thing.
Back to the fight...
"VENT!" Franky screamed. A huge blast of compressed air escaped from a hole on his left palm, blasting Jong into the wall that Brook was backed up against. Brook's eyes nearly popped out of his sockets (if he had any eyes) and barely rolled away.
When Jong collided with the wall, something happened that neither side expected...
KA-BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The mountain of explosives had blown open the safe door, alright, but the range of its blast reached to the room that Franky, Brook, and Jong were in, and the explosives had went off right when Jong crashed against the wall, blowing his body into the eight components that made up his form. Now, the Heart of Jong rolled out, and since it wasn't connected to any of the other Shen Gong Wu, Jong could not be revived.
Joker, hearing the blast, looked at what had happened, failing to notice that the table was gone, blown to ashes, as well as a nice long strip of fabric on the back of his jacket and the green shirt that he wore underneath, revealing his white-skinned back.
Joker immediately ran to the vault, jumping and diving in the mound of gold coins, regular coins, gold bricks, and bills. He rolled around in it for a few minutes before realizing that he was not alone.
"When did you two get here?"
"Nice going! You could've blown us to pieces!" both Strawhats roared.
"But I didn't, and I'm gonna if you two don't shut the hell up!"
"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?!"
While these three were arguing, Kahn was monitoring all of the Straw Hats' movements on the dozens of monitors in his control room. Luffy was wandering around on the third floor with a piece of pipe in his hand and singing an idiotic song, Zoro and Chopper were beating their way through wave after wave of Care Bears, Nami and Robin were bickering on who Luffy loved the most, Usopp was fiddling around with the mechanics of a vending machine in a hallway, and Sanji had just emerged from the corridor where he had beaten up all of the gangsters, his dub counterpart, and the troll.
The argument at this point had broken out into an all out fight, by which I mean that the three were hidden in a gigantic dust cloud with stars and occasionally somebody's limbs coming out of it.
When the dust cloud dissipated, all three were lying on their palms, panting. Joker suddenly noticed a small video camera attached to a high point on a wall, monitoring their every movement. Not waiting for Franky and Brook to recover, Joker marched up to the camera and looked it in the lens.
"Hey, Kahn," the harlequin of hate said, tapping on the glass lens, "Do I amuse you?"
Joker promptly took out a mini-LCD television out from a potato chip sack hidden inside his jacket. The TV was turned to a channel where a man named Lind L. Tailor was giving a speech on something. Joker turned the dial on the television to something else and promptly shoved it in front of the lens.
20 second later...
All of Kahn's underlings that had been monitoring the screen which showed Joker, Franky, and Brook were now collapsed on the floor, having seizures. Kahn looked at the semi-conscious bodies and gained a sweatdrop on the back of his head.
Sure that his plan had worked, Joker placed the mini-LCD TV back into the potato chip sack, then took a potato chip out and ATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joker placed the sack back into his jacket, muttering "Who knew that that little rat plus missiles could have packed such a punch?"
"Hey!" shouted Franky. "We're not done with you yet!"
"Please, you're a hundred years too young to be shouting at me" scoffed Joker. "And may the Saint Dragon God of Osiris ensure that you die before those hundred years come!"
Suddenly, all the lights in the room that they were in went out, and the sky (visible from the hole in the wall the Franky made when he crashed into it earlier) physically flipped upside-down, revealing a night setting without the moon or stars.
"This is crazy, even by my standards!" stated Joker. "But, then again... screw physics! I have green hair!"
Suddenly, scuttling noises were heard in the room. Joker could make out Franky's massive build and Brook's skinny body, as well as Brook's afro, but there was a third figure by them... with a sharp hook for a left hand...
Meanwhile, with Nami and Robin...
"If Luffy were here, he'd say that he loved me the most!"
"In your dreams!"
The effects of the potion were clearly not going to wear off anytime soon...
The two girls arrived at a door, not noticing it until they bumped into it.
"Ow! This is all your fault!"
"How is if my fault?!"
"If Luffy were here, he'd agree with me!"
Suddenly, a chuckling sound was heard.
"Ah, just like the good old days..."
Nami and Robin looked at one another.
"Those two are practically mirrors of them..."
Nami and Robin looked around the room, but could see nothing that was even remotely capable of speaking. Robin's Ojos Fleur technique also failed to reveal anything.
Shrugging, the two girls opened the door and went through it, not noticing two logs that stood vertically on either side of the door. One had a blue symbol on it, while the other one had a red symbol on it. Both possessed a tiny circular light above the symbols.
Meanwhile, with Luffy...
Oi, Zoro, Chopper!" cried the rubberman. He saw the two wandering in a hall and recognized them instantly.
"Well, this splitting up business doesn't seem to be doing any good" said Zoro.
"Now that I think about it, why did we even listen to that clown guy?" asked Chopper, being the most logical out of the three Strawhats.
"He was a clown?" asked Luffy.
Zoro and Chopper both anime fell at the stupid statement.
"Oi, you guys!" Came the voice of the ship's long-nosed sniper.
"Usopp!"
"Where the hell were you?!"
"I was fighting a monster with white hair miles long, and sharp teeth, and even sharper claws, and dog ears, and a huge sword the shape of a fang..."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next you'll be telling us that you fought a two-tailed demon cat that had blood-red eyes and grew to fifty feet tall!"
"How did you know?!"
Zoro slapped his forehead. This was getting them nowhere.The best thing to do right now was to find the others, regroup, and beat the shit out of Kahn.
Suddenly, all the lights went out, and as they were nowhere near a window, everything became pitch black. Usopp and Chopper screamed.
Zoro tensed his body. "Stay on your guard!" he hissed. "We're not alone!"
As soon as those words left his mouth, a screeching sound was heard, and a silhouette dropped from the ceiling. The silhouette was that of a human, wielding a single, large sword, that landed on his feet skillfully.
"Go Zoro!" cried Usopp. He and Chopper were, as usual, safely nestled inside a barrel with their eyes barely peeking out from below the lid.
Zoro and the mysterious figure were soon engaged in a fierce duel. Despite having only one sword, it was keeping up with Zoro fairly well.
Zoro swung Shuusui at the figure's head. The black blade was blocked by the figure's own sword. The figure then retaliated with a kick aimed at Zoro's gut, which Zoro blocked with Sandai Kitetsu. As he blocked the strike, Zoro heard a clanging of metal clashing, and he realized that the figure had steel-soled footwear.
"Santouryu... Oni Giri!" Zoro rushed at the figure and slashed at it with two swords, but it simply leaped out of the way. It brought the huge blade of its sword down on Zoro, who tilted his head, causing the blade to smash down into the ground where he was only seconds before.
After a few minutes of clashing blades and kicks, the figure, who had suffered a few slash wounds, began to transform. Usopp and Chopper widened their eyes as the figure grew taller until its head nearly reached the ceiling, his body began to grow hair, and a pair of red eyes adorned his head. In addition, it began to take on a more bulky frame, and its sandals burst as its feet transformed into claws.
The transformation now complete, the creature screeched, bearing its fangs. Usopp and Chopper were now to afraid to even scream.
"Some sort of Devil fruit?" questioned Zoro. "No matter."
The figure raised its arms, revealing huge, leathery wings, and charged toward Zoro, its huge mouth clamping down on his swords. Zoro's confident smirk turned into a grimace of disgust as he lifted the two swords that the huge figure had its fangs clamped around, lifting it into the air as well.
The figure screeched, but it could not let go, for its fangs had locked into the swords. Zoro simply jumped up and crashed it into the ceiling, causing the tips of his swords to impale the creature through its head. With one final screech, the creature dropped to the ground, dead.
"Well, that was fun" stated Zoro, wiping the blood off of his katana. Suddenly, a signal traveled through his mind like an electric current.
"Just like I taught you, Zoro!" cheered Usopp, climbing out of the barrel. Chopper followed suit.
"WHERE'S LUFFY?!" screamed Zoro.
"Uh oh..."
Meanwhile, in a place far far away...
"And that's how you committed the murder" said man in a gray suit. Said man had his eyes closed and was sitting in a chair with his head drooping down, giving the impression that he was asleep, which he was.
"Wow, Ojisan!" cried a little boy that came from behind the chair. Said boy was dressed in a blue elementary school uniform, a red bow tie, black-and-white sneakers, and wore a pair of glasses. "That was amazing!"
No, not that far away!
In a hallway several floors above the one where Zoro and co. were, Luffy wandered around, holding a stick and singing the "they're all idiots!" song.
"Straw Hat! I've finally found you!" a hoarse voice suddenly called.
"Eh? Smokey?" Luffy asked, dropping his stick and getting into 'battle position'.
"My name is Chaser, head commander of Navy HQ!" said the voice.
"I don't care what you call yourself! If you want to fight... you'll have to catch me first!" With that, the rubberman dashed off into the pitch-black corridor. Ever since he had encountered Smoker at Loguetown, he had learned to run away instead of taking the man head-on.
However, Luffy got no more than a dozen meters when he felt something coil around his waist and lift him up into the air. He gulped, and attempted to wriggle out of Chaser's grasp.
However, the Plume Plume fruit would allow him to do no such thing. Chaser used the dense but very flexible strips of smoke that held Luffy to slam the 300-million bounty head into the ground several times.
"You think" SLAM "That your" BAM "Devil fruit" WHAM "Will stop" CRASH "ME?!" screamed Luffy. He began punching at Chaser's head, but to no avail, the blows sank right through the Navy captain's head.
"I'm gonna smoke you out! Ha! Ha! Ha!" laughed Chaser in a very OCC moment. But then again, when has 4Kids ever kept One Piece characters in character?
Luffy stretched his arms until his hands reached the ceiling. "Not if I have anything to say about it!" Chaser was about to get what he had worked on to deal with guys like him!
"Gomu Gomu no Bazooka!"
In order to dodge the blow to his arms, Chaser turned the spot where they aimed into light smoke so that the blow would pass through. However, Luffy's palms hit the floor as a result, forcibly propelling him upwards and out of Chaser's grasp.
"Get back here!" roared Chaser.
"Sorry, no can do!" smiled Luffy. Laughing like an idiot, he jumped through the hole where his Gomu Gomu no Bazooka had hit, landing on the floor below, and dashed away as fast as possible.
Chaser jumped through the hole as well, and was just about to give pursuit... when a familiar blade's tip found its way to his neck...
"Oi, ushikuso! Why don't you take me on?!" (3)
Outside the 4Kids headquarters...
Everybody else besides the Straw Hat pirates and Joker were locked out of the building since Joker's little "visit", and since everything had been upgraded with adamantium and/or that damn unbreakable plastic that your uncle's pickle jars are made out of, nobody else could take their anger out on Kahn and co. They were making the best out of this situation, however, with the hapless 4Kids employees, care bears, and Teletubbies, though."
"Un, duex, trois!" sang Mr. 2 as he kicked the crap out of several Teletubbies using his unique blend of martial arts and ballet, known as "Okama Kenpo". (4)
"Spiral Hollow!" declared Mr. 1 as several circular steel blades sprouted from his forearms. The blades then began spinning at approximately 1,000,000 RPM, turning into lethal mini-tillers that he used to cut up a care bear. Sadly, the blood was replaced with stuffing, disappointing any fans of gore.
"Face the wrath of my Mighty Battle Halberd!" screamed Don Krieg on the other side of the island. Ever since his loss to Luffy, he had been working on improving his arsenal, and this was the crown jewel of his new arsenal - a greatly modified version of his Great Battle Spear that had the twin blades of a battleaxe on either side in addition to the blade in the middle.
Krieg hoisted his weapon over his shoulder and smashed it into the ground, creating a huge tremor and a massive explosion that killed several hobos at once.
"Hyappatsu Mizu Deppou!" announced Chuu not far away. He spat dozens of high-pressurized water bullets at several 4Kids employees, blasting holes in their bodies from the sheer force of his spitting. (5)
Jack Thompson, who was on the island paying a visit to Kahn to talk to him about suing Bandai, tried to get away from all the chaos, blaming violent video games on everything in the process, as usual. Unfortunately, Gecko Moria, who was majorly pissed off at Kahn for his comment about him looking like a "dickhead", stood in his way with six or seven hundred zombie soldiers.
"Kishishishishi! You're not getting away!" laughed the totally-owned-by-Luffy-Shichibukai. "Attack!"
With that, the eternal enemy of any seasoned video game fan was ripped to shreds.
Princess Vivi, meanwhile, was beating on several executive officers for not letting her VA know her part right, therefore inflicting her with lifeless voice syndrome, or LVS for short.
Back inside the building...
Joker took a gun out of his jacket and pointed it at 4Kids Crocodile (if you haven't figured it out by now, I pity you). Franky unhinged his left hand from his wrist in preparation for "Beans Left", and Brook got into a classic fencing position.
"Hahahaha! What are you desert doo-doo heads going to do?" laughed Crocodile. "You're like pimples that just won't pop!"
"Please," said Joker. "Don't bring your teenage years into this."
Crocodile scowled, and a vein appeared on his forehead. "Ha ha ha! Have you forgotten? I can only be clobbered when I'm a big stiff!"
"You said it, not me!" retorted Joker.
"Who is this guy again?" asked Franky. He had not joined the crew until far after the end of the Alabasta arc, and in the dark, he could not tell Crocodile's identity.
"I think that I saw his wanted poster some thirty years ago" said Brook. "Wait! He's the former Shichibukai Sir Crocodile! Yohoho! I don't know if my eyes are fit to gaze upon hi- wait, I don't have eyes!"
"The one that got his ass kicked by Luffy?" asked Franky, ignoring Crocodile's presence entirely.
"Shut up!" screamed Crocodile in a tone that all three guessed was supposed to be angry, but came out as pathetically whiny instead.
"I'll destroy you all! Desert Dagger!" All three lawbreakers jumped out of the sand torpedo's way as it split the room in half.
"Oi, you're really ruining my week! Beans Left!"
Crocodile dispersed himself into millions of grains of sand to dodge the attack, then materialized behind Franky and slashed him in the back with his hook.
Franky screamed as the gilded alloy of Crocodile's hook dug into his flesh. Any Franky fan knew that the cyborg's back was his weak spot, which was completely made of flesh, unlike other parts of his body.
Franky collapsed almost immediately. "Uh oh... I forgot to refuel..."
"Aubade Coup Droit!" What appeared to be a simple thrusting motion from Brook's sword created an air shot that blasted through Crocodile. However, as with Franky's attack, it simply created a hole in Crocodile's body that filled up within seconds.
Without a word, Crocodile lunged towards Brook with his hook held out in front of him, intending to impale him.
An acid shot suddenly blasted Crocodile's body, dissolving his sand body. Crocodile turned around, furious at the interruption.
"I'll give you till the count of ten to get the fuck out of here," Joker said, hand on the deadly flower on his lapel. "One... ten!"
At that, the clown took a squirt gun out of his jacket and squirted Crocodile with it. Crocodile, really pissed off now, roared and clasped his hand around Joker's neck.
"I'm gonna turn you into beef jerky!"
"But I'm not vegetarian!"
Just as Crocodile was about to turn Joker into a mummy, a shout of "Gavotte Bond En Avant!" brought the former Warlord of the Sea to his knees. His grip loosened from Joker's neck.
"Ooh." Joker said with interest, looking at the blade sticking out of Crocodile's side. Brook withdrew the blade and prepared himself for Crocodile's next attack.
"Of course!" cried Crocodile. "When he squirted me with that gun, my body hardened, and I can be clobbered when I'm a big stiff!"
Without a word, Crocodile swung the sharp tip of his hook at Brook. Brook held up his sword to block it. Crocodile went on the offense, madly slashing at Brook. The skeleton parried all of the attacks without much difficulty, but he was still being pushed back.
"Try to block this!" shouted Crocodile. He took off the hook, revealing the poison hook beneath it.
"Coda Beat!" Brook's sword clashed against the side of the purple hook. Almost instantly, the hook shattered at its base and went flying through the air. (6)
"Hanuta Sanchou - Yahuza Giri!"
"Nothing happened" observed Joker.
Brook, who was now behind Crocodile, smiled and dusted off his sword, wiping the blood off of it with a handkerchief that he had pulled out of somewhere.
Suddenly, Crocodile screamed. Blood poured out of his body in rivets as the former supreme commander of Baroque Works collapsed.
By now, Buggy had long waken up from his nap caused by the lightning. Outside, he was facing off against 4Kids Krieg.
"Try this on for size! Poison suction cups!" screamed Krieg. Several dozen spears, not poison suction cups, fired out of his modified shield at Buggy.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Buggy laughed in his hoarse, high-pitched voice. "You think that your flashy spears are going to stop me?!"
"They're poison suction cups!" insisted dub Krieg. Buggy split into pieces to avoid the projectiles.
"And I say that they're spears!" countered Buggy. "But, that won't matter if you're dead! Bara Bara Hou!"
"Quit clowning around!" roared dub Krieg. He took off his gloves, revealing the diamond gauntlets underneath, and rushed at Buggy, trying to punch him, when suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in both his legs.
"Ha ha ha ha!" wheezed Buggy. "You should armor your legs, too!" Buggy's detached arms and hands, each holding a knife stabbing into Krieg's legs, withdrew, causing Krieg to sink to his knees.
"Why you...!" Krieg took his flail out of nowhere and launched it at Buggy, who by then had reassembled all of his body parts. Buggy's torso split off of his lower half to avoid the huge spiked ball.
Buggy countered by detaching both of his hands and having them rush at Krieg. One hand grabbed Krieg's face, blocking his view, while the other punched him in the nuts.
"That's it!" shouted Krieg. "I'll finish you off right now!" He raised his right arm and fired a stream of flame from the flamethrower conveniently mounted on his arm guards at Buggy's floating torso.
Buggy, too busy gloating, was too late to dodge the flame. He took the brunt of the attack, falling onto the ground with his upper body a smoking, charred black color.
Buggy coughed a cloud of smoke from his mouth, conscious out of sheer rage. "You dare attack the great pirate captain Buggy?! Men," he said, gesturing towards some of his pirates that had appeared out of nowhere. "Prepare IT!"
"Yes, sir, Captain Buggy!" shouted the pirates. Buggy's detached hand floated toward his waist, where it removed a sword concealed in his waistsash.
"I was planning to save this for Straw Hat, but you'll do!" shouted Buggy. The hand holding the sword, floating about four or five feet off the ground, went into a vertical spin, turning itself and the blade into a buzzsaw.
"Bara Bara Hinagata Senbei!" (7)
Buggy sent the spinning buzzsaw toward Krieg, who raised his armored forearms to block it. Not giving up so easily, Buggy had the hand spin at a much faster rate, causing sparks to fly out of its grinding against the Hagane steel.
Krieg was so busy defending his head from the buzzsaw, however, that he had failed to notice several of Buggy's pirates rolling a cannon on wheels right behind him. One of them (the black one that got changed to white in the 4Kids dub) loaded a bright red cannonball into the cannon and pointed it at Krieg.
Buggy smiled. "It's time for this to end!" he cockily declared. The Buggy Bomb in the cannon was no ordinary Buggy Bomb - he had been working on it for several weeks! The amount of explosives in it was enormous, and mixed together with some alcohol and sulfur, its power was ten times that of a normal Buggy Bomb!"
"I agree!" shouted dub Krieg. He clicked his fingers, sending several marble-sized bombs at Buggy. Buggy took them head-on, and a huge blast covered the area a second later.
Buggy emerged from the smoke, his eyes cutting holes in the haze. "Is that the best you've got?" he taunted.
"What?! screamed Krieg, dumbfounded.
"Because this is the best I've got!" At that, Buggy's other detached hand struck a match and lit the fuse on the cannon. "Ultimate Tokusei Buggy Bakudan!" Krieg turned his head around and noticed it for the first time. (8)
"Ha! You think that a little cannon will even dent my Wootz steel armor?!" laughed Krieg.
BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Buggy Bomb rushed at Krieg, who turned around (no small feet on his wounded knees) and took it with the torso of his armor. Big mistate.
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buggy had managed to get the hell out of the way as the cannon fired, but the force of the explosion had still sent him flying. When the pirate clown turned around, however, he smiled.
The damage that it had done to Krieg was tremendous. Not only had Krieg's armor been blown clean off, but his clothes had been, as well, leaving him unconscious in his boxers. Scorch marks covered the pirate's massive body, along with a layer of soot. Several of Krieg's teeth had also been blown out.
"Ha! This is what happens when you cross swords with the great Captain Buggy the Clown!" declared Buggy. He then fainted from exhaustion.
"Captain?" asked the newest crew member, a little boy of eight who Buggy had kidnapped. "Look at this pretty red flower I found!"
"Whaddaya mean 'Red Nose'!" Buggy roared, one of his hands detaching to uppercut the boy in the chin.
Meanwhile, in the master control room...
"Hmm... those Strawhats seem to be progressing far further than I thought..." muttered Al Kahn, totally ignoring the room full of unconscious subordinates. "Looks like I'll have to bring out... the big guns!!!!!"
Kahn pressed a button, revealing a secret room. He entered the room, looking at a glass case with three cards in it, and laughed evilly.
End of Chapter 7
Yes, I realize it's been a hundred years since I've updated, and I'm really, really sorry, but I ran into some writer's block...
How many references to other anime can you catch in this chapter? Find all of them, and win a preview of the next chapter!
(1) Mala Mala Jong is a villain from Xiaolin Showdown. He's basically invincible except if you remove the Heart of Jong from his chest, which is what basically gives him life.
(2) In fencing, a doble or double is exactly what it sounds like - two strikes with one's sword no more than 40-50 milliseconds away from each other. Nibai means double as well, giving the attack four strikes.
(3) Literally means 'bullshit'.
(4) Even though this fic is based more on the anime than the manga, I decided to call Mr. 2's fighting style by its manga name. Literally means "Homosexual fighting style"
(5) Means "Hundred-Shot Water Gun"
(6) In fencing, a beat is to strike the weak point of the opponent's weapon with your own. A coda, as anyone who took music classes knows, is a piece of music that concludes a long piece by prolonging it. Pun with the "beat of a coda".
(7) Means "Miniature Rice Cracker"
(8) Means "Ultimate Buggy Bomb"
Well, that's all, folks!